trilam153
Aug 23, 2013
Undergraduate / CommonApp - extracirricular activities and extenuating circumstances grammar check [3]
As I understand, colleges are who have taken a lot of Advance Placements and IB Classes. I would like to say that I did not know that there are such classes four years ago when I came to America. I thought that doing well in whatever classes "were chosen" for me was enough; I had no English communication skills. And even when I found out that there were, the names intimidated me because everyone said they are only for the gifted. I tried one AP History during my junior year and found out that AP classes are manageable. Then, I took all other AP classes my school had to offer with the exception of English; the subject intimidated me somehow. Highline is a town school and it does not have a lot of advance classes.
I was raised in a middle class Vietnamese family. My father could be considered wealthy many standards. When I was young, everything I heard from his friends was how lucky I will be when I grow up, and how successful my father was. Until one day it stopped. My parents' divorced erased that reality and turned it into a memory. My family business began to go downhill and everything else went along with it. Then, my mother married to an American man in hope that he will take care of us four brother and sisters. Soon enough, we immigrated to U.S. and the step-father showed his true face. He treated us badly and sexually abused my eleven year old sister. I could do anything; even now I am not even sure I could have done anything else but calling the police. After that, I never saw him again. A downside of running away from an abusive step-father in the new land was poverty. Even when we knew it was inevitable, we still faced it badly. We ran from many states; from Mississippi to Louisiana then to Washington. In a sense, I was helpless because I could not do anything to help my mother and sisters. Although our struggles not yet cease to end, now that I am older, I want to make a different in our family life. I want to rebuild the family business to give my mother and sisters a normal life like we had wished; no more running.
After graduation, I took a gap year because of financial hardship presented to our family. We had no way of paying for my college tuition and the only way my sister went to college is that her school, belongs to one of the top, has a need-based financial aid.
I understand that the Admission Office has other applicants to be considered. Thus I would like to conclude my extenuating circumstances section. Thank you very much for your consideration.
Talk more about the difficulties in adjusting to America and how you overcame that. Discuss about the financial hardships and what you were able to accomplish in those hard times.
Here is my new extenuating circumstances. I think it a bit too long, please cut if possible
As I understand, colleges are who have taken a lot of Advance Placements and IB Classes. I would like to say that I did not know that there are such classes four years ago when I came to America. I thought that doing well in whatever classes "were chosen" for me was enough; I had no English communication skills. And even when I found out that there were, the names intimidated me because everyone said they are only for the gifted. I tried one AP History during my junior year and found out that AP classes are manageable. Then, I took all other AP classes my school had to offer with the exception of English; the subject intimidated me somehow. Highline is a town school and it does not have a lot of advance classes.
I was raised in a middle class Vietnamese family. My father could be considered wealthy many standards. When I was young, everything I heard from his friends was how lucky I will be when I grow up, and how successful my father was. Until one day it stopped. My parents' divorced erased that reality and turned it into a memory. My family business began to go downhill and everything else went along with it. Then, my mother married to an American man in hope that he will take care of us four brother and sisters. Soon enough, we immigrated to U.S. and the step-father showed his true face. He treated us badly and sexually abused my eleven year old sister. I could do anything; even now I am not even sure I could have done anything else but calling the police. After that, I never saw him again. A downside of running away from an abusive step-father in the new land was poverty. Even when we knew it was inevitable, we still faced it badly. We ran from many states; from Mississippi to Louisiana then to Washington. In a sense, I was helpless because I could not do anything to help my mother and sisters. Although our struggles not yet cease to end, now that I am older, I want to make a different in our family life. I want to rebuild the family business to give my mother and sisters a normal life like we had wished; no more running.
After graduation, I took a gap year because of financial hardship presented to our family. We had no way of paying for my college tuition and the only way my sister went to college is that her school, belongs to one of the top, has a need-based financial aid.
I understand that the Admission Office has other applicants to be considered. Thus I would like to conclude my extenuating circumstances section. Thank you very much for your consideration.
