Undergraduate / Quiet/Picturesque/Homely feeling/Meaningful ideas/Witty Banter; Why Columbia Essay? [4]

No exclamation marks. No Essentially. Cacophony makes New York sound like hell (Even though it is, Columbia loves New York City).
Good essay! This will sway you towards the admissions pool for sure.

Undergraduate / Diverse nurturing environment/ Dynamic Urban life; Why Chicago U? [2]

The University of Chicago emphasizes the ideas of those that attend the university.
UChicago KNOWS all of its statistics and what it is capable of. What I wrote for my EA UChicago Supp Q1 was about the emphasis of ideas and the ability for UChicago to expand the mind. I never mentioned UChicago ONCE in the first 4 paragraphs of my essay. The whole idea of Chicago is that it is unique from the other universities. It is about providing the opportunity and resources for you to test out your ideas. And yes. I did.

Jack Wei

Undergraduate / 'Jessica' - a moment when your perspective changed; BROWN U [8]

Hello Girl/Guy!
First off, my condolences for Jessica.

I no longer take people for granted. I cannot part my wayswith somebody without fixing an argument or without saying "I love you" or "Take care" because I have learned from herJessica that our lives can change in a span of seconds and we oftenit is too often thatwe become absorbed in the trivial details of life and notthat we forget to savor the moment with the people we care about fully. Jessica will never know the impact she had on me but every day I spread her message. She was significant.

Undergraduate / RACISM; Issue of personal, local, national or international concern [4]

You can for sure keep this one! Just make sure to add your personalities in the end :)

Undergraduate / We moved to back to Baltimore ; UVa SUP; World you come from? [7]

I like it. I think it's a good version. Get the opinion of others haha :)

Grammar, Usage / (Julia Law and Psychology..) - WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS SENTENCE? [5]

Hello Julia Hou,

Without context, the edit would be this:
Having had taught Julia Law and Psychology to and had numerous intriguing discussions over the dinner table last summer with Julia over the dinner table last summer , this quirky professor leaves (or left) no time for boredom.

Also did she teach Julia over the summer?

Undergraduate / We moved to back to Baltimore ; UVa SUP; World you come from? [7]

LarryHoover
In 2001, we moved to back to Baltimore after living in Israel for two years. When my family and I got off the plane I was hit hard with themy situation. I had lost everything. It was the fresh start I didn't need. I felt like a criminal, but I wasn't running away from anything,; I was trying to run back. Old friends, old languages, bartering skills, they all meant nothing in this new world they called "Maryland".

I remember planning to hold an eternal grudge against my parents for this hurtful move but time heals all wounds. (Previous sentence doesn't relate to next. Rethink this. I was born in Baltimore but spending my time unconsciously drooling didn't help me build a strong bond with "Charm City". I was used to stores closing on Fridays for Shabot, apartment complexes separated by less than a block away, and everything within walking distance. Now Ii n Pikesville, my closest neighbor is a four to five minute walk away, cornfields surround my house, and Interstate 695 is my backyard.

At first adjusting to life in Baltimore was challenging. However, as time went on, I began to see the good side of things. (Sentences are too short, you need to elaborate on this paragraph) My parents wanted space, a quiet life, and cool weather. I still miss that crammed second floor apartment room I called home but now I appreciate days that I can spend snowed in with my family, wearing pajamas and eating cereal. Anyways it's never too late to study abroad;in Israel, Turkey, Serbia and so on. This quote should go somewhere in the beginning. "Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change"-said Stephen Hawking

Overall, better! It's coming together, make another edit.

Undergraduate / "Happiness is a choice"; Stanford Supp - Letter to Roommate [9]

The whole point of this essay is for Stanford to pair up people that are similar in nature and make them roommates :).

Reply to yuzec95

Undergraduate / I'm different form my Mom; Significant influence (Person) [6]

I have talked to numerous college counselors as well as admissions directors (My uncle is the admissions director for UPenn.)
Guess what the most popular answer is for this question? Mothers, mom, motherly figure.
Colleges read these types of essays and expect the worst. Even though this might be a great essay, colleges will put it aside. (Sorry to be so blunt)

I would suggest using someone else :/

Undergraduate / We moved to back to Baltimore ; UVa SUP; World you come from? [7]

In 2001, we (Who is we?) moved to back to Baltimore after living in Israel fora2two year trail in Israeli living . When we got off the plane, I was hit hard with reality like the first blast of winterthe situation I was in . I had lost everything. It was the fresh start I didn'tthat I did not need. I felt like a criminal, but I wasn't running away from anything, I was trying to run back. Close friends, Ll anguages, bartering skills, they all meant nothing now in this new world they called "Maryland". (I'm almost positive close friends, languages, bartering skills do mean something in Maryland...)

