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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 4)

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Educated - tara westover; UGA supplemental essay

2 - Would you be comfortable sharing the aspects of your identity that you were having trouble with at the time...

Undergraduatetuxedocat444 - Oct 11, 2023 / Holt - Oct 14, 2023

Gks Undergraduate Essay; I have been deeply intrigued by the world of business

3 - Hello, i am aware of the GKS-UG guidlenes. I read your essay and let me give you my honest...

Undergraduatequenshaa - Oct 8, 2023 / sushiii - Oct 14, 2023

"The challenges I had to go through to finally learn a language" - Common app personal statement

2 - Well, this is certainly a very impressive take on the struggle of a foreign student to learn the English...

UndergraduateKuvyl - Oct 7, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023

Why I want to become an anesthesiologist assistant

2 - Do you have an underlying condition that requires you to have regular check ups? Is this one of...

Undergraduatemicrowavedchild - Oct 6, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023

'How does this affect Lebron's legacy' - National Merit Essay: Influential Person

2 - It is obvious that you have written this essay from the heart. It shows in the way that you...

Undergraduateomh66206 - Oct 6, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023

Artist Statement - SAIC (School of the Art Institute of chicago)

2 - Since this is an artist statement, try to develop more insight into how you got your start in photography....

UndergraduateRuan_sds - Oct 3, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023

Martial arts - supplemental essay on Jiu Jitsu - UNC

2 - This story of your even temperament is actually something unique in this type of application. I thoroughly enjoyed reading...

Undergraduateaviatorspings - Sep 27, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023

My Father and the Gym - undergraduate admissions

2 - There is no connection between the gym and your presentation. That was a forced connection that came in at...

UndergraduateAryking - Sep 27, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023

Week-long bursts of passion - my Questbridge personal essay

2 - The essay is scattered. The story telling is choppy. There are aspects that seem to hit the reader out...

UndergraduateHonda_civic - Sep 26, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023

Common App main essay: Mother's Battle Changed my life

2 - I agree that you need to shorten the reference to your mother's cancer battle. You have too much of...

UndergraduateVgreene1659 - Sep 22, 2023 / Holt - Oct 7, 2023

Chameleon of Roleplay - Questbridge personal statement

2 - Okay, the reviewer would rather get to know you without the constant reference to other characters. I understand that...

Undergraduatehayebal - Sep 20, 2023 / Holt - Oct 7, 2023

ISO ideas writing "WHO AM I?" for NFL Pitch Brochure

2 - It's good but needs to better focus on your drafting skills. The how is just as important as the...

UndergraduatePMG_SportsBiz - Sep 30, 2023 / Holt - Oct 3, 2023

Business Administration GKS personal statement undergraduate

NEW - Hello, I wish to apply GKS. It will be a huge help to me for you to check my...

Undergraduatebath444 - Oct 2, 2023 / — -

COMMON APP ESSAY REVIEW (essay on personal growth)

2 - The essay tends to be a bit confusing as you move from the plant experience to your personal experience....

Undergraduateyurii06xx - Sep 16, 2023 / Holt - Sep 26, 2023

New country arrival - QuestBridge-Personal Essay

3 - @Holt Hi, thank you for your feedback!...

UndergraduateNguyebui - Sep 25, 2023 / Nguyebui - Sep 26, 2023

Common App / "Why did I take a gap year" essay / international student / early decision in november

2 - You spent too much time explaining the concept of the gap year. The focus should be on why you...

Undergraduategigibsz - Sep 12, 2023 / Holt - Sep 26, 2023

Statement Of Intent for School of Visual Arts BFA Fine Arts

NEW - Summary: Hello! I am trying to transfer to the School of Visual arts in New York and we are...

UndergraduateGracefulRoseThor - Sep 25, 2023 / — -

GAP YEAR ESSAY FOR COMMONAPP

2 - It is definitely an explanation of why you had to take a gap year. However, it is not the...

UndergraduateNaveed123 - Sep 8, 2023 / Holt - Sep 24, 2023

My journey of independence and family bonds Essay (Personal statement)

2 - The essay does not really show how you overcame an obstacle. It comes across more as you just complaining...

Undergraduateccbubblegirl - Sep 7, 2023 / Holt - Sep 24, 2023

Rubber Bands College Essay INTRO paragraph

2 - I find the paragraph to be highly redundant and lacking in focus. There is too much emphasis on the...

Undergraduatertm7272 - Sep 6, 2023 / Holt - Sep 18, 2023

Essay about telling the story that shaped my characters

3 - @Roandan I feel like you did not understand the topic you had to write about. This seems like a...

UndergraduateRoandan - Sep 4, 2023 / HITZYBITZYTYTY - Sep 16, 2023

Journey in programming - Motivation for applying to UNIST (Entrance Essay)

3 - @Holt Oh I see. Thank you so much. I will work on that...

