Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by SilverKnight
Name: Winston Mark Bribach
Joined: Nov 2, 2013
Last Post: Jan 1, 2014
Threads: 15
Posts: 55  
Likes: 4
From: United States of America
School: William J. Brennan High School

Displayed posts: 70 / page 2 of 2
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
SilverKnight   
Dec 21, 2013
Undergraduate / Why Northwestern? Essay: Economics Program/Broad Choices/Values/Chicago [4]

Welcome to any kind of criticism. That includes positive, negative, and even thoroughly ripping it apart.

There are many things about Northwestern and the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences that make it a very attractive place to be. In the first place, there is my desired major-economics. The undergraduate program at Northwestern has an excellent reputation and that's what initially drew me to the university. I believe that an education of this caliber in economics will be challenging, intriguing, and eye opening. In other words, it would force me to push past my previously set academic limits. As an additional perk, it will set me on the right path to accomplishing one of my future goals, which is to get an MBA. Also, I have yet to come across another midsized university with such an excellent mixture of broad study choices and top-notch programs. Even though I know what field I would like to study, the numerous course options would allow me to study the other things I'm interested in, like fiction writing or screenwriting. On top of that, I read the "A Weinberg Education" page and especially liked the point about a commitment to social justice and equity. Nowhere else in my college search have I seen a statement like that and it really caught my eye. Lastly, there is the location; right outside of Chicago, one of the premier cities in the U.S. For me, that is the proverbial icing on the cake.
SilverKnight   
Nov 26, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Abundance / Scarcity' - UC Application Essay #1: "Two Worlds" [6]

Also, concerning my writing. I rarely make REAL grammatical errors and my evidence is an endless amount of compliments from my English teachers, a 5 on the English Language and Comp. AP Test, and a State Award of Merit for a short story I wrote.
SilverKnight   
Nov 26, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Abundance / Scarcity' - UC Application Essay #1: "Two Worlds" [6]

I have to disagree that the country is at an economic peak because we are nowhere near "full employment" and the 2008 Economic downturn has been titled "The Great Recession" for a reason. Also, how can you possibly know what my family's situation was like? Come talk to me when you get eviction notices on a monthly basis and when you have to go whole days without eating. I understand the fact that there are some issues concerning details near the end of the essay, but that's no reason for you to make assumptions about my family. It seems like you need a lesson in the art of criticism and ripping apart a paper. Making assumptions and expressing biases is not the way to do it. Also, I noticed you said grammatical errors. I would love to know what they are.

Thanks for nothing.
SilverKnight   
Nov 26, 2013
Graduate / Type V Personality Essay - Villanova - MS Finance [3]

Instead of headings, what you can do is make a thesis statement with three points at the end of your introductory paragraph and then use those three points as the topic sentence of your body paragraphs. That would tie your essay together and allow it to flow better. Other than that, you have a few grammatical errors.

"channelizeit'sits strengths to achieve the goal."

"I have always liked working with people in teams, probably because a team worksetting gives me a platform to understand people, their likes and dislikes, and what makes them tick."

"However, onethe time when I learntlearned the most was during my studies to get a Post Graduate Diploma in Management (PGDM)."

There are a few more of these errors, but the main thing you need to change is tying the essay together with a solid thesis and topic sentences.

I hope I was of assistance.
SilverKnight   
Nov 26, 2013
Scholarship / 'accused of a petty crime' - SCHOLARSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS & ME! [3]

Okay, your idea is alright, but you have some errors. The main one is the lack of personal writing; you need to add more of your thoughts because this essay is primarily about YOU not the Bill of Rights. That's only the mode through which you are supposed to express yourself.

Also:
"ForDuring the time it was written,for it I'm sure citizens breathed a sigh of relief thatbecause their opinions and personal lives were protected by the law ."

It sounds better this way.
SilverKnight   
Nov 26, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Abundance / Scarcity' - UC Application Essay #1: "Two Worlds" [6]

Topic: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I'm open to any kind of criticism or suggestion.

In my relatively short life, I have lived in two entirely different worlds. One filled with abundance, comfort, and ease; the other filled with scarcity, sacrifice, and struggle. It would be easy to say that one of the two had a greater impact on me, but both have had an equal share in molding who I am and who I want to be.

