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Posts by Samuelsam123
Name: Samuel Wong Rong Yau
Joined: Aug 9, 2015		 Last Post: Mar 16, 2018
Threads: 12
Posts: 46  
From: Malaysia
School: Sri Sempurna

Displayed posts: 58 / page 2 of 2
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Samuelsam123   
Sep 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / A lot of folks argue that the level of violence action between teenagers have increased [3]

Hi Hasbi ,

Regards on indicates of some psychologists
Try Writing into
Some psychologists claimed / states / points out that / think that /

it is occurred due to the children never...

Never Write This !! in fact don't think about it. It lowers the standard of the essay in the marking schemeThis essay is partly agree with the issue So is this : This essay will explain related to this

I am firm believe= I st rongly agree

I get what u mean here , but this sentence has some mistakes
appear in around the children 'sis an environment affects

This is because the content of learning is rarely toteach themabout social life and how to respect to each other.

1. the moral values
2. distilled into them

about living harmonious in society and solely consider that fight is the great way deal with their matters.

1.the importance of living in harmony
2. always blinded by rage and anger, ignoring the most rudimentary principles of negotiating.

The environmentplayingplays an immense role to the influences of the children's behavior.

Teenager is the period of life when person effort to find their identity, they are deceivable and can be affected.
I get you however it can be written like this.
Teenage life if often portrayed as the consequence of their upbringing in their childhood. Disrespectful and rebellious teenagers are often the result of having a childhood of total ignorance or easy-go-lucky .

I don't quite understand you in these two sentences .

-Firstly, while bad environment where they life is not definitely influenced all teenagers become bad behavior, predominantly of them following this conditions.

-Also, several obligation of government related to youngsters matters are not suitable include forced them to develop their creativity.

although criminal actions of people under 18 age group is less attention shooting up. about social and emotion learning from their school and family

you really need to read up more in these kind of essay topics . read more newspapers would be a great choice.
Samuelsam123   
Sep 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / Write a story that happens in a mysterious place. [4]

I am supposed to write the beginning only . I dont know how to create a mystery atmosphere .. please help me , i welcome negative comments.

I open my eyes, i see nothing. Everything was pitch black. I stretch my arm across. Grabbing anything that was in front of me - nothing.

Sweat dripped down my cheeks , my lungs are starting to lose air. I can't breathe. I grab anything I could, something icy cold pricks my fingers. A burst of hope fills me, I grab hold of it. , it was rusty and small. I twist it, light rays came bursting through. The next area was bright . Finally ! Wait , I hear cheering...

Please help me change or improve it. thanks :D
Samuelsam123   
Sep 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Inhabitants live in several different places - second task for IELTS [3]

Hi Bayu

I really like your idea of writing.

However , I believe that it will be better that if you put your points in the second paragraph. Not in the opening. It will make your readers want to read more ; if you put it in the opening , it will sound like a summary of the essay.

Next
"that conditions had antipode yet"
I don't think this is how you should use this word. antipode means : The direct opposite
So, if you really want to use it, it should actually be like this:
The situations have had took an antipodal change , people became "dwellers" rather than "inhabitants", which means they often change their living environments.

The sentence above can be followed by:
A coin has two sides, let's see why ?

These day living in difference places has becoming new life style with several benefits.
daysdifferentbecame

learned excessively diverse culture = learned an excessive information of diverse culture.

"Despite, they always eat same food every day as a negative effect settle at an equal places, the dwellers enjoy their life."
This point may not be valid， what if the child consume a healthy meal ? Try stating the downside of not changing place ( I think that advantages out weigh disadvantages too)

from my experience moving from one place to another place have an immense effect for the children, you must ask him before move away.

This conclusion is ok , i think that a switch of words can be better . Try using some of these words : Moving place , immense effect , think before you make a choice.
Samuelsam123   
Sep 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / Today's life is less satisfied and less happy than in the past [3]

Hi Victor

First of all, your idea for the opening paragraph is good however it will be better if you don't put any points in the opening.

Today, people are living healthier and longer because medicine evolve quickly in the last years.

SECONDLY ：because people life is more stressful and expensive.
People's lifeare

This sentence has some grammar error:
For example, nowadays to graduate in a university is not enough to get a good job.
For example , nowadays simply a certificate of college graduation is not enough to get a high paying job.

It is necessary to get a doctor's degree or master's degree in order to get better wages and promotion, as well.
A higher proficiency has a higher chance of getting a higher pay.

I think that you need to elaborate more on the previous points only then to reach this "Ending" you wrote
Therefore, in the past, people had much more time with their families because they did not have to spend much time attending master and doctor'degree.

Why start a new paragraph with the same kind of beginning ? Try switch things up a bit.
Today life is much more expensive than it was in the past.

