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Posts by newsha31
Joined: Jan 3, 2009
Last Post: Jan 29, 2012
Threads: 19
Posts: 73  
From: United States

Displayed posts: 92 / page 1 of 3
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newsha31   
Jan 29, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'being a pharmacist' - which paragraph is better? [3]

I like the second one a lot better, it flows much easier in the head of the reader. Also the first one has a few grammar and spelling mistakes. As for the second one I would change the second sentence and on to this:

"Pharmacists must be very careful of measuring the right amount of medication because any small mistake could be fatal. They must also keep in mind the benefits and side effects of each medicine and their incompatibilities with other medications."

Good luck!
newsha31   
Jan 29, 2012
Letters / Email (letter) to professors about doing research with them [4]

I understand that you are trying to be modest, but as far as I've heard from professors and advisors, it's okay to let them know about any strengths, experiences or skills that you have. Actually most of the time you might not even get a reply back from these professors, so don't be discouraged. It's nice if you could write more about yourself in these emails, because it's kind of your one time chance to show them who you are, and why they must choose you instead of other people who are trying to get the same position. So don't be shy, go ahead and talk more about yourself (your gap, or other research experiences specially.) Also let them know why you are interested in "their" research more specifically.

Good luck! =]
newsha31   
May 14, 2010
Scholarship / Scholarship essay: A personal Biography by Newsha born in Tehran, Iran [NEW]

Hi everyone,
This scholarship I'm applying to is due in about 6 hours. I would GREATLY appreciate anyone's help on this essay.

My name is Newsha. I was born on a summer afternoon in Tehran, Iran. Its 18 years later now, and I'm here, in Seattle, far by thousands of miles. What has brought me so far away from my birthplace? One thing: Hope.

Hope is what made my family fly over oceans and countries, let apart from our loved ones, and brought us here, to the United States. Hope is also the reason I'm here at Bellevue College, because I hope to become exceptional, and because I hope to follow my dreams as far as they go.

The road to where We're standing now hasn't been smooth at all. My parents have made great sacrifices for us, their children, so we could have more and better opportunities in our lives. I realize how big the sacrifices my parents have made for me are. I see my dad having to work overtime night after night, so he can keep up with our family's growing expenses. I also know how much they miss Iran, their homeland, but I also know that what keeps them going is hope; hopes of their children having a bright future. I know it's now upon my shoulders to carry their hopes and dreams. The future they've dreamed for me is shaping in my hands, right now, right here. My parent have given up their own dreams to build up mine, and I am not letting a sacrifice like that go to waste. Actually, I'm going to put in all my energy and time in living those hopes and dreams, and my parent's dreams and mine are both nothing but me reaching the highest levels of education.

I came to Bellevue College seeking this dream, because, considering my family's economical situation, I believed it was the best starting point for me. With two years in Bellevue College, not only I could save money, but I could get myself ready for entering the university. Stepping into a new era in my education, I made myself a promise. I promised myself to devote my time and energy to nothing but achieving the best I can, and I'm glad that so far I have kept this promise and I hope I will.

I have great hopes, and therefore I have great plans for my future. The journey that I have started a year ago at Bellevue College is not going to end soon, for I believe I need to go as far as I can see, and when I get there, I'll see furthur.
newsha31   
May 14, 2010
Scholarship / France: Where would you go in your flying house? [4]

I thought it was pretty good. I mean, you explained everything pretty well. I just thought you repeated yourself a little bit too much. Also where you talked about speaking french, it would be nice if you say where you learned french, because for one moment I had the confusion that you were born in france :)

Best of luck.
newsha31   
May 14, 2010
Writing Feedback / Text messaging: write about an invention that has changed your life [3]

The biggest invention that has changed my life is text messaging.

This discovery (I'm not sure if text messaging was a discovery, I think invention would be a better word) has changed my way of writing and communicating with my friends.

... as a result SMS change many ways of doing things.
I wouldnt say "as a result", i would just end the sentence and start a new one.

That's pretty much all I can say now. I think I'll return to ur essay soon.
Best of luck.
newsha31   
Mar 2, 2010
Research Papers / comparison contrast essay: green movement and revolution of 1979 [NEW]

The Islamic Revolution of and the Green Movement of Iran: A comparison

Back in 1979, in Iran, no one thought a revolution would ever happen again; everyone thought that it was a happy and successful ending to a long fight against dictatorship. No one thought, thirty years later, history would repeat and the regime they fought for would itself become a new dictatorship, but it happened. In June, 2009 the Green movement rose up against the corrupt election to fight against the new dictatorship that was forming in the very same regime they once fought for.

