Writing Feedback / Toefl: Students working while studying? More disadvantages than advantages [3]

I need your help, please help.
In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

At first glance, it seems slightly difficult to draw a definite conclusion whether it is better for teenagers to work while they are student, or not. However, after some considerations we can see that for an adoulescent, working while studying will do more harm than good. First, teenagers can better focus on their education when they are not forced to work. Second, they have the right to have fun and enjoy themselves before they become an adult.

The main reason for my propensity for letting teenagers to be free while they are studying is that they could concentrate on their education. From my vantage point, the number one priority of each person in adolescence is to study hard. This is the time in which he or she has to gain knowledge and competence as much as possible in order to be enough qualified to apply for a decent job. However, if they are forced to work out as they are getting education, they will not have enough time to take and dedicate for education.

Second, teenagers have the right to enjoy themselves. They should have a lot of leisure time to spend with their friends, read their desirable books, and play games. In addition, they have the right to take their time follow their interests. To shed light on the issue, I would like to draw your attention to my situation when I was studying in high school. I have been always interested in astronomy. I had to work a lot since my family was indigent. Consequently, I had no free time to spend getting information about astronomy. At the time being, I am still responsible for my family. I have to work a lot. I don't think I will have any chance to follow my interest. If I had not to work hard in adolescent, I knew a lot about astronomy now.

In conclusion, in spite of the undeniable fact that working while studying has some advantages to some extent such as, earning money and saving it for future, and getting a lot of work experiences, when all the factors are contemplated together, we see that the disadvantages carry more weight than advantages. Eventually, we may safely come to the conclusion that it is better to focus on education for a teenager and not to work.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: I prefer to learn by a teacher - can learn the subject a lot deeper [3]

Would you please help me on my essay? It will be quite helpful.
Thanks in advance.
Do you prefer to learn by a teacher or on your own?

Some people prefer to learn everything on their own. From my vantage point, however, it is better to receive the benefits of learning with a teacher. It is much faster to learn with a teacher, and you can learn the subject in details and much deeper. That is why I prefer to learn any subject with a supervisor.

The main reason for my propensity of learning with a teacher is that he plays role of a leader for me. Teacher provides me the opportunity to go exactly to the point. He can distinguish the major and minor points for me so that I can figure out what is more significant to learn. Hence, with an emphasis on the main points I can learn in a far less time. He can also help me stay on the right track and not to go wrong. Furthermore, a good teacher can direct me to find the way in which I can learn best. Some people learn better through discussing a topic. Others may learn better by illustrations and examples. A good teacher will help me find the way which fits me best since he is the one who knows the ropes of teaching.

Secondly, I can learn much deeper about the topic with a teacher. A good teacher has a great knowledge. He brings his knowledge to me. He can provide me more information about the topic. In addition, there may be opposing views on the topic which is not covered through a text. A teacher informs me of different views of the topic. This way, I can learn the subject in details and a lot deeper.

To sum up, in spite of the undeniable fact that there may be a couple of advantages to learning alone, if all the mentioned factors are contemplated, we can easily see that the advantages of learning with a teacher carry more weight than those of learning on your own. Consequently, we may safely reach the conclusion that learning with a teacher is the premier choice.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: Do you agree or disagree? "Automobile has improved modern life" [3]

Hi everybody.
I look forward to observing your precious comments on my essay.
Thanks all.

Automobile has greatly influenced living standards since it serves profound useful functions. From my vantage point, however, it has caused undesirable consequences, too. Severe environmental damages are emerged nowadays, air pollution is increasing all over the world, and people suffer from intensive traffic jam in big cities.

The main reason for my propensity of opposing the statement is that the increasing amount of cars all over the world has caused serious environmental problems to emerge. First of all, the amount of fossil fuel resources is declining due to the fact that they provide energy for automobiles to move. In addition, numerous amount of carbon dioxide is increasing resulting in intensified global warming. Furthermore, the pollution produced by cars contributes to harmful effects on the ozone layer which prevents ultraviolet rays from hurting humankind.

Secondly, air pollution is an inevitable outcome of using cars. This problem will become more serious as far as the number of automobiles is promoted each year. Needless to say, air pollution deprives hundreds of millions of people of breathing fresh air. People in big cities are seriously endangered because of the polluted air. They may suffer from many deceases such as asthma and bronchitis.

Last but not least, people really suffer from heavy traffic jams which can even result in extremely regretful incidents. To shed light on the issue, I would like to draw your attention to this example. Imagine an emergency situation in which an ambulance is carrying a patient undergoing a heart attack. What would probably happen if it was caught in long traffic jam? The result, doubtless, is regretful.

To sum up, in spite of the undeniable fact that automobile has ameliorated modern life in many ways, when the dangers and benefits are both contemplated, we can see that under most circumstances automobiles do more harm than good. Environmental damages, air pollution, and traffic jam are not the things to be easily neglected.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Topic: Do you prefer living in a place with diverse climate or a place ... [2]

Dear all, i would like to have your precious comments on my essay.
Thanks in advance.
Toefl Topic: Do you prefer living in a place with diverse climate or a place with a stable climate all year long

As the saying goes, "different people, different tastes". From my vantage point, living in a place where undergoes changes in climate several times in a year is more preferable. The same weather during all year is so boring. I enjoy benefiting from different weather conditions. Also, changes in weather and seasons are inspiring to me.

First and foremost, I like diversity. Needless to say, variety is an essential need of human beings. When the weather changes seasonally, you experience several new things. You observe diverse features of the nature. You have to wear different clothes and you have to change your hobbies in order to make them compatible with the weather.

