Writing Feedback / Life: How Barbershop can Keep men Healthy [4]

Joseph Ravenell saw the opportunity for health equity in barbershop. For black men, barbershop is not only the place that they can cut their hair or beard trimmed, but also a place go for a friendship, soladarity and solace. A place that where people can get away from their stress which was happen with company problem, work assigment, etc. Barbershop is also place about loyalty and trust. In every visiting a barbershop, people will be did a talk in conversation. This conversation is the essence of the black barbershop.

Many people go to their favorite barbershop to be relax by doing a chit-chat with the other visitors, aven with the barber also. The people in the barbershop always welcome, they would be talk about politics, sports, music, news and many more. But the most important thing is about health. Many time they did a conversation about health so lengthy and deep. they will recommend about salt on diet, to eat less fried foods, stop smoking and reducing stress.

Especially for the black men, most of them talk about the high blood pressure. Because almost 40% of black men have a high blood pressure disease. Sometimes people better go to the barbershop then the doctor or pharmacist. Because they can give some recommendation to each other in the barbershop. Joseph Ravenell also said in his speech that "lots of black men trust their barbers more than they trust their doctors".

Summarized from TED: How Barbershop can Keep men Healthy - Joseph Ravenell

Writing Feedback / Discuss the possible advantages and disanvantages of making unemployed people take any job. [3]

This morning, I did my IELTS writing practice for task 2 within 32 minutes, so I am not sure with the grammatical and the task acievements that should be correct. So, kindly check it and give me the correction, I think that will be a bunch of wrong words and sentences.

Some people believe that unemployed people should be made to work for their welfare/benefit payments. Others, however, see this as cheap labour.
Discuss the possible advantages and disanvantages of making unemployed people take any job.
Do you believe that making unemployed people work is a good idea?

Unemployment was one of the problem for many people in a big city. Experts agree that they should take some job for their benefit payments. I would argue that unemployed people are better to take some work in order to add many benefits to their life in many mays, besides to get a job is not easy as people said.

People who take the jobs for their daily life can make their activity to be more productive and effective, due to the schedule that they will take in the company. They can also get more money from their income that will make their life more better and easier. All of their needs can fulfilled from it. What is more is increasing the number of productive employed people in their own country. It can make a good name for its country, due to the proportion of poor people will decrease indirectly. As seen in a developed counties over the world that the number of unemployed people are less than the people who has good occupation, so it makes the country more better by economically.

On the other hand, the way for people to get the job is evidently difficult. Many unemployed people over the world will compete to each other. Whereas the slot of the job not enough as much as people who want to take the occupation. That is to say, people should make a novel company in their own country. So it can make the number of slot's need to be increase. but this way is definitely difficult to do, as hard as the person to become an enterpreuner, it depend on the desire of the person it self.

To sum up, employed people is better than people who did not take any accupation, because successful life can be required when they get their own lovely jobs, that can make a lot of benefits for them and the circumtances. However, thwe most solution for people who did not get the occupation is to make the company ot self, but it is not simple as an utterance of expression.

Writing Feedback / In 1985, privately owned housing stood at more than a half in the total of 22 million homes in U.K. [2]

A change in the percentages of housing owned and rented in United Kingdom is illustrated by the pie charts, measured by the figure of proportion in a 20-year period from 1985 to 2005.

In 1985, privately housing owned stood at more than a half in the total of 22 million homes in U.K. There was a dramatical increase to virtually a third of quarter over 27 million homes in 2005. Nevertheless, social housing has a small proportion of house in 1985. It had a gradual increase over a 20-year period, but by any measure, social home still became the minority of total house in United Kingdom.

However, the number of percentage for council rented had more than a quarter. This was the second highest percentage housing after privately owned house. But over a 2-decade period, it was a significant dropped to less than a quarter in 2005. For privately rented, it remained steadily over 20 years was the steady percentages from 1985 to 2005. Privately rented and council rented was the second highest percentages after privately owned in 2005.

Overall, Privately owned was the biggest proportion housing in United Kingdom, which was no one can break the record over 2 decades. While social housing had increased, privately rented was remained steadily, but the council rented had a significant decrease within the period.

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Writing Feedback / Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Has Already Sold 4 Million Copies [2]

J.K Rowling has released a new book of Harry Potter in late July, titled "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child". It brings her to a huge success in commercial stores. Although this edition is not the same as the last book "Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows", but by any measure, a massive number of people were like and bought this book. It sold in more that 4 million copies just only take about 10 days after it released. It sold in United States of America, United Kingdom and Canada.

3.3 million copies has sold in hardcover in U.S. and Canada. Also, U.K. virtually reached 850,000 copies has sold in the market. But they said that they have not published the e-book format.

The number of buyers are certainly much more than the previous one, As seen that many fans of J.K. Rowling's books haven't read this novel book. But there was a lot of number of people who made the reviews and summaries. Based on time.com, Megan Mc Clusley also wrote down the top 10 favorite lines from that book about Dumbledoor's ever-inspiring advice to Hermione's witty barbs, the top 10 Cursed Child passages highlighted by the readers.

Source: time.com
time.com/4449413/harry-potter-cursed-child-fans-favorite-lines/
time.com/4446736/harry-potter-cursed-child-4-million-copies/

Writing Feedback / Demographic trend in Scotland measured in proportion of birth rate, population growth and death rate [2]

A change of Demographic trend in Scotland is illustrated in the line graph in a 8-decade period from 1940 to 2020 by measured in proportion of birth rate, population growth rate and death rate.