In the inauguration of Mahmud Ahmadinejad, whose presidency is questioned by Iranian protesters, Ayatollah Khamenei, the supreme leader said that the green movement is a "Caricature of 1979 Islamic revolution". Not only is the green movement might not be as wide-spread as the one in 1979 yet, for it's very young, but certainly this young movement is not only a "Caricature" of the revolution of 1979, but it's modern and corrected version of it; people of Iran have learned their lesson in the last thirty years, and are not going to repeat the same mistakes that led the country to dictatorship of today.

Let's go back to 1979, when protests and mass demonstrations like today were very intense. A great number of people took part in demonstrations every time, some killed, some arrested; that unfortunately has not changed after thirty years, but the communications between the protesters certainly has. In 1979 they were facing a problem; they had to spread the news-bulletins that Khomeini published once in a while, and set the upcoming dates for demonstrations without being caught by governmental forces. Their only way of doing this was either by passing it person by person, or by throwing papers indicating time and date of the demonstration in their neighbors' houses. After all these plans and risks, there was only one thing to do, taking to the street. That was the only way to make their voices heard.

Now the new generation is creating new and even unique ways and techniques of protesting and spreading the news. Besides the widespread use of internet and social networking websites such as Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, Iranians have created more ways to make their voices heard and show their unity; they set all their cell phones on the same ringtone -the national song of Iran, they send out green balloons to the sky on specific days, they write slogans on walls, and as their most widespread act they "money-write".

Writing slogans, such as "Down with the dictator" or just a simple "V" as the sign of victory, on the paper currencies, started a month after the election to show the significant number of the protesters to the government and also to be an assurance of unity to the protesters. The "money-writing", as protesters call it, became so widespread by December 2009, that the government forced the Central Bank of Iran to ask all shops and market places to not accept any written paper currency and gave people an ultimatum to bring in their "old" and "scratched" money to banks and exchange them for new ones. The plan failed as people refused to exchange their money and salespeople still accept the "money-written" bills. The "money-written" currency still goes around, and people continue to either write or print slogans on the bills.

Although the Green movement has many unique characteristics, and has changed people's life styles, the most interesting of all is it's leadership. The leader of Revolution of 1979 was Ayatollah Khomenei. He was a powerful leader, yet only a charismatic one. People who shouted his name in the streets and held his pictures above their heads barely knew who this man was, what his ideas were and what he was planning to do. People trusted Khamenei because he was a religious figure. They needed someone to stand up for them and they didn't care as he opposed Shah.

The Green movement has a great and powerful leader as well. One that has a strong body, a loud voice, many good ideas, and who although he occasionally does make mistakes but manages to correct it immediately. This leader isn't anyone but the people themselves.

Mir Hussein Mousavi, who is believed to be the real president by the protesters, is only a representative of the movement. He and Mehdi Karoubi -another candidate- have published bulletins, stating their support to the protestors and calling for action, but they are only following the steps people are taking, as Mir Hussain stated in his last bulletin: "The real leaders of this movement are people who take into the street while no-one called for them." However to this day neither Mousavi nor Karoubi has left the protesters alone, people have learned not to completely trust and believe in anyone but themselves -not as their fathers did back in 1979.

The Green movement is the evolved version of the Islamic revolution . Both people and political leaders have learned their lessons from the past, and if the Islamic Republic is to ever catch up with this movement, it should learn it's lessons from history as well - which it's most important one is to stop using force and violence, for the history has shown it will only draw their end closer .
newsha31   
Feb 23, 2010
Writing Feedback / Do you like to eat at home or hotel? [6]

Which will keep me healthy wealthy and wise.
I dont understand what you mean by hotel food until I finished the whole thing. It is more refered to as fast food or just restaurant food.
newsha31   
Feb 23, 2010
Student Talk / Do SAT scores really count? [63]

Depending on the university or the college you're applying to it can be very important or not important at all. Your GPA and SAT as far as I know are the most important factors in getting into a university.
newsha31   
Jan 20, 2010
Writing Feedback / Green Change - "cause and effect" essay [3]

Hello all. This is an essay i need to write for my english class. Its supposed to be a "cause and effect" essay. I'd be more than glad to hear your ideas and comments on it. (please ignore the caps. I'll get them fixed.) what i really need to know is: 1. does is flow nicely? 2. is the subject clear? 3. does it well inform you?

The Green Change

In my first months of living in the States, a classmate asked me where I had moved from. When I told her I was originally an Iranian, she put on a curious face on, and asked me whether it's true that we rode camels in Iran. "Actually I've never been close to a camel in my life." I replied, not knowing whether to take it as a joke or for serious. As the years went on, and I was asked the same type of questions and gave them same answers like "Yes, women can drive in Iran.", or "Yes, we can choose whom to marry.", and "No, we don't hate Americans." I was quite sure there was something seriously wrong here.

