Book Reports / Monkey Beach Compare and Contrast essay [2]

For some good ideas and outlines, google this:
essay compare contrast alternating opposing

You will need to choose alternating or opposing for your essay.

You'll have to capture the "meaning of the novel" in that first paragraph so that you can make a thesis statement about how the differences of their relationships to the culture support the author's theme.

After that, plan your paragraphs according to whether you choose alternating or opposing style.

The main theme of the essay will be a unique observation you make about the significance of the differences/similarities in their relationships to the culture.

Scholarship / Why are you a good candidate to receive this award? [5]

Use periods:
In 2005, I came to the United States for the first time. I was born and raised in El Salvador. Our life there was horrible. We often had nothing to eat. My parents decided to bring me to the U.S. to expand my opportunities in education.

Add one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph. Make it a sentence that tells the reader what you want to accomplish. End that first paragraph with a sentence about what you hope to achieve in these next five or ten years.

When you talk about more than one parent and something that belongs to them, use the apostrophe AFTER the s:
My parents' decision ...

Don't capitalize the M in motivation:
My academic performance is a reflection of a strong work ethic, motivation, and powerful desire to succeed. Through four years of high school, I dedicated my time to studying and earned good grades. I loved to play sports -- baseball, track, and tennis.

I am a good candidate to receive the Villa Scholarship, because I have a great need for money to continue in college, and I also have a great plan for contributing meaningfully to society. Since I am an Undocumented Student, my chances to qualify for Federal Financial Aid are zero.

Tell about your plan for contributing to society and being a success in your chosen field! Show that you have a plan. :-)

Writing Feedback / Comparison and contrast between Palestine and USA [8]


That means it is the kind of compare contrast essay called "opposing."

Google this for a good explanation:
Compare and contrast essay opposing


You can write "the U.S." or "the United States."

Remember to write about both the similarities and differences in each paragraph.
Culture differences and similarities between Palestine and the United States are easily seen in their holidays, foods, and customs.

Good This is going to have good organization. But remember that compare and contrast mean similarities AND differences.

:-)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: government should spend as much money as possible on social issues [7]

Thanks, Xiao. I know that must have taken a long time!!

That is why I think that the government should spend as much money as possible on what the issue that is of the greatest importance for people, which is solving the basic problems of the society.

Here is a good way to write this sentence:
All states consist of people who live within its rule and have certain social need.

Furthermore, there is no need to develop space equipment for further exploration of other planets appropriate for living if people will have everything that they need require to satisfy their basic material and social needs: a clean environment, infrastructure, good jobs, enough money to support household and their family.

Good luck Azeri!! :-)
Work on using singular and plural nouns, like this:
Therefore, I support the viewpoint that government should spend as much money as possible on solving the basic problems of society.

Book Reports / How to see the themes in a text & write a Rogerian-style letter to the Author [6]

That sounds terrible! It is not one of the major citation styles? Professors really should let people use a commonly used style so they can get practice.

Well, if it does not need to disagree, then I guess this is excellent. It has that acknowledgment of the other person... that Rogerian sensitivity.

Thanks for the recommendation of the Snyder book. I'm not familiar with it, but your mention of it will cause me to check it out when I have the opportunity.

THANKS!!

Writing Feedback / The line chart illustrates the change in the use of new technology in general families in Britain [3]

The line chart illustrates the change in the percentage of new technology which is used in general families in Britain from 1996 to 2003.------ This is confusing. Do you mean the percentage of all new technology that is available? Maybe you mean the kinds of technology they use?

Yes, I see that is what you mean... the kinds of technology. So do this:
The line chart illustrates the changes in the percentage use of new technology which is in general families in Britain from 1996 to 2003. It shows what percentages of families used ______, _________, _________, and ____________. (List the kinds of technology used.)

The percentage of families using mobile phones saw an upward trend with some ups and downs, from nearly 20 percent in 1996 to almost 75 percent in 2003.

In conclusion, while the percentage of families using CD players occupied the...

:-)

Undergraduate / Essay/Letter on - " We are the Universe - Evolve or Perish " [6]


Relevance to what?


hahah, I know! You'll have to adapt to it.

