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Posts by hahong
Joined: Apr 29, 2013
Last Post: May 15, 2013
Threads: 6
Posts: 11  
Likes: 5
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 17
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hahong   
May 15, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: UK Acid rain emissions (GRAPH) [2]

The line graph describes the amount of UK acid rain emissions produced by four sectors from 1990 to 2007

In general, most sectors showed an drop in the quantity of acid rain emissions with domestic sector being surpassed by others

To specific, after a dramatic fall for the first five years, the amount of acid rain emissions released by electricity,gas and water supply underwent a slight increase in 1999, ending the period with a decrease to 0,5 million tones. By comparison, other industries went down gradually in the quantity of acid rain emissions from the highest point of above 2 million tones to a bottom of around 1,3 million tones, while the figure for transport and communication sector experienced a climb to 1 million tones, followed by a drop. Interestingly, Only in domestic sector was there a steadily decrease seen in the quantity of acid rain emissions.

In brief, while transport and communication sector increased over years, the opposite true of other sectors.

(163 words)

PS: Could I post 2 writing task 1 in one time ? I think Task 1 is much shorter than task 2




hahong   
May 15, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING : students should be encouraged to evaluate and criticise their teacher [5]

Thanks for your useful comments, I am going to take IELTS test on 22 June at British Council, but when writing an essay at home, it is hard for me to complete it in 40 minutes. I usually spend a lot of time on brainstorming. Do you think I should practice writing more full essays or I should prepare ideas for different topics.
hahong   
May 15, 2013
Speeches / Disadvantages of Single Sex Schools - Debate Essay [3]

having single sexes schools are a good idea

---> sex, is

boys would be more involved and focus with their education if girls were not in the surroundings

----> on

it will not be an environment any parents that wants their child to be in order to be educated.

----->it will not be an environment that any parents want their child to be educated.
hahong   
May 15, 2013
Writing Feedback / Globalisation of trade is beneficial to the economicaly backward countries [3]

it increase gape between rich and poor countries

---> the gap

One of the benefit under developed countries have from globalisation of trade

---->One of the benefits that developed countries gain from globalisation of trade

people can enjoy variety of international markets

---->a variety of international products

Socond thing is that globalisation has brought employment to third world countries

----> another benefit is that

Many of people are employed in underdeveloped countries

---> Many people

It gave advanced machines

---> gives

. Along with standard of living cost of living has also become high

----> being improved
hahong   
May 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING : students should be encouraged to evaluate and criticise their teacher [5]

Topic : In order to imporove the quality of education, high school students should be encouraged to evaluate and criticise their teachers, but other think it will result in loss of respect and discipline in classroom. What your opinion ?

Some people think that to ensure the high quality of education, students should be encouraged to assess and criticise their teachers' performance while others claim that this activity is conducive to the disappearance of respect and discipline in classroom. I partly agree with the former idea for the following reasons.

On one hand, this policy allows teachers to enhance their performance. The truth is that as a result of being stick to the tradional teaching methods for long, teahers may cause their students to lose their interest in learning. When learners are entitled to evaluate their teachers, they enable a teacher to realiaze the weaknesses of his or her teaching method , improving their performance. In addtion, by properly adjusting their approach to education , teachers may motivate students to dig deeper into their favourite fields, and by chance, discover new things to change the world. For example, at my university, after integrating such high technologies as computers, pojectors into teaching , the student attendance rate has been significantly increasing.

However, behind the promising results is drawbacks. It is likely that when students have to bury themselves in such boring subjects as history,mathematics,literature, despite the high quality of teaching, they tend to criticise their teachers and their assessment is objective.This leads to loss of respect and discipline in classroom. For instance, though my historical teacher makes great efforts to create interesting lectures to appeal students, they rarely appreciate these efforts and less willing to give him high ratings. Equally important, With each learner having their own capbalitity, it would be a struggle for teachers to introduce a teaching method that can statisfy the needs of all students. Moreover, being bombarded with students' poor evaluation, lecturers feel stressed ,exhausted and may give up their career when their efforts are no longer be recognized.

In conclusion, to ensure the best quality of education, students should be allowed to criticise and appraise their teachers, although there are some disadvantages of this policy
hahong   
May 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / Should voluntary community service be compulsory? [7]

educationalists and experts and believe that

there many benefits

--->there are many benefits of

There are reasons why some patients

----> parents

voluntary activities' develop not only teenagers' personality

----> not only develop

their overlook of life

---> "overtook" is a verb and you can't use it after "their"
hahong   
May 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / mother tongue threat; its better that children begin to learn a foreign language [6]

This essay wil discuss benefits and drawbacks succh a policy.

