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Posts by jasmine4ever
Joined: Jan 10, 2013
Last Post: Feb 22, 2013
Threads: 5
Posts: 13  
From: Canada

Displayed posts: 18
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jasmine4ever   
Feb 22, 2013
Essays / "Why education is important." - 1st paragraph ideas / literacy topic [5]

Essay on Literacy; Why literacy is important and how it brings success? Need ideas!

I'm planning to write a essay on literacy but I don't know where to start. I have to explain why literacy is important, and how it can bring success. I know literacy is the ability to read and write but how can it bring success? Don't you also need something else to go along with literacy? for example, literacy and English.

Can someone give me some ideas why literacy is important and how it can bring success?

All help is appreciated!
jasmine4ever   
Feb 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Why we need music? To keep our mind in peace [6]

Great job! Overall, the details were pretty good. But!....

You could organize the essay a bit more. It was very clumped together, kind of hard to read. You could create an intro, body paragraphs, and conclusion. And also the thesis was very unclear. You could write something like this for your thesis, "Music has a great impact on us, humans, we hear it every day, on the radio and our listening devices and so therefore we listen to music because it calms our mind, it inspires us, and it effects us deeply." Or something like that. The words in red may vary depending on your three points.

Also it would also be great to have some outside examples or your own/someone else's experiences and you could incorporate them into your essay. Because everyone loves stories!

Hope it helped.
jasmine4ever   
Feb 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Should students be encourge to evaluate or even criticize their teachers? [4]

Great job! Overall I think this was good and thoughtful. But!....

I think you can provide examples from the outside world or your own experiences and incorporate them into your essay. Besides examples, I also think you should write a bit more for your introduction, have some background info. Your thesis was pretty good though.

Other errors:

If a student makes comments due to unsatisfactory explanation of a formula, it is called criticism.

Replace comma with semi colon.

I believe a qualified educational professional ought to know

Change professional to professor.

review against him/her as students

Try to best not use slashes, it just looks more professional if you don't.

I hope this helped.

By the way, what kind of essay is this?
jasmine4ever   
Feb 1, 2013
Essays / George Orwell and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley [2]

1984 is by George Orwell and Brave New World is by Aldous Huxley. These two books are both about dystopias except Brave new World seems like an utopian but its actually not. I need to write an essay about comparing these two books and I have no idea where to start. Please help me!!!

Thank you!!!
jasmine4ever   
Feb 1, 2013
Book Reports / FEAR; Examples for 1984 ; George Orwell essay [2]

Hello!

I'm writing an essay about fear and I need some examples from the book 1984. About fear and it can't create utopia because 1984 is a dystopia society right? I just need some examples about 1984 and how it turned into a dystopia society?

Thank you!
jasmine4ever   
Jan 29, 2013
Essays / Fear can't make an utopian society [NEW]

Fear cannot; absolutely not create an utopian society. Fear can't because a dictator would need to control fear and if you control fear the dictator can control the people. By controlling fear, the dictator would have to use threats and forces to make the citizens scared because being scared is a sign of fear and fear makes people think, feel and make us do anything.

CONTROL. If the dictator can control fear, then they control the people. But people don't like to be controlled. If the dictator does end up restraining the people, in the end a few people will still gather together and rebel against the dictator. That is normally the case.

Normally in the beginning a tragedy will happen to get the people terrified. And when citizens are scared, they will look up to any "hero" and follow them. That's when it's the dictator's cue, he will step out from the darkness and show his nice gratitude towards the people for them to like him. Once the people starts to accept him into their hearts, his true nature will show. When his true nature shows, he will then provide harsh punishments, threats, forces and make the people feel isolated. These are all signs of fear. When the dictator has gotten the people to become isolated, they will have nothing to do but obey the dictator. That's how we know that the dictator has truly controlled fear and the people. However, people don't like to be controlled by other people. We, humans like to have our own way of thinking and our own path. So in the end a few people will go against the dictator and a rebellion will occur. The only person in history who has ever come close to creating a utopian society was Adolf Hitler. He was a fascist leader of Germany during the Great Depression and the WWII. He ruled the country through intimidation and fear. In his mind he thinks he has made an utopian society but to other people's perspectives, he hasn't. Everyone's view of utopia is totally different.

The intro is only half because I can't think of what to write for my intro. Can somebody help me? And I've got the 1st paragraph down (probably going to add more later). Is the topic sentence and mini thesis okay for the first paragraph? is the example okay? Any ideas?

Thank you!
jasmine4ever   
Jan 25, 2013
Essays / EXPEDITION OF JOE &SIMSON; To Fight or Give Up [3]

Awesome Essay! I loved it! It was very interesting! I couldn't stop reading until the very end. The examples were very good.
But I do have a couple of suggestions:

- Who are Joe and Simon? When I first read this and saw the names, I was wondering who they were. maybe you could explain a bit more about them in the beginning.

- You can make your thesis a bit more clear. It was a bit confusing and I couldn't really figure out what your trying to say at first.

And one more question what is this essay for? school assignment?