Well, it sounds like the assignment is to practice informal writing about the concept behind it.

Do they give an explanation of the thing? If so, look for the unique words they use in their explanation, and use some of those words in the letter.

You need to think of a reason for writing to your friend; that is why you are stuck. Your friend wants to make a lot of money this year, because his parents are struggling and he wants to help... but he can't seem to get a high paying job because he is only 18 years old. You want him to start his own business -- painting, landscaping, cleaning, or doing some other thing he can do well. He has to adapt to his situation by being self-employed.

That requires a PROACTIVE state of mind.

Can you encourage him by explaining the wisdom behind the slogan? "Adapt or Perish"...

Student Talk / College Choices: George Washington University and Washington University St.louis [7]

Hi Aisha!

I ignored this thread for a while so that it would stay on the unanswered list and many people would see it... but I guess no one knows. I'll suggest this for you:

Google the name of the school with the word "review" and you will see tons of student reviews.

What criteria are important to you in choosing a school?

Graduate / Brandeis International Business School, International/cross-cultural experiences [5]


This is an intriguing theme! Most kids write about some generic experience that did not even necessarily cause any reflection. If you write about your experience with international students as an experience of feeling ill prepared academically, it will really win the reader over.

Remember, this does not need to be about some experience in a club or on a trip, etc; it should be about your perspective, your reflection throughout many multicultural experiences.

Essays / Written Exams Should Be Abolished [6]

You'll have trouble arguing that all written exams should be abolished. You should argue that high stakes testing should be abolished. that is what educators are talking about these days.

High stakes testing causes stress, which impairs learning and diminishes importance. Also, the testing methods are imperfect. They even are said to have cultural bias that causes achievement gaps from one ethnicity to another.

Search your database for these terms:
test score gap
achievement gap
"high stakes" assessment
"cultural bias" "high stakes assessment"

And you should especially search for:
authentic assessment
performance based assessment

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The Natural Resistance to Changes [6]

Very impressive! ... reluctance to take risks always makes people shut the door on changes instinctively. ---- your way was not wrong, but this might be clearer.

as they are unaware of that the change is the prerequisite of for a company's future success.-----Very very impressive ideas here...again, this was not wrong; I just thought this might be better.

A few of others avoid of changes simply because they of the fear of failure.
or
A few of others avoid of changes simply because they fear of failure.
People don't "fear of failure." They can have a fear of failure, though, if fear is being used as a noun.

Great job, Wei

Scholarship / Describe how you have demonstrated leadership ability both in and out of school. [4]


Because you start with this sentence, it makes the reader expect that the theme of the essay will involve telling about these three qualities. It will be great if you can add some sentences throughout the essay that refer to some of these qualities to describe your leadership experiences.

Like this:
...I listen to their needs, apply patience, and try to help them achieve those needs. muster the determination to fulfill their potential.

Keep these words as your theme throughout the essay, and it will be a memorable essay. :-)

Writing Feedback / Is it better for people to be realistic or optimistic? - Feedback [5]

Goals----> "them"
It not only makes your goals look achievable, but also propels you into actually realizing them.

yes! This is indeed a good argument. I was criticizing you a little for using optimism to mean something like "perseverance" or "passion," but here you have successfully shown a connection between optimism and these qualities. When optimism makes a goal seem attainable, it increases the likelihood that you will go out and achieve something.

Scholarship / Scholarship interview essay to introduce myself [2]


Yes, that is a good idea. I suggest thinking about your plan for the future. What would you do if you could write an essay about your future and it would magically become true. Think carefully, and choose what your future will look like. that is how you will impress them. Many kids do not know anything about what they want to do in the future, so if you have a CLEAR PLAN you will be most impressive.

:-) I can't wait to see it!!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:people learn in different ways and what teaching method do you prefer? [2]

They use several ways methods to broaden their...

One of these several methods of ...

your self yourself

Secondly, learning by doing things is more exciting than learning by reading about things or listening to people talking about them .

