Writing Feedback / Ielts Practice Task 1: Production levels of the main fuels in the UK [3]


You did not mention that the numerical indicators are based on energy units. This leaves the reader a bit confused as to the measurement used in the presentation. This will cost you some TA and C+C rubic section deductions. Always reference all indicator information in your summary overview or trending statement to avoid these sorts of deductions.


To what level? This is indicated in the image. You have to mention it so that the reader will fully understand your report. Failure to do so will result in additional C+C deductions. Get enough of these deductions and you will fail the essay based on your failure in one rubic alone.

Make sure to properly format you paragraph presentations. You need to clearly show 3 paragraphs for this essay at a minimum. Always clearly separate the paragraph presentations.

The last part is totally unnecessary. The task 1 essay does not require a conclusion or an overall statement at the end.

Writing Feedback / IETLS WRITING TASK 2 - Museums and art galleries [2]

The work that you have presented will receive an automatic failing score. That is because your response to the question does not align itself with the given discussion question. You can only choose between an agree or disagree response. You cannot create your own comparative response because you are not being asked to use a comparative discussion in the original prompt. There is no way that you can pass the essay test when it is fairly obvious that you did not understand the discussion instruction. It will be even worse for you if the examiner assumes that you understood the question, but decided to disregard the writing instruction. Either way, the response approach you have taken is not the one expected for this essay so you leave the examiner with no choice but to give you a failing final score. Your discussion paragraphs cannot be considered in this instance because you did not use the appropriate response for the provided question.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITTING TASK 1-The diagrams illustrate information about changes in a student accommodation [2]


There are 2 errors in this phrase. The first, is that you mistakenly identified a map as a diagram. The second, is that you mentioned the position of the image on the paper, as if the reader can see the image. The reader cannot see the image which is why the writers are discouraged from referencing the position of the image in their summary overview.


This is a verb reference to the act of parking a car. Since you are referencing a noun, a place, then you should be referencing a car parking lot or a car park.


I am not exactly sure what you are trying to say here. It might make sense in your vernacular but when you translate to English word for word, it does not make sense. You have to practice thinking and writing in proper, simple English sentences using simple, everyday English words.

Research Papers / Ending the murdering of innocent children [2]


You cannot use a citation to open your presentation. The introduction in the first paragraph should be reference free because you are expected to present your personal insight into the topic. Discuss what led you to choose this topic for your paper. Consider the publicly known information, use those as the foundation for your essay. You should avoid using cited text because that is not academically allowed in these presentations. You need to save the citations for the 2nd and onward paragraphs. Your second paragraph is also heavily reliant on cited information from the same source. The whole essay seems to be composed of citations per paragraph, and lacks insight and personal opinions that would show that you actually did the research and understood the information you found. This essay is more than 30% in-text citations, which means the professor could give it a failing mark for missing the whole point of this research exercise. That is, to help the professor understand your personal stance on the issue as supported by research information and public knowledge.

Undergraduate / STATEMENT OF MOTIVATION AND EXPECTED ADMISSIONS METHOD ESSAY(WITHIN 300 WORDS) FOR USTH [3]

This is a highly unusual motivational statement. It is both being informative but lacking in information at the same time. That is because you are using only commonly known information, without any true personal connection to your chosen major. The motivation is almost a cut and paste of currently available information. It is almost like it was written by Ai rather than by a serious college applicant. There is no personal motivation presented. You do not show a motivational history or development that the reviewer can refer to as being the reason why you want to pursue your chosen major. You later statement that shows uncertainty about your qualifications further threatens the credibility of your qualifications as a student. The reviewer will not take this application seriously in this presentation. He will disapprove your application as a potential student of their university.

