Undergraduate / "Earth to Nicole! Are you there?" - My love and appreciation for music [2]

Hello there! :) This is my university admissions essay.

I would appreciate any feedback on this! Please let me know if I have directly answered the question, and if this reflects well on my character or interest?

Thank you so, so much in advance!
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Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.

"Earth to Nicole! Are you there?" a shrilling voice boomed into my right ear. It was my friend, whom by now was already used to my apparent deafness. No - I was not hard of hearing; I just paid more attention to the music between my ears than the noises in reality.

I am your typical music addict. My headphones are super-glued to my ears, and my head bobs to a tune only heard by me. People who first meet me are usually too quick to describe me as a recluse. Yet, what these onlookers do not know is that music is my inspiration, my motivation and a refuge for my sometimes-distressed soul.

And how could I blame them? They don't hear the magic in the music I am listening to. They don't feel the way music intensifies my feelings - be it when I am happy, sad, or angry.

When I am going through tough times, and just about on the verge of giving up, Beethoven's sonatas encourage me to keep going. Sometimes it's not so much of the music itself that I fall in love with, but the composer behind the music. Beethoven, the prodigy that pursued his music career despite turning deaf, taught me that we should never let any downfall get in our way of achieving our goal.

When I am alone with my thoughts, I turn to some of Michael Jackson's soft pop. In "Man in the Mirror", I get a glimpse into the King of Pop's perspective of life. It is fascinating to learn that so much meaning can be packed into a few lines of music.

On any day, my mind is usually carried away with the lyrical waves of a piano piece, or the pumped up beat of jazz. People say music has made me lost touch with the world. Yet, it is music that has allowed me to make sense of the world around me, and learn about both the atrocities and the brilliance of man's doings.

On the surface, I am probably the music nerd, who can name every piano piece of Chopin's, or the anti-social teen that uses headphones as a firewall to keep out others. However, I am really, more often than not, prying deeper into the lines of lyrics, or trying to appreciate the history and context of the piece, or simply coming up with my own lyrics for silent melodies. Music empowers me, and no amount of finger pointing can ever stop me from removing my headphones.

(423/500)

Undergraduate / Dietetics major - "I was no R.D. I was just a daughter concerned for my father's obesity problem." [2]

Hello! I am applying to the University of Wisconsin-Madison and am intending to take a Dietetics degree.
I would GREATLY appreciate any criticism/opinions/suggestions on this.
Thank you so much!

P.S. No word limit or minimum!

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Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic, extracurricular, or research opportunities you would take advantage of as a student. If applicable, provide details of any circumstance that could have had an impact on your academic performance and/or extracurricular involvement.

My interest in Dietetics was first sparked when my father was diagnosed as severely overweight in his mid-40s. He was tied up with work and did not pay attention to his diet. I was determined to devise a weekly diet plan for him. With the help of Google and reference books, I delved deeper into the world of nutrition, and learned about many diet regimes, from the Atkins to the Zone diet. I insisted that my father adopt a low-carb diet, and came up with a weekly meal plan. The entire process was not easy - it involved finding foods that my father actually liked and calculating net carbs. After eight months, I was immensely surprised at the results - my father's weight had fallen just within the acceptable range. I was no Registered Dietitian. I was just a daughter concerned about her father's risk for obesity-related diseases, and an avid Google fan.

I took my interest in food and health to a whole new level during my Cambridge A Level Project Work coursework. My interest in Dietetics led to me completing a research project on vegetarianism for the Project Work at the A levels. I worked closely with a team of four other students to study the eating habits of Singaporeans and strategize advocacy measures to raise awareness of the vegetarian diet, which when adhered to can improve health in the long term. We tapped on the knowledge we gained in our Chemistry and Biology coursework to study deeper into the chemistry of foods and microbiology. At UW-Madison, I would optimize my time in laboratory sessions and tap on the internship opportunities offered to familiarize myself in a clinical setting.

Academics aside, I am excited to be part of the exciting, diverse community at UW-Madison. What I admire about UW-Madison is its longstanding emphasis on inclusiveness of every student and the variety of independently organized clubs. Looking at the organizations, I am spoilt for choice at the plethora of options available, which also comprises clubs that are major-oriented. I will seize the opportunity to meet with people from across different academic programs to congregate and share and learn from one another.

The Wisconsin Idea struck me as inspiring. It reminded me of my goal I set as the Vice President of my school's Service and Citizenship Society, which was for all members to be able to share whatever knowledge or resources in school with our community beyond campus. During high school, I noticed that while there were many volunteer organizations offering tuition to underprivileged children in Singapore, there were few that provided health and nutrition classes. I saw a need for health and nutrition classes because to me, eating is a daily affair and it is vital to learn to make educated food choices from young. Thus, I initiated a mentorship program to give basic nutrition classes to primary school children, making sure to complement the health education curriculum in schools. Going further, at UW-Madison, I wish to be able to apply what I have learnt in Dietetics to implement health education programs, and live the Wisconsin Idea.

An education in UW-Madison is more than an opportunity to learn, but it will also empower me to use my knowledge and skills to improve the health of individuals and communities.

Undergraduate / 'Supersize Me' - I spent days digesting information on health policies around the world [4]

Hello! I'm submitting this today, and I hope to hear any feedback on this! I would greatly appreciate it. :) Thank you!

Johns Hopkins University was founded in 1876 on a spirit of exploration and discovery. As a result, students can pursue a multi-dimensional undergraduate experience both in and outside of the classroom. Given the opportunities at Hopkins, please discuss your current interests-academic or extracurricular pursuits, personal passions, summer experiences, etc.-and how you will build upon them here.

