Undergraduate / Produce Software; UVa Sup/ Engineering: what would you do? [5]

Currently I'm at 212 of a maximum of 250 words, and I'm out of ideas. Any advice on things that could use more elaboration or revising? Thanks!

Engineering: If you were given funding for a small engineering project, what would you do?

For as long as I can remember, I have been drawn to computers. There is just something about the creative freedom that computers give that inspires me in a way that nothing else can. I don't only enjoy using them, though; I also find it irresistible to program and create things within them. One thing in particular that I have been thinking about is making an operating system from scratch.

An operating system, by definition, should do two things: manage all of the resources (memory, processing power, etc.) and provide an environment for applications to run and use hardware. Building one is in no way an easy task, but given a few thousand hours and enough dedication, it can be done. It would be the perfect low-budget project as well, costing little more than enough for a few computers and some software.

I'm not the most advanced programmer, and I don't have an extremely extensive knowledge of how computers work, but this task could present me with both an exciting challenge and a wonderful learning opportunity. I'm very interested in producing software, so while the idea of a development of this scale may seem like a daunting challenge to some, I see it as a chance to have fun and be innovative.

Undergraduate / "Tesla?"; It was my mistake.; UVa Supp/ [4]

Here it is. The word limit is 250, and I'm at around 230, so I have a bit of space to add things if you guys think it would help. Also, among other things, could someone check my comma usage? I'm not totally sure if they're correct. Thanks!

Discuss something you secretly like and pretend not to, or vice versa.

"Tesla?"

We named her Tesla, after the very elegant and orderly scientist. It was my mistake.

Allow me to explain. Last May my family adopted a puppy. I wanted to get a large dog, but, instead, she was a mix between a Chihuahua and a Dachshund, dubbed a "Chiweenie" by my sister. She is an adorable little dog who loves to bite and scratch, and is poorly trained. Occasionally, she will even leave "presents" for us to clean up. I don't know a single person who has a dog that behaves worse.

When my friends come to my house this small, evil creature will run circles around them and pester them to no end. "You have the most annoying dog I've ever seen!" they tell me, and, looking at Tesla's antics, I am forced to agree. How could I say no with her jumping on them and biting their fingers?

Later, I'll say goodbye and close the door, and immediately look down at her, and she will look back up at me. There is no way I could explain it to my friends, but I love my dog. When she's not so excited, she is the cutest thing in the world to me, but what kind of teenage guy says something like that? No; instead of honesty, I'll choose to avoid ridicule from my friends. I don't think any of them would understand it.

Undergraduate / I like to sleep, but I love to stay up late; Babson Supplement: Letter to Roommate [3]

Please give me your harshest review! Don't tell me you like it so that I might feel inclined to look at your essay; Instead be as constructive as possible to save both your time and mine. Thanks in advance!

Write a letter to your first-year roommate at Babson. Tell him or her what it will be like to live with you, why you chose Babson, and what you are looking forward to the most in college. (No word limit.)

Dear Future Roommate,

Hello! My name is Marco and I'll be your roommate starting this fall. I'll take this opportunity to tell you a little about myself, though I expect we'll learn much more about each other in the future.

I'm a fairly neat type of person. I like to sleep, but I love to stay up late. People who know me well might call me a perfectionist, but I like to think that I just challenge myself. I'm addicted to creating things, from computer programs to secret handshakes. I might seem a little nerdy at times, but I enjoy playing sports and being physically active. When it comes to music, I listen to many genres, so I'm pretty open to listening to what other's like. I like to experiment and I try to learn new things often. I could go on with this list of characteristics, but I would rather show you once I see you.

The reason I chose to apply to Babson is that I am drawn to its expertise in teaching using actual experience. I believe that there is no better way to learn than to do, so it seemed to me that it was a good fit for my personality. I plan to major in entrepreneurship, which played a major role in my decision to apply here. I have always been one to work hard for what I am passionate about, and I enjoy taking risks and making decisions, so I believe that having this major at Babson would provide me with the perfect opportunity to pursue my aim of entrepreneurship.

