Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: the positive and negative effects of the increase in the elders [2]

The number of elderly people in the world is increasing. What do you think are the positive and negative effects of this trend?

Nowadays, there is an increase in the number of the elders in many countries, which leads to both positive and negative impacts on society.

On one hand, this trend can benefit society. The older people, undoubtedly, are more experienced and exceptional in certain areas than the younger generations, and so the society can benefit from them. For example, health practitioners who are aged 65 or more are more likely highly-skilled than the younger doctors and nurses. This is because they have studied more cases as their age increased, which means they not only know how to use conventional therapies but also know how to treat some unusual diseases with alternative therapies. As a result, patients can have better treatment from these older health practitioners.

On the other hand, the growing number of the elders has a negative effect on a country's economy. To explain this, most of the elderly do not work because they have already retired, and the government consequently needs to pay their pensions, which is increasing because of the rise in the number of the older people. That is to say, the country may suffer from a financial loss as a result of this rising spending on pensions. Furthermore, governments also need to spend more on the welfare for the elders, such as health care, nurseries, and free screening examinations, and this, as a consequence, also accounts for a considerable proportion of financial budget.

In conclusion, despite the sufficient experience and excellent skills, the elderly people may require an enormous amount of money from the government to be spent on their pensions and welfare as the number of them is growing.

Writing Feedback / Advantages outweigh the disadvantages to starting foreign language early [3]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

People have different views about the beginning time of foreign language courses for children. While there are some disadvantages of starting to learn a new language at elementary school, I personally believe that it is a better choice for children to learn new languages as early as possible.

Admittedly, the most noticeable disadvantage is that students at primary school lack self-motivation when they are studying foreign languages. This is because children have less self-consciousness than adolescents, and so they are not able to study in a planned way like students at secondary school do. However, to my point of view, starting to learn foreign languages at primary school have more benefits than drawbacks.

Firstly, children are more likely to learn a new language than teenagers. It is undoubted that the younger the students are, the fresher brains they have. That is to say, students at primary school can acquire new knowledge faster than those at secondary school. As a consequence, children can more easily learn other languages except their mother tongues.

In addition, primary school students have more time to study foreign languages. Students who are at secondary school need to learn various types of subjects, included compulsory and optional ones such as Arts, Literature, and Social Science. By contrast, elementary school students only have to learn some basic subjects like Maths and their native languages. As a result, they have more time for other languages.

In conclusion, I concede that there are disadvantages to starting foreign language study at primary school. However, in my opinion, the advantages of this far outweigh the disadvantages.

=================================

I feel my conclusion not good. :( Could you plz help me?

Writing Feedback / IELTS: How many people listened to different types of music in Tokyo last month [3]

The table shows how many people listened to different types of music in Tokyo last month, with the pie chart indicating whether they enjoyed live or recorded music.

Overall, the most popular method of listening to music for men is Mp3-players, while that for women is live music. Besides, the majority of both groups state they enjoy live music.

As can be seen from the table, a massive 79% of males use Mp3-players to listen to music, compared to a modest 19% of them prefer CDs, which are also the least popular for females, with only 22%. Almost equal percentages of females like Mp3-players, Internet, and live music, standing at 40%, 42%, and 44% respectively. For these three categories, the percentages of males are all higher than those of females.

It is clear from the pie chart that a hefty 70% of people who are surveyed enjoy live music, in comparison with 26% of them choose recorded music, and a tiny majority of them do not know what their favourites are.

======================

Should I add an "s" behind the words in red?

Thanks in advance

• 
  
  
• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Who concerns issues more? Young people or elderly people?; equally concerned [NEW]

Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your own opinion?

Nowadays, issues of different types spring up in the world. While some people claim that the younger generation pays more attention to these issues, I personally believe that both young people and their counterparts in the past are interested in them.

