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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 2)

Replies | Threads
Dear Future Roommate and Human Alarm Clock - Stanford Roommate Essay

2 - Well, this is definitely a fun way of introducing yourself and your culture to your potential roommate. However, there...

Undergraduateaadij - Sep 8, 2024 / Holt - Sep 8, 2024
(-1) + (+1) isn't equal 0. Personal statement

2 - I am not sure what this personal statement is all about. What prompt are you responding to? I have...

UndergraduateYoyo_mahgop - Sep 7, 2024 / Holt - Sep 8, 2024
Camp Green Lake - The lessons we take from obstacles can be fundamental to later success

2 - I was just about to say the same thing. You cannot use the book because not everyone has heard...

UndergraduateLazarus931 - Sep 1, 2024 / Holt - Sep 2, 2024
Applying to Columbia University Undergrad Fly-In Program for the school of Engineering,

2 - Your presentation is highly confusing and difficult to understand because you are trying to respond to several questions within...

UndergraduateBandup123 - Aug 25, 2024 / Holt - Aug 25, 2024
Academic Decathlon - [QuestBridge] Essay about the challenges I have faced

2 - This is a compelling story to share for your application consideration. While it is insightful, I feel like the...

Undergraduatethreeclaws - Aug 23, 2024 / Holt - Aug 25, 2024
Dentistry - personal statement for GKS-U Program

2 - Delete this. You have been instructed to write the essay either in full Hangul or full English. You...

UndergraduateZlppleh - Aug 18, 2024 / Holt - Aug 22, 2024
GKS-U personal statement ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

3 - @Holt Thank you so much for the review I'll be sure to send an updated version soon ☺️...

UndergraduateOjezeemi - Aug 12, 2024 / Ojezeemi - Aug 14, 2024
The final race of an athlete - UBC Personal Profile

2 - You do not have to introduce yourself and the origins of your family in Canada. That is not required...

Undergraduateitsmedavis - Aug 6, 2024 / Holt - Aug 7, 2024
College Essay on my journey and passion towards Health, Safety and Environment

2 - Do not close the essay with a reference to Cornell and Professor Nellie Brown. This is a personal statement....

UndergraduatePrial - Aug 5, 2024 / Holt - Aug 6, 2024
Essay for a low income student scholarship about learning something new

2 - The discussion of EcoTech is not aligned with the prompt requirements. That total paragraph can be removed without affecting...

Undergraduatelofpty - Aug 1, 2024 / Holt - Aug 4, 2024
UBC Personal Profile - Various perspectives

2 - Avoid the reference point "I" in the descriptions from your parents and friends. You need to make sure that...

Undergraduatemdamissu - Jul 28, 2024 / Holt - Jul 28, 2024
Computer study / electronics - Personal Statement

2 - The personal statement is not a long discussion of your academic interests. Rather, it is an introduction to your...

UndergraduateSyke - Jul 17, 2024 / Holt - Jul 17, 2024
Gks study plan for Undergraduate for law 2024/25

2 - Your pre arrival language preparations must be of the ongoing kind rather than the future preparation kind. It is...

UndergraduateBrownie j - Jul 16, 2024 / Holt - Jul 17, 2024
Personal Statement: Can a cat teach a seagull how to fly?

3 - @jarkish U made use of the word passionate when you shouldn't. instead of saying that you're passionate explain how...

Undergraduatejarkish - Jul 16, 2024 / Ezinne - Jul 17, 2024
Common App Essay Draft - 12 PM: Overcoming a challenge

2 - This is a highly personal essay. Thank you for sharing it with us. Your struggle was real and it...

Undergraduaterubyh18 - Jul 10, 2024 / Holt - Jul 13, 2024
Machine Learning - Statement of Purpose for an exchange Program

3 - Thank you so much for the feedback. I have taken it into consideration and made the required changes....

Undergraduatebikraj2 - Jul 4, 2024 / bikraj2 - Jul 5, 2024
2025 GKS mass media major. Pusan national university

2 - Considering that you are Nigerian and not Korean, it will seem implausible for you to be so focused on...

UndergraduateEzinne - Jun 30, 2024 / Holt - Jul 3, 2024
"We do not remember days, we remember moments."

2 - You may want to expand on this discussion and find a way to make it more relatable to...

UndergraduateADITI PATEL - Jun 23, 2024 / Holt - Jun 24, 2024
Personal Statement for Common App Essay about Cultural Identity

2 - This is a very engaging essay that clearly shows your cultural background and what it means to your youth....

Undergraduatescnwanna - Jun 13, 2024 / Holt - Jun 21, 2024
My passion for justice - Personal statement as a law student applying for gks

3 - @Holt Thanks. One essay per thread please....

