Undergraduate / UW short essay - "race and culture at school" [5]

Please critique and comment. I wrote this fairly quick so I don't think it is very good.

Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it? (250 words)

"Today's topic is race and culture at school," the teacher announced. Sitting in a circle, surrounded by those of different cultures and skin colors, each student shared their perspective on the matter. There was no criticism or disrespectfulness, until a boy bluntly commented, "I think my culture is better than everyone else." Staring at this individual across from me, I pondered at how anyone can think of such thing. I could not understand how this individual, who shares the same cultural background as me, could think so differently. From the comment, a debate began among the students.

Statistics, stereotypes, and personal opinions were tossed into the debate. The atmosphere and the conversations made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, yet I was able to gain great insights into other cultures. The differences that risen brought me closer to understanding others and appreciate the differences between us. My efforts and the efforts whole class were eventually able to change the boy's mind, but from this experience every one of us learned something valuable.

This experience broadened my horizon. I learned that each of us is different and that I should not assume anything about anyone. From the conversations, I am more open minded to other cultures and gained an appreciation for the differences that makes up every individual. The most important lesson that day was that if enough effort is put into a matter, I can make a change occur, not just to the opinion of a boy, but to the world and the people around me.

Essays / Common app essay format question (is it double-spaced, 12 Times?) [8]

What is the format for common app essays?

Is it double space, 12 font times new roman?

Undergraduate / Teacher of influence essay [6]

Please critique and comment. Thanks.

Explain why you have listed this individual as a teacher of influence.

"A teacher's greatest joy is seeing his/her students have success." These are the first words that came out of the mouth of Mr. James Glennon on the first day of class. A man who can be considered ancient, with his white hair and thick rectangular glasses stood in front of the classroom with a commanding presence. At first, he was frightening to me, but in the coming days I noticed his personable character.

Not all students come to school excited to learn, but Glennon is the type of teacher that has the ability to make his class not only exciting, but memorable. Having taught for over forty years, he is still able to find the joy in teaching and remains as enthusiastic as ever about the topic he teaches. His excitement about the subjects rubs off the students and makes the class fun and easy to understand. Not only did I learn more in one quarter from his class than I learned in my first few years of high school, but I was able to improve in all my other classes. He truly cares about his students and whether or not they succeed, making me want to succeed.

The influence that Glennon had on me in the period that I know him is much greater than any of my other teachers. His passion for teaching can be seen in every single lesson, making me excited to attend and learn everyday. Coming to class and witnessing Glennon's passion inspires me to seek the same kind of passion in my life. He is more than just an inspiration; he is a mentor who taught me the importance of education and balance in order to succeed. Glennon has become the teacher that I admire and will probably always remember.

Undergraduate / 'Unfortunate beginning' - Common app essay - significant person (my mother) [4]

Please check my mechanics and grammar. I know its long, but please help.

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

The moment my mother walked away from my abusive father for her children, I finally realized what an extraordinary woman she is. The strength that she displays through the adversities of growing up in a poverty stricken family and her survival in a foreign country greatly shaped my perspective in life. Witnessing her battle to live life trying to survive and provide her children with the opportunities that she never had, strengthen my determination to shoot for my dreams. Her passion and drive for knowledge and her unwavering principles of honesty, hard work, and perseverance became my sources of motivation and inspiration. Through the eyes of my mother, I am her dream and for that reason my goal in life is not to be rich or famous, but to possess the capability to support my family and make my mother's dream come true.

My mother entered this world with an unfortunate beginning. She was an unwanted child abandoned by her mother at an early age. Although she was adopted soon after, her childhood was full of hardships. She had limited access to education and had to start working at an early age of seven, selling firewood at a local market. She married at the age of sixteen, but life did not turn for the better. A year after I was born, my mother decided to leave Vietnam for a better future in America. In a foreign country, life was hard for my parents. Their English vocabulary barely fills a page of a book and their education did not reach that of the junior high level. My mother eventually found a job at a packaging company and continued to work there for the next twelve years. My father on the other hand, constantly changed jobs and was never happy settling down for too long. He was the type that likes to talk big and do little. My mother was forced to take on another job at a nail salon, ending up working seven days a week in order to earn enough to pay the bills. My mother tolerated my father for as long as she could, but made a decision to end their eighteen year marriage when he turned to drugs. From that point on, my perspective of my mom changed from being just a friend and a mother to a teacher and a hero.

My mother used to have a saying that, "a person cannot be considered great until he or she has experienced failure and was able to rise up every time he or she falls." Witnessing my mother's plight and her determination to rise above it all constantly makes this quote ring true. The "failures" that my mother tags onto her life whether it is poverty, lack of education, or an abusive marriage are trials and tribulations in life that most people never experienced and shouldn't have to face. Through my eyes, the "failures" that she tags herself with cannot be consider failures, but achievements for being able to rise up every time she falls. The steadfast attitude that she displays through her adversities was passed down to me. For a period of time, I started working to support myself and to relieve my mother of as much burden as I could possibly take. To guarantee my future and please my mother, I applied and received a scholarship to attend college. Her determination to overcome "failures" has instilled the same drive and ambition in me to succeed.

