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Posts by Shirley0426007
Joined: Nov 11, 2012
Last Post: Jan 6, 2013
Threads: 6
Posts: 13  

From: China

Displayed posts: 19
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Shirley0426007   
Jan 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / Government should pay for environment protection-TOEFL [4]

Topic:Do you agree or disagree? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development

Governments invest much money on economic development to provide more job positions, to create more profits, and to improve the citizens' life standard. Nevertheless, in the process of economic development, we ignore the importance of protect our environment, which cause some serious problems, such as air pollution, water shortage, and soil erosion. These environment problems have a bad impact on people and our society. As far as I am concerned, governments should responsible for putting funds to solve these problems.

To begin with, air pollution would trigger disease, which threatens people's health. According to a survey, the rate of lung cancer in big cities is far more than small towns. The reason why there are so many people suffer from the disease is that the dirty air they breathe. As we all know, cities have more original polluters such as private cars, factories and domestic gas. Plus, trees are less in the city area, and they play an essential role in cleaning air. This phenomenon also accelerates air pollution. More severe pollution means more patients. Therefore, in order to keep citizens' healthy, governments deserve to establish funds to protect environment.

Moreover, water shortage would decrease the crop field, which declines economy growth. Water shortage brings about arid and barren, and grains or maize cannot grow well without clean water. It is inevitable that our productivity would drop. By exporting agriculture products, our country gain profits from other countries. But this advantage would no longer work well owing to the water shortage. To guard the crop productivity, governments should pay attention to environment modification.

Finally, soil erosion would cause catastrophe, which greatly influence people's daily life. In some regions, especially the mountain areas, soil erosion give rise to mountain slide. Thousands of people will be affected due to this sort of slide. Slides not only destroy the economy development, but also ruin people's normal life. Those who experience slides may be lose their house, welfare, even precious life. Thus, governments have the duty to protect people from those disasters. Only by safeguarding environments, can we decline the times of hazards, and therefore, protects people's life.

In conclusion, governments should spend money on protecting environments, because through these measures, people would avoid some diseases; productivity would swell; people's life would be guaranteed. For these reasons, I support that governments should provide money on protect environments.

Any suggestion is useful!
Thank you very much to correct my essay!
Shirley0426007   
Jan 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing---ability and appearance in the work [3]

As the world continues to increase in complexity , ïźˆIn the complex worldïź‰the employment issue is becoming more and more obvious and it has triggered a wide public concern and discussion. There is no denying that the ability and appearance are the chief factors in the work (job-hunting).

Having a good capability could make the workers being highly organized and efficient. But having a good communication also ask the workers have good manners and behavior. At the same time nobody could deny that the attractive person is easier to get more opportunities.

But don't judge a book by its cover, this maxim, like many others, should not be taken in its absolute form. Though most of us advocate keen acumen and not judging by appearance, most still unconsciously make this mistake. This problem is especially challenging for university graduates searching for a job. First impression is half way to a attaining (attain)the job in an interview, and appearance plays a prominent role in it. However, many people are missing what's the truly important aspect of finding a job --- work skills. Though appearance is important, employers are more likely to lean towards good working habits, because they want someone that they can depend on for getting the work done, not just for pleasing the eyes. People should boast their working skills by hard working, getting to know the world, and trying to have good relationships with others, and not squandering their precious time deciding what to look like in front of the boss.

Just some tips
and your structure is not clear,
1 intro
2,3,4 body(topic sentence+ detail)
5 conclusion
Shirley0426007   
Jan 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / What contributes on an enjoyable vacation? Good friend to travel-TOEFL [3]

Topic: Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selections. Good food, good location, and with good friends to travel.

Travelling is an enjoyable thing for most people. Through travelling, we can expend our outlook, taste a different kind of food, and accumulate various experiences. However, travelling always means that you will go to somewhere you are unfamiliar, under this specific circumstance, choosing an appropriate friend is really consequential, because a proper friend would share your happiness, decrease the loneliness, and confront difficulties with you together. Therefore, I would choose a best friend with me when I go to travel.