It's not surprising. That is how we've been pictured through decades by media: As terrorists, racist, uncivilized and violent people, and through all these years there has been no one to stand up for us, to make our voices heard and our true picture seen, but I always hoped, that one day someone will rise and change this ugly and false picture. No one ever did, until this last summer; It wasn't a person who rose, but it was a nation.

On June 13th 2009, as the results of Iran's presidential elections were announced to the public stating that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was re-elected, millions of angry voters who believed their votes to other presidential candidates were stolen took off to the streets to protest the results of the election. They called themselves The Greens, the color was a of Mir Hussain Musavi's campaign; a reformist presidential candidate who protesters believed to be the real president. Since that date the Green Movement has changed a lot of things: Besides troubling the regime, it has changed many of Iranians life style. As Ebrahim Nabavi, Iranian satirist and journalist, stated in his article What Happened to Whom?, published in roozonline magazine: "For thirty years Iranians were in their closets, refusing to come out and now it's been thirty days that they've come out, taking into streets, and they're absolutely refusing to go back in."

To this day, the change that The Green Movement's made has passed the geographic borders and it has changed the world. Not only inspiring people in other countries under dictatorship -such as China- but it has changed image of Iranians from terrorists, violent and uncivilized people to a nation who stands and fights for freedom and democracy using modern day techniques.

Iranian protesters were voted to be the Person of The Year in 2,422,345 votes in Time Magazine's 2009 poll; they were ranked first while the second leading person was Steve Jobs with 361,547 votes. "Their courage and determination in the face of a brutal government crackdown demonstrated the depth of their willingness to fight for what they believed in." Time explained.

Maz Jobrani, an Iraninan Comedian living in the States, revealed one of his personal encounters with this change: "A while ago, I got an email where I read that some kids in New York in protest of the way their principal was treating them decided to "go Iranian" on him; meaning the decided to stand up to him and demand their rights. That blew my mind, because as an Iranian kid grown up in America the term Iranian was never used in a positive way like that. It wasn't cool to be Iranian, you couldn't use the term Iranian as standing up to people.", he also added that "the movement has well showed the fact that Iranians want democracy and freedom just as much as any American citizen would want, it has opened a new sharing point for the two nation."

Maybe another point that needed to be corrected about Iran was how modern it really was. If America thinks of Iran as a deserted place with its people dressed in turbans and robes riding in camels, how can we expect it to make any connection or understanding toward Iran? Thankfully, The delusion of Iranians living in an uncivilized world and far from the modern technology was quite shattered as the Green Movement widely took advantage of Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, weblogs and of course cell phones. Iran election was a trending topic on twitter for almost a month. Tens of Facebook pages were created. Hundreds of videos of the protests shot by ordinary people using their cell phones spread on the YouTube overnight, and for the first time, Iranians had a way of showing their true self, without any censorship. It was a door open to Iranians to the world that was never even there before, an opportunity for them to show to the world that they were fighting for the same morals they were. "Iranians struggle for peace and freedom and strive for equality the same as Americans do, and due to the uprising people are becoming more aware of that reality" says Aarya Hashimi, a student in Bellevue College who was born and raised in America. He adds; "the uprising has showed Americans that Iranians aren't all what the media has made them up to be, they are actually real people with similar things such as peace and freedom in mind."

In the last six months a lot of non-Iranians have shown their supports for the protesters; by taking part in demonstrations, by signing petitions and even by making YouTube videos, blogging or twitting about it. "All of a sudden Iran is cool. You get people like U2 playing the bloody Sunday and dedicating it to Iran. Bonjovi, a guy out of New Jersey is singing in Farsi, and you're proud, you're proud to be Iranian. Then you realize a revolution has happened in the world" Maz Jobrani says in his YouTube video "last gasp".

I'm proud too, and very hopeful. This has been just a start -the first step in a long road, but it's been a good start. The Green Movement is young but it has already reached and touched many souls. These days the situation in Iran is getting more and more intense as the government is using more violence against the protesters. On the other hand the people, who now know the true power they hold, are more hopeful. What will happen in Iran's future, I don't know, but one thing is for sure: The world -or at least part of it- will never look at Iran as it did before.
newsha31   
Jun 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / a pretty short story, Return of satan [5]

Thank you so much. One of my friends has a weblog and he wrote this story, i just translated it and changed it a little bit. of course he know i did this. :)

but to be honest with you, his original story, is way better than this. i wish you guys could read it. there are more angels and characters. its even sometimes funny.

but still, thakns a lot for your help.
:)
newsha31   
Jun 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / a pretty short story, Return of satan [5]

this is my little story for my creative writing class final portfolio. btw, the idea of the story is not originally mine. :)

Return of Satan

After centuries and years, one night finally God decided to send someone to Earth to seek Satan. Michael, who was the biggest apple-polisher of the whole throne worried, and excused that Satan's damned forever and he shall never deserve to step back to heavens. God, who well knew Michael, demanded to Samael to do so. Before Samael leaves he went to Michael, "Where shall I seek Satan on Earth?" he asked. "I have never been on Earth!" Michael smiled pleasantly and replied, "just look for the most devious creature, you'll find him soon."