Undergraduatekanghyun3130 - Sep 4, 2023 / kanghyun3130 - Sep 16, 2023

Stepping into the gates - UGRAD statement of purpose

2 - Focus on developing paragraph 3. That is where you purpose seems to lie, but seems unexplored for the most...

UndergraduateMominat - Aug 30, 2023 / Holt - Sep 16, 2023

"I can do it" app eassy for Computer Science major GKS_U

2 - The GKS-U application essays follow a highly specific question and answer format. You must respond to a series of...

UndergraduateMinahil - Aug 26, 2023 / Holt - Sep 12, 2023

Growing Up In The Family Restaurant

NEW - Growing Up In The Family Restaurant The experience of working in my family restaurant taught me the importance...

Undergraduatesebastian323 - Aug 28, 2023 / — -

Technology - Statement of Purpose for UGRAD undergrad exchange program 2024

3 - @basit123 I think you should discuss some more ideas that you are going to perform in the future...

Undergraduatebasit123 - Aug 23, 2023 / Minahil - Aug 26, 2023

BEING A QUEER MUSLIM - COMMON APP ESSAY FOR UMICH!

2 - Somehow the presentation seems incomplete to me. I am looking for some reference as to how the Muslim community...

Undergraduateraindrops - Aug 1, 2023 / Holt - Aug 8, 2023

"That's it, I quit Reading Bowl!" - college app essay

2 - Without knowing what prompt you are responding to from the common app list, I would have to say that...

Undergraduatenikhiltadepalli - Jul 28, 2023 / Holt - Aug 6, 2023

Personal Statement to apply for Internal Medicine Residency USMLE

2 - Please revise your personal statement. A personal statement should not focus on your academic achievements or medical accomplishments. Rather,...

UndergraduateRushel - Jul 27, 2023 / Holt - Aug 4, 2023

Windows on Williams Fly-in Essay "Describe your neighborhood and how it impacts you" 500 word limit

3 - @Holt Okay, thank you for the tips, I will definitely take those into consideration!...

Undergraduatewax338 - Jun 28, 2023 / wax338 - Jul 16, 2023

The New School for AAS in Fashion Design

2 - The overall presentation is strong and well informed. You have a clear idea of how you see your future...

Undergraduatesweets9 - Jul 11, 2023 / Holt - Jul 12, 2023

Energy engineering - Personal statement - GKS-U 2024

2 - The essay can do with some professional editing to help with the clarity of the content. However, the confusing...

Undergraduatebibi04 - May 23, 2023 / Holt - May 24, 2023

Describe your dream and the efforts you have made so far to achieve it and your future plan for it

2 - There is no real ambition being depicted in this essay. You only speak of an interest in computers in...

Undergraduatekenzierivan - May 21, 2023 / Holt - May 22, 2023

The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters - University Transfer

2 - Your response to the prompt is entirely incorrect. You wrote a character analysis of Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader....

Undergraduatenotsocoolgio - Apr 10, 2023 / Holt - Apr 13, 2023

Common app essay on personal development based off a light hearted situation - feed back

2 - This is a well written essay that shows how events in your life led to a lifelong lesson and...

Undergraduateacceptedpiggy4f - Apr 4, 2023 / Holt - Apr 6, 2023

Why you want to participate in this Pre-College Wall Street program

2 - The program is looking for participants who already have some sort of relevant experience in trading stocks and investments....

Undergraduatemayte2908 - Mar 15, 2023 / Holt - Mar 17, 2023

How does MIT align with your goals (e.g., academic, personal, career, extracurricular, etc.)?*

2 - The response is good, but vague. There is no clearly defined goal for each aspect indicated in the prompt....

Undergraduatedeepak212 - Mar 12, 2023 / Holt - Mar 14, 2023

Physical therapy and kinesiology - QUESTBRIDGE PREP SCHOLAR Q!

2 - Okay, you cannot use an exposure when you were 7 years for this prompt. What you provided is neither...

Undergraduatecelbel - Mar 7, 2023 / Holt - Mar 8, 2023

Global Liberal Arts - your interests and how you would like to explore those interests.

2 - Your response is actually irrelevant to the writing instructions. You were expected to discuss your technical skills and its...

UndergraduateDIVER - Feb 23, 2023 / Holt - Feb 24, 2023

Select one thing you have focused on the most from the time you entered high school until now.

2 - You are using a personal insight to respond to what should be a community and social skills development response....

Undergraduatearisuw - Feb 21, 2023 / Holt - Feb 22, 2023

Reasons to choose Waterloo and Computer engineering, educational goals & interest in chosen program

3 - @Holt Thank you so much Holt!...

