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Posts by ritairianti
Name: Rita Irianti
Joined: Jun 21, 2014
Last Post: Oct 5, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 11  
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 14
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ritairianti   
Oct 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / Watching television together makes communication among friends and family stronger [5]

i will give you some patern :
1. introduction
you should paraphrasing this issue, and write clearly with two sentences . why two sententence? because it makes examiner read clearly about the issue and your position (your agree / disagree) .

2. paragraph two
it is about your opinion, why you are agree/disagree ? and your reasons and example also.
3. paragraph three
it is about your opinion, why you are agree/disagree ? and your reasons and example also.
4. conclusion
summarize your opinion from paragraph two and three .

it is better if you write agree statement on paragraph two and write disagree statement on paragraph three.
then, summarize both of them in conclusion.

paragraph one
Having watched televison , which supplies a funny and instructive time with friends and family... ,
you dont write verb in this sentence .

and please gives attention about your spelling .

cheers~
ritairianti   
Oct 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: Parents should be more involved with their children's upbringing. [8]

Paragraph three
From the point of my viewMy point of view , if both of the parents work outside home there will not be any financial problem to foster a child...

paragraph four
Based on the aforementioned statementsIn conclusion , I can state that reconciling both parenting and working would be the best solution to tackle this problem...

i think for the conclusion, you should write "in conclusion" , because it is more academicly .
ritairianti   
Oct 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS; having purpose of life and being helpful as the main factors to achieve happiness [4]

Happiness is considered very important in life.
Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?


Mostly people want to be happy because happiness is the essential part of human being. However each people have different to describe about happiness, there is common point to reach your happiness.

Happiness is difficult to define because each inhabitant has their standard to be happy. Some people believe that having amount of money can bring your happiness and completely give what you want. For instance, you will be happy when you get your limited exclusive bag with your money and you can travel around the world without feeling worries although you spend lots of money. It means that your goal oriented in your life is all about money. On the other side, people choice family and health are more important than money. Family will give you extraordinary happiness because they are the closest people in the world with you and never replace with other. Health is one of the important things in life, without health life you cannot get your overwhelming career and make your family proud.

Meanwhile, it is difficult to describe happiness because people do not have the same answer about being happy. However, some people agree there are plenty of points to be happy. Firstly, it becomes harder when you have no purpose of life. You should create your goals in your life, for example you want great career with big salaries for your education, for your better future, for food and drink and safe place. As the result, you will be happy when you reach your goals. Secondly, people are the social creature that is normally they want sharing and caring with other people. Your feeling will be better when you more often spend your time, money and power to help each other.

In conclusion, happiness is difficult to define because people have a different perception, but in my view you will be happy when you have the main point of happiness such as purpose of life and help each other.
ritairianti   
Sep 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / It's certainly true that happiness is an essential component of every human life - IELTS [5]

actually.. i don't know about prediction your band.
however, i like your essay and you are explain clearly about your opinion.
in my view, you will get great band.

... Furthermore, in my opinion, the life itself is not a stable organism so that definitions are always subject to change with changing opinions of individuals which can come with age, education, or new social situations.

i think, "in my opinion" is enough.

and don't using abbreviation "it's" , just write "it is " ..

overall.. i learn a lot from your essay.
you write well-structure and great essay. :)
ritairianti   
Sep 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / the responsibility of government and new buildings' style [3]

i think, your essay very well-structure and good ideas.

1. As far as I am concerned , I strongly doubt its possibility...
2. i think you should more develop paragraph 3, because that is too short .

overall, you are explain clearly about your opinion on this essay. .
good job lastsky.
ritairianti   
Sep 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: What measures could be taken to solve increasing weight of some people? [2]

This is my suggestion for you :
1. You didn't answer the question .

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problem and what measures could be taken to solve them?

I think, the question is :
- What do you think are the causes of these problem ?
- What measure could be taken to solve them ?

Let me give your some pattern in essay :
Paragraph 1 : introductory
Paragraph 2 : answer the first question about "your opinion why /cause people become fat and fitness are decreasing?"
Paragraph 3 : answer the second question about " how to solve these problem ? "
Paragraph 4 : summarize your opinion.

2. ....he global industry has becoming more and more development i ...
3. A firts First point is that as abovementioned this conundrums appear ....
4. - firts = first
- slove = solve
-nefetive = negative
takinf = taking

check your spelling please.

Cheers . :)
ritairianti   
Sep 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: fathers and mothers are used to set role models to their children [3]

1. i think your introductory very short, you should paraphrase the topic in your introductory.
2. you should create outline firstly, it makes your essay well-structure.
3. i think in the beginning of paragraph, you should write "firstly" and "secondly" it will be better than "First and foremost" and "Further and even more importantly" for academic writing.
ritairianti   
Sep 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: children should studying hard or playing sport? Both can improve their future [3]

it is important that children should study hard at school. time spent playing sport is time wasted.
to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that studying hard is essential part for children, otherwise others people think that playing sport is waste of time. In my point of view, both of studying hard and playing sports are part of life to children.

On the other hand, studying hard will give children a better future. Studying hard gives children with a plenty of knowledge and skills for their future. Naturally, children will be growing up and looking for their job. For instance, children who always studying hard and getting high achievement, it will be easy to pass qualification for work and they are more likely to find great work at multinational company. If they working at multinational company as the result is they can earn higher salary. The message is when you always studying harder than others you will get best results.

At the same time, playing sports will give good effects on children. There are many popular sports among children such as football, basketball, and volleyball. Also, there are many benefit when children doing sport. Firstly, children who always playing sport like football, they will be active as a person and learn to become team-player. It will be good for children, because indirectly they will learn how to socialize each other as a team. That will make children getting lots of friends, so they can contribute positively to community. Secondly, playing sport makes children getting healthy and become children's well-being.

In conclusion, both studying hard at school and playing sports can improve children's future.
ritairianti   
Sep 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS 1] Time Spent in different media by teenagers and US Adults. [4]

This is my first writting in here, please help me friends.

The line graph below shows the time spent wit different media by children and teenagers per day. The table below shows the average time spent per day with major media by adults from 2010 to 2013.

summarise the information in both the graph and table by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The line graph present data about teenagers who spend the time with five variant media per-day in hours and the table illustrates about United State Adults who waste the time with plenty of media per-day in minutes over a four year period, from 2010 till 2013.Overall mostly inhabitant watch television as the best choice to spend their time, it shows between line graph and table.

According from the graph, music and audio are quite popular with 3 hours per-day and become the second options to spend the time among teenagers between 18 years old, in contrast with US Adults prefer spend the time approximately 170 minutes each day with internet than audio visual with 89 minutes in 2013.

Print media such as Newspaper and Magazine are less popular than other media. US Adults spend the time with below 45 minutes each day for over four years and teenagers spend their time with read print media just under an hour each day.



  • time_spend_teenager_.jpg
ritairianti   
Sep 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Causes and solutions student less leisure [6]

Hey sekar,
Your essay is really good with great explanations,
however I suggest you to write 4 paragraphs including:
1. Introduction
2. Main paragraph
Explaining about the question number1
3. Main paragraph
Explaining about the question number 2
4. Conclusion

On one side, I think for ielts task 2 isn't too much word sekar, with almost 500 word .
However, your essay is awesome.
Keep going Sekar !! =)
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