In my early years, I can't remember a time in which I couldn't get just about anything I wanted. My family had quite a large amount of money and that allowed me to have a lot of freedom to pursue the things I was interested in. On top of that, my parents have always been very supportive of my brothers and I. So when I became interested in playing baseball, there was nothing to hold me back.

It was during this time that I got my first glimpse of what it took to become successful. My first few days as a baseball player were not filled with the sparkling successes I had imagined for myself. Some of my teammates even told me that I should stop wasting my time and do something more worthwhile with my time. That was all I needed to get me going; I knew I loved playing baseball and I just had to prove them wrong. My dad and I went to our nearby field, where we would work for hours on improving my abilities. Progress came along very slowly at first, but eventually I blossomed into a pretty good ballplayer. In the process, I began to grasp ahold of something that would become the foundation of numerous successes-determination and sweat.

Aside from that, there was a downside to prosperity. Since we could get just about anything we wanted, my family wasn't as tightly knit as it should have been. My parents would watch TV in one room, my brothers would be scattered in different rooms playing on computers, and I would be in one of those places. In extreme cases, not a word would be spoken for over an hour. Looking back, that's something I don't miss at all.

Then about five or six years ago, our entire world was turned upside down. We had a lot of money invested in the stock market and when the economy faltered, the family fortune was no more. At this point in my life, two very important things happened to me. I finally got an idea of what I wanted to be, and I realized that having or not having money was a non-factor where success and failure were concerned. When the recent economic downturn started, my dad started watching more stock market-related news to get an idea of what was going on. I took notice of the fact that there was something wrong with the people responsible for the country's finances. As a result, I decided that I wanted to go into the field of economics and business and make sure that the economy would not fail again. Idealistic? Yes, but who knows?

Also, I noticed a major change in my family. Instead of falling apart over the new hand we had been dealt, we became more united. Together, we made sacrifice after sacrifice without complaint because we loved each other, and we had to do whatever it took to make things work.

All in all, I can't say that there is any one thing about either of the worlds that has had a greater impact on me than the others. However, I'm certain my time in these worlds has put me on the path to success and I can't see any reason why I should leave it.
SilverKnight   
Nov 26, 2013
Undergraduate / LEARN AND GROW AS AN ARTIST; School of Visual Arts- Statement of Intent [2]

I have to say that you did a really good job here; you put a lot of your emotions and heart into this essay. There's only one thing I could spot that might be an issue: "I was sold for life" This seems a little fuzzy. Perhaps you could word that differently.
SilverKnight   
Nov 25, 2013
Undergraduate / 'A country with economical discrepancy' - UC PERSONAL STATEMENT 1 [3]

I would like to say that this is well written. However, there is one minor problem. At certain points you need to add a little more "show" writing in place of your "tell" writing. Doing so allow the reader to get a clearer picture of what you saw and experienced.

Of course, this is just a suggestion about a minor issue and you are absolutely welcome to disregard anything I have just said.
SilverKnight   
Nov 25, 2013
Undergraduate / 'non-challenging classes' - UT Applications Essay C:My Interests-Ambitions [NEW]

I'm open to any form of criticism.

One of the things that I possess is the capacity to dream big. As a kid that helped me come up with some interesting things for my brothers and I to do. Later on, it fueled me with the necessary motivation for me to work hard and improve myself. Along the way, I became interested in a number of things that I'm certain have placed on the road that will lead to the realization of my dreams.

Chief among my interests is baseball. For many years now, it has been my primary extracurricular pursuit. It's enabled me to become more well-rounded individual; not someone who just sits around all day with his eyes glued to a book or some sort of screen. Also, it has taught me many valuable lessons. The most important of these lessons is having the proper mindset. I have gone up to the plate believing that I was too good for the pitcher to get me out, and I have gone up to the plate believing that I couldn't get a hit no matter what I did. Needless to say, both instances didn't turn out well for me. Eventually, I realized that I was walking on a kind of tight rope. If I allowed myself to become overconfident, then I would fail. If I allowed myself to become overly negative, then that, too, would lead to failure. To be consistently successful, I had to find the proper mix between confidence, humility, relaxation, and aggressiveness. When I finally got it, my play skyrocketed. Not because I had become more talented, but because I had a greater understanding of how to control my mentality. On top of that, I also learned the importance of challenging myself to push my limits.