On one hand, the elderly people are definitely concerned about hot issues like the environment and education. For example, the majority of people who are in their forties have at least one child. When they read newspapers and watch TV, they pay more attention to environmental and educational issues because they intend to choose better schools and living environment for their children. As a result, middle-aged people who have already become parents are more concerned about these issues than the younger generation. Moreover, the previous generation usually sponsors more for non-profit organizations than young people due to processing adequate amount of money, which shows their concerns.

On the other hand, the young people are also interested in global issues such as poverty and animal welfare. For instance, some young ladies are opponents of animal testing, which is considered as a type of scientific research for skincare products and cosmetics. These young ladies, who care more about their skin and beauty than elderly ladies, consequently pay more attention to issues of animal welfare. In addition, people in youth have more energy than elderly people. As a consequence, they are able to do more voluntary work, which needs physical support, and so they show more interest in being volunteers. That is to say, people in youth are able to pay more attention to these issues in certain extent.

To conclude, I believe that young people and elderly people, who are both members of the modern society, are equally concerned about various issues such as environment, education, and animal welfare.

=========================

In fact, I feel confused about this topic because there's a word "more" in the question.

My essay is organised like this:

Introduction --> My opinion: Both young people and elderly people are concerned about global issues.

Body para1 --> Elderly people are more concerned about some issues because...

Body para2 --> Young people are more concerned about some issues because...

Conclusion --> State my opinion again.

=========================
Can I organise my essay like this:

Body para 1 --> Elderly people are concerned about some issues because...

Body para 2 --> Young people are concerned about some issues because...

There's no "more", which means no comparison I think.

Thanks in advance.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Different views about the rising consumption of consumer products [4]

Nowadays people are encouraged to buy more and more consumer products. Some people think it is good for the economy. However, others think it does great harm to the society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about the rising consumption of final goods. While some people argue that it is beneficial to the economy, I personally believe that it has a negative effect on society as the consumption increased.

On one hand, an increasing consumption of consumer goods is definitely advantageous to the domestic economy. This is because the spending on consumer goods, which accounts for the vast majority of Gross Domestic Product, stimulates the economy. The more products people purchase, the more products are going to be manufactured, so that the manufacturers would expand their factories' sizes to raise their productivity in order to cope with consumers' growing demands. As a result, many job vacancies are created, and a great deal of revenue is collected, and so the economy is boosted.

On the other hand, I believe that an adverse impact on environment is caused by the growth in the consumption of consumer products. The main reason for this is that the pollution is created during the manufacturing process of products. People consume more products, which means they also consume more energy, leads to a pollution in the environment. Furthermore, people have a tendency to dump their useless products more than before because they have already bought sufficient quantity of new ones. Consequently, the wastes, not needed any more, pollute the environment of society.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that a growing consumption of final goods stimulates the domestic economy; however, in my opinion, this also results in an environmental pollution, which cannot be ignored.

(254 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Reasons for studying history and the effect of not studying history [3]

To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history?

History is an integral part of the curriculum in primary and secondary schools. Some people argue that there is no benefit to study the history that can be replaced by the subjects more relevant to life. However, it is not a logical opinion for many reasons.

Although it is true that history, involving events that occurred in the past, are less relevant to modern life than other subjects like languages, it is undeniable that valuable human experience is displayed as history shows a flow of time, which can be very useful in planning for the future. If people could know the mistakes that had been made before in advance, they will attempt to avoid making the same mistakes. In addition, history, being considered as a record of human society, is one of the most important sources for people to understand it. Furthermore, studying history contributes to a sense of belongings, which reminds people that which country they belong to.

On the other hand, if children are not taught about history, they will lose cultural identity gradually due to lacking of awareness of the importance of culture. Consequently, children will not have sufficient knowledge to illustrate the culture and traditions of their country to foreign people because of their reluctance of studying history. Therefore, history cannot be ignored in the education of the next generation.

To conclude, I concede that some other subjects seem to be more relevant to daily life than history do. However, studying history cannot be ignored because it involves not only a summary of human experience but also a sense of cultural belonging.