Undergraduate / 'a strong passion for programming' - USC Supplemental [2]

Growing up in a technological age wasconsidered to be a blessing for me, where I used my childhood life to learn about the wonders of computer technology.

My first encounter with a computer was when my father bought me a Windows 98.---How old were you?---Not necessary, but it will make your essay more personal.

It turns out, that a computer functions based on the hardware, and within the hardware containsare programs that programmers must create.

...focused my years in high school and in college studying math, all the way up to Linear Algebra and Differential Equations.

The way that they spoke to me is very similar to what any military recruiter tells you before you enlist.

They told me that computer programming is not an easy task, for you have to learn a new language, and it takes time to understand it.

There are times where I believe that computers have developed a nature of what computer geeks may call the "soul". ---Awesome sentence, but a scary concept!

Studying to become a programmer in a city that desiresthrives on technology, LA will be the right place for me.

They'll be lucky to have you as a student!
:)

Writing Feedback / ...a still life water color; I too would like to live to be 92 years old [9]

Oh! You're already a professional! I did not know I'd been chatting with a book author, I'm suddenly shy and have gone all silly! Rajiv I just found your book on Advanced Book Exchange and feel so weirdly proud of you! If I order one there, will you be paid for it? Can I buy a copy from you? I don't know if I'm allowed to give my email address here, but are you on facebook? I'm so excited for you, and also quite jealous! :)

well no one ever told me not to, so here's my email address; diversgirl9@gmail.com (my dad was a diver)

Writing Feedback / 'teachers can teach children with love' - computers in education [3]

W hether a computer or teacher has the more important role in the education is a topic of frequent discussion.

Always start each new sentence with a capital letter. Also, 'I' should always be capitalized!!

Firstly , teachers can act wisely by understanding the difficulties of the student.

To be more precise, the teacher can understand the capabilities of the students so that he/she can suggest ways to guide them to improve their performance.

Thus, the teacher can play the role of a good role model.

This enables students to clarify their doubts easily.

Furthermore, the major proportion of children's social and character development rests on the shoulders of the teacher.---Good point!

However, some people think that in this complex technological world, computers are more important than teachers.

C omputers act as an educational tool.

So students can find anything on the internet and can clarify their doubts.

Although this is true, it cannot be denied that computers are just machines, and they cannot act wisely by knowing the needs of the children.

Taking everything into consideration, I pen down saying that, even-though computers are necessary to assist children in their studies, it cannot replace the role of teachers in the classroom.

:)

Undergraduate / 'The appealing characteristic is global awareness' - FSU [3]

Reason beingThis is because many things in our society needs to be changed.

As a student, my goal is to become a civil engineer.

Civil engineers are imperative to this change; they construct roads, bridges, and other modes of transportation, which are important for fast communication .---Should this say 'transportation'?

With my c areer plan of becoming a civil engineer, I hope to captivate and satisfy everyone in my community to a better way of living.

My job will be to make sure individuals are living in the most easiest and most comfortable way.

With better roads, bridges and other means of transportaion, it will be conducive to a better environment that will change numerous of activities and economic issues.

Being able to learn in a environment that will contribute to my global awareness is a characteristic I hope to acquire and stay commited to, as I proceed with my eduacation and life.

Therefore, by studying civil engineering at Florida State University, I can become more aware of the needs of the world and lead the globe into a new world of technology.

Good luck with school and have fun! Florida is beautiful and warm!

:)

Writing Feedback / The Life Of Living Rich and Poor [2]

Looking around neighborhoods, seeing big nice houses, and shabby houses and neighborhoods, thinking about if it's the rich or the poor.

We all know the difference .

The big nice houses are for the rich, and the shabby houses are for the poor.

Life itself is to make sure your family has stability.

Having food, shelter, lights, clothing, transportation, money, medical insurance , and everything that keeps your house and family going.

Each and every last one of us have one thing in commom, and that is the desire to make sure that we have stability.

The only thing that matters is that everyone can take care of the keepings of shelter, food, transportation, medicine , and other important necessities that comes with living life.

