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Posts by Atakeielts
Name: Anqi Liu
Joined: Feb 16, 2014
Last Post: Mar 3, 2014
Threads: 5
Posts: 13  

From: Australia
School: JFKS

Displayed posts: 18
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Atakeielts   
Mar 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS; TV programmes are transmitted throughout the day and night [4]

In some countries,TV programmes are transmitted throughout the day and night. Some people think that TV transmission is a positive development, while others it is negative.What is your opinion?

Whether the prevalence of television is more of a positive or negative development has been one of the most controversial topics that are discussed in day-to-day conversations, especially in recent years. I agree that TV is rather a negative development even though there are some obvious advantages associated with it.

There is no denying to the fact that watching television can be beneficial both to work and entertainment. Comprehensive knowledge can be gained from watching various programs without paying for any courses, such as business knowledge from BBC news and outdoor knowledge from documentaries, which can be useful if applied to work. For its entertainment function, TV is not only a nice way to relax, but also a good alternative to enlighten one's mood. By watching comedies, one can put worries aside for the moment, which can further benefit one's health in the long-term.

However, there are far more harmful effects that greatly exceed its benefits. It encourages passive thinking by allowing audience to do nothing but watch the planned plots. The more television that are watched by them, the less people are willing to think voluntarily. This could be detriment to creative thinking and, even worse, logical thinking abilities. Also, people could be addicted to watching television, especially to dramas, the plots of which are all tightly connected. this can exert even more profound effect on their work if they sacrifice their assignment for a few more episodes of TV series.

To conclude, it appears to me that despite some possible benefits TV may offer, the detriments of such invention have far outweighed its benefits.
Atakeielts   
Feb 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / A paragraph for IELTS: benefits of mobile phones [4]

Mobile phones have brought many benefits to today's society. The call-answering function and texting function allow people to be contacted easily wherever they are, which has essentially revolutionized the way people communicate with their friends and business partners. New generations often use phones to take pictures ,sparing the effort of carrying cameras around. Mobile phones can sometimes offer users protection by dialing emergency numbers in case needed. With variety of functions in Smartphones , such as music and internet, mobile phones have become one of the most prevalent fashions accessories, by owning which indicates ones taste and even social status.
Atakeielts   
Feb 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last 20 years. [12]

There will always be someone to [...] these days as they are busy working.

interesting logic :) but the explanation is not really detailed enough. for e.g.

Government becomes the one that is blamed by many groups of people when there are problems in some sectors including economy and politic.

in what problems? what do you mean by politic problems ?
Atakeielts   
Feb 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, food travels thousands of miles from the farm to the consumer. --ielts [8]

thanks for commenting:)

If you think it generates only negative effects to people, you shouldn't talk about the other side of the issue.

i'm a bit confused here. i thought it would be better answering the question if both sides are mentioned. when should we write about both sides and when should we only consider one side then?
Atakeielts   
Feb 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, food travels thousands of miles from the farm to the consumer. --ielts [8]

Nowadays, food travels thousands of miles from the farm to the consumer. Is it a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, as the modern civilization takes place, a model of supplying directly from the farm to supermarkets in the cities has formed. To my view, despite the benefits it offers to people, it is still largely a negative development.

It is true that there are many advantages brought to city people by this development. People are presented with more diversified choices constituted by food from all over the world. Take cherries as an example, people do not have to travel thousands of miles to enjoy those in the farm. Thus the benefit of convenience can be enjoyed. Also, as the environment in metropolitans is greatly polluted, people, by doing so, are still able to enjoy pollution-free vegetables. This prevents pollution to exert further effects into people's diet.

However, there are tradeoffs to these benefits. First, with thousands of miles of travelling, fruits and vegetables can hardly be kept fresh without chemical additives which could cause serious harm to human body. Even worse, in order to prevent vegetables from corruption, some farmers crop them days before maturation, causing a large proportion of nutrition to be lost.

Second, increased use of transportation means could worsen the existing environmental problems. More specifically, fuel that cars and airplanes use contributes greatly towards Global Warming by releasing carbon dioxide into the air every time it is burned. Eventually, in the long-term, there would be no pollution free site even in the countryside.