Once I get into college, I am most eager to experience the many courses I will be taking that are more intellectually stimulating than classes I have had in high school. Nothing animates me more than a challenge, so I am glad to have been accepted into a college that is known for its difficult courses. I'm excited to meet you and see what you are like as well. I hope that we can become friends and get along well as roommates.

Best regards,

Marco Giancarli

Undergraduate / Common App Essay Prompt 1, Building a Raft [7]

Please read first:
So, I tried writing my common app essay about a raft I built when I was younger, and I got kind of stuck. Here is the roughest of rough drafts. Please tell me any suggestions on things that I should add, what I should change, and anything that you think is missing from the essay. Thanks!

Also, If this thread has any additional drafts, please see those instead of the following draft.

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (250-500 words)

We had no previous experience with constructing something like this. We had no power tools, little money, and nobody else around to help us. My two friends and I knew that building a raft wouldn't be an easy task, but through our determination and hard work we believed we could do it. It would be just like the raft that Tom Sawyer had used in the novels we read that summer. We had noticed our nearly inexistent resources, and had decided that it would be best to used recycled materials for the raft: a tall stack of old, muddy, planks; a few sheets of partially burnt plywood; and some rusty saws and nails.

We started by building a six foot by eight foot frame to put the plywood on. It seemed a simple enough task. We dragged out all the pieces of wood, laid them down next to each other, argued about the dimensions a bit, and then took turns cutting through the dense wood. While we were still confused about the design, we accidentally cut in half our already perfect planks, thinking that they were scraps, which was a setback to say the least! It was too late to stop, though. We had already caught the disease that is creation. We wanted so badly to see our work finished, to feel the pride of having made something so impressive on our own.

After days of cutting, we nailed all our pieces together, trimmed the burnt sheets of plywood, and attached them as well. It was all coming along nicely, until I had suggested that maybe we wouldn't have enough buoyancy to float. Oops. We hadn't actually considered that the raft was fairly thin, and might be hard to keep above the water with three people on it. But we couldn't stop now! We had gotten so far! There had to be a solution to this problem.

We tossed around ideas for a few days, considering anything from building up on top of what we already had to attaching big outriggers to the bottom. Nothing seemed good until one day we found the answer. My friend had found some 50 gallon drums in his basement and they were the ideal size to secure to the bottom of the raft! It all worked out and we agreed that we could not have made a sturdier, more functional raft.

You wouldn't believe how many times we floated down the river in it! Well, as it turns out, we didn't really have a method of transporting it to the river, so rather than being used, it has been sitting in my back yard for years. Instead of looking back at it regretfully, I see it as a trophy. It signifies the friendship I have with two of my best friends. It exemplifies what dedication and persistence can really do. So this winter, when I go around to the shed in my back yard to grab a snow shovel, I'll see the raft, covered in snow, and I'll smile, remembering what we made.

Undergraduate / "Bad Investments?" Common App Short Answer [9]

This is my first post and this forum seems pretty strict! Please tell me if I messed anything up!

"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)."

Though I sometimes think of myself as a perfectionist, I never was the "Look before you leap" type. It always seemed to me that the best way to learn and gain experience was through trial and error. Unfortunately, I still abstained from this philosophy when I purchased my first stock in my sophomore year of high school. When I bought that single share of Google I didn't consider that I could lose a significant amount of the money that I had invested, but I was eager to see what I was capable of.

It wasn't long before the stock dropped. I had failed, but I persistently bought into another company, refusing this as a final outcome. Looking back at my choices, I wasn't trying to profit as much as I was trying to figure out how to profit. That's why I enjoy trading stocks: not only because it is exciting to see success every once in a while, but also because there is nothing like gaining a bit more understanding of how the market, one of the most mysterious things in the world, works.

This is the first draft, so I would appreciate as much criticism as you guys can give me.