UndergraduateJessie345 - May 29, 2024 / Jessie345 - Jun 15, 2024
Blood of Hope (Columbia GS Admission Essay)

7 - @marietovlerone This essay is really beautiful, and in my opinion, the drama of the beginning can work in your...

Undergraduatemarietovlerone - May 25, 2024 / scnwanna - Jun 13, 2024
Determination in Sports-Personal Statement

2 - I am not sure about how to review this personal statement. It does not follow the requirements of the...

Undergraduategnooch - May 20, 2024 / Holt - May 27, 2024
University of Toronto Engineering Essay: Extracurricular Activities

2 - The response is too vague. It only skims the top of your experiences. There is no actual involvement narration...

Undergraduateakmaster101 - May 17, 2024 / Holt - May 21, 2024
I wish I could live in Alice's Wonderland

2 - do not use a movie reference in the essay. You should most specially avoid referencing a movie when you...

Undergraduateana03 - May 2, 2024 / Holt - May 4, 2024
Gks 2024/25 Politics and International Studies

2 - The story of your parents is touching. However, it is not clear how politics and international relations would have...

UndergraduateDamilola christ - Apr 24, 2024 / Holt - Apr 28, 2024
Waterloo Computer Engineering: Engineering Interests and goals

2 - The response is strong when it comes to your theoretical and academic foundation. However, that strength is weakened by...

Undergraduateakmaster101 - Apr 23, 2024 / Holt - Apr 28, 2024
Waterloo Computer Engineering: Reasons for choosing your program

2 - I would avoid referencing "since I was young" in this case. Most reviewers tend to see such references as...

Undergraduateakmaster101 - Apr 19, 2024 / Holt - Apr 20, 2024
Point of view different from a teacher or employer - FIT Portfolio

2 - The tendency of your response is to be too vague. You are not making enough specific references in the...

Undergraduateelipulpo - Apr 9, 2024 / Holt - Apr 20, 2024
University of Washington Department of ECE Admission Essay

2 - I am not sure about how to review this essay because you did not provide any guidelines for the...

Undergraduatejustj - Mar 29, 2024 / Holt - Apr 2, 2024
"why you are considering transferring and how MIT aligns with your goals"

3 - @Holt There is a word limit of 225. I have to go straight to the point in the best...

UndergraduateTimztech - Mar 9, 2024 / Timztech - Mar 11, 2024
Colors - Subject of Personal Importance -- Scholarship essay

3 - @Holt I was thinking since the prompt says to choose ANY subject of importance to me, so what I...

Undergraduatetuturu - Mar 4, 2024 / tuturu - Mar 8, 2024
NTU Personal Statement Essay - Skills or experiences that are relevant to the programmes applied for

2 - I think there is not enough passion displayed in this essay because of the mix and match approach you...

Undergraduatekneesbees - Feb 28, 2024 / Holt - Mar 1, 2024
Personal statement as a medical scholar undergraduate gks

3 - @Holt Thanks so much sir I will amend my mistakes...

UndergraduateBangtan girl - Feb 26, 2024 / Bangtan girl - Feb 28, 2024
ut austin transfer for mechanical engineer

3 - @Holt Sorry, there was supposed to be a quotation at the start, I forgot to add it. "Here comes...

Undergraduateymahdy - Feb 19, 2024 / ymahdy - Feb 27, 2024
GKS essay - biology/bioengineering

2 - Which type of GKS application did you write this for? Undergraduate? Masters? Doctoral? It will be difficult for me...

UndergraduateFredd1k - Feb 25, 2024 / Holt - Feb 27, 2024
Sonography program essay for application

2 - The story about your grandma and how she inspired you to become a sonographer is the worst story you...

UndergraduateMallorykight - Feb 12, 2024 / Holt - Feb 18, 2024
YSEALI essay application: The Future of Mental Health In Southeast Asia (2024 theme)

2 - You need to set up an actual scenario in the response to the prompt. The situation has to be...

Undergraduatehmaily - Feb 12, 2024 / Holt - Feb 18, 2024
transfer statement essay on econ/math passion USC - improvements

2 - A college transfer is usually based upon the student's intent to learn above the scale that is currently offered...

Undergraduatepengster - Feb 5, 2024 / Holt - Feb 9, 2024
UF statement of intent - physical therapist

2 - You are spending too much time on introducing your background when you should be focused on the core intent...

Undergraduateldiaz069 - Feb 1, 2024 / Holt - Feb 7, 2024
Waterloo AIF, computational and financial management

2 - Focus on the coop program. Show that you are familiar with the opportunities the program provides the students, which...

Undergraduatekaashifnaseer - Feb 1, 2024 / Holt - Feb 7, 2024
NTU Scholarship Essay- Everything happens for a reason

4 - @molly1303 @Holt Always be open to change Must be in a new thread. Useless comments = BAN....