And so Samael headed to the Earth for the first time.

"Earth is a strange place..." Samael thought, as he saw a little girl pushing a coin in a gap to get a ride from a metal horse, and as he saw people living in boundaries and limitations called "countries" and he was more amazed as he saw their pride for it. His heart trembled as he saw churches, mosques, monasteries...where they had cut God in pieces and each had taken a piece. Wherever he sought Satan, he found nothing but people, places and lives that were far worse than the stories he had ever heard of Satan...

After weeks, tired and angry, Samael stopped his search; he preferred to spend his whole life in hell rather than Earth. He remembered the old times, when Satan was the best angle of the whole throne, closest friend of Michael and the most beautiful creature of God... He remembered how once Satan was the quiet, shy angel that everyone loved, and so for a moment Samael decided to instead of looking for the most devious of all, he'd look for the purest...and he found Satan sooner than he thought. With a little bit of excitement and fear he walked to him, but Satan was hiding behind curtains, and so Samael could only tell him the God's message that "you shall be forgiven, but you should come back and do as I say."

Satan lightened his handmade cigarette and smiled, "so he still remembers me." he sighed. Samael didn't hear, or he just pretended so and flew back to heavens to report his journey to God. Michael who was impatiently waiting for him, stopped him and retold the story for God himself that, "Satan is still the same "asshole" that he was and he haven't shown any sign of grief. If you let me God, I'll go and wipe him off of any map in all worlds that it's only a little of what he deserves." But before God speaks, someone blew in a horn and called, "Satan! Satan!"

Everyone froze and all gazes fixed on the door... Satan walked in slowly, all dressed in pearl white, and with his silky black hair hiding half of his face. Michael spitted on the floor with disgust and Samael shivered slightly by Satan's unchanged beauty. Satan kept walking. He passed Michael and Samael as they didn't exist, and finally he stopped, sighed and bowed to God.

"Look up. What is it with you that first you leave me and then now, you're ashamed to look up? Look up that I want to see your face. I created you the most beautiful, but as I've seen you in pictures lately, you're quite different."

"I have not changed," Satan looked up and removed the hair from his face and it shone. He opened his tired eyes, "I have not changed, but the pen is in enemy's hands and he shows me as he wishes. My eyes are red and tired, and that because of my nightly tears..."

Michael cried, "You never knew nothing but bootlicking...you- "

Satan neglected him and went on, "the tears that first because being apart from you, but then they became because of Men becoming more and more apart from you. When you asked me to bow to him, you said he was a part of you. You said he was the best of all your creatures...what happened God? What was wrong with you? Have you ever looked around yourself? Have you ever asked yourself why these angels do whatever you say without thinking? This Michael," he stopped, turned and pointed Michael, "he, who knew himself as the representative of all angels came to me and-"

"Shut your mouth you loathsome ..." Michael shouted as he walked furiously to Satan.

"How dare you Michael?"God cried. Michael backed off and stood aside, but his eyes were full of unsaid words that each of them could kill a soul.

"Continue..." God said.

"Michael came to me and asked me to tell you what others couldn't...and so I did. I said we don't want to bow to man and you threw me out of heavens, but you never realize those who remained closest to you were true enemies of your beloved men."

"Michael was right! You're nothing more than a liar. You deserve not my mercy...what you deserve is death! Everyone get out of here but Satan!" God demanded. Michael grinned at the devil and walked out happily. When the room was empty, God walked down the stairs. Satan closed his eyes and waited for the wrath to fall upon him... but as soon as God's shadow fell on him, he felt something familiar. He was in his arms. God whispered in his ear, "my dear Satan, long ago I found out about the ... of seven skies against man, but what could I do? It was just me and me. My only hope was you, and when you said you weren't going to obey me anymore I was lonelier that ever. I didn't know what to do with man, I couldn't leave him in the skies with all these jealous angels...so I made an excuse and sent him to Earth, until they get ready enough to get back to skies... my only worry is that they couldn't tolerate it...Either die because of their mistakes or kill each other in hatred."

Satan looked at God's face and read all these years' pressure and sadness in his eyes.

God hugged him tighter, "now there's one think I want from you my friend...Go back to Earth while I tell everyone you're dead, and guide my humans back to me. You are the only one who knows the truth... go and lead the way for them."

