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Posts by ichatea07
Name: Annisa Nurul Utami
Joined: Jan 5, 2016		 Last Post: Mar 5, 2016
Threads: 27
Posts: 24  
Likes: 10
From: Indonesia
School: Bogor Agricultural University

Displayed posts: 51 / page 2 of 2
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ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Teaching children painting or other practical subjects is a good strategy. IELTS 2 [2]

I like your idea in illustrating the practical issues in society regarding to art world at school, but I think few refinements are still needed to open up chances to achieve higher score opportunities. I would like to help you correcting some mistakes here and give you some advises. Hopefully, these could help.

This is because skills, WHICH ARE required in both of them, cannot be grasped in short / QUICK meetingS like what is practiced in ...

I personally experienced toIN sendINGmy untalented younger sistersMY YOUNGER SISTER WHO IS BASICALLY INCAPABLE OF CREATING ADMIRABLE ARTWORKS in drawing school as her extracurricular activitiesY . However, after 2 years learning basic techniqueS , she does not show any significant improvementS and her drawing / CREATION quality does not satisfyIS LESS SUFFICIENT to goALLOW HER STEPPING UP TOin the upper level.

ichatea07   
Feb 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Is it the right choice to place smokers in open areas rather than in public places? [2]

In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

As years become more stressful sometimes, many people decide smoking as their escapes to release thoughtful and complicated minds. Thus, this trend is now popular among mankind. However, a lot of countries discourage it and provide outdoor zones to allow smokers light their cigars. In this case, I agree that banning smoking can be justified since it surely has tendencies to threaten health status and destroy buildings with fire.

Smoking has various adverse effects on human's health status. This illegal behavior can worsen the quality and endurance of human's metabolism, cells and several vital organs in body, including the effect for passive victims that can be formed as a cancer. The World Health Organisation has campaigned in several times the action of anti-cigarette in many parts of the world by showing the truth of negative outcomes from smoking for passive smokers. Regards to this, I totally agree that in order to minimise the disadvantages of cigarette consumption among people who exposes its residue, every country should prohibit smoking in public areas.

A decision to smoke is a little destructive start of greater upcoming disasters which threaten people's comfort and safety. The lit cigars are potential to burn many objects that are fragile of fire. As what news reported in PosKota Indonesia, many gasoline stations and traditional markets had been burnt drastically until disable to be operated again due to a little light of fire in a thrown cigar. Therefore, that is a wise policy to illegalise smoking in public and facilitate the smokers with smoking spots.

To conclude, positioning smoking in the right place such as open air zones is encouraged since it could increase risks to other people's health and burn destructively many environments.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Illustration of the statistical information about the poor people in Australia in 1999 - IELTS Task1 [2]

The given table illustratedS the statistical information of the poor in Australia in 1999.

Distinguishing all the families into six types, the table providedS the proportions and the amountsNUMBER of the people living in poverty (you've stated it in the starting point, I think you could change it with pronoun or other phrases ) with respect to (what do you mean through this word? ) different types.

It would be better if you provide overall view before describing the data in detail.
Let's learn more IELTS systematical structures by carefully understanding various writing samples.You can make it, buddy! :D
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : what if the industries are moved to rural regions? [2]

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, a huge number of industrial countries plan to relocate industrial corporations from cities to countrysides. Regarding to this issue, this writing will illustrate the advantage of this municipal decision that could reduce negative emissions on nature, yet it is still below a serious negative impact of it which threatens economy condition of a nation.

Allocation of many industries in diverse sectors will benefit the environment of a metropolitan city. Industrial matters are frequent to emit dangerous chemical substances into the air, thus by doing this movement into rural regions which are still natural and not very crowded, pollutants from great machines of factories could be cut down to minimise its effects on urban ecosystems. The illustration can be seen in Japan which mostly positions huge industries like Sony, Panasonic, or Toshiba in outskirt zones, such as Hokkaido. Thereby, the positive sides of it shows that Tokyo as a capital city faces minimum trouble associated with environments.

The placement of manufacturing in tranquil areas can result in a serious drawback for the industry. These factories although are planned to be placed in wider spaces, usually witness hardships to maintain workers' productivity due to their time consumptions in transportation and to hire a huge number of new employees who mostly dwell in cities in order to gain higher salaries. This arrangement in business planning has been actualised in the Netherlands and the USA as the public officers assume that moving large factories will cause significant deficits on national development. Therefore, I would argue that positions of a factory in a metropolis are more encouraged to keep economic equilibrium since the resulted residues are possibly managed well with eco-production.

In essence, although the effect of relocation can decrease environmental issues of a country, the importance of accessibility of industries to their workers obviously outweighs that such a demerit due to its influences in national economical development.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Graduate / Personal Statement for Masters of Arts in Interdisciplinary Arts Infusion 1 page [2]

My undergraduate major was through the Individually Thematic Design ...