To conclude, although supplying food directly from farm exerts some obvious benefits especially to city people, these benefits, in the long term, does not seem to justify its costs and threats it brings.
Atakeielts   
Feb 18, 2014
Undergraduate / My name is Aminu but people call me yakasai [8]

because I want to become a lawyer.

should be wanted

My interest in becoming a lawyer is because lawyers help maintain law and order in the society and I also want to become a lawyer because lawyers help to defend people taken to court and sometimes the poor people do not have enough money for bail.

i think it would be better if this follows the 'your interest ' sentence directly.
Atakeielts   
Feb 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. -- ielts [7]

Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages?

Along with the search of more comprehensive techniques to deal with the problems that might occur in the world, credit card is invented as a quick and easy way to pay the bills. With the simple steps for one to be granted, an increasing number of people are now using it. While it has some obvious advantages, the potential problems it yield should not be neglected as well. Overall, in my opinion, the benefits of such method still outweigh its drawbacks.

First of all, one of the primary functions of credit card is to provide a convenient alterative to make payments whenever is needed. This way, people are able to withdraw a great amount of money without carrying much cash around. Take purchasing cars as an example, people do not want using a suitcase carrying hundreds of thousands of dollars to make the purchase. Latest technologies even link the cards to one's phone, making it possible to pay just by one click. This way, online shopping is made possible by the use of credit cards, yielding even more convenience for users.

Second, credit card is safe comparing to using cash. It provides protection against street crimes such as theft and robbery by password protection and tracking measures. Although criminals are coming up with increasing credit card crimes, it is still not as easy as cash ones. Comprehensive planning and a team is usually needed for the process from obtaining password through to getting the card, which prevent it from becoming popular.

However, using credit cards encourages risk-taking in some way since it allows overdrafts to be made. Also the zero-interest for saving policy discourage people from saving first then spending, which is detriment to personal financial management. Thus some people who lost control and spend an amount that well exceed their repay abilities might affect the whole economic system.

To conclude, there are many advantages of credit card including its value of convenience and safety. Despite the potential problems it causes for individuals and society, the prevalence of this in recent years has proved its usefulness to people. With more measures to solve the problems, the payment method is becoming increasingly comprehensive.
Atakeielts   
Feb 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Should tax be paid ? Advantages and Disadvantages [9]

Financial resources in Indonesia gets from tax
think should replace 'get' by 'are'

I belive there are some good aims about from this policy.
grammar mistake in there probably i think ....

:)
Atakeielts   
Feb 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / I was a rebel I was a trouble maker; Epiphany in My Life [6]

For example if I am in the field of marketing and someone that doesn't have as much of education as I do there is a better chance that the one that has education will convince the customer because that educated person has more knowledge ,therefore has everything to convince the customer.

i don't think this is really precise though, is knowledge everything that one needs to convince customer?

good essay :)
Atakeielts   
Feb 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Some employers are giving increased importance to social skills --ielts [10]

sorry forgot about the fact that i couldnt put the complete question in the thread title

the question is: Some employers are giving increased importance to social skills in addition to good qualifications. Do you agree or disagree that social skills are as important as good qualifications for success in jobs?
Atakeielts   
Feb 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / Some employers are giving increased importance to social skills --ielts [10]

As workplaces becoming increasingly competitive nowadays, a greater proportion of the new recruits assessment centre is given to assessments for social skills in addition to good qualifications. To my view, I am convinced that interpersonal skills are equally important as good qualifications.

Workplace is distinctly different from school which success is measured by qualifications. With the self-learning environment at school, students are used to work alone in order to adsorb knowledge more thoroughly. But it is clearly not the case at work where teamwork is required for large project that are nearly impossible to be done by individuals. Despite these projects, cooperation is often needed in daily works as well. Take a merchandise company as an example, accounting department need to get sales data from marketing department in which inter-departmental communication is needed.

It is an undeniable fact that people with good qualifications can themselves achieve high efficiency at workplace. However, if they fail to maintain a harmonious relationship with co-workers as a result of poor interpersonal skills, it is unlikely that the highest workplace effectiveness could be achieved. Only when everyone in the firm is working in the same direction can the highest effectiveness be achieved. Therefore it is important for an employee to have the basic abilities of maintaining friendly relationships with supervisors and colleagues.

To conclude, in addition to having good qualification, it is also important that recruit have mastered necessary social skills in order to succeed in workplace. Ultimately, everyone in the company is working toward the same goal: benefit for the firm as a whole, which requires not only individual abilities, but also cooperation to achieve.
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