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Posts by Ejepe
Name: Evin Jalnia Putra
Joined: Oct 5, 2015
Last Post: Dec 26, 2015
Threads: 7
Posts: 4  
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Jambi

Displayed posts: 11
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Ejepe   
Dec 26, 2015
Undergraduate / BU CGS program drew me in instantly - intrigued by the fields of Political Science and Economics [3]

hi nikkix3, i have read your this answer, let discuss more. according to the question, there are two points must be answered;
1. why BU is a good fit for you
2. and what has specifically led you to apply for admission
.

you can discribe about your personal potential beside your interest in this area. i think you also can offer personal experience in this area and your planning for developing in the future. Give a short memorable sentence in the first and the last of paragraph.

BU's CGS program drew me in instantly.

By being a part of CGS, I would be able to try each major on for size, as I would be given the opportunity to pursue various subjects in relation to both Political Science and Economics..... in this space you can add more deteal and clear reasons. make sure they interest in your writting. like what have you did, will you do and you recently activity in this major....The tightly-knit CGS community and ...

that is my opinion, success for you.
Ejepe   
Dec 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: The average monthly temperature and sunshine in Landon, New York and Sydney [NEW]

=)The graph and table show the average monthly temperature and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
=)Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

The line chart illustrates the degree of average heat-level from January to December and the table gives information about time rate of sunshine in the total hours. These happen in the three countries: Landon, New York, and Sydney. Overall, it can be seen that the figure of temperature rate shows a fluctuation trend, while according to the table the number of hours in daylight in New York and Sydney are larger than its time in Landon.

There is a larger fluctuation in number of monthly temperature in the three cities. Both the data of temperature in Landon and New York stood at 10 in January. The trend of average temperature in New York experiences more extreme more or less 5, it is the lowest of all. Yet in April this sees a gradual growth. By July, both of New York and Landon reach at approximately 30 and 25 respectively. In contrast, the following months until the end of period, this shows similar pattern with early beneath 10. Then, for data of average temperature in Sydney shows an opposite trend than other pattern, when other fall down in early year, it stood at 25, but in the middle of period , precisely in July, there is an extremely drop to more or less 15. After that the trend back to early pattern where it through rise until the end of period.

Meanwhile, base on the table, the figure of annual hours of daylight in three cities experience a difference. New York and Sydney, these zone illustrate a long rate time of sunshine twofold than Landon has. It is 2,535 hours and 2,473 hours respectively while Landon solely gaining 1,180 hours in sunshine annually.
Ejepe   
Dec 23, 2015
Undergraduate / "Bouncing Back is What Counts!" Help with CommonApp Essay Q#2 on a failure. Is this unique enough? [4]

hi katiejoy, allow me to give a comment here. overall, your essay look good, i have read it.
may be more practice is the key to get large improvement. and better if you pay more intention about articles like a, an, in, on, or the and time conjuctions like when, after, before etc. I think, if you make a complete sentence,it will be better.

Life seems perfect when you're a kid. The world is a' kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and sounds', and you think everyone is your friend. If you saw the ice cream truck round the corner, your day was made! (please check about this conditional sentence) This is how I thought when I was younger, until age 11 when everything changed.

and the last may be, for good improvement, we need concentrate on gramatical, how consistant it is used in our essay.
Ejepe   
Dec 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / The effects of medical care in human life [2]

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Healthy is a precious capital in human life. The effect of improved medical treatment is that humankinds are living longer and more productive. In my point of view, the merit of people who care with their health is extremely large.

To begin, the calculation of medical care for poor is not balance with their income, as a result, only the rich normally can obtain special treatment medically. For example, cancer of patient must spend sum large of money to get therapy and a lot of medicine. Moreover others tend to use their saving money and their wealthy such as car or house to pay medical cost because of it too expensive for almost low level of society. Most of the time, they have tendency to fill up basic necessary firstly before medical.

There is an in credible benefit of medical treatment where citizens can protect or heal their illness early. Others also get regular medical report of their health. For example, humankind who gets chronic diseases like asthma. They can make a plan and prepare to protect that problem more early since they do medical care regularly. Other effect of medical care is people become more productive because less problem in their health.

To conclude, I strongly agree that medical care is our necessary which has a lot of benefits. People should save money to this treatment and do it regularly.
Ejepe   
Dec 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'the rapid growth of population is always a bad news' - IELTS TASK 2 THE INCREASE LIFE EXPECTANCY [2]

hi lina, i have read your essay, it was so interesting. now allow me to give a lot of suggestion.