----> of this policy

many parents want their children learn a foreign language at private school or a foreign language course

----> to learn

because of their brain is not made up with their mother tongue stucture

---->Because

teachers can teach a foreign language them using toys, games, and cheerful small talking

---> teachers can teach a foreign language to them by using toys, games, and cheerful small talking

hey would aware of different culture

---> They would be aware of different cultures.

learning foreign languge influence childrens' development in many ways, it impact on them in some negative ways

----> influences , impacts
hahong   
May 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING :What is importance of new types of media ? [3]

Topic :What is importance of new types of media ? And Their appearance has negative or postive impacts on our socicety ?

What is importance of new types of media ? And Their appearance has negative or postive impacts on our socicety ?

Some people believe that the appearance of new kinds of media has positive influences on our society while others claim that more pains than gains behind this appearance. My essay will analyze both advantages and disadvantages of new types of media.

Firtsly, modern media provide much of information people need on a daily basis. For example,no sooner have an earthquake happened than viewers can realize its degree of the damage with people crying,houses collapsing.In addtion, for those students who are eager for knowledge, education programs presented on TV are great sources for them to discover and dig deeper. However, being obsessed with entertainment programs on TV , working people lose their concentration on work and suffer eye problems. Furthermore, what is shown on moder media is not always the authentic reflection of the world, misleading people greatly.

Secondly, Some kinds of new media like Internet play an vital role in people lives. Since the arrival of Internet, people are increasingly connected and make use of the world's intellectual pool. The birth of such websites as Facebook, google and the like is to dissolve people's physical distance and turn the world into a net. Equally important, with the support of Internet and TV, businessmen may expand their market ceaselessly to the point that their products appear ubiquitous in the world. Nevertheless, Behind the amazing pictures is danger and potential risks. Childern who spend a lot of hours watching TV or surfing on the internet grow passive and alienate themselves from the real world. Moreover, as a consequence of being passionate for their games online on internet, several kids may imitate the violent behaviour of heroes. Furtthermore, with flows of information bombarding peple, individuals become disoriented and hardly filter in the reliable news.

In conclusion, There are pros and cons behind the appearance of new kinds of media and we should be aware of both sides. To children, certain guidance is nescessary to keep them from unwanted impacts.
hahong   
May 5, 2013
Graduate / Pursuing a Passion for Petroleum - Statement of Purpose [5]

this is a great chance to keep myself focused on

---->focusing

The graduate program would equip me with the tools necessary to effectively achieve my professional goals

---> which are neccessary

Colorado School of Mines offers an integrated and impressive curriculum would help me to perfect my skills

---> which helps me to perfect my skils
hahong   
May 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING: the population is a mix of people from different cultures and ethic [5]

Topic: Topic: In some countries, the population is a mix of people from different cultures and ethich groups. Why is this case ? Discuss benefits and disadvantages of this issue ?

In some countries like American or Britain, the population is a combination of people from all walks of life with different cultural background.Some people belive that this is conducive to muti-cultural societies while others claim that more pains than gains behind this issue. My essay will shed light on reasons,pros and cons of this issues.

One of the first contributors to this issue is that in order to secure job opportunities with high-paid salaries, people from poor countries tend to move to developed countries.Another reason is that Only by living in industrial nations can people receive better health care and education.That's why there is an increasing number of asian students seeking sholarships to pursue their passion at American universities.Finally,Countries having a stable economy and politic attract wokers and professionals who desire to avoid polictical conflicts.

Advantages and disadvantages are noticeable. On one hand, living in different parts of the world enables people to expand their knowledge ceaselessly, deriving from learing different cultures and customs.As a result, mutural understanding can be nurtured. Equally important, No sooner have students from impoverished nations studied at high quality universities in developed ones than they are able to shake off poverty, climb the social lader and secure employment.Moreover, thanks to working with foreign experts for years, local people can learn good quintessence from punctuality, seriouness to pressure dealing.Howerver,owing to cultral shock,foreign studetns may feel isolated and depressed, causing their poor academic performance.Futhermore, without parental control, they can be lured into social evils. Another drawback is that To maximize their economic edge, bussinessmen who come to developed countries may pour a huge amount of money into the construction of industrial zones poor countries, which darkens the sky and results in healthy problems.

In conclusion,there are pros and cons in living a country where people come from different culutures.I strongly believe that people should take actions to hamonize with others.
hahong   
May 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Living with families for a longer time [6]

"when you making decisions on you own"

---> when you make decisions on your own

which beneficial to your study, to you work

----> which is benifical to your study and your work

only people they know well such as their friends' or colleges' son is reliable

"is"---> "are"
hahong   
May 4, 2013
Graduate / Experience of Eco-Marathon in Rotterdam in 2012;Motivation Letter/Eng Masters [3]

participating to the Shell Eco-Marathon in Rotterdam in 2012, this experience give me the possibility to work at the development and the construction of ultra energy-efficient vehicles

"To"--->"in" , "the possibility"---> "opportuinities "

This experience give me the opportunity to complete my skill in my field of studies, and to prove my ability to work in a multicultural environment and to be comfortable in an international environment.

