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Posts by fiftyskye
Name: Rosa Neto
Joined: Dec 29, 2013
Last Post: Jan 14, 2014
Threads: 4
Posts: 14  
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fiftyskye   
Jan 13, 2014
Undergraduate / USC SUPP - Benefit society /Geek or Nerds? [3]

These are my other two supplemental essays. I'll post 3 because I have two versions of one of them. Please, any feedback is appreciated. I'm mostly concerned if I respond to the prompt and about the grammar. Thank you in advance.

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Prompt: How do you plan to use your engineering degree to benefit society? (250 word limit)

The importance of petroleum in the society is undeniable, and since the oil industry is one of the most important sectors and main resources of wealth of my country, I want to contribute to its development.

My primary concern is to help with the sustainability of the environment. I want to find ways to drill or extract oil in an environmental friendly, more economic and ecologic way, using engineering approaches to operate oil resources and other processes associated to the subsurface, as well to recover the environment of contaminated locations. I want to adjust the environmental impact and the supply of products derived from oil, making it more affordable and secure in the future.

Because my sector is undecided and I'm open to every work possibility, I could also finish up in the manufacturing industry, on which I would be able to benefit society in the most diversified ways, transforming oil into gas, synthetic rubber, plastic, fertilizers, detergents, asphalt, and many other petrochemical derivers that are present in our everyday life.

This degree will allow me to address important environmental issues, contributing to the safety of ecosystems, the reason petroleum engineers are in high demand.

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Prompt: Some people categorize engineers as geeks or nerds. Are you a geek, nerd, or neither? Why? (250 word limit)

Version #1 : I love math. I may not be a genius, but even if I can't solve a problem, the effort is worthy. I just like to exercise my mind and while going through the steps to solve it I feel like I'm in a war that I can bring peace to.

Moving on, if loving math or majoring in engineering is being a geek, then I am proudly one. If it is being a nerd instead, nothing changes. "Geek, nerd" are just titles. In practice they don't describe who I am. I'm just someone who likes to delve in complex numbers and spend the time needed to resolve a difficult problem just to get the feeling of accomplishment in the end.

While I'm not into stereotypes, there's a funny side of them that I embrace. I found that nerds and geeks are similar concerning academic interests, but the divergent point lands in their social life. If I were to describe me as one, it would be geek because I am social, and my academic activities don't ever interfere in my social life. I am very good in managing the time I put into my activities.

The fact is that it doesn't matter how people label me as long as I stay true to myself. The stereotypes don't matter to me, but engaging on things I enjoy doing until I become an expert certainly does. If I'm going to do something, I better do it right.

Version #2: "She's a nerd", one of my ESL classmates told the other when I told him that I had finished my work way in advance. Although that didn't affect me, I was really intrigued because it was something that had never happened to me. When I got home that day, I looked for the true meaning of "nerd", and "geek" also showed up being compared. The major difference that I found between both was that nerds lack social life. On the other hand, geeks are considered to be intellectual but still be socially active.

I realized these words were more stereotypical than I thought and sometimes misused. The concrete prove was that my classmate assumed right away that I didn't have a social life, what couldn't be more false. I just rather have my work organized in advance to avoid last minute stress. Therefore, I would consider myself a geek because I can conciliate my academic work with other activities that I enjoy, including hanging with friends, very well.

At the end of the day, I thought that my hard work could have been intimidating to him and he used those words as defense. That is what most people do. "Geek, nerd" are just titles that in practice don't describe who I am. If my engineering major or being an expert about my interests will make people label me as a nerd or geek, it doesn't matter to me as long as I stay true to myself.

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I welcome honest and critical feedback. Don't worry about telling the harsh true. I also welcome any suggestions. Thank you again.
fiftyskye   
Jan 9, 2014
Undergraduate / Have been taking an ESL course - GAP ESSAY [7]

Oh yeah "As of now" sounds better. Thank you a lot Tony. You were very helpful. I think that my essay is ready to go!

Where are you from by the way ?

If you could take a look at my other essays just to say if you like it or not, it would be great!

Thank you :)
fiftyskye   
Jan 9, 2014
Undergraduate / Have been taking an ESL course - GAP ESSAY [7]

tonyyy

"contractions are frowned upon" ««« Can you give me an example?

Oh! I just realized that . It is not group dynamics but dynaminc groups. My bad. I also like dynamic groups activities.

Finally should I mention the activities in the end of the essay or it would too much ?

Glad to know it flows and you like it. I read it out loud myself and also enjoyed it.

Thank you a lot.
fiftyskye   
Jan 8, 2014
Undergraduate / Have been taking an ESL course - GAP ESSAY [7]

Tony thank you very much for your help. I'm actually pleased that you related to my essay and created an account just for the purpose of helping me. I enjoyed your critics. They are always welcome as hard as they may be. I will for sure use some of your suggestions!

Some points I want to clarify are:

- I was a swimming athlete , so I didn't start practicing it only in the period of wait. This is what I came up with: "While I anxiously waited for the results after the end of the process, I kept practicing swimming and took driving lessons." Maybe you can rework on this part to help me.

Note that I use "process" because besides tests, I had interviews and medical exams. I did a few modifications so far. I would be great if you criticized on it again.

Also, why is "they" instead of "I" acknowledged ? I mean "when I got to know/ when the results came out and I saw my name on the list."