Scholarship / Psychology - Motivation with which you apply for this program-GKS scholarship [4]

As a draft essay, this covers some of the required discussion points. It presents information in relation to a few of the given discussion guide questions. However, this is not enough. The essay is too short. It does not respond thoroughly to the given list of discussion topics. This is not a selective topic essay. You are expected to respond to each question and topic provided because this is your written interview. You will not have a chance to defend yourself in an oral interview. This is it. You need to present your response to each question clearly and completely. You have treated this like a regular college common app essay when it is nothing like that. You must expand on the discussion provided, using the other topics that you did not address in this presentation. Once you do that, then the essay will be a proper draft that can be finalized for content. You Are not at that point yet.

Scholarship / To overcome financial barriers - GLOCAL PROGRAM - ERASMUS MUNDUS SCHOLARSHIP [3]


You are trying too hard to gain the interest and sympathy of the reviewer. You do not need to be so dramatic in your writing. Keep your emotions in check and keep a professional tone in your writing. This is a highly unprofessional opening paragraph and may not be received positively by the reviewer.



This is a conflicting reference. As a child, you could ask that question but, there is no way that you would have any knowledge of sustainable ecology at that age. Had you referenced this at a more believable age, say high school age, then the reviewer would be better convinced of what you are implying in the paragraph.


Before you reference the continued growth, you should first present a series of early interest pursuits in the field. That means, you have to establish how you pursued this interest from an appropriate age.

Scholarship / R-GKS PERSONAL STATEMENT UNIVERSITY TRACK - MASTER'S DEGREE IN MARINE ENGINEERING [2]

I feel that the presentation is unnecessarily long. It could be more concise and interesting to the reviewers. You have to write shorter but informative paragraphs. Your narrations tend to run very long when it could have been stated in a shorter manner. Remember that the reviewer has hundreds of essays to review per day. If you take too long to deliver your responses to the writing guide topics, your reviewer just may lose interest and pass on your application because you took too long to get to the point. Try to make this essay shorter but still informative. You have all of the right points to present in the essay. I know because I took the time to read it, again, I had the time to read through it. The reviewer prefers a scannable essay. One that allows him to speed read and get the interest that he needs from your paper. This does not accomplish that need and could very well be passed on by the reviewer.

Scholarship / Economics -Australia Awards Scholarship - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? [4]

The first paragraph of this essay offers an insight into why you want to study advanced courses. That motivation will be considered by the reviewer while reading your application. However, your reasons for choosing the universities and courses are not very effective. You are telling the reviewer information that he already knows. What he actually wants to learn about is how you will apply these studies to your future career. How relevant are these courses to your career advancement? Do not repeat information that the reviewer already knows, that just tells him that you either know how to cut and paste information or, that you have no idea what career path you want to pursue in relation to the program. Either way, it will weaken your chance at being considered for the award.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK1: INFORMATION ABOUT DEPARTMENT STORES AND ONLINE STORES IN AUSTRALIA IN 2011 [2]

The essay meets the correct word number requirement but fails to address the essay in the proper format. Since this is an analytical essay, each paragraph should be clearly threshed out with information. The information should be spread out over 3 sentences at a minimum, to help with the clarity of the information and avoid GRA deductions due to run-on sentence presentations. Please remember that each sentence should represent one idea or explanation only. You risk running a lower score in the GRA and C+C sections because of the compressed information presentation. The combined information sentences often result in more presentation errors than you would expect so it would be best to achieve presentation clarity by dividing your information properly within specific sentences across the 4 paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / An argumentative essay: A vision of future wealth taxation [3]


This sounds very pompous, almost dictatorial. You are presenting an argumentative but respectful essay. Tone done the bravado.


The reader does not know what this acronym means. You need to say the name of the organization completely before referring the acronym for the benefit of the non familiar readers.


Name a few for example. This claim, without a reference to member nations is highly questionable.


Huh? You lost your reader there. What is the top up system and how does it work? You are making too many assumptions with regards to the familiarity of the reader to your topic.