"give"---> gives , "skill"--> skills , "ability" ---> abilities

I currently am engaged

--> I have currenty engaged in

which are in accordance with the actual job market

"actual" ---> "real"
hahong   
May 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING :Countries are becoming similar, what are causes, and effects ? [6]

Topic: Countries are becoming similar, what are causes, and effects of this trend ?

Some people believe that countries are becoming similar and there is no urge to explore the world while others claim that this trend is conduvice to saving people's expense for travelling. My essay will shed light on causes.advantages and disadvantages behind this trend.

One of the first contributors to the existence of this trend is that by virtue of globalization, business is becoming increasingly international.No sooner have multi-national companies expand their market than their products appear ubiquitous in the world.For example , by living in Viet Nam people can consume such products as KFC,Ford, which are able to find in most contries like American,England,China and so on.Equally important., in order to attract more tourists, governments in developing and poor countries tend to use the architecture of French,Greek,Italia to errect buildings,shopping malls and parks. That's why you can see a wide variety of buildings that look similar in different parts of the world. Another reason is that Immigration breeds culural diversity so that people from all walks of life learn to live together and share their own culutres and festivals, making countries similar. Take Halloween as a typical explame.It is not only celebrated in western countries like US,Canada,Britain but also in such asian countries as Viet Nam,China,Malaysia.

Effects are numerous and ambivalent. On one hand, this trend help people save a great amount of money in travelling as there is nothing to explore the world when the similarity between countries is exist.In addtion, developing and poor nations whose culture is backward can learn good quintessence from other developed countries to become more civilized and richer.However,Only after countries imitate cultures of each other is tourism suffering most with the number of vistiors gradually decresing. Moreover, the need to enrich knowledge and learn the differences is stifled.

In conclusion, there are several causes that making countries become similar. I strongly belive that governments should take impacts of this trend into consideration to minimize negative effects on their economy as well as the society.
hahong   
May 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS:Should the government spend money on poor population or hi-tech research? [4]

whether should the money be spent on developing the hi-tech research

---> whether public money should be spent on developing hi-tech research...

hi-tech researches have been improved at a certain height , and it is not easily to achieve a breakthrough in a short period of time

----> Though hi-tech researches have been improved to a certain degree , it is not easy to achieve a breakthrough in a short period of time

satisfying public's basic need

----> needs

with more high-qualified talents discovered

----> being discovered
hahong   
Apr 29, 2013
Undergraduate / English Teacher/ Interest in Business; Common App-business school (GGSB) [5]

the reason that i choose this job i had many experience teaching english as a volunteering

-->the reason I choose this job is that i had many experience in teaching english as a volunteer

I wanted to learn to speaking front of people

---> I want to learn to speak in front of people

we have no communicate between teacher and student

Communicate-->Communication

i try to be thoughtful teacher who accept their opinion

---> i try to be a thoughtful teacher who accept their opinions

why are they can't concentrate class the reason that they get stressed, bored...

----> why they cant' concentrate on the class because they...

. i was knew that how much important teacher's behavior is effect to student. after few weeks later their attitude getting different. they were start to concentrate to class

-------->I know how teacher's behaviors affect students, after few weeks later their attitudes changed, they started to concentrate on the class
.
hahong   
Apr 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING: university students should study a full range of subjects or specific [NEW]

Topic : It is argued that university students should study a full range of subjects, instead of some specific subjects. Discuss

Some people believe that in the rapidly changing world, students should learn a wide variety of subjects in order to become flexible while others claim that student should concentrate on specific subjects which are relevant to their career in the future. My essay will shed light on both sides of this issue.

First of all, It is clear that learning a great number of subjects has positive effects on students' future.To maximize their economic edge, Employers show a tendency to recruit candidates who may do various works. Therefore, graduates who accumulate experience and skills from many subjects can attract the eye of recruiters rather than those specializing in some subjects. For example, In Viet Nam, A bank clerk is required to have knowledge about lots of fields, ranging from finance, accounting to management. However , being forced to study too much, students may lose their interest in learning and hardy discover what they truly want in their life.By contrast, no sooner have they focused on specific subjects than they can come up with revolutionary ideas to change the world, like the case of Thomas Edison.

Another reason in favor of the former idea is that by studing a high complexity of subjects, students will receive a comprehensive education.Not only do they learn academic subjects like Mathematics,English but also study arts,music. Nevertheless, it is undeniable that if univerities encourage learners to bury themselves in different areas of knowledge, they have inadequate time to take part in physical activities which are conducive to their health improvement. That's why the sedentary life is more prevailing.Equally important, with know-how being gained from specific subjects, graduates tend to become productive working people and are likely to find out solutions to tricky problems rapidly.

In conclusion, there are pros and cons in encouraging students to learn a full range of subjects. I strongly believe that for sake of a bright career prospect, learners should divert their attention to specific areas of knowledge which are relavant to their future jobs
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