Lets look at the life of living rich or poor.

:)

Undergraduate / 'My fascination with universities' - Common APP ESSAY-Why I wish to transfer [5]

However last spring, both my mind and heart were bolted onto one thing -university decisions.

I remember every morning being spent dashing to the mailbox in the darkness, in the hopes of receiving that letter to my dream university.

I would be able to start anew and have another opportunity to gain admission to a university I would be proud of.

My fascination with universities stems from its student alliances, research opportunities, and the chance to live in a dormitory.

Living in a dormitory has so many advantages, including making new long-lasting friendships with people of various geographical and intellectual backgrounds and being situated right on the campus so I can be able to access sources whenever I want to.

Unfortunately, my community college does not provide me with this opportunity and as a Sociology major, I believe it is necessary to work with a variety of different people because sociology requires different perspectives and fieldwork.

I believe that the academic environment of campus life in a university is rich with opportunities for intellectual enrichment, ...

:)

Undergraduate / 'when I found out I was moving to United States' transfer- Common App [2]

But soon I realized that life wasn't always a Hollywood movie.

Attending a college in New York City is exactly what some students are looking for.

Hearing the hectic sounds of New York every morning and advancing through the crowded 23rd S treet excites most people.

And this is exactly what Baruch College offers: a college in the biggest city in the world with a vast amount of opportunities.

Only when a person surrounds himself with a multitude of different opinions is he able to develop and establish his own ideals.

I want to be part of an institution that offers an excellent selection of courses in economics that will be able to broaden my understanding of the world.

There, I hope to interact with a more renowned faculty that will be able to inspire and educate me to achieve my utmost potential.

I'm a person with many interests, and being part of a program that has cross border learning in its courses will enhance my ability to become a well-rounded economist.

I believe my passion for economics stems from having a unique perspective on the variety of successes people have.

Baruch College has been a good experience, giving me the opportunity to reflect upon myself and has helped me acquire long life lessons.

:)

Undergraduate / "Atithi Devo Bhava" CORNELL HOTEL SCHOOL ESSAY [2]

I love to smell the scents that spread around my house as a delicious chicken curry simmers in the pot.

I spend hours watching cooking channels and scouring the internet for recipes to create something challenging, yet delicious.

As my father was in the army, I have lived and travelled to almost all regions of India and have seen the wonders that are created in Indian kitchens!

I live in Delhi, the capital of India, which is the melting pot of cultures from all over the world.

Thanks to being in Delhi, I have had the splendid opportunity to explore the culinary delights of the Middle east, Far east, Mediterranean and the South and North America.

Psychology, my favourite subject, has taught me to understand how people behave, how to assess their needs and what keeps them happy.

I feel that my passion for food and service, along with my upbringing makes me ideal for The Cornell School of Hotel Administration.

I hope to bring glory to this institution when I start my own restaurant someday and provide exquisite delicacies to the hearts and souls of my guests.

:)

Letters / Research Position Cover Letter (a Ph.D. candidate in Electrical Engineering) [3]

As an experienced researcher in signal processing and compressed sensing (CS), I am always interested in applying this technique to various applications.

In my opinion, my background matches the job description perfectly.

In one project, my collaborators and I applied the compressed sensing theory to Terahertz imaging, aiming to build a practical CS Terahertz imaging system.

These works will definitely be beneficial to your project to develop a smart surgical imaging device.

The project of optimizing the control algorithms of robot arms gave me the firsthand experience in dealing with sophisticated hardware-related C++ programming. Moreover, I am able to skilfully write scientific papers.

The papers which have been published or under reviewed are listed in the attached CV.

And I very much hope to join your state-of-the -art lab in the prestigious Hamlyn Centre.

This is great, they'll be lucky to have you! Good luck!

:)

Writing Feedback / ...a still life water color; I too would like to live to be 92 years old [9]

Rajiv, I actually copied and pasted your name into my gmail so that some day when I see your name on a book at Barnes and Noble, I can tell people I read your work and encouraged you when you were just starting out! I hope you don't think I say it lightly, as I want a signed copy of your first book!