As a result, I was able to bring those same principles into the classroom. At the end of eighth grade, when all of us were signing up for our freshman year courses, a few of my friends tried to convince me to do what they were doing and take some "blow-off" classes. It didn't take very long for me to tell them that I wasn't going to be a partner in their laziness. There was nothing appealing about taking easy, non-challenging classes. They had nothing to offer in the way of personal growth and real preparation for college. That's one of the reasons why I have decided to take any Honors, Pre-AP, or AP classes that my high school offered. Through them, I was able to replace some of my bad habits with some good habits that will help me succeed when I get to college.

Aside from these experiences, high school has allowed me to figure out a lot of things about myself and who I want to be. After flip-flopping through different professions, I finally came to a decision about which career paths I would like to pursue-business and writing. I've always been good in the numbers and words department, and it seems like a career in business would be the perfect fit for me. On top of that, writing has long been an interest of mine. During my junior year, I entered a short story into the PTA Reflections Literature contest and I won the school competition, district competition, and a State Award of Merit. Thanks to that, I now believe that, with some polish, I could eventually become a successful professional writer.

As of right now, I feel that I'm heading in the right direction. My confidence is very high and I'm sure that I will experience a great amount of progress in the near future.
SilverKnight   
Nov 25, 2013
Undergraduate / UT Application A: Summer School/Different Backgrounds [NEW]

Essay A: Sorry, it's a bit long. I'm open to any kind of suggestion or criticism. You can even tear it apart if you feel you have to.

After a few short years of prosperity, my family was hit pretty hard by the recent economic downturn. At first, it was difficult to make the adjustment from having a lot to scrimping and saving so the bills would be paid. However, we eventually got used to the scarcity and none of us were wallowing in self-pity; there were much more important things to do.

It was during this time that I began to develop athletically. My baseball skills were really starting to improve, and I wanted to do more than just play against the local competition. That's when we found out about the Columbia Angels, a baseball club based just outside of Houston that had an excellent record of getting players recruited to colleges, were holding tryouts for their pre-Freshman team. They had the cheapest fees, but even that would be a major strain on the already miniscule family resources. Still, my dad decided to go through with it and making good on his faith in me, I made the team.

Before all this happened, I gained a healthy disrespect for rich kids. The ones I knew at school were nothing more than immature goof-offs who somehow found great enjoyment in wasting their time on unimportant things. That really annoyed me, and I had to show them that I was far superior to them. I outdid them in the classroom and outdid them athletically, but that did very little to improve my social standing. They must have found it distasteful that an outsider could do better than the ones they deemed to be in good-standing.

My dad's work schedule was in conflict with the team's schedule, so that left only a small window of opportunity for him to drop me off at a cheap hotel near the area of the tournament. We would leave Cedar Park (Suburb of Austin) late at night and get to the hotel around two or three o'clock in the morning. I'll have to admit that it was a pretty interesting experience riding in the passenger seat, while my dad was driving down a poorly lit county road in the dark of night and screaming at the top of his lungs to stay awake. Once we arrived I hopped out of the car, got my equipment, and went to the room. My dad could only stay long enough to check if I had everything because he had to get to work early in the morning.

Usually, the nights at those hotel rooms were spent without sleep, as I did not want to miss a game due to oversleeping. In the mornings, I took a shower to refresh myself before beginning my walk to the field. Depending on the distance, my walk took as little as thirty minutes or as much as two hours, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from playing.

During the first game, I didn't play much, but I learned something about my teammates. All of them came over comfortably in their air-conditioned vehicles and some came from very comfortable living arrangements. In other words, they were rich kids. "Oh great, here we go again," I thought to myself. Still, I wanted to know more about them.

I talked with a few of them about where they were from and what schools they were going to. The story I gave them included living just outside of Austin, playing baseball for many local teams, and even walking to the field. However, I did not tell them about the hardships my family faced or the sleepless nights. That would have given me a charity case image; something I absolutely hated.

As the summer season progressed, I found that these rich kids were not the same kind I was used to dealing with back home. Oh sure, they had it good and I had a pretty rough deal, but somehow that didn't matter anymore. They wanted to play baseball; I wanted to play baseball so it worked out pretty well. We ended up winning many games and finished in second place at the national tournament in Joplin, Missouri.