Your claim sounds too far fetched and lacking in AI focus. If you want AI to accomplish all of these, you should have explained how AI will calculate these taxes based on one or several formulas. How would AI deal with this? The idea behind the argumentative essay is good, but lacking in authoritative backing and evidence.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - LINE GRAPH - The percentage of the population living in cities [2]

The essay is overwritten. This should only be 200 words at the most. By writing 206 words, you have cut a bit into your task 2 writing time, which could mean that you will lack time to write a properly developed task 2 essay. Always stay within the time frame of 175 - 200 words, for maximum scoring consideration.

The summary overview will not receive a passing score because it was written as a run on sentence. There should be at least 4 sentences in this paragraph considering the number of informative ideas that exists in the current run on sentence. The failing preliminary score for this section will prevent you from getting a better score in the succeeding sections. Learn to keep a standard number of sentences per paragraph to allow you to maximize the scoring consideration for each. That means, you have to write 3-5 sentences per paragraph.

Writing Feedback / The effect of technology on people live [2]

This is a task 2 essay that will receive an automatic failing score simply because it is way too short. It is only 161 words / 250 words. The deductions related to the missing words means this essay will quite possibly achieve a 0 preliminary score. Then, there is the severe grammar problem that will result in a series of failing GRA, C+C and LR scores. The command of the English language used in this essay does not meet the basic requirements of language use. It is confusing to read and does not follow the correct English sentence structure rules. Failing to follow the most basic English language rules means that the essay cannot receive a passing score for any of the rubic considerations.

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Paradox of Choice for an ETS question [3]

The analysis is difficult to follow. You are constantly jumping between the two reviews, making it difficult for the reader to keep track of the discussion. For clarity purposes, you could try to do a complete review of the lecture first then, in the next paragraph, review the reading passage, finally, do a comparison discussion in the 3rd paragraph. This would allow you to create a more direct understanding scenario for the reader. You have to write the analysis based on the assumption that the reader will not have access to the presentations indicated and will be relying on your information alone to understand the given topic. Once you manage to clearly explain the discussion to the reader, you will have created a better comparative analysis essay of the 2 topic opinion versions.

Scholarship / The Value of Hard Work - GKS-G Personal Statement [2]


These information should be shared in the language study plan. While you can discuss the Chinese language here, you should not be discussing Hangul in this essay since it has a specific prompt meant for that discussion.


You are reaching here. There is no clear relationship between your interest in International Relations and languages. In fact, the two are strange bedfellows that you need to find a commonality for to be believed regarding this claim.

I believe that your essay will be better if you do not mix the Chinese aspect in the presentation. That is because it removes the attention of the reader from your Hangul discussion, leading to a confusing presentation in the end.

Scholarship / Accounting and Management - Lund University Global Scholarship [2]

The Lund Scholarship focuses solely on merit based scholarships. The merit of the scholarship applicant should be based upon the academic focus of the university. Unfortunately, your motivational letter focuses more on social responsibility and promotion instead of portraying your academic strengths and accomplishments. You merely mention your academic standing, but offer no proof of it in this letter. Additional related training over the past 15 years could also be considered part of the academic merit consideration, but you do not show any evidence of that either. You want to be accepted into an accounting based program, but all of your qualifiers are military based. Do you see how your qualifications are not aligned with the academic expectations of the program?

Undergraduate / Friendship: Is It Really THAT IMPORTANT? - UBC Personal Profile [2]

The essay does not come off as explaining why friendship is important to you. Instead, it reflects that communication is something that you learned to cherish and value due to the need for friendships. It would probably be best if you revised the essay to explain how you consider communication as an important factor in establishing and nurturing friendships. That way you can still use the information you provided in this essay, while refocusing the content on more a more relevant topic response. You could explain why you believe that communication in the context of friendship is valuable and use the story here as the example for that. That way you hit 2 birds with one stone. You get to show why you value communication and friendship within a related explanation.

Scholarship / Communication - What skills and knowledge do you hope to gain from your study programme? [4]


This is severely incorrect grammar. Bachelor of Arts in Communication is a course of study, it is not a person. You are the person enrolled in this course, the student. You should have indicated it as such. You could have said. "As a student of Bachelor..."