As fast as the improvement of medical care ( you can use "medical treatment" for variasion) day by day, there have been some consequences like people being to live longer not to mention the rise of life expectancy in the recent time. This development evokes a big question whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or not (better if you make more clear for your paraphase lina). In my point of view, there are more the dire effects rather than the positiveness (merit) as the result of this rapid change.

(better if you put main sentence here)It is undoubted that everyone desires to get (gaining) longer life to live . It would be pleasure if they can gather with (their (own) beloved people as much as they wish. To see (their (own) children growing up and getting married then, looking after (their (own) grandchildren and spending the whole life together seems to be the most wonderful dream wanted. (try to put other words in (...))


overall, this essay is very good lina. may you always obtain improvement. please pay more intention in reference devices like its, their, this etc.
Ejepe   
Oct 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Internet mania; a dependency, needs, or destruction [2]

The internet is probably the most significant invention of the last 30 years. Without it, our lives would be completely different.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


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Since the first time the internet was discovered in the last three decades, it has brought incredible impact in human life. Humankind really cleave to cyberspace and hard to detach from its benefits which is offered. I strongly agree that the internet is very essential for easiness of human activities.

Here, there are a lot of negative impacts of cyberspace. Firstly, encourage the birth of cyber crime. A form of crime which uses internet as its media to get victims such as attacks against computer hardware and software, pornography, online gambling, online fraud, and others. Unlike other crimes, the cyber crime is more dangerous since commit a diverse range of criminal activities which know no borders, either physical or virtual. Secondly, there are cultures or novel lifestyle which does not match on personality of the nation. this will damage national cultures, especially by the teenagers that imitate it without selectivity.

Nevertheless, the internet also gives large positive effects in human activities. Firstly, the Internet can add insight and knowledge for its users as availability of billions of information that can be accessed easily. Individuals can also distance learning with the Internet such as language courses, cooking courses, and others. Interestingly, studying by computer network can be done anytime and anywhere. Secondly, the Internet is a means of entertainment, business, and communication because of the internet ones can easily find movies, video clips of songs, e-magazines, e-books or other works of art such as photo images and others. In business, the Internet is used as a means of promotion and product marketing since it has great networking around the world. Consumers can get more information about a product and can decide to choose many kinds of products by variation of price more quickly and easier. Furthermore in communication sector, the internet is very useful as a medium to send information. E-mail, facebook, and twitter which are very popular today are some examples of invention in communication sector which utilize the sophistication of the internet.

To sum up, the benefits of the internet are really great in helping a wide range of human activities. I strongly agree if the internet has become an essential part of life, although the effects of the invention of the internet are not all positive impact and some part tend to be abused. Individuals just need to be more wisely and more careful in using this technology.
Ejepe   
Oct 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Why People Must Living In Different Zones [3]

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These day, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both?

The world nowadays is changing, mankind tend to move from one place to another place, this looks like a novel way of life. In contrast, for elderly people who has lived in 3 decades ago, they spent all time in the similar area. However, both of ways brings a lot of benefits and drawbacks. In my points of view, living in different zone give more advantages in life.

The principal merits of people live in permanent place is togetherness in society where everyone know well each others. They put full credibility in their community with the result that they feel safety and easier to reach common goal. They local government also will more easily to control demeanor every members. In addition, living in same location also offers life experience hereditarily, they have ability to predict natural disaster and how to face it. For example, Badui tribe in Banten, Indonesia.

Nevertheless, despite several benefits are offered from staying all time in unchanged zone, apparently, it brings drawback too. The villagers who dwell permanent area tend to undeveloped since their life is been busy with common activities everyday. Whereas, mankind who live as nomadic people have rich experiences and more bravely to face the future. They also have large view and acquaintanceship everywhere. This effect encourage them to get better life and become successful people in following time.

To conclude, although both ways of life, living in similar place or moving from one place to another place give a lot of advantages, living in different area offers rich experience. If individuals want to grow up and feel novel experience, they should living in different zones.
Ejepe   
Oct 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Priority of Government Financial Budget [NEW]

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.


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A city is an outcome of idea, sense, and complicated creation of mankind all civilization which is marked highly population, heterogeneous, and great construction. A number of individuals suspect that great, attractive structures are essential for the area. In other hand, he or she trust that education facilities and healthy service center are been financial calculation priority. Although there are arguments on both sides, I strongly agree that a large sum of money is used to built school buildings and public healthy center.

