Undergraduate / ''Meet the Northern Flicker'' ; Pomona College/ Walking down the street [6]

I haven't even edited it yet, so it's not that great, but do you think the topic is good? I love birds, do I do a good job showing my passion or no??

You are walking down the street when something catches your eye. You stop and stare for a long while, amazed and fascinated. What are you looking at?

I walk down the road of the BLAH BLAH Reservation of the BLAH BLAH Metroparks with my hands in my pockets trying to warm myself from the chilly afternoon. I pull the hood of my hoodie around my neck then dig my hands deeper into my favorite green vest. I love coming here to relax and listen to the sounds of nature, particularly those of the birds. As an avid birdwatcher and bird owner, I have grown to appreciate the creatures immensely. But what is a birdwatcher without a Life List? This is no ordinary grocery list; instead, it is a record of bird species seen and identified by the birdwatcher. Mine is not very large, but I am slowly working my way up.

As I continue walking, I look down and begin to wonder when I will find a new addition to my List. I know there are hundreds of birds in our area, but I just can't seem to find them. I look up in frustration and stop in my tracks. My wish has been answered rather quickly. On the side of the road I see a brown bird a bit larger than my foot-long cockatiel. But this bird isn't longer, it's fatter. Quietly, I step to the side of the road and take little baby steps toward the bird. As I approach, I notice dark spotted feathers on its breast and black bars on the wings. Its feathers are a comforting shade of brown; not too dark, not too bright. But what intrigues me most is the beak; it is longer than the other birds I have encountered. Could this be a woodpecker? No, it can't be.

I take another step forward, but the bird is too engulfed in finding food to notice me. Oh, it's so beautiful. It hops towards a pile of leaves and continues the search, pecking into the hidden shadows. So I don't risk forgetting what the bird looks like, I take my phone out and stalk the bird carefully waiting for the right moment. Once I see it, I press the shutter button and the obnoxiously loud shutter sound startles me and the bird. It stops what it is doing and looks up at me. Then it swiftly takes off, and I notice something new: a white patch of feathers on the bird's rump. That will surely help me in my search.

I head towards a bench and sit down. I type in my observations into my Google app, hoping it will be enough to identify the bird, and press 'Search'. After scrolling a few pages, I find an image similar to the bird I have scared off. The caption reads 'Northern Flicker'. Then I open my favorite website of all: The Cornell Lab of Ornithology. I enter the species and am surprised when I read that this bird was in fact a woodpecker. After another half hour of searching, I notice how dark it is getting. Before I head home, I decide to share my find with my friends and update my Facebook and Twitter feed with the image and a status: 'Meet the Northern Flicker, the new addition to my Life List!'

I begin to head home with my hands in my pockets wondering when my next encounter will be.

Undergraduate / The Band Room; Williams College' Reflect on the scene [5]

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

I look through the rectangular window into the largest room in the high school. A room that houses four talented groups. A place I call my 'second home'. The Band Room.

I peer through the window and see the chairs meticulously set up for the next class, my favorite of the day, orchestra. Each is placed in a perfect row facing the Director's stand. I look to the back wall and see numerous trophies on shelves and plaques lined perfectly on the adjacent wall. Oh, how much I love walking into this room full of hard work and accomplishment.

But when I look into this room, I see more than the trophies and the plaques. Over the past four years of rehearsing in this room, I have grown as a student and as a musician. I see a place where I have learned to live and understand myself. In this room, I have felt more emotion than in any other room: my Passion for music, the Joy of playing it, the Exciting rush of such powerful pieces, but also Frustration with challenging pieces which is counteracted by the Satisfaction of performing them with a talented group after the hours of hard work spent on perfecting the tiniest of details.

And recently, I have felt Anger as a result of my final seating audition which placed me near the back of the first violin section. I was infuriated with myself for losing concentration during the critical part of the audition: sight-reading, but I was even more furious with the Director. After three years, he had complemented me highly on this, what had I done? After several days of utter frustration, I told myself to deal with it. I knew I was a good musician, and so did my friends. I didn't need someone else deciding it for me. I decided to put the issue aside and enjoy my final year from a new perspective, digging out the hidden good pieces from the unpleasant bad one.