Do not admit to any weakness of your part. That could be taken by the reviewer as an admission that you are not qualified to take this course. Always say that you look forward to increasing your skills instead.

The rest of the statement seems acceptable so far. I cannot offer advice regarding how you can better write your response since I do not know the maximum word count for the essay. I will just assume that you are within the acceptable number of words and leave it at that.

Writing Feedback / The two tables compare the number of exchange students from Europe to Australia and from Australia [2]

You have overwritten this analytical essay. The word requirement for this essay, that falls within the 20 minute writing time allowance is 150-200 words. You wrote 252 words which indicates you spent more than 20 minutes writing this paper and, that you did not allow for enough time allotment for the writing of the task 2 essay. You need to be conscious of your word count as the basis of your time allowance so as not to go over the time limit for the task.

There is a missing punctuation mark at the end of the first sentence, which will result in a GRA markdown since you showed an inability to use proper punctuation marks. While it may have been an oversight on your part, it indicates a lack of proper writing skills on the part of the examiner. Make it a point to leave at least 5 minutes towards the end of your draft writing to allow for proper review, editing, and finalization of your content prior to submission.

Practice proper page formatting requirements during your practice test as well. Remember to use clear paragraphs with separations on the page so as to indicate that you are meeting the 3-4 paragraph requirement for this task. Right now, your paper is not in the proper format and could receive additional deductions in the T&A section of it.

Scholarship / Social stereotype - Yale Young Global Scholars [3]

This essay did not represent a challenge to a belief or challenge to a status quo. It is a personal insight into some parts of your life that you wanted to reflect on. Unfortunately, this is not what the essay statement should have been about. The topic representation should have been focused on the development of your political, social, economic, or personal belief about a situation or a topic that you felt challenged your personal insights or character traits. This essay did not reflect such a situation. You did not reflect on a situation that forced to develop a more mature way of thinking that may have led to your taking action in a manner that shows how you would handle challenging situations that crossed a personal border with you.

Writing Feedback / Proposal Essay: Is Social Media a Negative Impact on Mental Health? [4]

The first paragraph of a proposal essay should convey your idea regarding the research topic. It will be best not to include any cited materials in that paragraph since you are trying to convince the professor that you idea for the paper is something you strongly support and are enthused about. That means, you can clearly explain your personal intention for the paper without relying on the words of authorities to get by. The professor is more interested in what you have to say to sell your topic, based on your personal motivations at that point. You can use that data in the establishing paragraph, or 2nd paragraph of this proposal instead. Separate the personal from the authoritative for the introduction, it creates a better proposal slant.

Avoid closing the paragraphs with citations. The academic representation should always have a personal opinion or a personal explanation of the previous citation that always leads into a transition paragraph for the next paragraph and discussion topic.

Scholarship / Think Tanks and Promotion of Bilateral Collaborations - Future Plan - GKS-G [3]

Part of the GKS agreement is that you will return to your home country after the completion of your masters studies. So I would not indicate a plan to remain in the country gain work experience as that would entail a visa change on your part, which the university will not be able to help you with. Finding a company to assist you with a visa change may prove to be difficult since not all companies will be looking for your skills and talent to hire. It would be best not to indicate you plan to stay in Korea after your student visa expires, just to play on the safe side. Always be clear about your intention to go home after. You may say that you will go back to Brazil temporarily while you look for a work sponsor in Korea to help bring your studies full circle instead.

Scholarship / Study Plan for Political Science Master's Degree - GKS-G [4]


How does this tie in with your current research interests? You should try to emphasize a connection between this foundational research and the rest of your research papers. That will allow you to show that you are following a continuous learning path that started during your college years. If you have an idea as to why you feel that you should do more in-depth research on various Korean political topic, then please, discuss it here. You need to show that you have a research arc going on that will combine to prove an original political belief or ideology on your part.