Sue

Undergraduate / A Day Unforgotten- Seton Hall Undergrad Admissions essay [2]

I arrived at the stadium at around 11:30.

Honestly, even with the rain, I still wanted to run. though.

I had competed in the meet last year with the same weather conditions and had no problems.

I still had a little bit of energy left in me, so I figured that I could still push through it to finish the race.

This was nothing to be extremely happy about or something to be extremely sad over.

It was just a race. I finished it and did my best too .

However, I am confident that when I don't think too hard about something, and when I don't get nervous.

I learned that I work best when I just have fun and enjoy whatever I am doing.

:)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic - (more time improving their academic performance) [3]

Nowadays, an increasing number of young people claim that they are engaged in spending far more time improving their academic performance than in the past.

First of all, children are usually pressured by their parents to ameliorate their grades at school from a very young age.

This is because parents believe that this is the only key for their children to enter a university which can provide them all the needed qualifications for a well-paying , prospective job.

Moreover, in recent years the job market has become so competitive that a potential employee...

In addition, current lifestyles including having expensive cars, luxurious houses and all high technology conveniences...

All the above factors have resulted in reducing the free time of young people almost to the zero.

To sum up, it is important for families and society torecognize the limitation of children's leisure time...

This reminds me of a John Lennon song;

As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be...

Good luck with school! Good essay!

:)

Undergraduate / "Hahaha" by Halle - personal details, goals, or obstacles about yourself [4]

Little did I know, besides that awkward moment being fatefully chosen to occur, inspiration struck me while on the toilet. ---Ha ha!! This is great writing, very honest! You went from 'Goody 2 shoes to Charles Bukowski in four sentences! I love it!

However, I deliver that kind of power to captivate my audiences, because they naturally produce an amused sound when they call on me.

Let's not forget that I can reel in men sailing the open road with my seductive, goddess-like laugh, which eventually becomes interrupted by a snort.---awesome!

... along with the alter-egos of those names I shaped into, have made me forget the true identity born first and who I really am.

As I've gotten older I've become more attached to Ha and realized the title represents a Vietnamese cultural part of me.

Rumors spread of how she wreaked havoc on the lives of tiny, innocent civilians by stomping on their pile-of-dirt-homes; created an orphanage...

I will now be proud to be buried as her and her tombstone engraved with "Ha Dang."

You are a unique and amazing writer! I think that sooner or later, writing will become your major, for if it does not, the world might be deprived of the laughs and happy feeling I got, just from reading this essay. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'God's dream for us' - Loyola Marymount University journey to be oneself [2]

With the influence of media and societal expectations, being yourself becomes increasingly difficult, because it's hard to be ourselves in a world that can be insensitive and cruel, where people continue to judge others.---What a great insightful sentence!

To be yourself is to be completely honest and to accept your shortcomings and failures, and to take responsibility for your actions.

We all have this insecurity that we will never be good enough, but what is important is what God thinks and not others.

And we should live to seek for our own happiness not for others.---This seems a little harsh.

This is what makes me insecure; that there are so many choices and I do not know which one is the right one.

I know I will be exposed to many different kinds of pressures in college, such as cheating or other things that are morally wrong, but I know that I'm wise enough to make the healthiest decisions and will be able to live through this journey and face what is coming toward me.

This new and exciting adventure will help me find who I truly am, and is one of the best journeys I am going to take.

:)

Undergraduate / 'AT an AP Physics class my jaw dropped' - Emory Essay [3]

...the research programs offered at Emory cause or caused me to leap with excitement.

Undergraduate / 'AT an AP Physics class my jaw dropped' - Emory Essay [3]

On the first day of junior year, I walked into my AP Physics class and my jaw dropped.

Emory has a pre-med track plan and an excellent medical school, where I can establish experience in the medical field early on.

In addition to the superlative academics, the research programs offered at Emory causes me to leap with excitement.

I think this was probably too late for you, but your essay is pretty great anyway. You're an excellent writer and have answered the prompts beautifully.