On top of that, I was pleasantly surprised by my teammates. They didn't exclude anyone or create an insiders' group, and they were quite friendly. Slowly, I removed the protective shell that I built to avoid making friendships and began to really be myself. This may sound a little funny, but I realized for the first time that making friends didn't hurt my ability to focus on the game. I also learned that a person's economic background did not determine the content of their character.

Looking back, this was one of the first times I had really decided to look past a person's economic background to find out who they really were. It took me a while to find out that what I was doing was almost as superficial as the people I had been dealing with at school. Sometime during that summer of baseball, the real me emerged and since then, I've never let what a person had cloud my judgment of who they were.
SilverKnight   
Nov 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / Is Advertising Changing our Idea of Sex? [2]

Honestly, I can't find much wrong with this. However, I do have a suggestion.

"In the following essay the role of sex and gender in advertising will be analyzed." From what I've seen, this is not the best way to start your thesis statement(s). You can say that you are going to analyze sex and gender in advertizing, but I don't think the readers need a reminder that this is an essay.
SilverKnight   
Nov 24, 2013
Undergraduate / UC #2: Learning About Limitations [7]

I rewrote a lot of it and tried to implant "show" writing where there had been "tell" writing. I would greatly appreciate some more suggestions and criticism.

That first night after I found out that we no longer had any money was especially rough. I went to my usual spot on the floor, laid down, and pulled the blanket over me like I would on any other night. However, I was too worried to fall asleep. Numerous negative possibilities rolled through my mind. Was the rent going to be paid? How were we going to eat? Would I have to quit playing baseball? For the first time in my life, I felt the disheartening pangs of uncertainty.

During the following months, we walked on a financial tight rope and more than once, it seemed like we would fall off. However, through one form or another, my parents always managed to scrape together enough money to pay the necessary expenses. Unfortunately, that meant my brothers and I had to cut way back on food consumption. On some days, we went entirely without eating. In short, times were tough, but we got through them.

Eventually, I began to take notice of something. Not having money didn't stop me from swinging a bat or throwing a baseball when I wanted to and it didn't make me any less of a student. It didn't matter how bleak the situation looked, my grades never suffered; neither did my athletic performance. In fact, not having money pushed me to do better, as I no longer had a reason to become complacent. It also awoke in me a strong desire to succeed, and I told myself that I had no choice but to work hard and improve my abilities. The first thing I did was cut down on my time-wasting, so I could do more studying. Also, I started spending more time on the baseball field. Surely enough, the improvements kept on coming and as a result, I learned a valuable lesson. There was never a good enough reason to give anything less than my best effort.

Thanks to this newly discovered information, I was able to set my mind at ease. I refused to take the easy way out and give in to the negativity that surrounded me. Sure it was still tough and we had to make sacrifices, but I no longer saw those sacrifices as roadblocks. They became the fuel that drives me to push my limits and they became the proof that there was nothing I couldn't accomplish.
SilverKnight   
Nov 23, 2013
Undergraduate / UC Personal Statement: Struggles as a first generation learner [5]

As far as I can tell, the content of your essay is pretty good. However, there are some grammatical errors.
For instance:

"out of my parents reach." Parents should be parent's.

"I received thean education that was much greater than the education my parents had received when they lived under the poverty line in rural towns in Mexico."

"coutry side." should be "countryside" Also, I'm not sure if "urban areas of the countryside" makes any sense.

The rest seem to be commas and minor punctuation errors.

I hope I was of assistance.
SilverKnight   
Nov 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'Babasaheb Ambedkar'; hich one person in the history would you like to meet? [6]

For the most part this answers the prompt. However, you might want to add a little bit more as to why you want to meet Dr. Ambedkar because this essay should primarily be about YOU. Also, there are quite a few grammatical errors. For instance:

"He was one of the most brilliant philosopher, anthropologist, historian and economist in Indian History." should be "He was one of the most brilliant philosophers, anthropologists, historians, and economists in Indian history."

"in United States" should be "in the United States"

"He also helped them getting education." should be "He also helped them to become more educated."

"So I as representative of all people, would also like to thank him for his guidance and idol and would personally try the application of his thoughts for the betterment of myself and my country." should be "So I, as a representative of all people, would also like to thank him for his guidance and the example of his wisdom, which I will personally apply to the betterment of myself and my country."