You will do well on the test. Your mistakes are not serious ones. Something I can help with, though, is to tel you about using the word reason:

Another reason factor that makes learning by doing things more advantageous...
Another reason that makes learning by doing things more advantageous...
either of these, above, will be okay. But the reasn does not "make" something happen. I can say this:
The reason I want to go to college involves some discontent and some passion.
Or I can say this:
The reason I correct essays is quite confusing.
When you talk about a reason and want to say it causes something, you can use the word "factor."
Another "factor" that makes learning by doing things more advantageous...

good luck!! thanks for helping so many writers at EF.

Undergraduate / "I am a dreamer." - BU 3 words to describe myself supplement essay [3]

Unlike most people, I believe I have always known exactly who I am and what I want out of my life. --- I crossed out "most people" because it is presumptuous to assume you know how things are for most people. I crossed out "I believe" because it makes you seem like you lack confidence in what you are saying.


Ha ha, Faisal, you are funny. Well, this kind of essay has to involve some self-complimenting. Hahaha. :-)

fiery passion for life--- excellent phrase!!

Faisal made great corrections here.. Um, I sugest adding a little about your envisioned career or some other things from your future. For each word, (these words you chose are great, by the way.. especially "fiery") add a sentence about how that word/quality can enhance your process in your chosen field or in the area that interests you. Tell about your future.

:-)

Essays / Thesis statements on global warming? [26]

These two statements are a little too simplistic. They just express the most basic ideas associated with global warming. Your job is to come up with a new idea, some interesting observation. It is not necessary to come up with some idea that will change the world -- you can do that after you graduate -- but come up with your own thoughtful idea AFTER reading at least 3 articles.

Read an article that says humans cause global warming and then read one that says global warming is a myth. When you have done this, you'll be able to say something more meaningful than what you wrote here.

An example of an interesting thesis might mention the roles being played by scientists, activists, politicians, and so forth.

:-)

Research Papers / HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGEMENT: ethics, hiring process; Research paper [57]

Hello! Well, thhe most important thing is that it should be smething you can get interested in. Also, though, it should be useful for HRM professionals in modern times. Current topics in HRM include lots of different things, but a big issue is internationalization, the displacement of workers, and other things related to globalization.

If I were you, I would read some research studies. For example, you can read an article called "The cross-cultural puzzle of international human resource management" and look at the Literature Review section. Most articles have a Literature Review, and they will tell you all about what has been going on in the field. Part of your job is to look at what HRM researchers have been doing in recent years and think of a project you would like to do to help build understanding.

It will help if you Google John Cresswell and look at his explanations of research designs, and then read some literature reviews. You can ENJOY it if you spend enough time reading. :-)

Scholarship / Accounting Scholarship Professional Goals Essay [2]

Since I was little, my love of numbers and strength of in the study of science have led to five-year junior college degree in electric engineering. After two years of working experience, the desire of higher education brings me to the United States. In On one hand, I can obtain my desired degree. In On the other hand, I can improve my language skill and gain international experience.

(Start a new paragraph):
When I took my first accounting class in community college, I found it to be a conceptually interesting. --- good sentence! The balance of two sides of the equation, the categorization of ...

As of now, I will be graduating on December 2010 with my accounting degree from CSU Long Beach. My next ...

In addition, the structure of Moss Adams's business groups, which specialize in one or two industries ranging from financial services and manufacturing to retail and government, will give me a great opportunity to learn various aspects of accounting and also understand current trends of economies.

:-)

Undergraduate / "service before self" Serving in the Air Force prepared me to succeed. [3]

One day, I talked to an Air Force recruiter, and from there on out I knew I wanted to be an Airman in the U.S. Air Force.--- I moed a comma over a little.

admired The thought of serving my country inspired me; I would leave the nest and to explore the world to take on new challenges in life.

None The military has opened many windows of opportunity -- the most important among these being the opportunity to earn a college degree! I will transfer all my hard work from my military endeavors into my academic endeavors, and I will succeed.---- excellent! Your enthusiasm will inspire the reader, I think.

The road ahead will surely be a difficult one, but I am confident that an education combined with my military experiences will make me a thorough well-rounded individual able to tackle any challenge.