One value instilled in my childhood by my mother was the importance of giving back to the community. Entering a new country and struggling to make a living, fellow immigrants and neighbors gave my parents shelter and a job to start their new life. When my mother was left without a husband and three children to raise, strangers lent their hands to support her in her time of need. In return for the kindness that was shown to her, she frequently involves herself in the community and volunteers when she can. I remember tagging along with my mother on every Vietnamese holiday to a nearby temple, where she volunteers to help hand out food to the guest and the needy. My mother's efforts to give back to the community inspire me to give back in my own way. During high school, I chaired the Hands Up Club (Sign Language Club) and was a member of Japanese Club. My involvement with these clubs provided me with the opportunity to apply my knowledge to help others and share with them the many cultures that defines me. When an immigrant family moved in the same apartment complex as my family, I lend them a hand through basic assistance such as babysitting and provided them with basic living supplies when necessary. At other times, I would volunteer at a local food bank and help give out food to those in need. The kindness that was shown to my mother reinforces my awareness of the need to use my abilities to the betterment of others and inspires me to establish my presence as a member of the community.

I am a product of my mother's hard work and care. My mother's understanding of academic excellence help me understands the world around me. She believes it is justice for her children to be given every opportunity to succeed. Her Buddhist faith and understanding of harmony shaped my perspective of life. Through all the adversities in her life, she took on the leadership role as head of the household to protect her children. My life and upbringing have been modeled in the same fashion as Seattle University. Seattle University provides me the opportunity to continue to model my life's work in the same fashion and make a contribution to this world. I am ready to advance my education and become a leader within my community, in hopes to empower the people the same way my mother has empowered me.

Undergraduate / 'the vast resources' - Why UPS short answer [8]

Please critique and comment. I need to cut my essay, I'm over by 31 words. Should I just take out the first para and add more details to the other paragraphs?

Why are you interested in University of Puget Sound? (300 words)

For the past decade, I have been the interpreter and translator to my parents and relatives. Through the experiences, I enjoyed being able to utilize my abilities to the betterment of others. Using my skills to help non-English speaking immigrants and discovering new cultures in high school sparks my interest in studying in the field of Asian Studies. I believe my path towards achieving an excellent education and fulfilling my aspirations begin at the University of Puget Sound.

As I began my college search, I seek to find the finest school that will accommodate me both academically and personally. I desire to study at a school that is near my family, provide programs that will properly equip me with the necessity to fulfill my aspirations, and an ideal environment for a rich college experience. While there are many colleges that fit my criteria, the University of Puget Sound is the school that has taken my interest.

The beautiful campus surrounded by mountains and oceans; and its small size makes a great nurturing environment and allows more opportunities for close bonds to form between students and teachers. The student's words on the school website gave me an insight into UPS's supportive community and passionate faculty. Most importantly, I am particularly impressed by the many programs that UPS offers, specifically the Asian Studies program. Asides from academics, I was greatly attracted to the vibrant campus life that UPS offers. The wide array of groups and extracurricular activities present is a great chance for me to step out of my comfort zone and integrate myself within a new diverse community.

Based on my extensive research, I know that UPS is the right school for me. UPS offers everything I hope to receive from the best educational institution. I hope to contribute to UPS's lively community and in turn take advantage of the vast resources. I am sure that if given the opportunity, I will be able to excel in UPS's challenging and supportive environment.

Thanks

Undergraduate / SU supplement: Researching Seattle University [NEW]

Please critique and comment. The application says "A brief response..." so I'm not sure how long this response is suppose to be. Do you think this length (368 words) is acceptable?

Why do you feel that Seattle University is a good match with your educational goals?

I have always had an interest in understanding how thing works. How small things like plastic containers are made and how large things like roads, bridges, and buildings are constructed. At an early age, the mysteries behind these creations stir within me a great immense interest in understanding and exploring the mechanics behind the workings of the world. My passion to understand the how things work and my fascination with mathematics, science, and technology led me to aspire to become an engineer. As one of the best engineering school in Washington State, Seattle University is the ideal school to fulfill my academic goals.

Researching Seattle University, I am attracted to SU's internationally recognized engineering program. Having yet to decide on the field of engineering in which I would like to pursue, SU offers a wide array of engineering programs to explore. Additionally, local companies such Boeing, Microsoft, Kenworth, AT&T, and Cisco provides the perfect challenging environment and opportunities to find solutions to real problems. The fact that SU provides a strong support for females in a male dominant field of engineering was a large reason for my interest in SU. SU offers many female role models like Associate Dean Jean Jacoby and Mara Rempe and clubs like the Society of Women Engineers.