There are a couple more errors, but these are the main ones.

I hope that I was of some help to you.
SilverKnight   
Nov 23, 2013
Undergraduate / 150 word EC: Yemen in MUN, Bravo delegate [3]

To be perfectly honest, your short answer seemed completely unremarkable and undistinguishable. The schools that you're applying to will see hundreds of short answers like these and I'm sure you want to distinguish yourself from the rest of the applicant pool. To do that you're going to have make it more personal and you need to find a way to add that "spark" or "fire" to your words. That's what Duke, Stanford, and Harvard are looking for.

By the way, you can reuse it for all three.

Oh, I would also suggest staying away from the "Imagine this..." or "Imagine that..." beginning. Not only is it somewhat cliched, it usually leads to a subpar piece of writing.
SilverKnight   
Nov 23, 2013
Undergraduate / UC #2: Learning About Limitations [7]

I am writing this for the UC Application; It is only a rough draft and I would appreciate any suggestions or criticism.

When I first found out that the money was gone, I began to get worried. Numerous negative outcomes rolled through my mind. How were we going to eat? Was the rent going to be paid? Could I still play baseball? Sometimes, thinking about the situation kept me awake at night. I would just lie there, cursing the hand I had been dealt.

Over the next couple of months, we were walking on a financial tight rope and more than once, it seemed like we would fall off. However, through one form or another, my parents always managed to scrape together enough money to pay the necessary expenses. Unfortunately, that meant my brothers and I had to cut way back on food consumption. On some days, we didn't have anything to eat. In short, times were tough, but we got through them.

Although many areas of my life were affected by the lack of money, some areas were not. I made sure that my academic and athletic pursuits would remain unharmed by the situation. It didn't matter how bad the situation got, I never allowed my grades to suffer. The same went for my performance on the baseball field. In fact, I would say that not having money caused me to do better, as I no longer had a reason to become comfortable. I began working harder to improve myself and, in the process, I learned a valuable lesson. There was never a good enough reason to give anything less than my best effort.

As a result of this newly discovered information, I was able to set my mind at ease. I refused to become a prisoner to all the negativity that surrounded me. Sure, it was still tough and we still had to make sacrifices, but that did not give me the right to limit myself. I no longer believed that financial difficulty was an obstacle, and I started looking forward with the belief that there was nothing I couldn't accomplish.
SilverKnight   
Nov 23, 2013
Essays / Thesis Statement on a History Essay [5]

It'll work. I just have one suggestion. Instead of putting the subject (women's liberation movement of the late 60s) at the end of your thesis statement, why not put at the beginning? Something like: "The women's liberation movement of the late 1960s came about as a result of..." or "The women's liberation movement of the late 1960s evolved out of..."

Of course, it's only a suggestion and if your paper flows better the way you have it, then you can completely disregard this comment.
SilverKnight   
Nov 23, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Teaching foundation' - UC UNDERGRAD APP ESSAY 1 [4]

Overall, it looks like you did a pretty good job. There are couple of grammatical errors though. "Me consternation" should be "my consternation" and instead of "then life" it should be "than life."
SilverKnight   
Nov 17, 2013
Undergraduate / Batter's box/ Writing; USC Short Answers -extracurricular/academic interests [3]

1. In a short paragraph, please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.

It doesn't matter if it's a pitcher throwing ninety miles per hour or if it's my dad throwing me batting practice, the batter's box is my favorite place to be. There's a certain joy I get out of hitting a baseball that I don't get anywhere else. It's both invigorating and refreshing and never gets old. Also, hitting is a study in emotional control. I can remember times when I became frustrated after taking a few bad swings and, because of that, my performance suffered greatly. On the other hand, there have been times when I've absolutely crushed the ball and I felt like I was the greatest hitter in the world, yet such conceit led to complacency, causing me to greatly underperform. As a result of these experiences, I now know that being able to control your emotions is an essential skill to possess in order to reach success.

2. Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections.