And so Satan went down back to Earth again...
newsha31   
May 31, 2009
Writing Feedback / April's first day essay - A Quick Grammer Check [5]

April's first day

Again waking up early...6 in the morning.
Like all other days, it's cloudy...but I decide not to let the weather spoil my day. I fight back.
***
It rains a little bit when I'm waiting for the bus, but it doesn't take too long; like always my bus is on time.

The driver is back after two weeks in France. I know he had lost his mother, I decide to sympathize with him...
I get on the bus...
I said nothing.
***
On the way that driver talks on the microphone that he's so glad that he's back and then he adds that today we have an emergency drill and we are all going to take the emergency door on the ceiling.

The bus bursts into wipers and giggles; middle school boys are excited and girls are nervous.
I wonder how am I going to do this with my huge backpack, and how am I going to jump down.
My bus driver continues that, if anyone thinks he/she can't do it just tell him. It kind of tempts me, but the excitement for something new wouldn't let me say anything.

Finally the driver finishes his speech with telling us today's date.
***
We get to school in no time. I tighten my backpack strips and get ready, but in my surprise, everyone takes the same door as usual. I wonder why, I decide to ask why.

I get off the bus.
I didn't ask anything.
****
In school the scream of "April's fool day" is everywhere... And so I plan to do a prank on my friends; I'll tell them that I'm moving away.

The first period is over, and I walk out of the class.
I did no prank.
***
The rest of school is just terrible...I guess I've finally given up to weather.
***
When we get out of school, the sun is out. Walking to my bus, I wonder again, that why we didn't get out of the ceiling door. I pass a group of girls and one of them shouts "Aprils fools' day", and I remember the driver's last sentence.

I smile and step up into the bus.
newsha31   
May 25, 2009
Essays / BCC ESSAY on my academic life and career goals - I don't know what do I wanna do in future as my job [24]

hey, thanks a lot Simone. I tried to revise it a little bit, i dont know if i could get any close to what you meants. i tried though. let me know what you think

:)

I can't believe it's already been twelve years since I first walked into school. It's been such a long but at the same time amazing way that I don't know whether now I should cheer or cry. School was a great experience and I was -and am- a big fan; a place where I was supposed to learn how to solve problems and get the answer to all my questions. However, after all these years, one familiar problem remains unsolved and a basic question unanswered: "What am I going to be when I grow up?"

From the first time that my first grade teacher asked me this question until now that I'm leaving school, I've changed my mind tens of times. I've considered a few new jobs every year- every time that I found a new interest and talent in myself.

I've thought of a great variety of jobs, from being a caring doctor to being an intelligent architect. I've even dreamed of being a courageous astronaut, and once I believed in my heart that I'll work in NASA someday. Of course I've ialso magined myself as a successful writer and a passionate painter, since I've got some talents in both from my father.

As you can see I've always been lost in between my own interests, but a lot of things made it worse for me; people's advices and personal ideas, my parent's dreams, our economic situation and job opportunities in society. In Iran, where I lived in for 16 years, I had my mind set, but when I moved here that idea was useless. Here I have way many more doors open to me and, wow, I don't know which one to take. I thirst for more to learn, and out there, millions of things are waiting for me. There are so many things I want to experience and I can't wait to start.

However there are still lots of questions to be answered, there's one thing that I know by heart. What I well know is that I want to be something in this world, and not only something like others; I want to be the best in whatever I do. I want to educate myself to the full exempt, and I'm beginning here in BC. I don't know where I will be standing in four years, because everything depends on our immigration statues and economic situation but I hope that I will be able to transfer to a university after a few years, and get the best education I can. Soon I will have to find an answer to that question, but whatever it's going to be, I'm not worried; for I know that I can do it, and I will.
newsha31   
May 25, 2009
Essays / BCC ESSAY on my academic life and career goals - I don't know what do I wanna do in future as my job [24]

this is the most recent draft of this essay. but i have two essays here for you, one is better and more organized but its also a lie. but the other -the second- one is what i truely think and believe...

you tell me which one to turn in tomorrow.

One page essay stating your academic and career goals:

I moved here from Iran almost one year ago; I studied 10 years in Iran which included two years of high school. The education systems is widely different in Iran, therefore, in the first couple months of my residence in U.S., I was very confused about my school system and of course way more confused about colleges, SAT, and graduation requirements.

In Iran I had to choose my major in 9th grade, and then I had to continue the same major in college. My major in high school was Math & Physics; I was good both in math and physics, though I wasn't interested in math at all. I only chose this major because of my teachers' advices that with this major I can get a good job in future. What I really wanted to study was biology, I used to attend in science competitions from school, and I won a few awards during my middle school and elementary years, but when it was about college and my future job it was different. unfortunately the percent of people graduated from this major had increased in last 10 years in Iran, and the job opportunities has decreased for grads of this major, so it was a great risk to study in this major.