Hope this helps! I think it was a great essay overall!
jasmine4ever   
Jan 21, 2013
Essays / Visual Rhetoric essay introduction [4]

I agree with the comment above. The thesis was unclear. Make sure whatever point you're trying to send across to the readers is more clear. But good examples though, could be more specific though.
jasmine4ever   
Jan 21, 2013
Book Reports / Argumentative essay on 1984 [5]

Please help me! I'm not trying to beg but if you know an answer or anything please comment! Thank you!
jasmine4ever   
Jan 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Shopping as a hobby. Why? Good or Bad! [4]

Take an example of dress shows excessively highlighted by TV channels.

You could say, "For example many dresses are shown" and you could add "which are" between excessively and highlighted.

Similarly, lavish life styles shown in dramas affect many young-ones

You could put "have" in between styles and shown. affect=affected

For instance,week-end

weekend is one word.

society will become even tense

add a "more" in between even and tense.

Hope this helps! :)
jasmine4ever   
Jan 16, 2013
Book Reports / Argumentative essay on 1984 [5]

Thanks!
Do you know how to turn the sections into topic sentences?

For section 1, I've come up with 2 examples and I need another one.
1st: Fear is a powerful tool that many governments use. Fear makes us think , feel and makes us do anything when we're scared.
2nd: Nuclear weapons holds a massive destructive power that many people in the world fear.

Are these examples okay? Do they relate to the sections? topic?
Can anyone think of another example?
And anyone know how to use "1984" as a source?

Thanks again!
jasmine4ever   
Jan 14, 2013
Essays / Compare and/ or contrast two poems; three thesis statements [31]

Maybe you should pick two of the poems that you know very well and reread it again until you know exactly what the poem is trying to say and the hidden meaning behind it. Then maybe you should find the moral of the poem and try putting it into sentences b/c the thesis is basically a sentence that consists the main idea of what you're trying to say and it tells a summary of what you're going to write about it in the body paragraphs. So you should find the main idea behind the two poems and convert them into sentences and there you have your thesis!

Hope this helps!
jasmine4ever   
Jan 14, 2013
Book Reports / Argumentative essay on 1984 [5]

Hello everyone!

I have an argumentative essay using the book 1984 as a source due around the next month. We have to think of our own topic and I have one but I'm not sure if it makes sense and if it's arguable. I thought of this: "Fear can make an utopia society."

With fear, you get people to listen to the leader/dictator and the dictator will rule the country making the place perfect with the help of the citizens.

I've come up with three sections for this topic but I'm not sure if it relates.
For section one: the main idea will be about making people perfect by using fear to make them listen and obey you.

section two: main idea will be about torture, what kind of torture strategies will be used to penalize the people when they're not listening and hurting them to make them feel scared to look up to the leader for help.

section three: main idea will be about logic and to control the people's minds in believing the land is perfect and their leader is a good leader like in the book 1984 where the people thought Big Brother was good.

I just don't know how to convert the sections into topic sentences.
Tell me if the topic and sections is okay because I'm really stuck, thank you! And if you can think of topic sentences using these sections that will be great too. Thanks!

Don't be afraid to drop off any comments below!
jasmine4ever   
Jan 10, 2013
Research Papers / Comparison essay between android and apple [4]

Maybe you can explain about each one of them and then explain disadvantages and advantages about them. You could also write the benefits that one has over the other. And have a good conclusion to sum it up. And also state your point in the thesis and make it clear so that the readers know what you are trying to say in the body paragraphs.
jasmine4ever   
Jan 10, 2013
Book Reports / Argumentative Essay based on George Orwell's book "1984" [3]

Hi, I'm new and I need help on this argumentative essay that we have to write in class.

Basically we have to think of our own topic and I kind of thought of one. I was thinking of an argumentative essay on totalitarianism and using fear to make a totalitarian society. I think it's okay but I can't really think of any arguments for this topic. I don't even know if this topic is an argument. Can you argue with this topic?

We don't really have to write the essay on 1984, I've decided to use 1984 as a source.

And for people who haven't read "1984" it's about this guy called Winston Smith who works in the ministry of truth. He lives in a totalitarian society where the leader, Big Brother watches your every move. Big telescreens are set everywhere. There are four classes in this society: Big brother, inner class, outer class and the proles. Winston doesn't like this society so he finds ways to rebel. He does it in small ways at first by writing in a diary. Soon few days later, Winston meets this young women Julia and they get into a relationship which B.B simply forbids them because if two people fall in love they don't remain loyal to B.B anymore. Winston and Julia rents a room assuming it is safe but unfortunately it is not safe because the thought police found them and the two of them are arrested. They are imprisoned separately in the ministry of love where O'Brien (who works in the ministry) tortures Winston until he spills the truth. Then O'Brien puts Winston in a room with his fear which is rats and Winston blames everything on Julia and then he was sent free. Couple days later, he meets Julia again and tells her that he has betrayed her. He then sits at a cafĂŠ and he realizes that he loves B.B after all.

I need all the help I can get and THANK YOU for your suggestions!!! :)
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