With regard to the necessaries of a city in financed consideration of infrastructure, citizens believe it is acceptable for several reasons to support land mark and spectacular building. Firstly, these can give public space to citizens to spend leisure time and also to attract tourists to come. For example Eiffel tower, it really tempts world to visit when noted 7 millions tourists.The government will receive income and much tax.Secondly,these will open job opportunities around the area, like for trading and inn.

However, I would strongly agree that both school buildings and public healthy center are the indispensable to financial consideration priority. These are basic necessary which must be completed. As reasons, Inhabitants can not run activities if they get sick and also if there is no good education, citizens will as look like as ignite a time bomb, they will face in high crime rate and jobless. The School facilities and healthy center are mainly necessities today and savings in the future.

In conclusion, I utterly argue that despite of the impressive building is needed for the metropolitan zone since they give public space and tax. However, basic necessities for education and healthiness are the most essential which require more attention in government financial budget.
Ejepe   
Oct 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / Tourists Irresponsibility Killed The Local Wisdom [4]

Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. How true is this statement? what can tourists do reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.


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Many individuals believe that tourist brings a lot of drawbacks in local society. The local society which is visited by foreign tourists will lost their identity and natural culture. This essay will examine the reasons why tourists give negative effects and discuss some possible solutions.

There are some negative factors resulting of tourism industry. Firstly, the tourism can changing of local wisdom, eventually producing a novel acculturation. In other side, some tourism is not ready to run tourist programs, so that, departure of tourist only offers a lot of problems from their side. Secondly, the number of tourist also causes social jealousy since some tourists show glamour life style such as dress, car, or sophisticated technology . Thirdly, the growth of tourism reduce green area, public space, and green agricultural land, increasing a number of tourist is followed by growth infrastructure like hotel, flat, parking area, restaurant etc. In addition, changing of traditional building into modern architecture happened in tourism like in Bali, Kerinci, or Bukit Tinggi. Event though, in some vocation, irresponsible traveler a write in tourism object like in temple or artifact, other problems they steal or buy an object but is not for sale.

In terms of solution, local people should to protect their culture and object, they must know what culture good to receive or no. For government should give strongly policy and support local inhabitants to proud of their identity. Regularly socialization is an important for local community such as how to increasing their language skill or understanding of cross culture. In the result, they are ready to receive guest from other countries. For traveler, they must keep their attitude, some destination has special rule. So they must know well and obey about information before running travel. It will be better if they learn cross culture also.

To conclude, although tourism brings many negative effects, it will recovered if both tourists and local people aware to prepare themselves. Tourist must know concerning regulation in their trip, also, local people who live in tourism must ready face to travel maker by big smile and government also should give clearly regulation.
Ejepe   
Oct 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / How talent shows find a legend [2]

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Televised talent program have become popular in many country nowadays. These bring good effect to find talented person around the world. in other side, they have weakness, TV programmer push them solely as entertainment to get great rate. This essay will discuss both point of view.

Talent show program offer several benefit for audiences since usually this program has fantastic packaging. This is better alternative entertainment which different than other program like quiz, movie, talk show, etc. Father more in several countries, the society spend a lot of time to watch the talent program in season by season. Recent decade, we know some talent show like American Idol, X factor, Master chief, top model, or competition of magician. These program really famous around the world where all level of society is attracted to follow enthusiastically. this is really entertainment which inhale attention. it is not surprised if Individuals know well their idol and support their career after competition. in addition, mankind also can take a part in this program as candidate or just as a audience that support by text or phone. For audience, the essential one is really entertain them until lonely village. Unfortunately, this is solely became an entertainment. Some time, the tv programmer think high income, sponsorship, and high rate without quality of contestant and kind of talent is not a priority. As a result, this is not more than entertainment which only give income to business of tv .

However, there is essential benefit where this really way to find an idol, someone who has unique talent, long career, and able to be a legend. Individuals can learn from their way and bring value to share. Some famous singers like Clay Aiken, Kelly Clarkson, Billie McKay, Taylor Hicks, etc. They are winner of competition that has excellent career. So, they are not only entertain but also bring the real talent and value on stage. They come from remarkable talent show program. As the result, they are able to create and produce creation, art, invention, like album, cake or meal, which useful and loved.

To sum up, although there is talent show offer just an entertainment, in other side many tv program which really create a star, a new idol who can get great career, event became an legend. As audience, we should support great talent show which has good reputation.
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