In my country is very expensive to buy a house, but in the past it were much cheaper
Where do you stay ? State the country that you list.

"At the same time, in the past people get sick more often because medicine have evolved quickly in the last 30 years. On the other hand, today, people's life is more overwhelming because they need to provide for their families in a more expensive world. "

This does not tie with the starting paragraph of the second one. It will be an off-topic answer.

I am of the opinion
I am on the _________________ side.
Samuelsam123   
Sep 1, 2015
Graduate / Parents do what they saw and learned from their parents [5]

Hi sukruo

First of all
Your essay contradicts with your own points. At first you don't agree, but later you agree. You must be firm on which side you are on .

Almost all kid's best friend and teacher are their parents
What does this sentence mean ?

sometimes their education way might be wrong because they aren't educated to be a teacher .
I see what you mean. try changing up the format a little bit.

education way
There is no such thing!
"Mindset " might be better.

parents are trying to behaved all kids with the same education.They don't care how their personality and emotions they should have care different to the each other

WHAT are you even saying ?

The kids are trying to copy whatever their parents do, so in a big family, every member of family have a big responsibility about that because kids are copy whoever they see big ,it's a natural thing because the people who bigger = Who are older than the kid is survive long enough to get big = has been through up and downs .The kid think like if i will do the same thing i can survive,too

Because of their love to their kids sometimes they choose the wrongPATHS parent's wont let them choose bad and learn real life from it = don't advise them or chose for them.
Samuelsam123   
Aug 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / Horror Essay continuation of the book : The house on the Brink. Need more ideas. [5]

Hi All, Thanks for using time to read my essay , I welcome negative comments. I would appreciate on how to improve my ideas and horror essay writing than Grammar mistakes

Summary of what happen before : A guy and a women was at a marshland , then the woman saw a stump in the mud and mistaken it as a body. The man decided to have a look and found out that it was just a wood.

I am suppose to continue with a horror story with the following sentence.

Last few lines,
But she was pale. "Let's go back," she said. "A piece of bog oak isn't a body."
He laughed as he tore handfuls of grass to clean the mud from his feet. " Your imagination !" he said. "It even gets me going at times."

She kept quiet and stomped her feet.

"Okay, Okay, " the man answered." Let's go back then."

He held her hand and went.

The scorching sun prostrated their journey. Wondering how long their journey has been. The man look back. Nothing much, just a breeze carrying it's sand. The low bank was barely visible. The view was dreary , nothing odd, just a black stump behind.

"Wait!" he thought " that black stump! "
"I must be seeing things" the man pondered. He fixes his eyes in the front.

A breeze blew, It was cold but it froze the man's spine. He dared another look back. There was nohing to be seen ,but his foot hit something. He looked down, paled, picked his pace and ran.

"Stop ! " the woman cried "what are you doing ? "
"Just Run ! "

Flip-Flop!

She turned to look and her life drained out of her : The stump was chasing them ! "

Upfront, they reached an old mansion. An idea of hiding in it sprung up.

"In here ! "
"No! It's not a good idea!"
""A stump is after us ! What do you want? "
"..."

The man kicked ,the door flung open. They got in and closed the door.

It was dark and cold.

No one could barely see a thing, they loom through the watch hole, the stump was no where to be seen. The man sighed with relief .

"AAAHHH!" the woman shrieked.
"What's the ma...ma...argh! " The man let out a horrified scream, he felt a large claw pinned him onto the door. Grabbing his feet and arms. Desperately to break free, he struggled, but the more he struggled the tighter the claws held.

Thunder roared and lightning stroke..

The room was lightened up, just enough time for them to have a look at the mansion. It was a long hall way, rooms with doors at the side. That's all they managed to see before it was pitch dark again.

Then there was a shrill , harried scream. The doors suddenly threw themselves open. Forms lunged.

Another lightning struck down.

Men in dirty dungarees , Women in faded dresses. Even children, tagging after their parents. And in every hand there was a chunk of wood or a knife. Soulless eyes stared at them, their jaws are broken bearing their hideously sharp teeth.

"BROTHERS AND SISTER ! " " YOUR SOULS"
"KILL ! DEVOUR ! "
"THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG ! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! "

Thanks for all of your time.
Samuelsam123   
Aug 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / Zoo has no useful purpose. Do you agree or disagree? [3]

Hi nil !

I think for these kind of essay topics, you are suppose to pick a side. If you are on a fence, your essay's "survival" depends on the examiner.

1st paragraph: Maybe try a moreinteracting opening paragraph if you are doing a slightly informal essay
For Example on the topic of Child Safety :
"Have a minute ? Right , that is all you need to keep a child from potential disasters. "

Try this
Always wanted to have a glimpse of animals that you always see on book or television ? Then visit the Zoo !

With that opening , you have already chose your side.