:)

Letters / 'International Business' - Motivation Letter for MSc in International Management [3]

My passion and curiosity for business and cultural management grow larger and larger as I gain more intercultural experience, in my life, especially after my exchange experience.

During the exchange semester, I immersed myself in a multi-disciplinary environment, and made friends with students from all over the world.

In addition, I know I really enjoy living in new and challenging environmentsand know that I should continue to pursue my dream of studying international management, in an international environment.

On the one hand,Clients are from different parts of the world, so effective cross-culture communication skill is required.

Having been working in the office for five months, I've learned some real practices in international business.

In fact, I especially enjoy the international aspects of my courses and I achieved high grades in courses like global strategic management, and leadership from a global perspective.

I joined a program which aims to help exchange students to adapt to the new environment in University of ___ for almost two years.

I believe the endeavor and knowledge that are required to complete a Bachelor degree in Business Administration with majoring in Finance well-prepare me to the study of International Management.

:)

Graduate / essay on financial problems of SMEs [2]

SMEs play a very important role in the Turkish economy, due to their large share in the total number of enterprises (%98) and workforce.

The business environment, in which SMEs operate, has been difficult for many years, especially after the financial crisis of 2001.

Since per capita income is low in Turkey, there are difficulties in collection of savings and steer them towards investment to encourage development of loans to the economy and to SMEs in particular.---This sentence is hard to understand.

On the other hand, banks prefer to make loans to larger companies and don't make loans to small firms due to the challenging business environment.

Playing a key role in the development of economics and employment, SMEs need urgent and programmed support to foster the availability of funds and in terms of access to financial markets.

Having 7 years of working experience with Capital Markets Board, I believe that it will be practical to finance SMEs through capital markets.

I hope this is helpful!

:)

Scholarship / 'Orville and Wilbur were brothers' - Scholarship essay. [2]

The b rothers often came with exotic ideas that were considered as frivolity from other penguins.

Once, after Wilbur and Orville found out that penguins were classified as birds, they decided to justify the name and fly.

Every time the brothers tried to explain to their people that penguins were birds, although they could not fly, they were bitterly ridiculed.---I love this!

The impediments and disbelief from their society even further motivated the brothers and illuminated their minds.

They diligently learned engineering and aerodynamics and implemented whole their knowledge in the construction of a plane.

As the brothers' first model was ready they decided to show it to the public.

On the fifth attempt Wilbur saw that finally Orville was rising into the air.

Nevertheless, they worked hard and learned a lot; the keys to their success were their motivation and imagination.

After their flight, their society became enterprising and never avoided trying toaccomplish seemingly absurd ideas.

They realized something very crucial, that if they had never tried, they would never have flown.

I like this a lot! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / Statement of Purpose (MSc in Pure Mathematics/Logic) [2]

However, I was concerned that most of my future fellow students would have much stronger mathematical backgrounds than I had, and that the teacher would cover a lot of material which was unknown to me.

I was pleased to discover that I'd kept up well with the curriculum, and in addition, maintained an interest in reading and studying literature and philosophy by myself during my spare time.

During these years I have had the opportunity to deal with a wide range of branches of mathematics and I must say that, as I expected, I am now more interested than ever in the "abstract part" of mathematics (namely: abstract algebra, topology, mathematical logic, mathematical analysis, etc.) rather than its applications.

I plan to graduate at the end of July this year, and I have already decided to leave my present institution mostly because it cannot offer to me the wide range of logic lectures I would like to take.

I enjoy reading English literature a lot in my free time, and furthermore, during high school I spent one year in New Zealand attending lessons and exams, and did not encounter any problems.

I like your ending a lot! Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'created their own Android app' - Why Lafayette? Interview. [2]

Most of all, I loved Lafayette's Cur Non motto--- What does it mean?---that encourages students to step out of their comfort zone.

--------------
The program ran from 5 to 8 p.m. every Monday, from February through May in downtown Manhattan.

But it was worth all of the long hours of commuting on the train.

:)

Undergraduate / 'troop of cheeky boys' - Descriptive writtng: Childrens birthday party [21]

There stood a vast, majestic table that had a wonderful selection of foods.