In 1940, the percentage of birth rate was stood at 2.5%, which was the high of the poportion among 3 categories over 8 decades. There was a dropped sharply over 20 years to 1.05% in late 1960. It fell to 0.6% over 30 years. However, a gradual increase was happened from 1990 to 2000 to 0.7%. As envisaged, it will be dropped gradually to 0.45% in the late 2020.

Death rate sharply fell from 1.5% to 0.4% among 1940 and 1955, a diminishing of 0.9% in 15 years. In 5 decades, it fell steadily to 0.2%. While Population growth rate was fluctuatively from 0.9% to 0.95% in 3-decade period. It suddenly fell down and get the levelled off and diminished in the end of 2005. From now and forcast, death rate will be replaced the highest proportion of the people who died in late 2020.

It is clear that the birth rate is the highest number of proportion in Scotland over 7-decade period until 2016 and as predicted still be the highest until late 2018. While the percentage of population growth rate was fluctuatively over 6-decade period, Death rate fell down and suddenly broke the record in late 2020.

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Writing Feedback / The magic ingredient that brings Pixar movies to life [3]

The education's background of computer programming brings a person to the Pixar Animation Studio, her name is Danielly Feinberg, one of the most influencer animation creator in that studio. She said that as a pleasure to a part of pixar animation creator and that is the great opportunity for her, because all of the task that she did is the job that she want to do in her life.

idea math, science and coding were coming together to create the animation character. In Pixar animation studio, she learns how to execute the films. She starts from the dots, points and lines to become rocks, trees and forest and make a story about it. She change form, make a situation scene and turn the shadow in 3D animation as she saw in the real life. She was fascinated by all of it. In the stages, she shows the comparison between process form and the final form of her project. All the effects come together and become as a realistic scene as if it was an actual place that exists in the real world.

She shows to the audience about "Finding Nemo" movie project that was an excellent sample about create the unbelievable worlds. Make a movie look like underwater was the difficult one. In fact, she and her team made a reasearch the scene in underwater. They breakdown the physical effects for depth and how visibility works in the water to make it real in the movie. She pushed the reality in the real life. As a matter of fact, they do not try to create the scientifically correct real world, they only make a believable world that the viewers can immerse themselves to get the experience from the movie.

Summarized from TED Talks : The magic ingredient that brings Pixar movies to life by Danielle Feinberg

Writing Feedback / Drawings that show the beauty and fragility of earth [2]

The urgency of climate change was the life target of Zaria Forman. As she got many experience, she can illustrate that situation by a unique way to convey the people, using art painting. She have started her work travel to Arctic, greenland and many place to capture the unfolding story of polar melt. Experts said that ice free in arctic can make the sea level rise between two and ten feet height in the worldwide in the last 2020. This situation can be equally endangered our planet.

Her drawing was explained moments of transition, turbulence and tranquility of the landscape of the ice crystall. Her mission is making the viewers feel the experience about the landscape, make them to be inspired and hopefully they can protect and preserve the earth by a message from the paintings. According to the behavioral physicology, An art can make impact to the viewer's emotions more effectively than a scary report from the news.

She has an ability to did this, due to the experience from her mother. She had always usually drawn the latitude in a huge drawing paper over 10 feet wide and she made it manually crayoning by her fingers in her own studio painting, at least in 250 hours. She draws and manipulate the pigment on the paper as a waves and graciers. While she is drawing it, she felt the power and fragility of iceberg alive with movement a sound so humbling, so she hope the viewers can imagine the same feeling. "My drawings celebrate the beauty of what we all stand to lose, I hope they can serve as records of sublime landscapes in flux", She closed the talks.

Summarized from TED Talks : Drawings that show the beauty and fragility of earth By Zaria Forman

Writing Feedback / Pixar: The math behind the movies [3]

Make a production of a film is conducting mathematic process, it is usa all the time at pixar movie. For instance, Tony gives one character from Toy Story's movie called "woody", he moved woody's location from one coordinates to the other coordinantes and he called that is a mathematic process, named "geometric coordinate". Not only that, he shows how Translation (in mathematical formula) is works in the process of make the move, scaling, multiply, value in mathematics was also in used.

In the end of the the talks, he shows the audience about 3D software demo, how he rotates one object and shows the trigonometry's relation to the 'rotating process of the object'. He also demonstrate how to make a smoth #d animation shape surface using a different 3D software from his notebook. He anded the talks by said "Pixar use that mathematic concept all the time they made in every single sequences of the movie"

Summarized from TED talks, by Tony Derose.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : People in poorer countries are buying cars. What are the problems? Any solutions? [3]

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time.
What problem does this cause ?
What do you think are possible sulutions?

In many developing nations, people who buying cars at the first time are increased extremely. The vital problem as it possibly make a crowded city. It is suggested that the feasible sollution is to add more public transportation and applying the car sharing program.

The fundamental problem by increasing the number of cars in the city is make city more overflowing of motorcars. Also, Traffic jam is one of the troblesome which can result to the employees' productivity halved by waiting through the street. That is to say that as people purchasing cars as yet, and instead causing to delay their own valuable time. Not only this, a recent research study in Oxford University reveals that 70% of car users are being increased in Strasbourg, France since people are hunger to having their own cars. Therefore, result in the potential quantity of road accident in the city.

That being said, the government need more action to handle this crucial problem. Initially, the quantity of transportation system should be add more, the quality and the service is also need a higher improvements. In addition, car sharing program can be assign as an obligation to people who use a private car. Eventually, extending more tax to the private car's owner is a must, leastwise it intend to reduce the desire of the employees to having a car.

To sum up, many people in poorer countries are now have their own cars, it result to make city more crowded. The solution is tend to both of the government's stride who has a big authority and the individuals who still care about their city.