When I came here and I found that I have this great opportunity to study variety of subjects in high school I changed my mind about studying math in college. I wanted to experience studying different subjects, so I took few courses in art and social studies (which were my requirements).I didn't take any biology courses in high school, since I had to take other subjects which were required for graduation but now I'm thinking of studying something related to biology in future.

Now that I have to apply for college soon, I am thinking of studying medicine. I respect and value the job very much, I think of it not only as a job and a way of earning money but a very good way of serving other people. I think I will like this job since I've always liked biology, however to make sure that I'm making the right decision, I'm taking a volunteer job in Overlake Hospital, so I can observe more and get an idea that how this job would look like to me.
newsha31   
May 6, 2009
Grammar, Usage / 1st person - writing question [12]

well its totally ok. i dont mind at all. good thing u didnt go with "it". lol
newsha31   
May 5, 2009
Grammar, Usage / 1st person - writing question [12]

yes Sean thats what i meant. tnx.:) (btw that's be "I think she is asking" haha)
newsha31   
Apr 30, 2009
Essays / BCC ESSAY on my academic life and career goals - I don't know what do I wanna do in future as my job [24]

sean i agree with you. 100%! i wish i could convince myself and my family that i should study what i passionatly love... on one side i dont want to let my parents down, specially my mom. they have given up their convinient life so i could have a better education. on the other side its me. im afraid i study art or something like that and i dont be successful...

its really hard to decide... i wish i liked something else...
newsha31   
Apr 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Galaxies and Stars - BC essay. your career and academic goals. [4]

no its not kevin. it looks like that one, but i've deleted some parts and added a few lines. i want to know if that has helped getting closed to the new subject. thats what this whole threat is about. this is not the UW essay anymore.
newsha31   
Apr 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Galaxies and Stars - BC essay. your career and academic goals. [4]

so maybe some of you remember this, but this is not the exact same essay, i changed some stuff so it would match the new subject. this essay was written for the subject "an influential experience". but the problem is that i think although i changed it a little bit but still some stuff dont match...

thats why i need your help :)
i'll truly appreciate it...

In Love of Sky, Galaxies, Stars



Since I was a child, I have always been in love with the sky. The world behind the blue has always been a mystery; something both unknown and admirable. I had so much thirst for something new and untouched; I always wanted to go beyond the world that I knew, leave earth, experience new things, risk and discover. Well, unfortunately, it took me 16 years to understand that I don't need to pass the atmosphere to do so, not necessarily. Actually, it is all here on earth. It has always been.

When I was born my parents named me Newsha -meaning "a good listener" in Persian- and 13 years later, in middle school, I realized there was a gift given to me wrapped in my name: "It seemed like I really was a good listener." Soon I found myself listening to people who didn't have anyone but me to listen to them, and helping them as much as I could. I heard about other sides of people; the side that was always hidden to others because of either shyness or shame. I found a great joy in helping each of them, feeling more happiness than they would as I saw them succeed.

I started to discover people instead of the world by looking into the corners of their minds. I saw the world through their eyes, helped them find what they needed and in the process of doing so, I myself found a whole new world inside each person, a world much greater than the earth and the skies. After all, now that four years is passed, when I think of what I truly want to do for the rest of my life, nothing but one answer pops in my mind: "helping and discovering people".

Although, I have to confess that I still love the sky. After all this time, sky is still gorgeous and mysterious, but I don't think I would want to leave earth anymore, not as long as there are still people out there, millions of them; people that I can love, people that I can help, and people that I can be friends with. I think it will be a shame if I never dare to go out, find them and hold their hands.

I would like to stay on earth with people and their unique worlds.
Galaxies and stars? They will always have time for me.
newsha31   
Apr 27, 2009
Essays / BCC ESSAY on my academic life and career goals - I don't know what do I wanna do in future as my job [24]

BC essay. career and academic goals.

so probably some of you will remember this, but its not the same essay. i changed some stuff to fit the subject. but the problem is i still dont think it fits the subject...and thats why i am asking you guys' help. :)

tell me what do you think ;)

Since I was a child, I have always been in love with the sky. The world behind the blue has always been a mystery; something both unknown and admirable. I had so much thirst for something new and untouched; I always wanted to go beyond the world that I knew, leave earth, experience new things, risk and discover. Well, unfortunately, it took me 16 years to understand that I don't need to pass the atmosphere to do so, not necessarily. Actually, it is all here on earth. It has always been.

When I was born my parents named me Newsha -meaning "a good listener" in Persian- and 13 years later, in middle school, I realized there was a gift given to me wrapped in my name: "It seemed like I really was a good listener." Soon I found myself listening to people who didn't have anyone but me to listen to them, and helping them as much as I could. I heard about other sides of people; the side that was always hidden to others because of either shyness or shame. I found a great joy in helping each of them, feeling more happiness than they would as I saw them succeed.