The table also had a large modern vase, which was filled with the most extravagant and unusual flowers; lavender, cypress, dahlia.---This sounds beautiful!

Their refreshing scent filled the space.---I think 'filled the air' would sound better, but this is fine too.

Outside, the thrill of excitement filled the summer breeze; the magnificent weather has put a smile on the children's faces.

Some sat cross-legged in the corner of the castle whispering precious secrets to each other, while others cheered and yelled with their friends in a joyous state.

A funny man stood beside the bouncy castle selling balloons to a group of giddy girls, and they were laughing hysterically at his jokes.

This is coming along fine, it's very descriptive! Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'nothing but a few blankets and clothes' Church Youth UGA Essay [2]

During my involvement with my church's youth group over the years, there have been many moments that have been special, in that they have affected me as a person and changed my character.

It was one in which we were required to step out of our comfort zone and see firsthand, the life that homeless people live.

Our goal was to seek out those who lived under the bridges, and help them however we could.

As a person I grew to have a more positive outlook on life, and it taught me to not dwell on the negatives no matter how bad a situation may seem.---Everything you do is 'as a person'!

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'I hear the name Steve Jobs after' - Reed 2012 Admission Essay [2]

While the presence of Steve Jobs adds more prestige to the college, as it would to any college, the funny thing is that I really do not care.

To me, he was just another creative student who happened to be a part of the Reed community for a while; a community I hope to join next fall.

The fact that it also met my criteria of being a liberal arts school on the West Coast seemed to be fate. I tried not to get ahead of myself but the more I explored it, the more I fell in love.---These two sentences are great!

This was due to the fact that instead of sitting in a large auditorium with three hundred other students, I was in a classroom with six others, sitting right next to the teacher.

Students have three mentors who work with them to help complete this project : peer, adult and faculty.

Because of Passages, I have been able to research what it would take to become a kindergarten teacher, and have gotten the opportunity to be a teacher's assistant in our local elementary school.

What I have developed because of Passages that sets me apart from many other high school students, are well-developed independent thinking and self-motivational skills.

:)

Writing Feedback / Sharp Edges by Quinn Vlacich [2]

The ocean waves, as black as the shadows, beat against the sand, in tune with the steady beat of her broken heart.---her heart beat so slowly?

The sound mocked her, o rderly and predictable while her whole world continued to shatter.---Don't forget to leave a space after each comma and period.

The evergreens whistled in the slight breeze.---I think this would be more powerful if you write 'the wind whistled through the evergreens...'.

She dipped the point of her toe in the water and watched as the ripple disappeared like every word she'd ever spoken .

This is some deep and amazing writing! I'm glad I got to read it, is it prose or the beginning of a story?

Writing Feedback / Nelson Mandela's rise to fame essay [2]

Just about everyone has heard the name Nelson Mandela once in their lifetime before , but who exactly is he?

His contributions to the world have fought against---His 'contributions' have not fought against anything! HE has fought against...--- segregation in his home country, Africa, and has affected the entire world. today and tomorrow, too.

... segregation, and life have rewarded him with fame all acrossaround the world.

He has and will be known as a hero in the war on segregation and racism throughout the ages, and his story will most definitely be told time and time again.

The movement against segregation and apartheid grew stronger and stronger when new laws limiting the freedom of black people in South Africa even more, were passed.

But, despite all that, Mandela's changing --(?)....actions have led the world a step closer into the light, and away from the darkness of hostility and racism.

He will continue to make contributions to the world and all of the Earth's inhabitants until his final breath, and still make an impact for years laterto come .---It seems as if you have written this same sentence about 10 times!

Mandela took an entire lifetime to complete his mission to end apartheid , and can finally live to say, "Mission accomplished."

:)

Undergraduate / ("Creative thought matters" / "Diversity") - Skidmore College [3]

...through this motto, I understand that Skidmore is the most suitable environment for me to develop my ability.---Ability to do what?

As an adventurous person, I don't like repeated and old things, but always try to think in a new and creative way.

