Writing Feedback / The basic part a skeleton of every relationship is trust - reliability as a most important trait [2]

Hi,
as part of my TOEFL IBT preparation, I've written the following essay. I've tried to write in under TOEFL conditions and timed myself on it. This has been written within 30 minutes. Please let me know what you think and how you would rate it.

The basic part a skeleton of every relationship is trust. I would like to choose people as friends who are intelligent and have senses of humor, but the most important characteristics of friends should be reliable. Friendship without reliability, is not logical, how we can share our secrets with someone who we cannot trust.

Why do we need to choose a person as a friend? In fact, we need those people who help us where we get involved in troubles. We need their sympathy and affection when we have been overwhelmed by grief. In addition, we need friends who can understand us, when we could not response their demands. Hence, to satisfy our demands as a human, we admittedly need to find some close friends.

Nowadays, without reliability, it is hard to have a close relationship with a person. These days, we can find individuals who try to be close with us, because they decide to deceive us to obtain our properties or private information etc. Thereby if we do not know exactly the personality of a person who wants to have a close relationship with us, we may face many difficulties in the future. Thereby, we need those people who we can rely on.

To sum up, based on before mentioned ideas, to choose everybody as a friend, however, being smart or having a sense of humor seems to be attractive, but the most important trait of a person as a close friend is reliability.

Writing Feedback / Doing activities in a short time or live life in slow pace? [4]

Hi everyone. I need your help to understand my mistakes. please help me to find them:-)
Subject : Some people are always in hurry to go places and get things done. Other people prefer to take time and live life in slow pace.

Time is gold. Some people try to do their works in a short time, while others prefer to enjoy their time and live life at a slower pace. It seems to me that every moment of our lives is valuable and we should not waste it.

Nowadays, we have a plenty of duties to do and they will be not finished. If we do not manage time to do our activities carefully, we may have done the job quickly and it leads to mistakes. Then we will have to do the job again. It will take time and as a result, we may get angry and will not enjoy our lives. By going more slowly, we can do a chore carefully and correctly. For an instance, one of my classmates, after the exam, he was so delighted because he thought that he could solve questions quickly and correctly. However, when the result come out in the board, his result was disappointing, because he made many errors during solving the problems. Thereby he failed, so he must take the course again.

Some people think that they work very hard and quickly, because they can gain more money and would able to enjoy in the future. However, I disagree with these people because we do not know what happens in the future. By watching automobiles in the roads, we can watch many machines try to reach their destinations by high speed. As a result, unfortunately, some of them loose their lives in accidents.

In conclusion, however, we need to manage time to reach our goals, but we should consider the results that may happen in the future. Doing our duties in a short time may cause troubles for us.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: people judge others by external appearance but is better also to consider the inner qualities [2]

Hi, I need to find my errors in this essay.please help to find them. thank you in advance.
How to judge others is a big challenge for everyone during the history . Some people judge others based on their external appearances and others judge based on their personalities and backgrounds. In my point view, we should be aware of his achievement and thought.

Judge based on external appearance is not a good way to figure out the background of everyone. By reviewing the history of many scientists, we will see that many scientists did not care about their appearances. Although some of them got dress by old-fashion clothes, they have conquered the summit of knowledge. In fact, we remind their achievement not their appearances.

Judging based on external appearances, may cause many problems. It is easy to dress by attractive clothes and figure the outer quality. By following daily news, we can find many criminals that they tried to trick people by their attractive appearance. As a matter of the fact, many criminals know that wearing attractive clothes makes easier to deceive most people and thereby they can steal their investments and properties. If we change the way to look others and ignore some attractive and pointless looking, we can learn how to judge others in a positive way based on their behavior and personalities.

Based on before mentioned ideas, it is out of question that judging people based on their appearance is reasonable. Indeed, it is better to consider the inner qualities of people, which would be dependable.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: It should be mandatory for every company to substitute their old equipment with new ones. [6]

Hi Every one, I need to check my essay grammatically. Thank you for your attention in advance
Topic ::
A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

As many economic grew, most of environments has been destroyed. Deciding between supporting arts or to protecting environment is difficult, but in my viewpoint, spending money to grow up arts is a requirement, but without a safe environment, supporting the art is meaningless. We need a safe environment to survive; we need to provide a health environment for future descendants.