Aside from my interest in engineering, SU's well-rounded undergraduate program provides me the chance to explore my other interest, Asian Studies. Being an interpreter and translator for my mother and relatives for the past decade gave me a great joy in utilizing my skills to assist immigrants. The programs, clubs, and the community at SU will provide a great environment for me to learn and give back to society.

I am ready to advance my education and SU truly provides the ideal environment for the start of a new chapter in my life. I crave the opportunity to be part of a strong academic environment and a strong supportive community. If I ever want to switch majors, I know that SU's well-rounded undergraduate program will be able to accommodate my desires. I am certain that SU is the school that will empower me with its superior education and start me on the path to empower others.

Undergraduate / UPS (University of Puget) Supplement [4]

Please critique and comment. Thanks.

How did you first learn about University of Puget Sound?

Despite being a nationally ranked independent undergraduate liberal arts college, it took me awhile to discover the many unique aspects that the University of Puget Sound has to offer. When I first came across the University of Puget Sound through the internet, I was completely captivated by the contents on the web page. The introduction of the web page was what first captured my interest in the University of Puget Sound. The words that danced across the home page: participate, contribute, challenge, analyze, communicate, connect, and express yourself made me realize that these words describes the type of environment in which I want to experience my college life. Further probing through the web site, I discovered that the University of Puget Sound possesses the perfect combination of environment and academic programs for me to excel.

Undergraduate / Personal Statement-character (a "new world" opened up for me) [4]

Please critique and comment.

B) Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

On the last day of school five years ago, a drastic change occurred in my life. That afternoon, with my backpack full of toys strap behind my back and a suitcase full of clothes held tightly in one of my hands, my family departed on a plane to start a new life together. That day, not only did we leave behind our home and valuables, we left behind our love for the man who is my father. Ever since that day, a "new world" opened up for me and I've grown to become a more determined, confident, and giving person.

For the first thirteen years of my life, there was not a moment in which my father was not a part of my memory. Physically, he was present, but emotionally, he was almost as distant as a stranger. As I attempt to remember the type of man my father was, I could only describe him as a fool. He was a man who liked to talk about dreams, but never had the determination or the ability to even attempt to make it come true. He was an inconsiderate, selfish man who sought the easy way out and in the process he would greatly hurt his family. Through the eyes of his family, especially through my eyes, there exists more fear than there is love. Fortunately, when my father decided to turn to drugs, my mother decided to leave him.

To start life afresh in a new environment and witnessing my mother's plight and her determination to provide for her family, I developed a new outlook towards life and have pushed myself to interact with this "new world" that I began to see. I've became more determined than ever to succeed, not just in school, but in other aspects of my life. When my mother was left without a husband and three children to raise, strangers lent their hands to support her in her time of need. The kindness that was shown to my mother and the importance of community spirit was in turn taught to me and reinforced my awareness of the need to use my abilities to the betterment of others.

By becoming actively involved in school and community activities, my self-confidence and quest for knowledge has grown exponentially. I now possess the fortitude and knowledge to have my voice heard and in doing so I have become a leader in my community and in school clubs. During high school, I chaired the Hands Up Club (Sign Language Club) and was a member of Japanese Club. My involvement with these clubs provided me with the opportunity to apply my knowledge to help others and share with them the many cultures that defines me. At other times, I would volunteer at a local food bank and help those in need. I have accepted the fact that I am an independent and determined leader who will no longer be the little girl who hid from the world.

Looking back at the struggles that I along with my family had to face, I realize that this incident served as a catalyst in my development as a strong and confident person I am today. Since that day, my goal in life has changed. My goal is not to be rich or famous, but to possess the capability to support and protect my family through any hardships that may be bombarded at them. I want to have the ability to relieve or shield my family from any financial or worrisome situation that they had to face before. Thus, as I am taking a step closer towards attaining my goal, my path towards achieving an excellent education will start at the University of .

Thanks

Undergraduate / 'expressions and gestures' - Common Short Answer (extracurricular act.) [4]

I need comments and grammatical fixes for my short answers.

Please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

I watched her face expressions and gestures as she lifted her arms and communicated with me through her hands. She was deaf and I was not. For the past three years, I've been involved with the deaf community through my participation in the school sign language club. The club offers me an opportunity to venture into the deaf world and befriend many students from the Washington School for the Deaf. As my sign language skills improve, I was able to apply my knowledge to help others and share with them the many cultures that defines me. In turn, they shared with me the beauty of their world that is filled with history and rich culture. The experience taught me the lesson that one should not run away from any barrier he/she encounters and that any barrier can be broken down if effort is put into finding the solution. (148 words)

Thanks