I am eager to continue to build upon myDEVELOP MY experiences and skills throughBY ENROLLING A graduate coursework

I think it is important, either, to pay attention carefully to the way you type this essay. Overall, the content is really okay, but I find that you use capital letters in inappropriate way here. As far as I know, the capital ones can be used merely for describing an abbreviation or names of places or a person.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : opinion about an interview stage in selecting next employees [3]

Most employers interview candidates before hiring them. Do you think this is the best way to do it? In your opinion, what is the best method for choosing employees?

Nowadays, thousands of manufacturers conduct interview sections to select future worker candidates. However, I would argue that this step that aims at looking for best employees is not suitable since it incompletely illustrates job seekers' capabilities whilst on the stage practical works are possible to cover up this necessity.

Selecting candidates for work cannot be relied merely on job interviews because this way does not completely describe people's ability. The interviewers frequently create subjective assessments to the interviewees which this is unable showing the candidates' excellent practical skills. For example, one company in my area does not operate optimally because all employees were hired via CVs and interviews as they are worse than previous expectations.

In order to avoid obtaining dissapointing results of future employees selection, a factory could add a better strategy to check true ability to work of every candidate which mainly emerges as a test on the spot. Normally, this method is proven in gaining desirable workers because they can adapt and work more effectively like what they did in the real physical test before. Recently, this approach has been chosen to determine the eligilibilty of new employees in Unilever Corporation in Jababeka to ensure the performance capacity of workers suit on the requirements.

To conclude, selecting method by interviewing is discouraged due to its weakness to objectively prove candidates' skills. Otherwise, a direct, monitored test in solving problems relating to techinical work is the best setting to pick up eligible labourers.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / The predominant reason why most employees are fond of working is the given salary. [3]

... for theA longer period of time ...
... the salary apparently IS not the only reason why workers ...
... the A comfortable ZONE with the teamwork ...
... is the another reason ...

You had written a really good conclusion I think. I could learn from you. I will make it one good example.
ichatea07   
Feb 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 : what is the role of colours in trade world? and how? [4]

Colours is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour. How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?

In this competitive era of marketing products in international trade, many companies use any kinds of strategies to attract consumers through their product features. By this case, most factories try to manipulate colours in their best ways of selling items in order to get successful results. While this is true for its effect to create product images among customers, I suspect this occurs also due to its ability in changing buyers' feeling of a shop.

It is undoubted that colours of a commodity are significant elements for determining people's decisions in buying goods because it can visualise product quality at customer's fist sight. When a consumer find a product with a common colour that indicates natural and quality, that person is more potential to purchase the product. This case can be seen as an example in most people's tendencies in buying yellow bananas instead of deep yellow bananas with black spots around of it as they think these colours show its freshness level and quality.

Colours that are decorated in some places also have considerable effects to manipulate customers that result in purchasing an object. Customers can be easily influenced to change their preferences on choosing expensive products over the cheaper ones by only seeing the materials differently under the light of a bright coloured shop. To illustrate, a sparkling, branded watch in human's thought can be more interesting to be purchased when it is compared with ordinary products under a classical design interior with gold, cream, and light brown on the wallpaper. However, a research finding from consumer science studies in Arizona Univeristy stated that other attributes which include the price, the position where a product is sold, loyalty and the uniqueness of packaging, are more significant determiners in developing people's buying intentions besides a colour factor.

In brief, colours as one of attributes that is undeniable positive to influence the success of marketing could affect people's buying lists through its likelihood to create different emotions of the consumers in designed places. Therefore, consumer should take careful consideration when they decide to purchase something.
ichatea07   
Feb 29, 2016
Scholarship / Self Introduction Essay - Agent of Change on Urban and Regional Planning [9]

Hello, Isyana! As one of English learners like you do, I would like to help you here. We come from the same country and have almost similar desires to make a contribution. So, let's carry on!

In essence, the content of this essay has been almost perfectly developed. Your interests and motivations have been stated clearly. Nevertheless, in my point of view, you still need to specify the curiosity you have for going to attain master's degree. What you mentioned is too general. Trying to describe a bit in detail what the ordinary people have not known about Republic of Korea's issue and development in city planning might be able increase the assessor's interest in you as a candidate. :) After all, the other ideas are eye-catching, I guess.