In the late 20th century, our wrong activities have ruined the environments. Due to these incorrect manners, many jungles and forests have been burned and majority of living things has been extinct. As a matter of the fact, we clearly try to kill ourselves by our hands. Thereby companies should be aware of the futures hardship and try to change their behavior. They must spend money, to provide a protected ecosystem; to prevent extinction of species; to restore forests and natural ecosystem. They have to spend money to rebuild the destroyed environment. In fact, this is a vital part of our responsibility to the next generation.

Pollution is one of problems of our planet, which has damaged to the environment. Many factories have produced air pollution or water pollution and so forth. They have to be responsible about these destruction and contamination. They must spend budget for researches to improve their machines to produce less pollution.

In conclusion, although many companies spend money to survive ecosystem, but it should be mandatory for every company to devote a financial plan to substitute their old equipment with new ones.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: The Face-to-Face communication makes it easy to understand emotion senses. [3]

Hi Every one, I need to check my essay grammatically. I will have a TOEFL exam in September. Thank you for your attention in advance

TOPIC . Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, email, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

As the rapid development of technology, many communication tools make it easy to communicate with others. Today, Face-to-Face communication is relatively substituted by new ways of services such as e-mail, telephone, or even letter. As far as I am concerned, Face-to-Face communication is still the best of way to talk with others.

To begin, Face-to-Face communication is the best way to figure out the interpersonal relationships. People can use their hands and eyes to strengthen talking with others. They can encourage others to continue speaking with them. However, in other forms of communication, it is not the interaction may not last as long as it does when we meet someone face to face. For an instance, by using Face-to-Face communication, we can communicate with others for an hour; because we can show that we are tend to keep our speaking. Other forms of communication such as e-mail or letter, last for a while. By new types of tools, however, we have plenty of choices, but the lack of emotional senses during communication is still evidence.

Face-to-Face communication is the best way for everyone to eliminate vague misconception that may occurs in writing. A person's body language tells us if they are disagree or not inclined to continue speaking with us. By watching your friend's behavior, it can easy to figure out whatever he tries to express. We can watch their emotional senses such as aggressive manners or their happiness. For an example, we may chat someone to know each other, but may conceal our feelings or are not capable of expressing our emotion. As a result, we always try to know each other by a face- to- face meeting.

In conclusion, however, many people use new methods of communication, but they still prefer to meet each other face to face. The Face-to-Face communication makes it easy to understand emotion senses. Indeed, with plenty of communication tools, why we feel lonely more than many years ago?

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: respect and loyalty are the conspicuous qualities that all children should have [4]

Please help to find my mistakes specially grammatical mistakes.However, some of customs and conventions in household have vanished, but the importance of rearing of children is fundamental and is not changed. By having parent's support and companionship, children could achieve the most important qualities, which are essential, to reinforce the basic structure of family. It seems to me that loyalty and respect are the most qualities of teenagers, which can easily find in many cultures.

First, Loyalty is the most important quality of children, which is remained constant among most of children. As they grow up, parents become old and need more help. Those sons or daughters, who are loyal to their families, try to help them in the time of need and take care of them. They have recognized the value of their parents and their help. In our culture, children try to be faithful to their families and assist them anytime and anywhere.

Second, respect is another quality, which is always significant among many families. Most parents try to bring up their children by understanding them how to be polite in the society and how to respect rules and so forth. Without having respect, children may be impolite and try to do illegal activities. Even though, most parents would like to bring up their children in a good way, we may find some teenagers, who insult their parents and it would be dangerous for their futures. Totally, respecting to parents is the most essential qualities of children. .

To sum up, parents know the important of their duties. They know that their children will consist of the new generation of society, thus parents try to rear their kids in a positive way. Based on before mentioned ideas, however, a majority of qualities can express for a good son or a good daughter, but respect and loyalty are the conspicuous qualities that all children should have.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay :: Travel within group is always safe and brings more recreations to everyone [5]

Hi, Thank you for you attention to my essay before. Please help me to find my mistakes.
Travel is always an attractive recreation for many people. Some people like to travel by groups and others like to travel alone. As far as I am concerned, communal traveling brings many benefits such as saving money, cooperation etc.