Undergraduateuniver12 - Nov 26, 2023 / univer12 - Jan 31, 2024
"Fashion is who I am" - Fashion Institute of Technology Admissions Essay

3 - Hi, you did good but for me, it seems like you are not answering the questions properly the...

Undergraduatenadiacheray - Jan 19, 2024 / sankook - Jan 23, 2024
Common App Personal Essay - Life's Journey and Lessons

2 - There seems to be a disconnection between the death of your grandmother and the silence that you suddenly decided...

Undergraduatesamaahshameer - Jan 18, 2024 / Holt - Jan 20, 2024
Application Supplemental Essay (Why Barnard)- First-Year Transfer to Barnard College

2 - I am not very convinced about the effects of traditional Chinese dance with regards to finding your most powerful...

Undergraduatenafizux - Jan 16, 2024 / Holt - Jan 20, 2024
Nanyang Technological University Scholarship Essay - Value and beliefs

2 - When you speak of values and beliefs, this should relate to the way that you participate in your community....

Undergraduatelemon_macarons - Jan 15, 2024 / Holt - Jan 20, 2024
Family and friends - ideas UBC personal profile

2 - You are spending too much time talking about how you influenced your friend. That is the longest aspect of...

UndergraduateIssacLee16543663 - Jan 14, 2024 / Holt - Jan 14, 2024
International Applicant applying for West Point seeking feedbac, Explain Why you want to attend USMA

2 - The essay response does not indicate if you will go back to your home country and serve as an...

Undergraduatesapper5446 - Jan 13, 2024 / Holt - Jan 14, 2024
Cancer research is important to me - UBC PERSONAL PROFILE APPLICATION

2 - Wel... Yes and no. Yes, you answer the question with a hyper focus on cancer, but I do not...

Undergraduatesuzan11 - Jan 11, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024
My quiet balcony - why you chose the academic program- NCSU Prompt

2 - You are taking too long to get to the point. This creative writing exercise will lose the interest of...

Undergraduatemonogatari - Jan 11, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024
GTE to Australia study abroad

2 - I am not confident about your financial status in relation to your application. You are automatically assuming that you...

UndergraduateAnn_Bui_29 - Jan 10, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024
The miniEnterprize Youth Business Conference - UBC Sauder School of Business - Personal Profile

2 - I like the way you approached the discussion. I did not like that you avoided discussing what you learned...

Undergraduatestudent_88 - Jan 8, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024
Waterloo AIF (Admissions Information Form) Response

2 - You have given a list far too long of the things you wish to accomplish at Waterloo. While you...

Undergraduateshusaku - Jan 6, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024
Supply chain disruption - UBC Sauder commence personal profile: How you responded to a problem.

2 - This is a strong narrative explanation for the prompt. The fact that you based it in your personal experience...

Undergraduaterachelxu1106 - Jan 6, 2024 / Holt - Jan 12, 2024
Developing a YouTube automation bot - UBC Personal profile - How would people describe you?

2 - Your personal statement does not work for the prompt provided. This is not a first person opinion of you...

UndergraduateAlfie12 - Jan 6, 2024 / Holt - Jan 10, 2024
Studying Public Policy - Cornell Essay

2 - The first thing you have to understand is that there are no right or wrong answers to these essays....

UndergraduateMoonlight1689 - Jan 3, 2024 / Holt - Jan 9, 2024
PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR HONG KONG UNIVERSITIES APPLICATION

2 - I am afraid that your approach to the personal statement is not in a proper manner. You have focused...

UndergraduateHoang314 - Dec 31, 2023 / Holt - Jan 9, 2024
[CommonApp Personal Statement] Uniforms and Unity (title tentative)

2 - Your essay is interesting to read but does not really fall under the prompt that you decided to use....

UndergraduateKings1504 - Dec 30, 2023 / Holt - Jan 6, 2024
"Yes" - UAH Honors application essay -- What is your favorite word and why

2 - Reading the full essay showed me that there as no reason to include your parents saying that your favorite...

UndergraduateHsperry - Dec 30, 2023 / Holt - Jan 6, 2024
Reasons for choosing your program and waterloo - Waterloo AIF Comp Sci and Engineering

2 - Your response is concise, informative, and well developed. It shows that you have an actual career path that you...

Undergraduatesiwaranos - Dec 29, 2023 / Holt - Jan 6, 2024
[COMMON APP] COUNTDOWN TO A NEW CHAPTER

2 - I like the topic you have chosen to write about. I do not think you should be using the...

Undergraduatehannah suitor - Dec 26, 2023 / Holt - Dec 27, 2023

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