The first ever food-related film I watched was 'Supersize Me'. In the aftermath of viewing the pseudo-horror flick, I spent days digesting information on health policies around the world. I was taken aback at how even after years of active health campaigns, the fast food industry still thrives and obesity cases due to unhealthy eating continue to rise.

[...]

Undergraduate / Singapore's MRT train - really all you could do is to wait patiently for your destination. [2]

Hello! I would appreciate any form of help on this essay.
Is there any room for improvement? Is the idea alright?
Thank you so much in advance! Would be glad to help on your essay as well!

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

I have never been jealous of friends who travelled in cars, though cars were undoubtedly the most convenient mode of transport. My family does not own a car, thus transport for me was only one option: the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT) train.

The thing about train rides is that really all you could do is to wait patiently for your destination. As for me, waiting time was mostly spent on making friends out of strangers.

As a seasoned MRT commuter, I have seen almost half of Singapore on the train. There's the Malay family all decked out in happy colors, the Chinese student whose eyes never left his notes, and the occasional tourists glancing curiously around the interior of the train carriage. I would flash a warm toothy grin at the family, and make a funny face at the baby in the tram. I would say 'Yo!' to the student and almost spontaneously, we would launch into a discussion about school politics. I would eagerly strike up a conversation with the tourists, and if by chance they could understand English, I would go on forever about our transport system, our country, our food, and our people. I get the goose bumps when my newly found friends return smiles and say words of thanks for brightening up their day.

The MRT endears to me as a social vehicle, a place where I get a glimpse into the lives of other people, and where I witness for myself the melting pot of cultures Singapore is well known for. The strangers on board the same train as me have their own stories, overcame hardships and bear their own thoughts. When we are all brought together on the same train, there seems to be an unspoken camaraderie connecting us. Every nerve inside of me makes me want to reach out and get to know them. To the anti-social, I probably look like a pedophile or a loner desperate for attention. However, the way I figure it, train rides - or any other form of public transport for that matter - are more than just about getting from point A to B, but rather, opportunities for new friendships.

When I was little, my parents used to tell me, ''It is not the destination, but the journey, that matters", which has become a rather apt description of my MRT experience - in the literal sense.

Seeing people from all walks of life makes me want to venture into the world and meet new people, and understand the common human experience beyond geographic borders and culture. I want to discover other people's stories, tell them a bit of mine, and create new ones together.

(444/650)

Undergraduate / We were given forty minutes before 12 noon to explore the town in groups. Central to identity prompt [5]

Hello! Could any kind soul help me read through this essay and let me know if I've answered the question, or if there are any areas of improvement (e.g. grammar, vocab, content, etc)? Thank you so much in advance! I really appreciate any help!

Prompt #1: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

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When I was fourteen, I had the opportunity to go on a high school immersion program to Chengdu, China. It was my first time in a foreign land.

I was appointed the group leader of six fellow schoolmates for the trip. On the fifth day of the trip, we visited Luo Dai Ancient Town, a humble old town east of the city. The town was bustling with activities, with teahouses scattered everywhere and a horde of people walking in all directions. I was bedazzled by the seemingly endless rows of roadside stalls selling an assortment of bizarre street food and little trinkets. We were given forty minutes before 12 noon to explore the town in groups. My heart jumped at the prospect of scouring all the stalls for bargain. I exchanged an excited look with one of my group mates, Gabby.

I do not remember exactly when was it that Gabby and I were separated from the rest of the group. We were contemplating which kind of porcelain figurines we should gift our families when I looked up and noticed our four other group mates gone.

It was 11.45 am, only fifteen minutes before the stipulated meeting time at 12 noon. Gabby and I quickened our pace and made our way through the oppressive-looking crowd of people, looking out for familiar faces.

11.58am. Still no familiar faces. I started to have an unfamiliar feeling of doubt and fear. My teachers' reminders to 'lead and take care of your group mates' and 'be punctual' drilled into my eardrums mercilessly.

Neither Gabby nor I had phone cards, which eradicated all possibilities of communication with our teachers. It was official: we were lost. I was already imagining how Gabby and I might have to make a living in Chengdu as buskers. When we came to a four-way junction, Gabby suggested that we turn to the left. But since my burning intuition told me otherwise, I insisted on heading straight.

12.45pm. My hunch was wrong. We had to backtrack to the junction and take another path.

1pm. By 1.30 pm our chartered bus would arrive and fetch the group to the next destination. We were still lost however. We panicked as we ran in search of the teahouse we were supposed to be at an hour ago. It was 1.10pm by the time our eyes caught sight of a building with curved gables. When I saw my schoolmates huddling around the tables having their lunch, I felt like I had fallen into an abyss of shame. Dozens of accusatory gazes pricked me.

That fateful day had since served as an important reminder for me to be a responsible leader. More importantly, the hour spent scouring the streets made me ponder the meaning of paths we take in life.

Life's path seems more like a maze than a clear trajectory. We are bound to meet many road junctions in life, which to me symbolize opportunities for us to make decisions and plan for our near or distant futures. Some could be as straightforward as four-way junctions, while others could be more complicated. We wander off in wrong directions, face dead ends and zigzag our way through unfamiliar pathways. We are born into this labyrinth and we navigate around it, motivated by personal gains or forced upon by society. Just as I had chosen a wrong path on the street of Chengdu based on gut feeling, the choices we make in life can lead us to a road of no return.

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(Word count: 599/600)