The most and important reason that people tent to travel with groups is saving expenditures. They can rent a bus or mini bus instead of using their personal cars. As a result, they do not need to pay a huge amount of money to buy fuel for their automobiles. They can use share rooms in the travel, thus the cast of renting became less. By traveling with groups or friends, they would be able to decrease their costs.

People are always enthusiastic about travel by their friends or groups, because they would be fun. They have a plenty of free time in travel. Then, they can play with other group's members and enjoy the journey. They can play many communal games such as soccer, volleyball etc.

Some of places are incredibly beautiful, but they are dangerous and perilous for those who want o travel there. Experiencing these kinds places without helping others, may lead to death of traveler. Experiencing high mountains to find scenic spots, people have to participate in group's activities and need to take on some group's duties and as a result, they need to be more cooperative to could conquer a peak of mountain. For an instance, if we want to travel to Amazon forests. Without helping those people who know the right route, we may wander in forests.

In conclusion, traveling with groups has many advantages. It is always safe and it brings more recreations to everyone. It also leads to decrease the cost of journey.

Writing Feedback / We always like to make progress in our life and it gives us a good sense - Toefl Essay [2]

Toefl Essay : Do you agree or disagree that progress is always good?

Nobody can deny that progress is good. One of the most popular definitions of the word ''Progress'' is reaching the goal. In my personal view, making progress is always good, but sometimes people have to keep away from reaching their goals. While most people always want to make progress to find a better standard of living, but they always have to miss many things. To reach their goal, they miss their family or may put their life in danger.

To begin, by reaching a new goal in the life, we have to neglect something else. People always want to make a progress to achieve their goals by any opportunities they can find. Some migrate to other part of world (another city or country) in order to find job opportunities or educating in better universities. However, they may reach their goal, but they will also miss supports and companionship of their family.

Secondly, some people want to make a progress by putting their life in danger. Some people try to find those jobs, which have high salary. Some of these jobs need to take a risk and as a result, they even lose their life. For instance, many labors have died due to their job conditions. They wanted to make progress with hard working, but they unfortunately exchanged their life with nothing.

To conclude, as I mentioned before, we always like to make progress in our life and it gives us a good sense. However, we should also evaluate our decisions carefully, which kind of things we may lose and which ones we will reach and try to keep a balance between them.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Sometimes we have to do something for others which are not interesting for us [5]

I have to spend time to study for being ready in Toefl exam! Am I enjoying? I don't think so. I totally agree that we should do something that we do not enjoy doing. As a matter of the fact, some routine work became a part of daily duties life and they are not enjoyable. Sometimes we have to do something, for our relatives, which are not interesting.

To begin, by considering our daily routine activities, we will figure out many activities that are not enjoying, but they became the part of our essential duties. For instance, I have to speak with those customers who are almost impolite, because I am taking on many challenging work in our office. Purchasing foods and fruits for home are a routine duty of all members of family which may not enjoyable. In special case, I have to participate in Toefl exam to get permission to enter to university. Learning language is one of exciting recreation, but not the time I have to prepare for the special exam.

In addition, there are many emergency works which may happen irregularly. If a member of family need to go dentist or visit a doctor, I have to accompany him. I hate being in hospitals or clinics for many reasons. Therefore, this part of our tasks may not enjoyable for me and many people.

Sometimes we have to do something for others which are not interesting for us. For example, I have to go theaters, because my girlfriend likes and I have to follow her whenever she goes.

Totally, we have to accept this reality that many activities we have to do everyday are not enjoying for us, but they are vital.

Writing Feedback / Most people believe that adult should provide all child demands, because they not are independent [3]

I strongly disagree with an idea that teenagers work as they are still students. Childhood is a period of time that child should learn how to prepare for the future life. Having a job for student may disrupt his concentration to their child life and it may harm his study.

Child life can bring more opportunities for any child to develop his personality. During these years, teenagers should expand their characteristics. Children, who could not develop their personality, definitely encounter many problems in adulthood. Therefore, those teenagers, who work, would not be able to concentrate to their child life. As they grow, they may face many hardships.