To begin with, a proper friend would make the travel more meaningful and happier. It is probably that you and your friend long to a same scenery for some reasons, such as a graduate travel or an appointment. By travelling, we will know each other better and therefore enhance our relationships. Travelling will witness our precious memories. For this part, travelling is not only an activities but also stands for the vital things happened in our life. In addition, with a friend, we are able to take some photos at the best perspectives. It is convenient to take photos by others rather than by oneself. A friend would adjust the camera in order to capture the best photos. And we would share photos together and talking about the interesting scenes in the photos. With a friend, travelling becomes colorful and meaningful.

Moreover, a friend would release your loneliness when you are on the way. If you travel to somewhere along, you will not have acquaintances to talk with. You have to reading or listening to music through MP3. No one would share your happiness during your journey, and the photos you take only including yourself. Under this condition, you might feel lonely when you far away from home to a strange place along. When you recall this journey, you just could remember the beautiful sceneries and the feelings of lonely. If you accompanied with a friend, the situation is totally different.

Most important of all, a friend would assistant you when we are travel to somewhere. It is unpredictable that we might meet something unfamiliar when we at travel. For instance, we might not find right ways, and a friend who has great sense of direction would help us find the correct way. Accompanied with a friend would release your fear and stressed out, at least you allow to solve problems with someone else.

In conclusion, travelling with a friend is essential because he or she would share your happiness make you maintaining a peace mind, and provide assistances when you are in trouble. Thus, I do choose a friend with me when I go to travel.
Shirley0426007   
Jan 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / Traveling in their own country Vs traveling in foreign countries; TOEFL [5]

I think your topic sentence should modified.

Finally, traveling in their own country can be more convenient than the foreign countries(This point is on the opposite side to say the topic, you should use your topic sentence support your main idea.)

Just some tips.
Shirley0426007   
Jan 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / If you have enough money, would you purchase either a house or a business? [3]

most people works in workplaces it is not their own.
most people work for companies are not belong to them.

Although he doesn't have any his own house, he thinks that it is not matter because of a sense of pride from having a business.

Although he does not have his house, he thinks that it does not matter because of the sense of pride from having a business.
Shirley0426007   
Dec 31, 2012
Writing Feedback / Do you prefer working at home or at office? Office; TOEFL [5]

Thanks a lot to dumi ,rainneil, and shad81. I know still have some problem, but I cannot find them out by myself. I worry about my structure is not logically and the topic sentences are not strong enough. Have any suggestions?
Shirley0426007   
Dec 29, 2012
Writing Feedback / Do you prefer working at home or at office? Office; TOEFL [5]

Nowadays, with the wildly use of computer and Internet, an increasing number of people prefer to work online. Using a computer to accomplish tasks is convenient and efficient. However, there exist some problems under this circumstance. for instance, people cannot ensure enough time to make up items, have high quality of working, and correct mistakes on time. As far as I am concerned, people work in office is more reasonable.

To begin with, it is essential that keeping enough time to accomplish a mission. Hardly can we stay at home without more attractive things than to do work. We may favor of watching the television, and eating fruits and meals. In addition, we may be distracted by other things, such as our parents ask us to do some household, our neighbors need our help occasionally. Though those things are not big deals, it can take lots of your precious time. When we stay at home, we can't focus on our work. Therefore, working at home is an unwise choice.

Moreover, compared to working at home, working at office has more rate of productive. As we all know, the atmosphere in office is tension, for the deadline always coming up. Most of us in the office concentrate on our missions, and want to finish our job as soon as possible in order to catch up the deadline. If one's task is not finish on time, he or she would influence the whole project. Supervisors may pay attention to everyone to make sure they are on work. Under this circumstance, our work would more efficient than at home.

Furthermore, if we have some problem, we would receive help from other colleagues and managers when we at office. In the process of getting help, we not only interact with others, but also acquire knowledge and correct mistakes. In this way, we can greatly improve the quality and speed of doing a mission. However, if we stay at home, we may take a rest when we feel tired or hungry. Such things would decrease our efficiency and pace. Thus, working in an office is more reasonable.

In conclusion, working in an office could make us focus on our job, maintain a high production, and getting help from others. This would benefit us a lot. On the contrary, when we work at home, we may attracted by other things, have low quality of doing missions, and hardly find a solution. Considering all of the above, choosing work in office is wiser than stay at home.

