No one is perfect--we all have areas of growth and development. But I believe you need to increase your library of books. By simply reading books on essay writing in my view, may serve more of a hindrance than aid. Also, continue practicing your writing that is the only way you will become better. Hope this helps you in some way.
I think you have an excellent essay and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I appreciate how you say in your essay that you are unable to decide upon any one particular costume, and used this as a metaphor to symbolize "your path of self-discovery". I'm sure you'll do well.
Why do you want to attend the Naval Academy, what draws you to this particular area--was there an incident that made you unequivocally contend that a military career was your destiny, or do you come from a family that has served in the military. What are your goals? After you graduate what would be your next step. It's best to just begin writing, and then post what you have written. It can be a difficult process but we're here to help you:)
The arts not only help with devloping social skills and serves as a form of self-expression, but also improves academic achievement, particularly in math and science.
that not lonelyonly combinationsconfluences of sciences employed in faculty research are an attractionappeal to me , archaeologists arein different but to also become involved
It was on the Christmas Eve of 2010, that night, I luckily found out a branch seizedthat piqued my curiosity 7Seven days were given I firstlywill first consider to qualifyqualification for an
Your introduction definitely grabs the reader's attention and compels him or her to continue reading. I would have liked to know what your essay prompt was to get an idea of what you were being asked. Also, the last sentence of your essay sounds as if you are unsure of what you want to do vocationally and you are hoping that once you matriculate, you will make that discovery. I would have preferred that you discussed more about the life lessons you learned from your brother's unfortunate addiction and how you will carry these life lessons with you as a student at UC.
four years as anundergraduate student of undergraduate studies underin the Electronics and Instrumentation department inat our institute.
In class, he has proven to be a take-charge person who is abledemonstrated initiative through his ability to successfully develop plans and implement them.
to bring out the dormant outcomes of everyone. What do you mean by "dormant outcomes of everyone"?
that I offer high recommendations forhighly recommend
Again I strongly recommend him and will appreciate your assistance to his application. "appreciate your assistance to his application" ? Don't understand what you mean here?
Everything looks good, aside for some final suggested revisions below. myself to the diverse cultures directions to the journey opportunity for one to develop aton an Ii nternational level. Hence this attribute of Ivey MBA program fits with my short term goal. are experts in their fields withand posess excellent professional and academic backgrounds, will enhance the quality of my international experience.
and pretending and to try to stray away from the crowd what society's perceiveptionabout to be influenced by thesocialsocieta l pressures of society confident in my interests and not to let others make me second guess my choices.
I wanted to understand all there wasI could about what had killed my friend. and finddiscovering what made the difference While physics has always mixedintegrated with In my junior year,
Very interesting essay. I enjoyed reading it and felt is was very fluid and informative--I learned a couple of things. You have a bright future ahead of you.
I feel your essay is well-written and cogently articulates your professional goals and your motivation behind wanting to earn this degree. I enjoyed reading your essay and I didn't feel it was too long. With that said, what length must your essay be?
Even better., I spent hours and days simply building houses. Constructing them from scratch, decorating them, painting them -.you'dI guess you could say I was born an architect! I seeenvision myself aiming for a degree in architecture while concurrently working towards one in engineering. environment that will encourage me to work up to my full potential However, being the indecisive person full potential and furthermore expose me to With Penn's top research facilities, I hope
Excellent essay. You've obviously done your research.
Today's rapidly fluctuating economy has rather inspired me rather than frightened me.
date with the financial information and techniques.
I enjoy learning new things and keeping myself updated withabreast of what's going aroundtranspires in the financial world.andAnd it is this the ever changing and growing financial world that motivates me to take a wider step and achieve larger goals.
PresentlyMm y short term goal at present is to acquire an in-depth
I plan to take upIt is my objective to assume a career in trading or investment banking.
I have always wanted to do something meaningful that will benefit the future generation.
[Moved from]: "CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED!" - more about me in my own words
Very good essay! It was well written and illustrative--I could visualize your excitement and your father's pride upon receiving your imaginary acceptance letter. The only thing I saw in your essay was what I felt was the over usage of the word "dexterous".
You are an excellent writer, your essays are well-written. You really did a great job of painting a picture--I could visualize you wearing that jacket. I believe both essays are fluid and keep the interest of the reader. And your endings tie everything together nicely.
This The store washad opened a year back prior and had fewa number of issues right from dipping sales to high staff turnover.
With the objective of improving the sales, toI initiatedwith I went througha review of old sale records,ondelineating items in terms of which sellold the most and which items which sell
sold the least
Finally after getting a firm grip over the
Through a formal introduction about myselfAfter formally introducing myself, I put forwardth current issues of the store and my suggestions for improvement
You have a lot of great info here. These are just a few suggested modifications. But I will review continue to review your essay.