While students study, they have to focus on their study. They need plaything when they are free and they need peers to play with, so these demands are incredibly essential. Therefore, they cannot spend time for working. Actually, Adulthood is the time that a person must be independent and provide his needs by working.

However, money is too important for everyone, but it should be considered that money is not everything. Most people believe that Adult should provide all child demands, because they not are independent

Writing Feedback / Toefl subject : Nowadays, spending budget on space exploration is not reasonable [4]

spending budget for space exploring

Space exploration, for discovery of out of space, has been possible for human in the 20th century. The United state and Russia are the important countries that spend large budgets for the research of this subject. In my opinion, spending the budget for space exploration is an important activity to save living of humanity in the future.

Many governments believe that space exploration is an activity that wastes the budget, while the essential challenge of humanity in the future would be the discovery of a new place for the living. In 20th century, although human being succeeded to achieve out of space by means of new technologies such as rockets, but finding a new place for living in another planet is impossible until now. In during history, our planet is threatening by many of other planets or stars and it is an enormous danger for living of humanity. Therefore, it is very significant to find a new place for living in other planets.

Space exploration has used as a tools for military power in the cold war. In the future, many countries will try to prevent attach of other countries by using and invention new missiles. In the past, the space race happened between the United Stated and the Soviet Union. Both countries tried to send man to the moon and show their power to each other. As a result, space exploration will use as a military power for many countries.

In summary, spending budget for space exploring is not the waste budget, because it may helps to save civilization of humanity. Although exploring space used for discovery of other planets, nowadays most of governments have used many rockets for military purposes and therefore the purposes of exploring space has altered.

Writing Feedback / What can we do to save our environment? [3]

Would you help to correct this essay, thank you...:)
Nowadays, one of the important challenge of humanity is many threats that involved our environment. Green house gases, fumes or many harmful chemical productions have destroyed our natural of the world.from my point of you, many operations could be done to prevent these destruction. Some of these advises are discussed.

To begin with, one of the important issues in our world is increase of green house gasses. Green house gases have harmed our environment specially the ozone layer. Many operations have done for reducing of these gases. Scientists try to make new machine that it does not produce fumes or harmful gases, but new machines just pour out useful gases for natural such as hydrogen. Most of the old factories have produced green house gases more than acceptable level and they should renew. There for, in future, new machines and factories would produce gases that should be harmony with nature. Another useful way to reduce these gases is trees because a tree can reduce these gases. The cultivation of trees in their environment is a good way to reduce green house gases.

Moreover, many of production used these days has damage the nature or not decompose. Many factories have ruined the local river by dumping the chemicals into rivers. These wastes have been dangerous and they threaten many beings. Nowadays, many rubbishes has found in many rivers and mountains that do not decay. It is important to clear up mountains and rivers from wastes and rubbishes; also, the government should prevents all factories from dumping chemicals into river.

In summary, our environment has been threatened by much pollution that have made by us. If we open our eyes, then recognize that it will be a major problem for health of beings in future. Many of factories should be renewable and our nature should maintain clean if health of us is important.

Writing Feedback / The best aspect of the job is the money one earns [7]

There are too many aspects for choosing a job such as future, income or job satisfaction. However the future or the satisfacation of a occupation is very important, but the crucial issue is income of a work. Money is an vital demand for living which obtain from a occupation.

Salary of work is very imortant to choose a job for many reasons. Money can improve our satisfaction of life or it can increase out purchasting power. Moreover, buying new equipment needs money as well as studing abroad needs money. Because of these reasons and many other resons, the most important aspect for a job is the money person earns.

Also future of a job is very important for everyone because it causes to improve your ability to do new job. Many of the jobs do not develop your ability for doing a new job or do not increase power of your mind. If people do not consider this aspect for choosing a job, they will not to work individually.

Job satisfaction is very essential to choose a job. Many people try to alter their job, because they want to have an enjoyable job. Many job have a inflexible condition such as working in ocean or working in a terrible weather, but these jobs give you much money.

In conclusion, however many parameter for choosing a job such as future and job satisfaction which everyone consider but income is more effective aspect of the job for one.