Your reference books as mentioned here are too old to serve as actual references in these modern times. Try to find some more recent and relevant studies that combine the works of US, UK, and Korean authors. That would create a more impressive research support foundation.

Scholarship / GKS-G - Language Study Plan - My road with korean language [3]

You appear to have a strong pre-arrival Hanggul background. That is something that the reviewer will appreciate as it shows that you have a long-time interest in Korean culture rather than just studying the language because of the scholarship requirements. The credentials are strong. Make sure to mention your TOPIK score at each level in the essay so that the reviewer will not have to search for the results certificate among your files. In truth, your ability to score well with each TOPIK test that you took will help to increase the profile of your application and allows you to have earlier consideration that the non TOPIK certified candiates. Good job!

The English language background is not at strong but I would not worry about it so much since the classes will the taught in Hangul rather than English. Your English background it acceptable for the purposes of this application.

Scholarship / Master of Public Policy (MPP) - Manaaki scholarship [6]

You are just enumerating what you hope to learn, but missing the why you need to learn, develop, and be exposed to these theoretical and practical frameworks. It is important to allow the reviewer to understand your professional mindset in relation to your job application. What are your professional weaknesses? How do you hope to have upskilling for yourself by studying these courses and participating in immersion activities? You need to be more specific in your discussion rather than just presenting summary intentions in this statement. Try to give an insight into your current professional life. How will improving your knowledge and skills help you become a better professional? Do you aim for career advancement after this course of study?

Undergraduate / My cultural identity - Temple University Personal Statement/ College essay [3]

Always remember that the character count is a guide as to how many characters you can type into the application box. You are not expected to use up all 5000 characters if you do not have enough information to use up the allotment. Your current essay is actually within the sweet spot of the application submission. It is well written, addresses all of the points that are required for the response, and introduces you character development very well. I do not believe that you need to add any more information to the paper. Reviewers tend to skip extra long essay submissions. You can be proud of what you have written so far. There is no need to delve into why you wish to attend Temple U since that is not a part of the discussion requirements / instructions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WT2 - Socialising online or in person [3]

The prompt restatement is too simplistic and does not fulfill the sentence requirement and response representation that is required for the paragraph. While the topic representation is acceptable as a one sentence rewording, the lack of proper summary responses to the 2 provided guid questions prevented the paragraph from meeting the 3 - 5 sentence requirement. No points will be awarded for the preliminary writer's opinion part of the TA because the questions were merely restated in opinion form instead of providing a summarized response to each question. This is where the essay will score the lowest possible score. The preliminary TA score is not going to help ensure a passing final score.


This is the summarized cause representation that should have been in the first paragraph

The concluding summary will also not help the essay get an increased positive score because it does not meet the 40 word or 2 sentence requirement. This paragraph will not receive a passing preliminary score either. Therefore it is questionable if this essay will receive a final passing in an actual test.

Scholarship / A circus artist and a scout - GKS graduate program personal statement [2]


There are 2 considerations that should help you decide the focus of your discussion. These are:
1. Are you applying via university track? If yes, then focus on the course or why you decided to study at the university.
2. If you want to highlight your skills as a post undergraduate and how it has prepared you for masters studies in South Korea, then you do not need to focus on the university.

I have to say though that your essay does not respond to all of the question points delivered for this masters degree application cycle. References to influences in your life, either personally or professionally cannot be seen in this essay. Instead, it comes across more as a travel blog summary, which I am sure was not your intention.

Research Papers / Argument research paper: Community Fluoridated Water and Policy Reform [2]

The research paper effectively transmits the researched information to the readers. However, merely delivering this information is not enough. While termed an argumentative paper, this presentation is clearly bias towards the pro flouridated water side. Instead of being a balanced look at both sides of the discussion, which is the purpose of an argumentative paper, the paper fails to compare the reasons of both sides. It is important to remember that an argumentative paper will propose both the pro and con reasons for the discussion, while remaining neutral in the discussion. An argumentative paper should never take on the role of opinion maker for the reader. Rather, it should merely argue both sides, while leaving the reader to decide which opinion he would like to support in the end. That is not what happened in this paper.