You will definitely be well-received. You have a way of writing that reflects real sincerity... I'm not sure how to explain what I mean, but... it is pretty impressive.

Book Reports / Victorian era, Baker Street (Sherlock Holmes adventures) [4]


That is some great advice!!

When I do something like this, I look at a picture (try googling "baker street" "Holmes" and look at the google images.) Then, take several deep breaths to oxygenate your brain, and wait for some words to come. Type a lot of words, whatever you think of, brainstorming.

Give the reader something to see -- a leaf falling past a storefront window, touching the ground briefly and then haphazardly leaping across the street. Let the reader see all that it passes, and when it lands somewhere, let the reader land there, too. Be the voice of the reader's mind as the reader stands there within the scene.

Writing Feedback / GRE AW Issue 69. "Government should place few, if any, restrictions... [6]

I was not sure about the word "independency." It might be okay, but it might not. I'm not sure... But you could write it this way:

"There are times when a country's national interests override the importance of the independency independent nature of scientific research. Generally, however, I essentially agree with the speaker's statement that scientific development should be left freestanding." I also crossed out "essentially" because it seems like too much after you already used "generally."

Don't be depressed!! Your writing is great. It is definitely not childish, and the mistakes are few.

I was looking at it again just now, and I think you should feel confident. One way to improve is like this:
Whenever you write the first sentence of a paragraph, keep it simple and focused on the main idea of the paragraph. Use this formula: say it, explain it, and then say it again. The first sentence of a body paragraph can introduce the paragraph's main idea, and the last sentence of the paragraph can reflect on that same idea. In the middle of the paragraph, give explanation and/or an example.

Look at this sentence and notice that what it says does not support your argument:
Having said that, the government does retain the power and right to interfere scientific research, as long as it has good grounds for the enforcement. --- This is confusing, because you are not supposed to be saying that it DOES, but rather, that it SHOULD.

Anyway, rest assured, you will do wel on the test. I think you might not realize how good your writing is. It is above average. As you prepare for the test, take a minute to google this:

How to Write a Perfect GRE Analytical Writing Essay

Graduate / Statement of Purpose For PhD in Management (MBA) -- human behavior [6]

Well your accomplishments in the body of the thing are great. You need to look at the first and last paragraph, I think.

First paragraph: Add a sentence to the beginning to hook the reader's attention... perhaps a short sentence that raises a question in the reader's mind. Add a sentence to the end of that first paragraph as well. Let it be a sentence that establishes a THEME for the essay that the reader will remember.

This is something that must be done when you are feeling creative. don't force it. You'll get a good idea some time later today! :-)

Last paragraph: I find that the research project in your university would be apt for what am looking for. This does not really say anything at all; it is obvious that you like what they offer, because that is why you are applying. End the essay with a conclusion that leaves the reader wit something to think about -- one way is to reflect on the IMPLICATIONS of what you have said in the essay. What I mean by that is: conclude with a few statements about the great results that can come from you attending this program, things to be excited about.

Undergraduate / Essay/Letter on - " We are the Universe - Evolve or Perish " [6]

Hi James Bond, I like your username.

What do you want us to help with, exactly? You should write the essay and then have us help you improve it.

Is it suppose to be about the importance of the almanac or about this notion "evolve or perish."

Evolve or Perish seems like a silly idea. Evolution involves the perishing of many individuals. Evolving and perishing are intertwined.

Maybe it should say "Adapt or Perish"

Please tell us more about the assignment, and try to write a little.

:-)

Undergraduate / reason i want to study MBBS in china- regarding undergraduate admission [3]

Since my childhood, I have always been fascinated by human anatomy and it still does. I still am. To carry on my childhood curiosity, I took Biology as my major during my high school. With the motto, "for God and country", I have always tried to endeavor for the service of humankind since my school days. Working and ...

People consider doctors as gods . They come up to the doctors with high hopes that their "Stethoscope" will act as a magic wand and free them from their diseases. A doctor's responsibility is...