What type of future job, for example?

--------------------------------------------

I was born in Hanoi, and raised in a family in which the father comes from Hue and the mother from Hai Duong.

My father and my mother used to live in Germany for 3 years and met each other there.

Besides, my parents usually tell me their stories about German culture which inspires in me the idea of being a global citizen.
--------------------------------

Then, we decorate our camp like a PC with the keyboard made from the foam that was collected in the trash ground and repainted.

And the camp looked like a computer screen, and every icon on the desktop was a picture of a class' member.---Awesome idea!

I suggested that my friends to program some easy games to show our ability as well.

:)

Writing Feedback / The expression"never, never give up" _ essay [3]

Some people say that, ---No comma here.--- there is no real loser, he is a real defeated person when he gives up his aims.

Throughout his life, a person has to be faced with many sophisticated problems in education, career, or love, and so on.

Therefore, if you always keep you going on your way and never abandon your targets, it will lead you to success.

I completely agree with this opinion for several reasons.

Furthermore, we usually brainstorm and think continuously in a way which makes our minds clear and more and more intelligent.

Besides, keeping the "never, never give up" spirit in my mind is a way to seize opportunities and keep luck by my side.

I strongly think that other chances and great ideas never show up if they are given up on .

Finally , once I took part in the final test at university.

I read carefully my questions and used all of my knowledge relevant to it to do the exercise and answer the questions.

:)

Undergraduate / 'continue my passion for philosophy' - USC Supplement, Why Essay [4]

...philosophical concepts to real-life problems of civil and poltical cases .

Through the USC Study Abroad Program, I could go to places like Athens and enroll in Ancient Greek Studies, retracing the cradle of the W estern civilization.

At USC, I could have the access to the best philosophy library in the whole country: Hoose Libray of Philosophy.

This would be even better, if you throw in a quote from a great philosopher, summing up an idea that goes with the essay!

:)

Undergraduate / Gay Brother - COMMON APP/ Significant Experience [12]

Even our names are one and the same.

Just because I am open to who he is, I could not assume everyone else would be as well.

They would deliberately make hurtful comments when my brother was within hearing distance, and even try to talk him out of "his way of life."

At times, these comments would force me to question how I feel with having someone so close to me be gay.

In the end, I came to realize that it is not I or Jody who should be second guessing how they feel but they should be, for making such ignorant, hurtful statements.

Jody has shown me the world in a new light: that it is okay to be different (strange), not to give in to what others think, and to always be true to yourself.

Jody became a spark of hope to others who have had their own flames extinguished .

He's lucky to have such a sweet sister! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / The University of the Arts- What Inspires you? [7]

The first paragraph is actually excellent. It's interesting and to the point, and sums up what your essay is about, just like it's supposed to! No worries!

Undergraduate / 'education is the vehicle' - Common App Transfer Student [2]

During the previous summer of 2011, I volunteered at the Northern Westchester at a social workers office.

These were all single mothers coming from women's shelters and low-income neighborhoods.

The one and only thing I concluded was that if these mothers had obtained an education, they and their children would not have been in those conditions.

In order to take my cause to the next level and act on my aspiration, I created a website called Wheel.org. (Women Health Education and Economic League)---This is great!!

My mission for this project is to help young girls and women receive an education and to empower them so they can have better economic and social conditions.

Humans are chameleons; we must choose our surroundings selectively.---Good point!

They'll be lucky to have you as a student!
:)

Scholarship / 'Motivating my team to work toward the objective' - Gates Millenium Scholarship [3]

As a leader, I had my ups and downs, but it did not break me, neither did it pulled me down.

It was difficult trying to lead my fellow mates, but practicing being in the position helped a lot.

Communicating with my peers, ensuring them that they understood their individual roles and responsibilities.

Setting a good example for my peers on how to work effectively and carry out tasks to the best of their ability.---Not a complete sentence.

...the way, but it is our duty as a leaders to face it and take whatever consequences and move forward.

To be honest, I do not know how and why I became a leader in this area, my school chose me.