I'm over the 300 word limit by about 60 words...I wanted to add more but I couldn't. Is this topic a good idea?? I am trying to show that I have grown in this room and have pretty much 'lived' in this room. All help appreciated!! :) I feel like the end needs help too.

Undergraduate / 'eyes, ears, mouth, and nose' - Diversity Common App essay [7]

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

"Repeat after me: eyes, ears, mouth, and nose," I watched as my older cousin gestured to the parts of her face in front of her English class of about ten students. I grinned as the kids repeated the words back to her and mimicked her gestures. For these students though, English was definitely not their first language: Farsi was. I was sitting in an air-conditioned classroom in Iran listening to eager students learn a new language that would open many doors for them in the future. Little did I know that this was where I would discover how my bilingual ability would help define me as a person.

Both of my parents were born in Iran and later immigrated to the United States where I was born. I learned English rather well, but at home my parents would speak Farsi as they still do today. In a few years I learned how to read, write, and speak Farsi, and within the past fourteen years I have taken two trips to Iran. Originally, those trips were just endless weeks spent in a dry, scorching hot country to visit family. In retrospect, those trips were not only family visits, but they were also opportunities to help me learn Farsi: the key to opening the door to the aspect of my life that separates me from my peers.

Before my third trip to Iran this past summer, I could only understand Farsi, but I had forgotten much of the Persian alphabet so reading and writing were definitely out. I had become so lazy with the language that I didn't really care about relearning it all. So being my stubborn self, I continued to avoid any situation that required me to do anything involving Farsi. Anyway, the language was only spoken in one country, so what harm could it do to just not learn it anymore? But that single thought was where I made my mistake.

Every person is different from the rest of the population through some personal quality from race and religion to sports and special talents. My quality is being able to understand Farsi; that is what makes me a diverse person. I personally believe that diversity is what brings out the unique qualities of a human being and opens opportunities for greater learning. One language has given me a fantastic and rare chance to discover a very different culture that many people ask me about.

I feel like the last few paragraphs need the most help...I don't know how to effectively show how I'm impacted by knowing Farsi..

Undergraduate / 'Your interests / Individuality' - Stanford - Roommate letter & What Matters [12]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better

Dear Roommate,
Well, I've never had a roommate before, but I'm really excited to meet you! Actually, the closest roommate experience I've ever had was as a sophomore when us 'bandos' and 'orchadorks' took our biennial trip; that trip was to Atlanta, Georgia. I roomed with two seniors and a close friend, also a sophomore; all of us were proud string players. I play the violin, but my main instrument is the piano. My exposure to these classical instruments began during my childhood; my parents always played classical music on the car radio, but I hated it. I never really had an appreciation for classical music until my seventh year of piano lessons, which was also freshman year of high school.

Not only was my piano repertoire becoming more challenging (I had switched to a new teacher), the high school orchestra performed pieces listed as 'Class A', the highest level music that high school orchestras performed at the State Orchestra Contest. At first I was nervous for both of these experiences, but a few months into the year I willingly accepted the challenge because I had a fantastic opportunity of becoming a great musician.

Within the past few years, classical music became a significant part of my life. If you decide to ask to look at my Zune (yes, Zune. I don't do iPod.), I'll gladly hand it over, but be warned as 70% of my music is classical and includes piano concertos/solos (my favorite is Chopin's Piano Concerto No. 1 in E minor) along with a huge collection of instrumental movie soundtracks (the best those composed by Hans Zimmer). I even have an album of music recorded by our own orchestra! The other 30% is a mixture of alternative rock, indie, and popular.

Feel free to listen to any of them! I always enjoy listening to some tracks from the Batman soundtracks while doing my Physics homework because it makes me feel epic as I solve rope tension problems (maybe that's why Batman could never climb out of that pit).

I hope you've learned a bit about me through this letter. Again, I'm very excited to learn about you and your interests whether it be in sports, music, and/or academics.