Beautiful!! I love the ending... I am so excite or you. You write very well, and I think you will make a big splash in this world. :-)

Graduate / significant experience working in a group - essay for Evening MBA UW [3]

comprise and consisted
You can write
Like any successful project, ours also consisted of people
or
Like any successful project, ours was also comprised of people

You are super impressive! Your writing reflects deep consideration of the principles at work in your field.

I sugest not capitalizing this sort of thing:
First among them would be our group manager.

I don't see any errors....

Following this Empowered by this experience, I feel confident about my understanding of proper collaboration, coordination and communication in a cross functional team can substantially improve the outcome.

Research Papers / A Look at Sodium and its Effects on Hypertension [2]


I would say so! I think this sentence would be better if you said:
Sodium has become is a very important component in this world. --- it's not as though sodium made a spectacular debut and progressed to a level of great significance It has always been significant.

"Blood pressure" refers to the force of blood pushing against blood vessel walls. The hearts main function is to pump blood into the arteries (blood vessels) which carry the blood throughout the body. So when someone has high blood pressure this means that pressure in the arteries is above the normal range. --- this stuff should be taken out of that intro paragraph. It is not part of the main theme you are trying to express. It belongs in the body paragraphs.

Hypertension or what is known as --- don't use clunky jumbles like this. Respect your own writing enough to trim it neatly, like a careful haircut.

Hypertension, or what is known as also known as high blood pressure, affects 50 million people in the...

When there is excess sodium in the body the kidneys may not be able to keep up. Due to all the excess sodium in the bloodstream the result can be water pulled out from the cells and as the fluid increases so does the blood volume. This means there will be more work for the heart or increased pressure in the blood vessels which can result to stiffened vessels walls, high blood pressure and increased risks of heart attacks and strokes. ---- this is a wonderful explanation. I think many people can benefit by reading your essay. Thanks so much for sharing it. Congratulations!! Please check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/.

Writing Feedback / Comparison and contrast between Palestine and USA [8]

Despite that event, The United States of America (commonly referred to as the United States, the U.S., the USA, or America) (not necessary) is a federal constitutional republic comprising fifty states and a federal district. Despite the 1948 attacks, America is a republic with 50 states? I don't think you are using "despite" correctly.

here is what to do:
Take these sentences and separate them. Organize them into paragraphs.

Write a paragraph about Palestine, and then write a paragraph about the United States.

Then, write a 3rd paragraph about both together, their relationship to one another. These can be your three body paragraphs. When they are written, go write an intro that expresses the main idea about your observation as you compare the 2 countries. Finally, write a thoughtful conclusion paragraph.

That will be a total of 5 paragraphs. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly says the idea of the paragraph.

Essays / European Women History - Thesis needed [2]

The instructions your teacher gave are excellent. Tell her/him that Kevin at EssayForum is impressed by the high quality assignment!! :-)

The reason I like it so much is that s/he is challenging you to get to know the source the way people of that time period knew it. It reminds me of something I read recently about the beginning of the Gospel of John, when he used the word "Word" to refer to Jesus. The reason for this kind of writing is mysterious to me, but I can understand better if I learn about his audience from that time period.

As I keep reading, I see that your teacher gave you a brilliant explanation about the thesis. If you just tell the reader about the story, that is the way kids write book reports. To be a scholar and make meaningful contributions, YOUR ESSAY needs to be meaningful, too. You need your own theme.

Think of this: What if you were writing a report about your favorite kind of music, and you were writing it to convince your friend to listen to this kind of music. You would make a real argument! You would say, "Reggae music has WISDOM because of the way it combines hard and soft elements." Do you agree with that statement? Some people would, and others would not. That is what makes a good thesis statement.

Google this: arguable thesis


your enthusiasm is great!!

I really hope you catch the trick of making an arguable thesis. When you do, you will be a real scholar, because you will be participating in the discourse. When kids just describe the book/article, they are not participating in the discussion. YOU need to make an observation and rant about it.

When was the last time you ranted about something at the dinner table. An essay or composition is like that. Make your point, make your observation. Of course, this requires that you really appreciate the material and form an opinion.