I started to discover people instead of the world by looking into the corners of their minds. I saw the world through their eyes, helped them find what they needed and in the process of doing so, I myself found a whole new world inside each person, a world much greater than the earth and the skies. After all, now that four years is passed, when I think of what I truly want to do for the rest of my life, nothing but one answer pops in my mind: "helping and discovering people".

Although, I have to confess that I still love the sky. After all this time, sky is still gorgeous and mysterious, but I don't think I would want to leave earth anymore, not as long as there are still people out there, millions of them; people that I can love, people that I can help, and people that I can be friends with. I think it will be a shame if I never dare to go out, find them and hold their hands.

I would like to stay on earth with people and their unique worlds.
Galaxies and stars? They will always have time for me.
newsha31   
Apr 27, 2009
Speeches / talk about someone in your family who you admire [8]

if this is going to be a speech i would end it before this
"He is also smart and extremely confident. It is always a pleasure to hear his life experiences. I'm looking to follow in his footsteps so that I can be a better person and guarantee a successful future for me."

it could be a good conclusion to an essay, but for a speech i think those line before this paragraph were much more powerful.

:)
newsha31   
Apr 27, 2009
Research Papers / Problem and Solution essay- global warming [10]

If i were u i would switch "solutions" and the "what the future looks like"'s places.

the whole thing sounds good to me.
i look forward for ur essay.
:)
newsha31   
Apr 26, 2009
Book Reports / "the right stuff" book report. [5]

I know I know...I'm one of those ppl who do things at the very last moment. Its called laziness :).
i'll appreciate anyone who reads this...
i'll garantee that u will find thousands of grammerical mistakes :)
enjoy!
(seriously, i need heeeelp! soooooon)
btw, these are the contents we need to have:
Write a summary of the book that includes a minimum of five integrated and cited (page numbers) quotes. You must explain why you think these particular quotes are of significance to gaining an understanding of the book's content.

2. An evaluation of the book's purpose. Why did the author write the book? Is the book historically important (WHY)? Does it give the reader important information (WHY)? What sort of reader does the book seem to target and why do you think this is so? Do you think the author may have been biased by personal experience or other factors (WHY)?

3. Your personal reaction to the book, which can include the author's style, the information included in the book, or as a comparison to other material you have read or studied in the classes.

and here's it the essay.

The right stuff tells the untold story of those who were a part of the America's first effort to put men in space -which itself, was part of the "space race" that was going on between United stated and the Soviet Union. Although the race was on exploration and technical promotions, but Tom Wolfe, the author prefers to focus on the personal lives of the pilots and astronauts, on their wives, hardships of their lives and their thoughts and concerns.

For several times the author mentions the way pilot's wives think and feel about their husbands' job, such as, "As far as the wives were concerned, their outlook was the same as that of officers' wives generally, only more so. The main thing was not to say or do anything that reflected badly upon your husband." Chapter 6, Page 125 , or as mentioned in second chapter, "Sometimes, when the young wife of a fighter pilot would have a little reunion with the girls she went to school with, an odd fact would dawn on her; they had not been going to funerals." page 22.

The "Mercury Seven" -the name which was later given to seven astronauts- were John Glenn, Gus Grissom, Alan Shepard, Scott Carpenter, Deke Slayton, Gordon Cooper and Wally Schirra, Whom their only alive and present members are John Glenn and Scott Carpenter. Wolfe also involves some political reasons of putting people in the space in his book.

The author tries to put the astronauts in contrast to the Edwards test pilots, and the best of them Chuck Yeager; A brave and very skilled man with "Only a high-school education, no credentials, no cachet or polish of any sort" Chapter 3, Page 35. In his time Yeager was referred to as "the best of the bests" and as Wolfe notes, he was "was the drawl of the most righteous of all the possessors of the right stuff" Chapter 3, page 35. Yeager also was the first man to break the sound barrier at October 14, 1947, flying the Bell X-1.

President Eisenhower asked for test pilots who were "under five feet eleven and no older that thirty-nine" page 59. Also they had to be " graduates of test-pilot schools, with at least 1,500 hours of flying time and experience in jets, and that they have bachelor's degrees 'or the equivalent'." Page 59. Yeager, despite of his skills and experiences, couldn't make it to the "Seven Mercury" because of his education which was no higher that high school. However there were many other test pilots who couldn't make it to the Mercury seven for other reasons, such as Pete Conrad, who couldn't pass the Medical tests.

At the end of the book authors mentions that the mood of the country has changed, Russians are not as of a big threat anymore and so aren't the astronauts as great of national heroes anymore. Yeager gets a narrow escape from death in one of greatest plane tests, that was a big hope in developing a space based military, and others are eventually forgotten by people.