Any response is helpful, thank your!
Shirley0426007   
Dec 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / It is easier to maintain good health than in the past [4]

As the advancing development of society, substantial meets people's basic needs. People possess more time and money to concern about themselves. Thus, staying healthy is becoming a priority in today's society. Hardly can we focus on study or work without adequate fitness. The enhancing awareness of keep fit, exercise, and advanced medical treatments make people easier to maintain health in the daily life.

Nowadays, people pay more attention to eating healthy food than they did in the past. With the development of technology, released from hard labor work, people have more time to enjoy healthy food. For example, an increasing number of people cooking at home rather than eat at restaurants. Because in their mind, home-made dishes guarantee a high quality of nutrition. Only if they eat fresh vegetables and meat, can they attain peak fitness. To stay healthy, people learn from TV, or the Internet, or newspaper more about nutrition of foods, and nurture healthy eating habits instead of unbalanced ones. In the past, people have to grow vegetables themselves, or buy them in a grocery store, whose quality cannot be guaranteed to some extent, but now we can easily buy clean food in supermarkets, which is under strict quality control and supervise. Under these circumstances, people today are accessible to live a healthier life than before.

Moreover, we take exercise to keep health. There is no doubt that those who doing proper exercise are healthier than ordinary ones. By playing sports, such as badminton, ping-pong, and swimming, we not only enhance our physical health, but also improve our mental health because taking sports is an efficient way to relieve stress. Meanwhile, the worldwide sports events stimulate individuals pursuing sports career, such as Olympic game, the European Cap, and NBA. These events have a great influence on attracting individuals to participate in the sports. The more exercise we take, the healthier we are.

Most important of all, the miracles of modern medicine play a consequential role in maintaining health. The many breakthrough discoveries over the decades are now simply taken for granted. Inoculations and vaccines have prevented many diseases which in the past lead to early deaths such as smallpox , chicken pox, diphtheria.Equipped with advanced treatment, doctors can cure more disease than in the past. With the cutting edged treatments, patients would no longer suffer from illness and pain, and their life span would prolong. In this way, modern medicine protects us from disease, therefore, ensure our health.

Consequently, people today are easier to keep fit, because they concern about maintaining fitness by eating healthier foods, spending more time playing sports, and receiving high-quality medicine care. In this way, people today are living a healthier life than before.

Any reply is helpful, thank you very much!
Shirley0426007   
Nov 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / US government to cease funding the NASA [10]

I am sorry for my mistake:
"Apart from taking NASA as a funding sink, we must also look into the other side where NASA has created job and is home for a number of people"

This sentence is right. I am really sorry.
Shirley0426007   
Nov 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / US government to cease funding the NASA [10]

1.This research conducted by young genius has developed outstanding ideas like medicines to fight cancer and HVI .(I think you want to write "HIV")

2.Apart from taking NASA as a funding sink, we must also look into the other side where NASA has created job and is home for a number of people (This sentence has grammar problem.)

3. I do agree that poverty and homelessness are very important issues but decrease in funds to an organization like NASA should not be a solution to the other problems . (Why you use "to the other" many times?)

Your essay has good structure, and I support your idea.
Shirley0426007   
Nov 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'the precondition of doing research by professors' - Toefl essay [7]

TOPIC: Some people think that a university professor should focus time on doing research; while others think that the main role of a professor is to educate students in a university. What is your opinion and why? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Nowadays, many professors conduct research while teaching in colleges or universities. Although research could bring funding and latest achievements in the field, the research takes up too much teaching time. As far as I am concerned, professors should spend more time on preparing courses than research.

To begin with, it is vital that professors should assist students to acquire knowledge. The professors' duty is to nurture students, and prepare excellent courses. If professors spend a lot of time on research, he will cut the time on preparing courses is reduced, which may decrease the quality of classes. The reason why people enter a university is that they want to learn cutting-edged technologies. In this way, professors should provide well-preparation courses to convey the state-of-art knowledge for college and university students. Therefore, professors should pay more attention on how to teach students rather than conduct research.