Writing Feedback / Obesity is a big problem in most of the countries [3]


Is that right?? I didn't know about that! that is quite impressive. I think it is such a good idea; tanks for telling me. Toys should not be associated with junk food.

To begin with, children are more ...

Secondly men who have high intake of starch diet and junk foods in their meals are in a position to increase their weight. People who consume soda, aerated drinks lead to experence increased weight. Those who are retired or doing sedentary jobs are also victims of obesity.

Nice job!!! I like your title a lot!! very funny.

Furthermore, women who have kids just don't bother about their weight. --- I don't think this is a fair generalization to make about mothers! :-)

Graduate / "a successful business background" -SOP for Masters in Management programme [2]

...spending my leisure hours in helping my uncles with handling accounts, planning ways to enhance business, designing promotional campaigns and the like, but little did I know at that point that one day I would decide to take it up as my future career. ---- whatt is "it"? I am confused. You should name the kind fo business you are talking about. Name it in that first paragraph.

In the following paragraphs, I have made an attempt to enunciate expound the various events which helped me in zero in on your course.

for the all around development of an individual.

I have always had a firm belief that social welfare and betterment of _________ should be the core motives of any venture.

...your esteemed institute is an extremely well thought-out decision on my part.

Very impressive!!!!!!!

Writing Feedback / Opinion Essay about how technology improve quality of human life [3]

Technology has become a part of our lives. --- this sentence is weak, because it does not say anything interesting or meaningful. Can you extend it and add some ajectives?

that contribution technology has made to modern life has been really positive and has helped to improve the quality of human lives.

The first reason for me to believe appreciate the contribution technology made to modern life is just the fact that it enhances daily life to unprecedented levels.

As women increase their roles in society in the last times, daily homework such is cook, make laundry or vacuum take less time to do it than before, and its permits women to dedicate this time to other activities such is study, working, and other activities. --- No. It is not technology that enables women to get educations. Modern society would be improving the lives of women even if vacuum cleaners had never been invented!! Be careful not to sound like you expect women to do the housework. You can do the housework and let your wife go to earn money. Women are superior to men in many ways, including tolerance of pain, intuition, and freedom from neurotic compulsions to dominate and conquer things. Men can be pretty neurotic, and women have wisdom that we lack. So, be careful not to write in a way that assumes they belong in the kitchen, doing laundry, etc. You and I belong in the kitchen and doing laundry. :-)

Not only the d Daily live is benefited by advances of technology, and it is also true that professional fields are enhanced by it. A professional field that is enhanced by technology is medicine. Thanks to advances in technology, many diseases that before was were the cause of massive death, now is are things of the past. With the advances in technology, scientists and doctors find different vaccines to help people be healthier. The medical ...

Most importantly, we can see how scientific scientists are in the process of looking for the solution ...

... and they can infuse these this information into a lesson, making the lesson related with real life situations for students. --- very good!!
In the final analysis, I think the benefits technology offers to improve the quality of life ...

Ultimately, te chnology is developed by people to help improve the quality of human lives, and all of us are using technological advances in many different ways, also to indicate that it is controllable .

Dissertations / Suggest topics: HR Doctorate in Human Resource Management [25]

Yes, it's too broad. The thing to do is read several RECENT articles and see what the most recent research findings are. Go to a good database of journal articles and search for this:

cultural diversity employees

the articles you find will include some "reviews of literature," and they will tell you all the most important stuff that has been done recently with this topic!! You will see what research is being done, and you can add to it just like adding to a conversation when you walk into the room where people are talking about a particular subject.

You might find that people are researching ways to promote strong "organizational culture" while integrating various cultural groups in a diverse work force. You may want to write about the connection between organizational culture and ordinary "culture" (i.e. ethnicity and heritage).

You may want to do research to show what managers say about their struggles to overcome cultural barriers.

Your job right now is to read a lot of research studies. :-) Get familiar with what is happening in the field. you can do it in a single evening.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. [4]

As a result the changes, people's eating habits have also changed significantly over few decades.

Use "and" before the last item on a list:
In addition, modern facilities such as fridges, freezers, ovens, and microwaves also make human life more comfortable. They can store fruit and vegetables...