For a long time now my primary academic interest has been writing. In fact, it comes in second to baseball on my list of favorite activities. I find it very rewarding to know that I can use my words to create worlds and populate them with all sorts of environments and characters. Unfortunately, the kind of writing I've had to do in school consists mostly of crafting well organized essays that have to fit into certain guidelines. While that isn't necessarily terrible, I would like to spend more time working on the fictional, creative side of writing. I want to hone my skills and perfect the art of molding my words to breathe life into what would otherwise be a blank piece of paper. Now couple this with another one of my interests-movies. I guess you could say I'm a movie buff and I absolutely love great dialogue. As a result, I have found a great deal of enjoyment in working with dialogue, and I believe that with the proper training I could eventually write for the screen.

At USC, I'm really looking forward to furthering my development as a writer and hopefully getting something published. Also, I would be nuts not to consider the screenwriting program at the School of Cinematic Arts. It looks unique, challenging, and it's at Hollywood's front door. Whether it's fiction or screenwriting, I'm sure that USC can equip me with the best possible tools to succeed.
SilverKnight   
Nov 17, 2013
Letters / Letter informing Cancellation of reservation [4]

It's apparently a short and simple assignment. There's doesn't seem to be much wrong with it. The only thing I can really point out is instead of saying "I will go," you could say "I will be going."
SilverKnight   
Nov 17, 2013
Essays / Personal Statements for Kent State Honors College; start needed [5]

It seems like you wrote down all your ideas, which means that there is still a lot of work left to do. Your word count is much too short and the essay itself is in need of a lot more details. Instead of just giving a rough outline of your background and interests, you should explain why they are important to you. Remember, colleges want to find out WHO you are and the only way for them to figure that out is if you do a little explaining.
SilverKnight   
Nov 4, 2013
Undergraduate / I started clicking all the different tabs; My Stanford "Intellectual Vitality" [2]

Hello?"
"Winston?"
"Yes, Pop, what is it?"
"I need you to watch my stocks for me."
"Wait, what?"
My dad hung up, and from the way his voice sounded, it looked like he wasn't going to be home for quite some time. After taking a few seconds to gather my thoughts, I made my way towards the computer, knowing absolutely nothing about the Stock Market. I hoped that I didn't have to make any important decisions and that my dad would come home in time to bail me out if something were to go wrong.

When I clicked the mouse to wake up the computer, my dad's E-Trade was already active. For a minute or two, I just sat there trying to figure out what was happening. Then I caught hold of a simple pattern that captured my curiosity; every green was a plus and every red was a negative. After that, I started clicking all the different tabs on the screen and gradually uncovered new information about the Stock Market. Eventually, I gained a basic understanding of how it worked. However, that's where my discoveries ended that day, as my dad came home.

Even though that was a relatively small event in my life, it sparked my interest in economics. I wanted to know why things such as gas prices kept going up and down, and I wanted to find out what role the government played. Now, my questions are different, but I still want to know the answers.
SilverKnight   
Nov 2, 2013
Undergraduate / Doctor, world around me - Why Yale, short answers [3]

Your short answers are in good shape and so is most of the essay. However, there seems to be a slight haziness in the middle of your first paragraph. I think you need to focus more on how you felt about the health care situation in Egypt.
SilverKnight   
Nov 2, 2013
Undergraduate / REPUTATION/ EXCELLENT ACADEMICS/ ATHLETIC SUCCESS; "Why Stanford?" [6]

I'll admit that the first thing that attracted me to Stanford was its reputation for excellent academics and consistent athletic success. Honestly, up until I began to seriously consider applying, those were the only two things I used to evaluate colleges. However, after doing some research, I now know that Stanford is much more than a big name.

One of the first things I noticed about Stanford was its commitment to a diverse and dynamic community. That's especially interesting for me because I have only come in contact with a small variety of people, and I would love the opportunity to get a firsthand education in many of the cultures that make up our wonderful planet. Aside from the diversity, the student testimonies I read and the pictures I saw revealed a unique liveliness about the campus. Whether it was a description of a packed football stadium or an explanation of a tradition, it seemed like something exciting was always happening. (Change, make it more personal)

On top of that, there's the more obvious reason why I want to go to Stanford-the commitment to greatness. As I mentioned earlier, this is what got me interested in Stanford in the first place. It seems like every time I see the cardinal "S" or the name, Stanford, something good is connected to it.

All things considered, Stanford University is a place I would love to see myself at next fall and it's also the place could springboard me to a future unbound by limitations.

Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