I grownGREW up in A democratic family but stillWHICH STILL upholdS the value of manners and etiquette. My late father always encourageD me to be an active, honest, responsible person, and SUGGESTED ME TO never stop learning. I remember he always said that formal education is very important, so you need to seekDISCOVER knowledge as highMUCH as possible. He also told me, however, that learning is not onlyCAN BE DONE NOT MERELY at school, but you may learnLEARNING COULD BE OBTAINED from otherthings around you/ YOUR ENVIRONMENT . Therefore, my parents try to equipped me with what they called 'OBAT' (medicine) which stands for Olahraga (Sports), Budaya (Culture), Agama (Religion), and Teknologi (Technology). I actively participated in various extracurricular(adj. ) ACTIVITIES and courseS , like scouts, youth red cross, choir, Bendera Pusaka Flag Hoisting Troop (or called Paskibraka), student organization, swimming CLUB , taekwondo, andA language course, and other activitiesSO ON . Those activities givesGAVE me MANY opportunitIES to go to someEXPLORE new places, meet new people, improve my soft-skill SOFT SKILLS, and beCOME ing independent. FROM here, I startED to enjoy traveling. (TRAVELLING - BRITISH COMPONENTS, TRAVELING - AMERICAN'S) You use mostly US style, so maintaining consistency is the best. :)

OnIN 2006, I was accepted at one of the best campuses in Indonesia, XXX, majoring in Urban and Regional Planning. It isWAS the first time I liveD apart from my parents. HereSINCE THEN , I HAVE become more often exploring new place/ AREAS , either because of task-related things or just traveled with friends. The more I explore a new place, the more I getting to know more about my country, Indonesia. I got my first job onIN a consultant where I went for internship as a freelancer assistant planner. I have doneUNDERTOOK some spatial/city planning documents, and some infrastructure and management projectSrelated . Later in 2012, I WAS accepted as a staff onIN THE Ministry of XX which is now becomeS Ministry of XXX in Directorate of XXX. AsSINCE I work in this ministry, my awareness about infrastructure provision as a public service has been increased.

Passion in acquiring higher education through studying overseas HAD startED since I was a child, and IT/THIS keepS growing upDEVELOPING influenced by people around me. Influenced byDUE TO my former education and my job, I found myself profoundly interested in Urban and Regional Planning. Unfortunately, its comprehensivenessCOMPELLING MATERIALS/TOPICS narrows my knowledge in eachFOCUSES DOWN TO MORE SPECIALISED aspectS of planning and development. I feel the need to deepen my urban and regional planning comprehension through higher education in A specific program. I realized that Korea is the best choice to pursue my master's degree. Korea has some similaritIES with Indonesia, which both of them WHICH have a THE same independence year and have and has a diversityWIDE RANGE of potential tourism ATTRACTIONS . But nowIN FACT , Korea NOW has advanced intoGREATLY IN BEING A developed country. Its rapid growth in almost all aspectS, including education that standS on the top ranking as A country with the best education system and tourism aspect , that very well manage and developed that giveHAS CREATED Abig / SIGNIFICANT contribution to GDP.

Moreover, Korea provides comfortable environmentS with integrated access toIN public serviceS that would be helpingFUL for me running my daily life as a newcomer AN international student. With its big cities, rural towns and villages, modern and historical architectureS and diversity of culture, Korea is very exciting placeWORTH A DESTINATION to explore. Besides, I have particular interestS on IN Korea, both its culture, language, how KoreaAND THE WAY THE GOVERNMENTS develop its cities and maintain its cultural heritageS despiteAROUND global modern development, and many other things . Thus, IT makes me decide thatSELECT Korea is the best choiceAS THE PLACE to pursue higher skillQUALIFICATIONS to specialize my knowledge and skillS in desired aspectS of Urban and Regional Planning.

Pursuing my Master's degree through KGSP as it offers more educational and cultural experience. KGSP requires its awardees to have a certain degree of Korean proficiency by studyING Korean language before starting the study program. It would be very beneficial for my daily life and future career opportunities for sure, especially on tourism and governmentMUNICIPAL fieldS. Therefore, I apply KGSP in order to haveENLARGE opportunitIES IN pursuing my dream and career plan, so that I can applyIMPLEMENT my knowledge and experience for my hometown and my beloved country, Indonesia. I always tryDO my best to share what I have and I always want to contribute THEM ALLforTO my country. I believe I could be one of the top agentS of change and policy makerS in my country after completing my study.

That's all. Hopefully, this would help.
ichatea07   
Mar 5, 2016
Scholarship / Self Introduction Essay - Agent of Change on Urban and Regional Planning [9]

... meet new people, improve my interpersonal skill, and made MAKE me an independent person.

Korea is a worthy WORTH A destination to explore.

I believe they IT/THIS/THESE will broaden my knowledge and sharpen my ability to ...

Besides, I have a particular interest in Korea, both its culture, language, and the way governments developed its cities "HERE, YOU CAN EXTEND FURTHER INFORMATION ABOUT THE METHODS THAT ARE USED IN KOREA IN ORDER TO SHOW YOU HAVE PARTICULAR KNOWLEDGE" and maintained its cultural heritages around global modern development.

You could also give simple explanation about some issues that have been solved by Korean governments, particularly those which are similar to Indonesia's problems. This way could visualise your concerns in city development of Korea which ordinary people haven't known.

It would be very beneficial for my daily life and future career opportunities for sure

YOU ARE WELCOME :)

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