I don't know who said it first, but it's true that greatness is sometimes thrust upon you!

:)

Undergraduate / 'uncertainty about my future' - Common App Essay, Philosophical Passions [2]

Sorry about that post by some slob who has infiltrated the forum, he is suspended now. Sheesh!
----------------------

...my first taste of life's ups and downs filled me with doubts about the world around me.What is success? ---Don't forget to leave a space between all punctuation marks!

Gradually I learned of predecessors who had faced the same questions, and that there are written records of their life-long research left for me to explore.

Casting aside my previous narrow-mindedness, I thus started to approach everything with an open attitude, welcoming diversity of opinions and opportunities of learning something new.

Socrates' dialectic form of investigating a philosophical problems presents to me his full intellectual processes and allows me to follow his threads of thinking.

I also found humility and caution in Socrates' efforts in finding the truth, which often ends in

:)

Undergraduate / 'pessimists and optimists' unique or interesting things about yourself -Virginia Tech [4]

One sees a glass half empty, and the other half-full.

But there are many aspects to a visionary, one being meticulous, or precise.

Throughout my whole education, I have been accustomed to following a set of instructions or rubric thoroughly, and self-evaluating myself after completion.

For instance, I was wait listed from Virginia Tech, but it's not stopping me from applying again and again until I get in.

I really like your ending! Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Everyone makes mistakes' - common app essay [3]

Although now I ride at a stable and not on a farm, I still remember my dad every time I jump.

As I approach a jump, apprehension and excitement take a hold of me, yet when it comes to the final stride before the jump I let go of everything; for those three seconds when my horse and I are flying through the air, we are free.

Nothing matters when you are in the air. It is too late to change the take-off , and it's not yet time to think about the landing.

As we rush to meet the ground we prepare ourselves for the next jump; as the horse's hoof make contact with the soil underneath us, my eyes are already glued to the next obstacle.

The choices we make now will influence who we will become, as we grow and set the course for the rest of our lives.

You are an amazing writer! Please take some creative writing classes, so you can get the praise and feedback that you deserve. Your essay shows your thoughtfulness, intelligence, maturity and perseverance. Good luck with school and have fun.

:)

Undergraduate / 'I feel powerless' - Common App personal essay [3]

I just resent the kind of man he is.

Before, I'd assumed that eventually, everything would be fine, but the bankruptcy has, in a sense, opened my eyes to the bleakness of our current situation.

I know for a fact that my mother is intelligent, but the fact is that she is a single mother of two who, to UK employers, has no recognizable qualifications, and as a result, is self-employed.

I also feel guilty as my mother would have a master's degree in German Literature, were it not for my birth (which persuaded...

... here in England, has strengthened my resolve to ensure that all of this wasn't just in vain, and has convinced me that I must do everything to seize any opportunities I may receive.

Rather than responding with despondence, I feel I have to view this event in my life as something to galvanize me into action.

I won't be able to stop the banks closing my mother's account next month but in the long-term, through education, I hope I can improve our situation and I hope I can repay my mother for everything she's done.

:)

Writing Feedback / Introductory PARAGRAPH FOR ESSAY, WHY THE 1980S WAS DIFFICULT FOR CANADA. [2]

Canadian government created "The Meech Lake Accord" to bring Quebec into constitution.---Here is where you should tell a little about what this all means, as if your reader has no idea. How would bringing Quebec into constitution help them?

An agreement between the United States and Canada was made, to lower tariffs on products.

In result, the treaty did not end up as an advantage for Canada in population growth and other significant aspects.---What was the plan, and why did it not work out?

Canada experienced one of the worst recessions ever during these times.

:)

Undergraduate / The University of the Arts- What Inspires you? [7]

One of the key aspects of Industrial Design is that it grants the individual the capability of being creative while balancing challenges of making that idea tangible.

My experience of living in a third world country for eight years motivated me to use my artistic ability for a good cause.

This is a great essay! They'll be lucky to have you as a student! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Being the son of immigrants' - Ut Austin [5]

when you 'help' students by looking at their essays, "good job I like it" is not help.