Secondly, I enjoy benefiting from all seasons and different weather conditions due to the fact that they serve several useful functions. What would likely happen if there were no raining all year long? Definitely, a lot of problems would emerge. The level of underground water might decline. Farmers would be in deep trouble experiencing lack of water supply, and the like. Furthermore, I really love the sun as much as the rain and also the snow. They are all God given and we should be thankful to them.

Last but not least, changes in weather and seasons are extremely inspiring to me. When the weather changes, motivates me to change. The transient nature of the climate is clearly and loudly stating, "If I can change, so you can change". I learn from the climate changes not to be consistent, but to move upwards. I learn that I should change some of my deep-rooted bad habits and promote morals in myself.

The advantages of living in an area with diverse climate are to the extent that drives me to draw a definite conclusion; choosing a place with various weather conditions, no doubt, is the premier choice.

Writing Feedback / 'the shortest and the safest goals' - Why do you think people attend universities? [4]

Hi everybody
All of your comments are welcomed and valued.
please give me some pieces of advice.I appreciate it in advance.

Nowadays, more and more people tend to attend university. There may be a couple reasons why they like to study in a college or university and I would like to emphasize on three conspicuous ones which are, increasing knowledge, ameliorating social skills and enjoying a higher level of social prestige.

The first and the foremost reason why people struggle to enter a university program and having academic study is to acquire adequate knowledge and competence which in turn results in gaining a decent job. Nowadays, great professional opportunities are only available for the graduates who are well educated and expert in their fields of study. Furthermore, as the technology progresses daily, an essential skill to succeed in any career is to keep track of the state of the art knowledge. Studying in college or university is a proper way to learn how to keep you up to date.

Another significant reason why people are willing to attend university is raising social skills. Campus environment provides a good chance for everybody to contribute a broad range of communities; so that one can benefit from abundant experiences such as, how to present his or her idea in a meeting, how to handle interactions among peers and the like. In addition, working in a group can bring you cooperation skills as well as independency skills, under the wings of which, you can reach even unattainable goals.

The third reason of attendance at colleges is to boost the social prestige. In order to shed light on the issue, I would like to draw your attention to the immense social prestige which a university professor enjoys, in a society. The more you become knowledgeable the higher level of prestige you gain.

Although, taking part in a college or university is not the only way to achieve the discussed goals, but it seems to be the shortest and the safest.

Writing Feedback / Essay: Agree or Disagree: There really are no better teachers than parents [3]

Hi everybody
All of your comments are welcomed and valued.
please have special attention on the content and give me some pieces of advice whether the organization of the essay is good or not?
i appreciate it in advance.

When faced with the statement of whether parents are the best teachers in one's life or not, quite a few would cast doubt on it, but others believe that, during one's lifetime, there are no other equally deserving precious guides like parents, and that is also my point. There are numerous reasons why I advocate this standpoint, and I would like to explore a few conspicuous ones here.

The main reason why I took a position in favor of the statement is that I believe no other teacher is as sympathetic as parents are. Definitely, no one can repudiate the motherly love and the fatherly compassion. Parents are willing to sacrifice their goals for the sake of their children's success. Who can tolerate a rebellious adolescent except his parents? This is due to the fact that they are concerned about the future of their children, more than any other teacher.

Secondly, according to the new researches, a child acquires more than half of his knowledge, under the age of six. This means, what a child learns at the period of childhood is more than what he learns during the rest of his life. Since at this age, a child mostly communicates with his parents, they play an extremely influential role in shaping the child's character. They influence on establishing a child's values and they are the ones who teach the social etiquette to the child. In addition, children are affected consciously and unconsciously by their parents. They may copy some of their parent's habits and styles of behavior.

In spite of the undeniable fact that people, who refuse to accept my point, may have some good reasons such as, in the modern life, parents have far less time to be involved with their children's issues, and not all parents are skillful enough to educate their children decently, but if all the discussed points are contemplated together, we may safely come to the conclusion that there are no better teachers than parents.

Writing Feedback / 'choosing big cities is wise' - Do you prefer big cities or small towns, to live in? [5]

Do you prefer big cities or small towns, to live in?
At First glance, it seems slightly difficult to draw a definite conclusion that which choice is preferable, since they both have their advantages and disadvantages to some extent. However, after some considerations we can see that, under most circumstances, living in big cities is the premier choice. My arguments for this point are as follows.

The main reason for my propensity of living in a big city is to have better education opportunities which eventually lead to gain better jobs. Most often, good universities are located in big cities; people may attend these universities and acquire adequate knowledge and competence to apply for an appropriate job. In addition, there are more professional opportunities in big cities while a lot of industries have been developed there. Remarkable number of companies, factories, and institutions in big cities can provide not only, better chances to find a good job but also, more investment opportunities to raise more money and live a better life.

Another equally important reason is the excellent facilities provided by big cities for citizens. In other words, you have access to almost everyday necessities, there. Furthermore, people who live in big cities enjoy a wide variety of facilities such as, state of the art technologies, good health and medical care, emergency services, more sources of recreation, public transportation and so on.

There is another significant factor, equally important to the first two ones, which deserves some words here. In big cities, you grow up more socialized. To shed light on the issue, I would like to draw your attention to this situation. Consider you are a member of a committee decision in your workplace. In order to make any decision, you have to compromise on the subject through some negotiations. While, a lot of face-to-face interactions may occur, you have to learn how to deal with the situation.

In Spite of the undeniable fact that living in small town has its profound advantages to some extent, such as, enjoying fresh air, peace and quietness, and probably different amazing natural features, if all the mentioned factors are contemplated, the advantages of living in big cities carry more weight than those of small towns. Consequently, according to my personality and fondness, we may reach the conclusion that choosing big cities is a rather wise decision.