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Posts by JanFan
Name: JanFan
Joined: Mar 25, 2016
Last Post: Apr 14, 2016
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  
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From: China
School: SCUT

Displayed posts: 10
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JanFan   
Apr 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / There is a tendency of disinterest toward museums and historical sites by local people [4]

asyaaa550, I read your article and below are my suggestions. Hope they would be helpful.

^ there has been a lot of steps and ways found to attract locals to national sights => there has been a lot of steps and ways MADE to attract locals to national sights

^ aimed to eager citizens => aimed AT eager citizens
^ in contribution with employees and guides of museums, which can.. => in contribution FROM employees and guides of museums, WHO can..
^ this practice can be released => this practice can be TKAEN
JanFan   
Apr 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Vocational Training vs. Academic Study [3]

Too much emphasis has been put on going to university for academic study. We should encourage more people to receive vocational training because of the needs for tradespeople like plumbers and electricians. To what extent do you agree?

There is a surge in demand for tradesmen, whereas even with increasingly high pay, few people are willing to join in, as they are busy enrolling for universities. For me, I strongly agree that many people should receive vocational training instead of academic study.

As a matter of fact, people are born to excel at different things. Some folks are expert at hands-on practice, while others are good at theory and logical thinking, and they should be put in the right place to fully realise their potential. However, some talents for building things are sent to university for theoretical study, which is a total waste of their gifts.

Besides, there has been an alarming trend that people who obtained a degree from university enjoy higher social status. As a consequence, numeric parents desire to send their children to university, and the higher education nowadays has become an industry for earning money rather than educating people. The social status of a person is expected to be evaluated by the contribution he has made to the society, not by a degree.

On the other hand, academic education has its own positive impact on the society that it improves the overall quality of the students and instructs them to lead a wiser life.

To summarise, in recent years, a large number of unsuitable people went to university, causing a great waste and imbalance between supply and demand for tradespeople. People should make their choices between vocational training and academic study after full consideration to their particular conditions to unlock their true potential.
JanFan   
Apr 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The chronological stages order on how frozen fish pies are manufactured. [2]

Hello, I read your essay and it's great. Below are my suggestions.

=> ... and then the salmons are poured ADDED/COVERED by lemon juice and salt.
=> Eventually, potato, peas, and prepared sauce are mixed together with the salmon fish AND then it is wrapped ...
JanFan   
Mar 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Quality of work, performance is more important than an appearance [2]

I have read your essay, and it is really a good one. Below are my suggestions. Please correct me if I am wrong.

=> These days, some public believe that good looking is LOOKINGS ARE essential for their job.
=> On the other hand, performance is more likely PROBABLY MORE significant than ...
=> ... because many jobs are not required DO NOT REQUIRE workers to be more excellent in appearance.
=> It is evident that the appearance depends MATTERS on the business sector, and workers should concern to enlarge (ENLARGE KNOWLEDGE ETC) IMPROVE their ability and accuracy in working.
JanFan   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Different Roles Played by Men and Women [3]

In some societies, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might the parental role develop in the future?

In a traditional family, a child will be likely to have a father who is harsh to punish and correct him, and a mother who spoils him. This typical pair of the strict father and the sweet mother continues but declines in some modern societies. This essay will outline the reason behind such a combination and describe it's possible future trend.

Long long ago, there formed a clear divide between the roles of males and females. Men hunted animals in dangerous places like the mountains and forests, while women picked fruits or something edible near their houses. Since that time, men, the hunters who thirst for competitions, stand for a symbol of strength and courage. Women, by contrast, specialise at cooperating. They have developed different abilities and characters, leading to their distinguished roles in family.

There also exists a biological distinct, that it is females who give birth to babies. Women's pregnancy lasts for nearly one year, during which they are vulnerable and as a result, they need men to protect them against outside attacks. This also causes women to form amiable personalities and act as gentle wives in family.

However, in recent years, the importance of gender difference has decreased, as many labor-intensive jobs had been taken by machines and robots, and consequently, people are forced to concentrate on and deal with mental activities that require equal effort for both sexes. It is rather evident that females are playing a more active role in every aspect of the social life, such business and politics. Therefore the gap between gender roles is likely to narrow in the future.