I am applying to an Eds (Educational Specialist) program for School Psychology, any input would be greatly appreciated.
My interest in school psychology originated during my pursuit of a graduate degree in education. It was my aspiration to help change the trajectory of the lives of at-risk children by advancing the intellectual horizons of students, instilling a cognizance that all had the capacity to succeed. I wanted to help facilitate equal access to quality education, serving as a conduit for equality within diverse communities, and foster an ethic of care, ensuring all students were treated equally and with dignity and respect. As I continued on in the graduate program in education however, my interest refocused to the confluence of psychology and education. I soon developed a predilection for the employment of psychological tests and measures and the implications for pedagogy, and metacognitive strategies for students with learning impairments.
Given my background in psychology, I was intrigued by the application of psychological principles and perspectives to the classroom, particularly the utilization of assessments to determine students' academic potentiality and cognitive functioning, investigation into methods of improving the learning environment, and counseling and intervention strategies for students with emotional and behavioral difficulties. I determined that I could have more of an impact outside of the classroom, collaborating with teachers, parents, and administrators in an effort to obtain a more comprehensive overview of students' academic level of functioning so appropriate interventions could be designed to meet students' needs and improve educational outcomes.
With respect to matriculating at a school dedicated to advancing cultural awareness and diversity, the contemporary countenance of school psychology is not one mirroring the changing landscape of America. The constituency of students in today's classrooms is a microcosm of the shifting demographics existing in our world. Permeating every aspect of practice, school psychologists contend with an increasing proliferation of diverse populations. As such, a multicultural underpinning is essential for school psychologists to engender. A multicultural competence imbues school psychologists with the critical skills necessary to establish rapport with students and families of a myriad of ethnic and cultural backgrounds and confront professional biases and preconceptions that may preclude effective service delivery, potentially resulting in misdiagnosis, as well as misplacement in special education programs. Thus, a university exemplifying a dedication and commitment multicultural competence enables prospective school psychologists to acquire the proficiencies necessary for the assimilation of these concepts in praxis.
Given the challenges confronted by educators, it is my ambition to serve in a consultative capacity to administrators and teachers, researching and formulating best practices in pedagogy, creating a learning environment that is conducive to the intellectual and mental health needs and well-being of all learners. It is my intention to earn a doctorate in school psychology and pursue a career in academia, teaching at the college or university level, examining inequality, diversity and multicultural issues, and the incorporation of social justice and social action into the practice of school psychology. I hope to serve as a change agent confronting factors affecting students' self-efficacy, as well as elements occluding learners from reaching their maximum intellectual potential. Furthermore, I seek to advance the recruitment of minorities into the profession as a means of addressing the racial incongruency that exists between school psychologists and the students they serve, and ultimately advocate for the profession of school psychology, serving as a leader informing policy and promulgating the ideals of equal access to quality education.
In my quest of serving as an academic and mental health leader, I feel The XY school will help facilitate my goals by fomenting an environment that is inclusive, accessible and committed to preparing practitioners to serve diverse populations and meet the professional challenges arising in our ever-changing world. I believe The XY school will offer a rigorous and intellectually stimulating curriculum, challenging me to apply analytical reasoning and critical thinking skills, and grounding in holistic approaches to problem solving. Moreover, the plenitude of field experiences will prepare me to serve students of all backgrounds and achievement levels, and support teachers and administrators in efforts to improve student outcomes.
In essence, The XY school will allow me to make a meaningful contribution to the field of school psychology through the acquisition of knowledge and the necessary proficiencies enabling me to serve students, parents, teachers, administrators, and stakeholders, as I navigate students in the pursuit of self-actualization.
Indeed it does depend on the school you are applying to. Depending on the school the program could be quite competitive. As far as length, 1500 isn't a lot--it's about 6 pages depending on what font you use. Fortunately, you are not applying to a school that gives no page length, but instead tells you that 3 pages is a good start!
I believe you are a bit repetitive in saying you want to be challenged. Are there other reasons beyond intellectual rigor that draws you to U of C. What about the school's reputation? What about their mission statement? Your interest should go beyond your fascination with the intellect of the student you mentioned in the essay. Explore other reasons. Talk about how you will be an asset to the program..you will bring diversity, etc. Discuss how the university will help you achieve your goals.
I agree with the previous post. You should begin with your love of chemistry. What prompted this interest? Discuss the path to your love of chemistry--the first day you knew that this was the career path that you wanted take. Talk about your professional goals..how you want to be of service to others. Review Purdue's Pharmacy program's website. Do they have a vision or mission statement--incorporate this into your essay. What about the faculty, what research are they doing? Is their a faculty member whose research is of interest to you? If so, mention this in your essay. In doing so, it shows that you have researched the program and the faculty.
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