I remember planning onto holding an eternal grudge against my parents for this hurtful move but I guess time heals all wound (Why so philosophical?) . The thing is I was born in Baltimore but spending my time unconsciously drooling didn't help meneverbuildbuilt a strong bond with "Charm City". I was used to stores closing on Fridays for Shabot and, apartment complexes separated by less than a block awaywith , and everything inwithin walking distance. Now In Pikesville, my closest neighbor is a 4-5four to five minUTE walk away, cornfields surround my house, and the highway(I-695)Interstate 695 is my backyard.

At first, adjusting to life in Baltimore was challenging. However, as time went on, I began to see the good side of things.It took me around 10 years to see the good side of things. My parents wanted space, a quiet life, and cool weather.- the space, the quiet life, the lack of +100 degree heat waves. I appreciate thesnowy days that I can spend snowed in with my family, wearing pajamas and eating cereal, but I still miss that crammed 2ndsecond floor apartment room I called home. ButHowever,it'sIt is never too late to study abroad.

Check your grammar. This did NOT described how it shaped you to become who YOU are. It describes the places. What did you learn? What are your personalities/traits? How did these two dichotomy of worlds impact your life?

Undergraduate / Women in maroon BU scrubs; Boston University/ Why BU is a good fit? [3]

You talk a lot about how BU has great programs. You do not emphasize the fact that there will be others that are pursuing the same interest as you. Emphasize more outside of the educational aspect and dig deeper into the extracurricular/community aspect of BU. BU is within Boston etc...

Undergraduate / "You are Not Special" ; Cornell Sup /Economics [15]

First of all, do not use contractions. This is a formal essay. The flow is not that great. The transition in the end of personal goal does not fit with the rest of the essay. This is a three part response of WHAT, WHY, and how does Cornell's schools apply to what you just described. You leave a short paragraph for Cornell while spending too much time explaining extraneous details of economics.

Also, this sounds a little like you are not just interested in economics but also history and anthropology adding these could add some dimension. And I would not mention brushing aside biology or engineering it does not add anything to the essay.

Hope this helps a little.

Undergraduate / Fascination with Eye Contact; Yale Supp/ learn more about you [6]

Dish is the cutest thing :3. List of words I can think of: Cheese. Hello.
Hello would be a good one since you can go off the basis of before you were shy about saying Hello, but your pictures certainly give me the "Hello" look... If you get what I mean? After your shy stage, you are more outgoing and willing to say "Hello" to people and to get to know others around you.

Or something like that...

Hope this helps just a little :)

Undergraduate / The perfect balance of everything; U Chicago/ Why? [11]

Is this the first essay? I would say this is a pretty big essay. Cut it down. Let me go through it and check for any mistakes.

Undergraduate / RACISM; Issue of personal, local, national or international concern [4]

I really like this essay, but I feel like many people are going to write about the exact same thing you did. Facing racism and trying to stop it. You do not really show other personalities about yourself such as your characters. It shows you are courageous and willing to defend others but you should add in the end something like this event has taught me (list of personalities etc...)

Undergraduate / The multitude of resources ; NYU - WHY NYU & ACADEMIC AREAS? [6]

I think focusing on International Relations is good enough, there is literally no tangent that I could think of to link it to Language. Other than probably cultural awareness. You emphasize International Relations so much that adding Language would be like: "I really like to eat apples. They are so delicious. Every time I see an apple, it makes my mouth water. Oh man, would I really love an apple. Snakes are scary."

Undergraduate / The multitude of resources ; NYU - WHY NYU & ACADEMIC AREAS? [6]

The multitude of resources ranging from libraries like the Bobst Library to student centers available at NYU New York has drawn me to the campus (WHAT CAMPUS). No dashes required

In addition, La Maison Francaise, a center of French culture in New York, is unique to the campus (WHAT CAMPUS) .
Having studied French for four years, I have developed an interest for French culture and would love to attend lectures, film screenings and other programs at the center.

Additionally, the vast number of internship and community service opportunities available at New York has convinced me that - at the NYU New York campus There we go, mention it in the beginning - I wouldwill be able to extend my academic pursuits by gaining valuable experiences outside the spectrum of the classroom.

Did you edit this for grammar at all? It was a grammatical mess. A quick google search of NYU New York Campus brought up the bobst Library and La Maison Francaise. I am almost positive half of the students that chose this campus will write about the things you wrote about. Community service and research/internships are brought up a lot. Bring up city life, how the residence halls are unique. Why does it appeal to YOU, do not write about what you googled.