Your Roommate,
Peg R

What matters to you, and why?
When I first moved to CITY, I was extremely excited to start second grade and make new friends. Within a few weeks, I had befriended three people and was still eager to form new friendships. The year had ended with me a friend to everyone. But that changed part way through fourth grade when I was made fun of behind my back for what I looked like and also because I had just discovered my fascination with birds. As fifth grade began so did the cliques, and they only got worse by the following year. I still had my close group of friends, but I was bothered when I heard stories of others judging me.

In middle school, I decided to try to change my look in order to fit in with the other girls. That meant wearing tight pants, flat-footed shoes, and extremely tight shirts that required several layers. It also meant caking my face in make-up, but I could not stand the stuff, so I didn't even consider that. I felt stressed and became extremely self-conscious while wearing the style. So, after a week, I reverted back to my old tomboy style of jeans, socks, tennis shoes, a normal T-shirt, and the best part: a fluffy hoodie. This was the look I felt confident in; this look defined me.

My peers heavily judged me based on my physical appearance and my interests without actually taking the time to have a legitimate conversation with me. I didn't want to be like them; I was striving to become my own person. I was happy that I had a group of friends where we all respected and accepted each other. I enjoyed solving the Rubik's Cube, playing ping pong, or playing a good game of chess. Yes, these are extremely nerdy things, but these things are what make me happy and define me as an individual.

Individuality is something I could only accomplish by doing things only I accepted. There was no point in changing my interests to fit what others 'approved of'. It just wasn't worth it. I'm extremely happy with my look and I could never change to a new look that I didn't show 'me'.

Undergraduate / <I'm a birdbrain> - Stanford intellectual vitality essay [5]

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

I'm a birdbrain. But I definitely don't have the brain the size of a bird's brain. I have been extremely fascinated by birds, specifically those in the parrot family, ever since third grade. I own two beautiful birds that I have spent hours observing, watching them eat, drink, sleep, preen and I have grown to love and appreciate them. So it definitely was not a huge surprise that I was heartbroken when a bird hit our window.

A light brown bird lay crumpled on our deck in front of the large windows. My heart sunk, and I felt like crying. I approached it carefully with my fingers crossed and was relieved when I saw its eyes were open and its back rose and fell quickly. The bird was about a foot long with black stripes crossing its back, spotted feathers all over its chest and a beak about an inch long. I dared myself to touch it, so I stuck a finger out and began to pet its back causing him to perk up.

After a few minutes, he tried to stand up. He stood evenly on his legs and held his wings close to his body, like a healthy bird should. I took a picture of him with my phone so I could look up the species later. Eventually, he took off into our backyard. I went inside, washed my hand several times and ran upstairs. I found my Birds of Ohio field guide and tried to find the picture of the bird.

What I found excited me; this wasn't just an average songbird, it was a woodpecker! A Northern Flicker to be exact. After exhausting the pocketbook, I turned to my laptop. I probably spent a good hour researching the Northern Flicker by watching videos on Youtube and reading the profile on the Cornell Lab of Ornithology website.

I was so fascinated by wild birds that I began to research other birds I had seen around my home. I absorbed the knowledge so fast I craved more. The excitement kept building up as I found a new door into the world of birds, a world that had sparked my desire to learn nine years ago.

I try to spend as much as my spare time as I can observing wild birds. Every move they make and song they sing is done for a very specific reason. Our job is to uncover that reason and open ourselves up to the little things of nature. I absolutely love watching robins run on their skinny legs and then stop only to stand straight and proud. I wake up to the harsh caw of the blue jay every summer morning, and while it can become rather annoying, I still love it.

There's a whole world of birds out there that I am just waiting to discover. Every region and state in the United States alone has a diverse bird population. Just thinking about all of those feathers and songs excites me.

I know the ending isn't the best...I just put it together really fast. I have a limit of 2000 characters, but I managed to shorten the original to 2616. I need help shortening this essay while still maintaining my voice, experience and showing how I really love birds and how they've really sparked my learning interests. thank you!