Additionally, the information presented is too reliant on information derived from other sources, as evidenced by the source citations per paragraph. The personal insight of the writer, which would have given the quotes more importance is missing from the discussion. It is also not advisable to have 2 or 3 in-text citations comprising the content of each paragraph. That leaves the paragraphs under developed and little explained in terms of reader consideration.

Scholarship / "it ain't over till it's over" - gks personal statement draft [3]


Refrain from stating the obvious. You do not need to tell the reviewer this information because this is the default reason that the applicants would like to be recipients of the GKS scholarship. Delete this whole paragraph.


Do not write so informally. Do not use such references in a formal scholarship applicaiton.


This is irrelevant. Remove this section. The reviewer does not care about your IELTS test status. Discuss this only in the study plan If you scored highly in the test so that it can help increase the profile of your application.


Again with the etc. Problem. Please delete all references to this word in the essay.


There is no reason to be discussing how fiscally responsible you are. That is not a consideration for this particular personal statement.

Scholarship / LPDP Essay - Personal statement and paragraph about background reasons and skills [2]

When applying for any scholarship, you must provide a strong academic foundation in terms of research skills, academic achievements, and proper academic internships or exposures. You need to beef up that presentation in this essay since you are applying for a masters degree scholarship. Whenever possible, indicate how you have built your skills early on with notable achievements or internships.

You have spent too much time describing Farmillions. Narrow down the description so you can better focus on your achievements as a member of this team. Do not just enumerate your duties and responsibilities in narrative form. That is not what the personal statement is about. Talk about what you achieved as a member of the group. What notable accomplishments did you make? Were you recognized for these contributions?

Try to provide a more accomplishment centric personal statement instead of a limited, glossed over presentation that does not offer useful information for the assessment of your application. This version needs more relevant revisions before it can become useful to you.

Scholarship / Applying scholarship GKS essay in teaching language field [2]

One of the main questions that your essay should address is "Why study a Masters in French in Korea instead of in France?" What set Korea apart in your mind that would make the country a better choice to study the masters course? For sake of information clarity, you should also indicate 2 things in your essay:

1. Vietnam's other language is French, giving a short history that led to French becoming one of the default languages.
2. Did you read the French version of Les Miserables? By default the reviewer will think that you read the English version as most of the world was prone to do so. If you read the English language version, then that does not support your premise of having early exposure to French as a language and that your love of French styles stemmed from the influence. If you were exposed to French influence in Vietnam, then you should specific that as on eof the basis of your interest.

Scholarship / Education in Biology - to achieve scholarship in DGIST [5]

The response that has been written is lacking in focus and clarity. While there is information here that could be helpful towards the application, the way it is presented leaves the reviewer with questions that need to be addressed within the information presentation. The essay in its current form does not work for a scholarship application. It must be rewritten in a manner that best suits the requirements and objectives of the application. An experienced scholarship application writer will be able to use the information provided here to provide a more direct application essay / personal statement for you. It is difficult to instruct you regarding how to rewrite this due to the obvious lack fo English writing abilities on your part.

Scholarship / Public Admin - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? AUSTRALIAN AWARDS ESSAY [2]

You need to improve your academic choices discussion. Provide more details beyond the cut and paste information from the website. Explain how your previous academic training and professional experiences have prepared you to complete each of the courses you have specified. Use different skills and learning for each chosen course. Then align these with your future career aspirations that can then, be supported by the line of studies that you have chosen to undertake. Your final paragraph is too generic in presentation. It can be applied to any university in Australia. Close instead with a forward thinking plan for your career that you hope these studies can help you fulfill. It is important that your application be more than just run of the mill and generic.