On the other hand, if professors are busy in doing research, ignoring preparing appropriate courses for students, it would ruin the reputation of universities. Students are unsatisfied with the unprepared course, and the enrollment of universities may decline. Many students would not choose these kinds of universities to study. In this way, hardly can professors find assistants to help with projects. It is adverse to the whole academic field. Accordingly, spending more time to nurture excellent students is more consequential to professors, rather than research.

Nevertheless, professors could teach students through research and projects. Some students enjoy taking part in some research. Through to use the equipment and invent their own work, they may get more experience in the process of research. For instance, electronic students always invent new machines such as robots, MP3 and remote control car. They can manage the electric theory in practical skills. And some students will be rewarded by investing new inventions. However, only under specific circumstance, when students master all of the systematic knowledge, can they accomplish research. This is requires professors provide high quality courses. In other word, professor should concern about preparing class.

Consequently, conducting research is helpful for professors and students to some extent. However, the precondition of doing research is growing students' solid theory fundamental. Only by developing students, can we have a better academic field. Professors could combine doing research and preparing good courses in a dynamic way.
Shirley0426007   
Nov 20, 2012
Undergraduate / "Restaurants in Egypt" - Classification essay. [2]

Most people in Egypt prefer restaurants food more than home food.("prefer" has the same meaning as "more than" , you may change "more than" to " to ")

These restaurants are available frequently in Egypt because it's cheap and delicious food at the same time.
Shirley0426007   
Nov 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. [8]

The plausible reason why some people disaccord with this view is mainly because more space is needed to accommodate new migrants in urban areas.ïźˆreason why, is the same meaning with because,they can't use in one sentence ïź‰ When these people migrate to cities it would be extremely difficult to find a place to stay as the place is already congested with existing people. In order to avoid this, more apartments and houses should be built in order to provide accommodation to the new ones.
Shirley0426007   
Nov 17, 2012
Undergraduate / World Class researchers; Study Plan -Remote Sensing Technology [3]

Study Plan
My name is XXX a senior student from XXX university . Major in Remote Sensing Technology. I am in favor of the Environment and Geography when I was in a high school. I long for higher education in an advanced university. After I accomplished the graduate study, I will go back to China and find a job as a professional geographic researcher or a professor in a university.

Why do I choose to study in the U.K
There are a great many universities in U.K. with a long history and reputation. Some subjects rank top 20 among universities among the world. On the other hand, universities concentrate on cultivating students' practical skills, critical thinking ability and creativity. Instructors and professors encourage and help students to apply theory to practice. As a senior student in China, although I laid a solid foundation in theory, I still lack of the capability of article thinking and practice.

Why do I choose to study in the XX
University of XXX is one of the top universities in the United Kingdom, and the environmental science has been established for a long period. World Class researchers are teaching the exciting degree courses. The University provides students with an access to the latest advancements in research and technology. In the Earth Surface Processes and Environmental Change department in the Universities of XXX, rich resources in the library and professors will help me enhance my ability in learning and research.

Detailed study plan
Firstly, I will study the InSAR (Interferometric synthetic aperture radar) Technology principle from my instructors, and finish the elementary course. As far as I am concerned, the InSAR technology is one of the efficient means to measure tectonic deformation in the world, provides accurate and precious geographic data. This effect can be exploited to calculate the topographic height, and used to produce a digital elevation model (DEM). This is one of the technologies I am eager to manage proficiently.

Secondly, I will take part in a research group and do some preliminary research. The research may cover a range of topics including earthquake and landslide. Since I have gained some GIS practical skills in the past three years. I plan to combine DEM data with ArcGIS software to do some applied projects.

Thirdly, I intend to conduct some researches in a new way, which focus on the combination of combine the remote sensing and InSAR technology.

Finally, I will trim my research data to establish my model, and use engineering of bespoke software to solve particular scientific problems.

I hope to accomplish my goals in XXX University. I know at the fully that perseverance, determination, and hard-working are the keys to being a successful postgraduate student and I am ready and willing to accomplish the study plan. The experience I acquire will not only help me in my postgraduate studies but will carry on in my goals to be a successful student in this field.
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