I think that "The Right Stuff" is a good book as far as its audience is normal status people, because you will not find any technical or scientific term that you find extremely hard to understand or to distract you from what Wolfe is really trying to tell you; the story of great people who became national heroes, their lives, and their families and the way of a country to improvement and promotions. Although sometimes it glamorize and praises some characters too much (such as Yeager) but I never felt like the author had been biased by his personal ideas.

Considering this book a work of nonfiction, "The Right Stuff" is a very popular and successful book. It seems like many people have liked Wolfe's way of telling this true story; talking about astronauts and pilots as heroes and glamorizing them, or in the other words, telling a nonfiction story in a fiction way.

Personally, I did not like author's style. It's probably just because of my very personal taste; while reading a nonfiction book I expect to receive a shower of facts and details in each page, not stuff like how the person was feeling like or what was he thinking about his wife. It appeals to many people but not to me.

For me it was sometimes hard to keep on reading because author was talking too much about unnecessarily details and I felt like it was really boring. However, at some points, Wolfe had done a very good job on describing important and breath taking moments, such as when Yeager was breaking the sound barrier or the mission that almost killed him.

Generally, "The Right Stuff" was a good piece of work; it does not disappoint most of the people who choose to read it. I chose it because I'm interested in astronomy and space, and although it kind of disappointed me in this case, I think I might recommend it to some friend in future.
newsha31   
Apr 26, 2009
Faq, Help / Question about EssayForum - How does this site work? [103]

let me tell u this way: this website saved my life!
haha, but seriously its great. you can post ur essay or ur piece of writing, ppl would check it for u, or they would just say their ideas about it...

simply great!
newsha31   
Apr 14, 2009
Essays / BCC ESSAY on my academic life and career goals - I don't know what do I wanna do in future as my job [24]

thanks, these are all great ideas. you know what is my real problem? I'm going to study something like medicine, or engineering. but niether of those are what I really like to study. I would prefer to study art, graphic design, animation, Literature or austronomy. but everybody is telling me that there is no future in those fields...

thats my problem. i cant write about a lie. or even if i do the results wont be much prettier than a lie. :o( i guess thats something i should figure out...
newsha31   
Apr 14, 2009
Writing Feedback / "the chase" story [4]

thank you guys, ur really helpful. but Sean can u suggest some better verbs. im really bad at this. :P
newsha31   
Apr 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / "the chase" story [4]

this is a part of a short story, i need some grammerical check, and also i'd like to know where in the story is it hard to follow? is it boring? if so where in this piece u lose ur interest in reading? where it stops flowing?

i really appreciate ur thoughts, it means a ot to me.:)

"I'm sorry for all that is happening, but..."

"But what? You can't deny anything. It was you. This whole shit is about you. IT WAS YOU who got me into this. IT WAS YOU whom they were after. IT IS FOR YOU that I'm now in the middle of nowhere..." I yelled at him with the loudest and wildest voice that had ever come out of my mouth.

He cut my word, "I'm sorry. I wish I could take you back. I would do anything to get you back." he paused and looked down, "I wish I could go back in time, I promise I would fix everything this time" he murmured, and this time I knew I he wasn't talking to me anymore.

We stood there in silence under the dying light of moon and stars for a very long moment, and not for a second we moved our eyes; his fixed on the ground and mine on his tired face.

At last, I decided to break the silence rather to lighten the heavy guilt that was growing on my heart,

"I'm s..." .

Something banged not so far behind us, and I felt my heart fell somewhere far down in my stomach; apparently I wasn't the only one who had decided to break the silence. I gazed at him on horror and confusion, "How did they fin-"

Something exploded again, this time a few feet away from us, and it finished my question with a hysterical scream; it was then that someone started shooting. Without any intention I found myself crumbled on the muddy ground, clenching my frozen fingers behind my head. I saw a bullet digging deep down into the mud next to me, I knew it was only because of the twilight that I wasn't shot yet, but I also knew I had to move or it was death that was awaiting me. But in my whole body not a single cell had the nerve to move, I was as stiff as a stone. Fear had stamped me to the ground.

It was his cry that brought me back to earth,

"RUN!" he shouted, "RUN, DAMN IT, RUN!"

I looked up at him that was standing next to me, dragging me up by my shoulders; His face was paler that the moon that was shining above his head.

I got on my shaking feet and I started running with him. I ran with the all the strength I had, and with the fastest speed I could afford.

Soon my feet were barely touching the ground; I had never ever run this fast in my life. I had never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be ever able run this fast. I ran with him.

I ran for my life.
newsha31   
Apr 13, 2009
Grammar, Usage / 1st person - writing question [12]

i thought it was a good piece and it was not awkward at all. it was all in right tenses. where is this from? a short storry of urs?

really good!
good luck

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