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Again, thank you for your suggestions. Since you know what I'm talking about, it is a lot easier. Also, I like your style; don't worry about it! I really use a lot of gerunds(laughs). But it is great to know that I'm not that bad in grammar.I just have to work more on advanced vocabulary. I'll be waiting for your response. Thank you.
fiftyskye   
Jan 7, 2014
Undergraduate / Have been taking an ESL course - GAP ESSAY [7]

Please, help me with grammar errors and flow. Anything else is appreciated. Thank you in advance!

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I graduated from high school on December, 2012. Since then, I was going through a process of tests to acquire a scholarship, which ended approximately in February. It consisted on tests of aptitude and knowledge, group dynamics, interviews and medical exams. That is why it took so long. After the period of tests finished and I was waiting for the results, I was only practicing swimming and having driving lessons. Then, when I acknowledged that I got the scholarship I had to prepare all the documents needed to get my I-20 and Visa. It was a very long and exhausting process.

Since I arrived in the U.S on August of 2013, I have been taking an ESL course in the University of Colorado at Boulder. I am expected to finish it on February; however, I may have to extend it while waiting for a response of the universities I'm applying for. It depends on how fast I will receive the decisions and on my management services. I'm also considering taking academic courses such as Mathematics and Physics to make sure my math and science skills don't go done. Meanwhile, I'm focusing on the ESL program and taking advantage of the time to do activities that I enjoy.
fiftyskye   
Jan 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl: The characteristic of best friend that you prefer the most. [4]

Sometime when you lose your confidentdence , he/she will come to encourage you to go forwardly with determination.

Furthermore, when you have to do something more necessary, you will usually trust on him/her to take an important role in your task. These are only littlethe advantageous few of the parts thatbenefits you will gain from thisa credible friend.

Who will be able to deny the importanttance of a reliable person and try to choose this person to be you best friend? This sentence is ackward . Try to rephrase . I don't clearly get what you mean.
fiftyskye   
Jan 4, 2014
Undergraduate / I was born in the Dominican Republic; Boston University -- General Studies [3]

Honestly, you don't answer neither of the questions of the prompt. WHAT does BU offer that you would take advantage of? And evidently , you didn't answer what led you to choose BU. If you haven't yet, do a little research about BU, in the university's site and write about aspects that you liked. Usually that is what admission officers want to see with this question: if students researched and are really interested in the school.

Any help with mines would be awesome.

Good luck :)
fiftyskye   
Jan 4, 2014
Undergraduate / The summer of 2012 a fire lit inside me- Why did you apply for UW Madison.... [2]

I entered my freshman semesters' ( apostrophe not needed here ) of college

If you * were to look at my senior semesters grades you would think my admission is a stretch..

*I never suggest using "you" on admission essays. Choose "one" or "I".

I am a stronger applicant now than I was previously was .

Good luck :)
fiftyskye   
Jan 1, 2014
Undergraduate / MIT short essays. Attribute of personality, my world, significant challenge. [4]

Ok, so a leadership.
No, because in the early years of education, effective cooperation used to be challenging for me.

When I have became a leader of my theatre group I used to dictate them all decisions. Only after many unnecessary mistakes, I realized, how important part of the success is respect for subordinates and teamwork. Is respect important for the subordinates? No, for you. So I suggest : how respect for subordinates and teamork are such important forwardes to success.

Then I was stopping seeing I don't get it any person, that seemed to be sad, or scared. And I started to learn how to support them - very clumsy at first, sometimes embarrasing them more than helping; but with time I got better.

I hope I was useful and again, these are only suggestions.

Good luck :)
fiftyskye   
Jan 1, 2014
Undergraduate / FILM MAKING; Academic interests- USC (Film/TV Production) [4]

Though I've spent the last three years trying to use my creative ability to it's its fullest potential...

-The full potencial of your creative ability.

Other than that, your essay looks great. Please help me with mine.
fiftyskye   
Dec 30, 2013
Undergraduate / CU Boulder Supplement- "International Bufallete" [2]

Hi! Any opinion and help regarding gramatic, word choice and idea is appreciated! Thank you in advance.

Prompt: How do you think you could enrich CU Boulder's diverse and inclusive community and what do you hope for your college experience?

It is the diversity and the inclusive community of CU Boulder, among other aspects, that makes me believe it is the right fit for me. I fell in love with everything about this campus(and city) once I landed here: its quirkiness, structure, sitting, green environment(I love the mountains!), RTD system, and I never thought I would like to eat food from a cafeteria, but I miss C4C every time it closes due to holidays. [..]
fiftyskye   
Dec 29, 2013
Undergraduate / ' I'm a practical student' My way into Engineering - USC - academic interests [2]

Prompt: Describe your academic interests and hw you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first and second-choice major selections.

In my country the major decision is crucial when you are going to high school because of the specific and already directed courses. It wasn't hard to choose what path I'd follow because I'm a practical student. I like Sciences in general. But although I knew I wanted to pursue an engineering related major since 10th grade, I was much undecided on what specific field through my high school years. Luckily enough, it didn't take me too long to decide once year 12 came: Chemistry engineering was what I wanted! That year I gained more interest in Chemistry because I was introduced to Organic Chemistry. Since I'm curious and dynamic, the versatility of this degree concerning work options afterwards made me love it even more. I'd certainly like to experience everything this degree has to offer. The fact that I love Geology also helped a lot in the final major decision.

Because of its Chemical engineering programs with different areas of focus, Viterbi School of Engineering grabbed my attention. The focus in petroleum won me since I've thought of doing this specialty after my BA. In addition, at USC, I have many options to minor in such as Environmental Engineering, Songwriting, Religion, which also interest me. On top of that, there is the opportunity to do research as soon as freshmen year.

- DO you think it responds the promp? Grammar and word choice edits are much appreiated! Thank you.
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