Undergraduatesami21 - Feb 11, 2023 / sami21 - Feb 11, 2023

The importance of expression - FIT Admissions Essay for Fashion Business Management

2 - The perfect FIT candidate does not only have the heart for fashion and business. He does not only have...

Undergraduateroseriv - Jan 30, 2023 / Holt - Jan 30, 2023

Passion for the environment - Statement of purpose admissions essay appreciate

3 - 1- Never quote negative things in your essay if it is not to bring a positive reaction in your...

Undergraduateah9087 - Jan 18, 2023 / crlian - Jan 24, 2023

Blessing of God - UBC essay what is important to you and why?

3 - I think other than the content, making your essay more cohesive would make your thoughts come up better to...

Undergraduateapricotmoss - Jan 15, 2023 / rudraksh - Jan 22, 2023

Affinity for mathematics - Why Waterloo

2 - The passion for the actual Math application is missing. The reviewer could View this response as lacking in actual...

UndergraduateGyroZepelli - Jan 18, 2023 / Holt - Jan 19, 2023

"Cool kid" - UBC Tell us about yourself essay

2 - The response to this prompt cannot be of the collective opinion kind. That is what you have written here....

UndergraduatePony4590 - Jan 14, 2023 / Holt - Jan 15, 2023

To impart knowledge - objectives and how these are appropriate to your long-range goals.

5 - There is a slight improvement. Open the statement with the current last sentence to provide the direct academic goal...

UndergraduateLucarian - Jan 9, 2023 / Holt - Jan 14, 2023

Software engineering and computer engineering - Waterloo essay

3 - @doris101 I have to agree with Holt as well. The more specific you can be, the better. Show that...

Undergraduatedoris101 - Jan 12, 2023 / kokosi - Jan 13, 2023

"Writing to escape"- Common App Prompt

2 - The way you approached this writing and what it reflects of your personal character, insights, and hobbies lead me...

Undergraduatenamuvior - Jan 11, 2023 / Holt - Jan 11, 2023

"The lesson of hard work and persistence" - personal statement

2 - I strongly urge you to remove the introductory paragraph in this statement. Since the word requirement is less than...

Undergraduateanukk - Jan 9, 2023 / Holt - Jan 9, 2023

Pushing myself - WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

2 - The prompt only asks for one important topic. Therefore you have to choose between motivation and self. discipline. I...

Undergraduatekngsleyw - Jan 7, 2023 / Holt - Jan 8, 2023

Computer science and software engineering - What are your educational goals - Waterloo

3 - Hey there, I had to answer this question as well! I think you should concentrate on why you decided...

Undergraduatemuhammadso - Jan 5, 2023 / Slyrae - Jan 7, 2023

UBC Sauder School of Business - Personal Profile Essay - UNFAMILIAR SITUATION (not liking poetry)

2 - This is certainly a good response that covers both the problem and unfamiliar situation prompt. I like that you...

Undergraduatetxd123 - Jan 5, 2023 / Holt - Jan 6, 2023

"Outgoing," "passionate," and "holistic" - personal statement!

2 - Why are you shouting at the reader? Do you want me to have your account suspended for disrespect? You...

UndergraduateSunilPal - Jan 5, 2023 / Holt - Jan 5, 2023

UBC Sauder School of Business - Personal Profile - RESPONSE TO A PROBLEM SITUATION: The Referee

3 - Your essay seems to be broken. It needs to be worked on. Suggestions- You can tell how your...

Undergraduatecatlover420 - Dec 31, 2022 / SunilPal - Jan 5, 2023

Anesthesiologist Assistant Personal Statement. How my background suits this profession.

3 - When it comes to a vacancy in a health course, any argument you use to boost you needs to...

UndergraduateAbian - Jan 1, 2023 / crlian - Jan 4, 2023

Strong Healthcare Foundations: Statement of Intent Review

2 - You have read the course description very well. You have noted the courses in the study list showing that...

Undergraduatejetta - Jan 3, 2023 / Holt - Jan 4, 2023

The recycling depot - UBC Sauder Application: Personal Profile

2 - You seem to have had an assistant leadership position at the recycling plant. It is important that you acknowledge...

Undergraduatemlkm - Jan 2, 2023 / Holt - Jan 2, 2023

We age and decay. MIT : Describe the world you come from essay

3 - Thanks for the feedback, what I was trying to get at with my essay was I live on a...

UndergraduateTheDoctor2035 - Jan 1, 2023 / TheDoctor2035 - Jan 1, 2023

Stipendium Hungaricum Motivation Letter BSc on ChemEng

2 - The first paragraph would be more impressive if it does not refer to any age aspect. Use the first...

Undergraduateiudex - Dec 31, 2022 / Holt - Jan 1, 2023

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