Undergraduate / From Acting to Action: How Theater Shaped My Path to Management - UBC Personal Profile [3]

Rather than tying in the activity to UBC, which is totally unnecessary in the presentation, you can further use that paragraph to speak about the person that you are referring to them as the person to vouch for your theater club membership. This could be the director of the plan or a club adviser. While I realize that you developed a friendly relationship with the male lead and other cast members, I believe you should show a better character development by discussing how you contributed to the betterment of the play and how the director responded to your suggestions. Your role cannot simply be as an actress in the school play. It has to go deeper than that.

Writing Feedback / Write a short story. Imagine you wake up in a completely different city [3]

The story you wrote is inconsistent in presentation style. You started off with the feel of a suspense thriller. Including elements of doubt, a scene of potential disaster, questions that deserved to be answered in the telling of the story (but wasn't). The sense of drama dropped from high to a sudden low. It was almost like you changed your mind about trying to write a mystery thriller, putting on the breaks and then suddenly changing to a general patronage story. That is why the writing writing is inconsistent and the emotions presented felt choppy. Simplify the beginning. Use a simpler opening for your setting. Say you woke up in a bed and breakfast or something but you did not recall how you got there. Explain how you got there later on by indicating you found a taxi receipt or a bus ticket. Attribute your memory loss to say, jetlag or something. Look for holes in your short story and make sure to plug / respond to them throughout the presentation.

Undergraduate / I am a 17-year-old girl trying to figure the world out as she goes - common app essay [2]

Are you by any chance writing about a topic of your own creation? That is the only reason I can think of regarding the writing style that you used. It is definitely freestyling the story and making it up as you go along. So, the story you have written is relaxed and actually focused on telling your story. Yes, there is a story being told here. It is light and not really focused on a single mindset, which makes it good since you are trying to depict yourself as someone who is still trying to find his way in the academic world. I am just worried that this discussion might conflict with the other prompts that focus on the major you have chosen for college. Is there a chance of that happening? If so, then you have to revise the essay to better align with your previous essay discussions.

Writing Feedback / The traditions and customs relating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing. [2]

You have tried to put together an intelligent sounding essay which failed to deliver. While you chose to use words that would connote an extensive English vocabulary, you used these words out of context, thereby using the words incorrectly in terms of reference and meaning. As such your LR score would be problematic. You do not appear to have a thorough understanding of English vocabularies and therefore, have a tendency to exaggerate meanings, leading to errors in understanding or confusion in understanding what you are trying to say. It would be best for you to learn how to say things using simple vocabulary for now. Keep it simple and within everyday language use. That way you will develop proper and understandable sentence and paragraph presentations.

Writing Feedback / Guarding Against Online Shopping Scams [2]



These are considered phrase fillers. These do not help to move your paragraph forward. There is no sense in using these in your presentation paragraphs. It is always best to use anchor topics to kick off your paragraphs. What do I mean by an anchor topic? You should present the focus of the paragraph in the first sentence of the paragraph. For example:




These are examples of topic references that could have effectively kicked off your paragraph. The topic would have come across clearly and your discussion would be fully focused on the topic, without the need to rely on filler phrases.

I would like to commend you for your excellent summary conclusion. It effectively presented the short form of the previous paragraph discussions. While your use of the English language has a few errors, these do not impede the reader's understanding of the idea presentation in the paragraph.

Writing Feedback / The graph gives information about employment categories of a country in 2003 and 2013. [2]

You must do a correct image identification in the summary overview to achieve maximum scoring consideration for that section. You cannot just indicate a graph because there are several types of graphs used in the Task 1 essay. The most common graphs used in task 1 are line graphs and columnar bar graphs. Identify the image accordingly to meet accuracy requirements. Do not make it a habit to cut and paste information from the instructions. You are scored on your ability to paraphrase that. Forced errors are created when you simply cut and paste from the original.


So what? What do you want to say in this sentence? The thought presentation is incomplete.

Your paragraphs are composed mostly of run on sentences. You should be providing at least 3 sentences in each paragraph. Do not compress your information into single sentences. You have to present one idea in each sentence in order to receive proper C+C scoring.