ChristineB
May 3, 2015
Speeches / What Matters Most to Me and Why?------The will to survive [4]
Hi, Sebhoom. I'm going to correct the grammar and word choice in some of your sentences. I'm only pasting the sentences I worked on:
The very fact that I'm alive and here to make a speech is a miracleoflifeitself .
Just aseveryany depressed person would do, I shut myself inup and refused to reach out to whoeverthose around me.
Being a rather quiet person, I never drew much attention to myself, andnor did my depression went unnoticed . I suggest you say something here like this: I struggled, but somehow managed to "keep it together."
But soon thingswere goinggot worse.
that I began to allow the desperation to consume memyself and even conductcontemplated my own death in my mind . In this One very clear morning, I woke up in tears and, feeling despair. And The next thing I knew, I was on a bridge wanting to jump off.
But soon the will to surviveit was takentook over by the will to survive . All thoughts about life were gone, except the knowledge that I had to swim to the bank.
AsLike thea pheonix that rises from the ash, I found my rebirthwas reborn from the river. I survived and I changed after going through the pain I've never had before. From the greatestthis pain, I gathereddeveloped strengththe greatest strengths . Since then I've growncome to see that life is the water that's constantly trying to drown me (this makes it sound like you are still very depressed...) . My will to survive gives me the anchor (I don't think "anchor" makes sense here. Anchors could pull you down to the bottom of the river, drowning you) that I can always use to drag myself back to the bank as long as I hold on to it. Throughout the years, I succeed as much as I fail in many things. There are still all kinds of frustrations and disappointments that force to give up on what's impossile yet I really desiregoals and aspirations . (Maybe you could rephrase these sentiments in a more positive way. Consider something like this: While life has the potential to drag you under just like the river that I almost allowed to drown me, I have developed the strength to persevere, despite moments of sadness and discouragement.) What I learned from my past is that nothing is worse than the loss of one's life. To say that one has to conquer all is a gross understatement because one can always turn away and swim to the bank to see a much better world from far beyond. (I think this last sentence is unclear. Maybe say something along these lines: Despite life's obstacles, there is always a reason to hope, a reason to feel joy, a reason to live.) Thank you.
I hope this has helped you. I am so glad you have overcome the worst of your struggles - what an inspiring story!
Hi, Sebhoom. I'm going to correct the grammar and word choice in some of your sentences. I'm only pasting the sentences I worked on:
The very fact that I'm alive and here to make a speech is a miracle
Just as
Being a rather quiet person, I never drew much attention to myself, and
But soon things
But soon the will to survive
I hope this has helped you. I am so glad you have overcome the worst of your struggles - what an inspiring story!