2nd paragraph: So, people can see them actually , I know what you mean. but maybe write it in another way ? Try the word 'Face to Face'

In zoo , Change to in Zoos,

"zoo gives opportunity to earn daily breads to many people"
What does this mean ?
We can not preserve the all species. So, our future generation will see the animals only in pictures if they are preserving.
Kinda confusing ,
I think what you mean is :
If we don't continue to protect these animals , our next generation may not have the chance to have a look at them.
Samuelsam123   
Aug 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / Why is physical education important? Should physical education classes be required or optional? [3]

HI ZERO

Thus it offers a wide range of skills which will become essential for their future work.
Maybe you could add some Examples for this sentence ? stating the "skills" you mentioned

This activity can even do good to students' mental health.
Maybe Try "boosting" ?

If they are stressful = If the students are feeling tensed up.

harsh hours in classroom
harsh hours of doing what in the classroom ?

And it can be really amusing, relaxing for student to communicate with their classmates
you should at the topic sentence for this opening paragraph.

I cant see how talking is connected to PE. I would suggest replacing talking with " communication in teamwork "

hope i helped XD
Samuelsam123   
Aug 19, 2015
Grammar, Usage / What do DEADLY SILENCE usually indicate? Read Between the Lines. [3]

"There was a deadly silence broken only by spasms of coughing from the oldest and those who seemed the most ill."

Besides the obvious , What else can the "Deadly Silence" mean ?
I feel that there is something more.

Please Help .. Thanks.
Samuelsam123   
Aug 13, 2015
Student Talk / Should I be taking English Literature? [4]

Hi People ! I am Sam from Malaysia , Currently 15 planning to take up science stream for next year. Is it advisable to take up English Literature ? Is It hard ?
Samuelsam123   
Aug 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / People spend their whole life to pursue happiness [3]

Hi Malihong,
some people think happiness is the core of life.people spend the whole life to pursue it
The sentence above is not quite correct. If you want to keep your points , it would be better if it was like this :

Happiness is the core of life to many people , they often devote their whole life pursuing it.

Second sentence doesn't sound correct and isn't grammatically correct :

we working hard

Working is a present continues tense , which mean someone is in the process of doing something, and requires a determiner. : Are , Is

We all work hard, hoping that one day we will find true happiness

This sentence does not fit the topic.
You must be very rich to be able to TRAVEL around the world to find a suitable lifestyle.
we traveling around the world,to find the life style which is perfectly suit us

however, what is happiness?
This should be in the introductory paragraph.

"people will receive a million of answers if they ask a million of very different individual"
This sentence I think is translated from Chinese ?
It should be : Different individuals have different answers. For example : ...

the happiness is have accompany with our family or friends
The company of our loved ones is fulfilling .

is to explode new things
Explode ? Do You mean Explore ?

" To Some of us the satisfaction of exploring new things cheers our hearts up "

This sentence can be avoided.
consequently,if something is hard to define ,which mean the meaning always change from one person to another and vary among in different situations.

the second questions is,what kind of people more easier to achieve happiness,waht factors matter in getting happiness?
Never State your question is this manner ,it sometimes make the reader bored.

The second thing we must consider is that what kind of people achieve happiness more easily ？and How ?

i believe it is depends on people
Avoid this sentence.

outside environment matters the inside feeling,then,affecting the sense of happiness.
I get what you mean, instead , Try change the word " MATTERS" to influence . "THEN" to Consequently.

Lastly
when someone could receive himself or herself completely with no questions ,to admit i am not a perfect person,and i am totally fine with it,i wont blame myself when i fail if i already try my best.

Receive would not have the meaning you wanted to express. Try "Accepting " .
QUESTION would rather mean ASKING. It would be better if it is " DOUBT "

to admit i am not a perfect person,and i am totally fine with it,i wont blame myself when i fail if i already try my best.

The ideas is good but you need a better presentation : Wiping away thoughts like: ... ( following your statement above)

I personally think that you should read more and talk more in English. It helps. I have been through what you have been , it is not easy but it is fulfilling in the end.

Thanks >
Good Luck in studying !
Samuelsam123   
Aug 9, 2015
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [414]

Hi people !

Hey Everybody !
I am new here. I like to write. would be grateful if you guys can help !

I would like to find some factual essay to write on. Can anyone give suggestions ?
I am 15 . so dont give me too high standreds .

XD Thanks
Samuelsam123   
Aug 9, 2015
Essays / Select an inspirational quote that you would put on the wall of your room. Collage essay. [4]

"knowledge will give you power , but character respect " - Bruce Lee

You could say that Character brings you far further than knowledge , even though without knowledge you go no where.

Besides always persueing knowledge , always keep in mind that the way you treat people is also very very important.Also you can give examples in life where a knowledgable person becomes proud and goes now where.

hope i helped .. ;)

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