Since food is produced by using preservatives and other chemical substances, and since it is often genetically modified , reckless eating can ...

There are many scientific research studies which have proved the harm of such food to people' s health.
Another concern is obesity which was also caused by changes in food system. As people are ...

Write it this way: human life
Besides, though kitchen devices such as microwaves made human life more convenient, scientist have found out that microwave radiation changes the ...

In such a way they do the harm to their health.--- very good sentence here!

Writing Feedback / toefl writing paper ---why people attend college [2]

If you have a college education you will make more money, which in turn will enable you to have a better lifestyle.

For since, it is a cogent proof of competence in a given field that a college degree is accepted by employer.

As the saying goes , "A bird in the hand is worth than two in the bush." ---- better to leave them in the bush :-)

The importance of college is not just about earnings and specialization . A college education makes you a well -rounded person.

Nice ending!!! You have almost no errors at all.

Writing Feedback / GRE issue41---nonmainstream areas of inquiry VS mainstream science [2]

Admittedly, these non-mainstream areas, which belong to the ideology sphere, can...

In the first place, because these pursuits are not rooted in scientific theories; instead, they try to establish a doubtful connection between the movements or positions of celestial bodies and human affairs. A s a pseudoscience, obviously they ...

Besides, if someone has blind faith in predictions, he or she will be vulnerable to paranormal authority: being addicted to self-righteous arrogance, false hopes, fantastic ideas and even delusions, which is the result of stubborn adherence to irrational thoughts. ----Wow, I am so impressed by your writing!!!

I think you need to add one more sentence to that first paragraph: a thesis statement that clarifies what you mean when you say, "it seems to be useless or even harmful in terms of improving social development and enriching people's mental world." (add one more sentence here to elaborate)

Writing Feedback / Is it better for people to be realistic or optimistic? - Feedback [5]

I like it! I see no errors in the writing, and your argument is pretty good. However, it seems like you are talking about "passion" rather than optimism. Strictly speaking, all optimists and pessimists are also striving to be realistic. For the optimist, what seems realistic is skewed in one direction, and for a pessimist it is skewed in the other.

Everyone dreams of reaching the zenith of success. By keeping the fire of hope and optimism alive, one can achieve all the impossibilities. Thomas Edison once said, "I have not failed a thousand times, I have just learnt a thousand different materials that cannot be used to make a light bulb." --- this sounds more like perseverance than optimism.

I think you should add 2 more sentences to the first paragraph so the reader really understands the point you are making.

:-)

Writing Feedback / "try to live within your means" - my Cause and Effect Essay [4]

You are welcome!! Well, you can practice by helping around here sometimes essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/ we need people with life experience and understanding to help the students with their essays on the "Unanswered" list when things start to get busy at EssayForum.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Write about your life ten years from now (100 words) [2]


--- tell them that study and work are both ongoing.

I myself sometimes wonder...

Furthermore, I will probably live in a luxury house which will be surrounded by a very lovely private garden with green grass, roses and a small botanic garden. However, I definitely won't have enough time for my family and friends. At any rate, I will try my best to spare time for them at weekends.--- that sounds terrible! The interest in luxury is superficial and the plan to neglect family and friends is terrible. Write that you will GUARD AGAINST letting this happen. For example, you can settle for an ordinary house and save some time for family!! :-)

Also, it might be nice to express some interest in alleviating suffering in some way.. making it so that your success benefits some people. What kind of business are you talking about starting? Let's express some detailed plans...

:-)

Writing Feedback / Edit essay - better life today vs. in nineteenth century - feedback [3]

Living in the contemporary world has many more advantages than living in the nineteenth century. --- Yeah, until some crazy nuclear weapon makes the planet uninhabitable.

These--- have
This ---- has
... all of this these, put together, have made life enjoyable and comfortable.

This would not have been possible in the nineteenth century where medicine was a mixture of voodoo and postulates. --- haha, good sentence, but be careful not to be offensive, because "Voodoo" is a religion. "Voudou," from Haiti or something like that.

Yet another innovation of the medical industry is the use of stem cells.

Not many errors!!!!!! :-)