To summarise, the difference in roles of both sexes is determined by their biological and cultural differences, whereas this gap would probably be bridged as a result of modern life style.
JanFan   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / An second language should be introducted after the child is mastering the mother tongue. [2]

I have read your essay, and below are my suggestions.

"potential" is uncountable.
"youngster" is countable.

so kids have better opportunities to work in overseas.

... language showed slower progress to in memorizing vocabularies, I believe that learning other A NEW language brings more advantages, as long as the parents who provide new language learning in children should pay attention to the age of the child's development and a second language should be given TAUGHT ONLY after the child is mastering the HAS MASTERED THEIR mother tongue.
JanFan   
Mar 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The position of women in society can influence the development of their children's behaviour [2]

I read your essay and below are my suggestions.

... particularly from their mother at homewho is busy with work .

Mother occupations does not affect children's ...
They are able to meet all the wishes of their juvenile.
... so it can reduce the levels of children's stress.

[..] Therefore, the adolescent will do anything whatthat they want because there is ...

To sum up, it is true that the career women become a dream job for several mothers these daysit is true that to be a career woman has become a dream for some mothers these days .
JanFan   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Maternity Leave: Advantages vs. Disadvantages [2]

In many countries women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first few months after the birth of their baby. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Except from the usual holidays, women are special groups who enjoy an extra benefit, that they are allowed to have maternity leave if they give birth to babies. Although many folks take this for granted, employers might not think in the same way, for there may obviously be disadvantages to hire a female employee. For me, it depends on what kind of companies women employees are in.

The downsides to hire a female employee is rather evident. For employers, having people who are familiar with the details of the jobs work for them is vital. Otherwise it may not be able to complete these jobs of great importance, leading to a considerable loss of the company. However, females need a large amount of time to give birth. Besides, women often play a primary role in taking care of newborn babies, which distracts their attention from their work even after their returns.

On the other hand, females overtake males in some situations. A man is deemed to be more aggressive than a woman in a traditional view. Therefore it is more likely for men to change their jobs and pursue more promising ones. By contrast, being grateful to their boss because of their maternity leave, women swear their loyalty to their company, and therefore are more trustworthy.

To summarise, women do have drawbacks in terms of their absence from the jobs, while for companies that emphasise stability, women are more reliable than men.
JanFan   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Skyscrapers construction as the demand of overcrowded population [2]

I have corrected some grammar mistakes in the first TWO paragraphs for you. You'd better double check your essay before submitting since there exist plenty of obvious errors.

... as the overcrowded citizens live in metropolitanmetropolises ... However, I extremelystrongly believe that this construction approach has many benefits for the environment.

With regards to those who argue that ever-tall buildingshashave dire effects foron life, they think that social keen(?) and physical trouble may arise due to thisthe architectures. The occupants who live in tall edifices have no strong neighborliness since they just stay on their storeys with no need to socialize and interact with others. In addition, there is a plausibility that someone could get an accident and fall off from ...

However, actually to construct these skyscrapers would givebe advantageous, particularly for the environment.
JanFan   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / For Children, Story Books vs. TV or Computer Games, Which is Better? [2]

Reading story books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Story books has long been a dominated means of both entertainment and teaching for children, while TV and computers games emerged in the past several decades and posed a challenge to books. This has sparked controversy over which one is better for the young ages. For me, story books overtake others without doubt.

Aa a form of text writing, story books are beneficial to children in many ways. Reading is an ability that requires long-term effort, mapping every word to the real entity in reality, and even firing human's imagination to understand some abstract concepts. What's more, reading story books also contributes substantially to children's logical thinking capability, as they are trained to seek the cause and effect between the lines, in order to comprehend the whole story. Through story books, children are not only able to enjoy the intriguing plot, but also earn a crucial ability in reading and thinking.

On the other hand, TV and computer games appear to be more stimulating since they are capable of providing colourful images, recorded music, and even flexible interactions. However, these require too little effort, that even babies can easily handle them with the inborn ability to appreciate pictures and music, let alone children. Besides, it is easy to get addicted to the games, for there are countless students all over the world who drop out of school and immerse themselves in the virtual world.

To summarise, story books who serves as an advanced form of art for children's recreation bring more benefits to children, compared with TV and computer games.
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