Essays / Help with essay - why should we tolerate hateful speech [7]

In your research, you might type "hate crimes" into Google Scholar or some good database. This has already been written about, so you have plenty of guidance. Is there any particular culture or group that you are supposed to focus on?

Writing Feedback / Advertisers, affecting our childs thought process [9]

I never taught him the typical practices, but instead helped him to avoid the norm; I encouraged him and exposed him to many aspects of life, not leaving him in the care of the television.

Children are given too many choices. Hmmmm... that sounds strange. Instead of saying that, you can start this paragraph by saying: Guidance involves limitation of choices.

Or, you could leave your sentence there, and add my sentence right after it, to explain it.

Children are given too many choices. After all, Guidance involves the limitation...

...forced upon this world with no knowledge of what...

My idea for your conclusion is that it should be a final argument of your main point, which you said in paragraph one: Parents should take back control of their children's purchasing behaviors. Summarize the points made in the essay, and reiterate that thesis statement.

Great essay!

Writing Feedback / My father sacrificed alot in his lifetime ; Someone Who Has Influenced My Life [10]

Some are good influences and some are bad influences. Although The one person who influenced my life most would have to be my father.

Commas: In dad's eyes, his family is number one, and his children come first before anything else.

Yes, it deserves a better hook in the beginning.

Now, every paragraph is supposed to be a different thought. So, you wrote one paragraph about your dad's difficult life, and then another paragraph about how he influenced you. These need topic sentences. At the start of para #2 write a topic sentence that tells the reader something like, "My Dad became strong as a result of enduring adversity." At the start of paragraph #3 you could writ a sentence telling the reader that he passed on his values to you.

Do you know what I mean about the topic sentences? If you look at para #2 right now, it looks like you jump from one subject, how he was raised by his brother, to another subject, how is mom dies in his arms. If you add a good topic sentence to the beginning, it will NOT look like you are jumping from one subject to the next -- because all sentences will relate to that topic sentence about how he faced adversity.

Good luck improving your grade! Remember that topic sentences provide structure for paragraphs just like a thesis statement (usually at the end of the first para) provides structure for the whole essay.

Book Reports / The Crashing Symbols of The Glass Menagerie and My Little Town [27]

This first paragraph is great! You introduce both and give a clear thesis statement.

Like a songwriter, Tom the playwright poetically personifies expounds his past into in a powerful, lyrical piece. If ever there was a pop song equivalent of "The Glass Menagerie," it is "My Little Town," a song composed by Paul Simon and released in 1975 by Simon and Garfunkel. both of the singing duo Simon and Garfunkel.

Of, I see what Sean means about expanding more on them at the beginning of each paragraph. (I have never heard this song, even though I am a Simon and Garfunkle fan, thanks! I'm listening to it now.) One more thing about it: the format you use with slash marks is unattractive; I wonder if there is a format your prof prefers. I would prefer to put the lyrics in Italics in their own, centered paragraphs.

Anyway, that is no big deal. I think you should find ways to make it less wordy, perhaps by not repeating the name of the song or the name of the glass menagerie so many times. Perhaps just call them "the song" and "the play" In the body paragraphs, but naming them in the intro and conclusion paragraphs.

This is pretty great! Paul Simn and Tennessee Williams are worth much attention.

Writing Feedback / Essay on Obama's Stimulus Plan [8]

Fifteen or twenty years! Well, thanks for the prognosis. As for the essay, it is great that you are in touch with the prof's expectations; that is most important, obviously. Still, it seems weird to me, seeing so much fact without citation! :) Well, I'll sure this will do well; better than the economy.

Writing Feedback / "Important truths begin as.." (CLEP English Comp w/essay) [4]

Oh, that is an interesting point you made, about the difficulty of writing when you don't know much about the subject. That is why, when you write for your own creative projects (after school projects are out of the way) it is good to "write what you know," an old writing adage. Write what you know so well that you can't shut up about it. As for writing that is technically sound, though... your writing is free of errors. So, that is good. How did you get a 44%? Sometimes it is the tests that are wrong...

Book Reports / Opening paragraph - 1984 by George Orwell - Big Brother control [5]

There is only one way in which one is allowed to carry out sexual activities: to produce a child for the Party.

Wow, this is looking very good! I see that this is not finished yet, or else you would have a conclusion paragraph. Yes, I think you are on the right track. It seems like an expository essay centered on the book... but you could make it better if you add something to the intro: a theme for your essay, a spacial perspective or observation that you have about the book.

Rather than just a book report type thing, can you say something intriguing about the book. Perhaps something that other readers would not have noticed.

Essays / Cause and Effect Essay Trouble [6]

Poo! :-) Well, it would be great to write about something that you can write passionately about. If I had to write something, I would write about how kids on the cross country team become clear thinkers, because jogging for an hour is a powerful kind of meditation. That would be complex, but I would be interested.

If you need to get through this quickly, though, how about something for which theere is a lot of material available on that library database. All you have to do is type in the word predictive (or predictor). You'll get lots of articles about things that are predictive of other things. Just choose one to read, and then start writig about what you learned.

Graduate / SOP for review ("Learning is like rowing upstream: not to advance is to drop back.") [7]

I like it! The thing I said about sticking with the quote is that it would be good to refer to the quote a few times in the essay -- but it is not necessary! If you wanted, you could do this:

...still felt the need for a specialized domain to reap my career advancement goals. Like the swimmer working his way upstream, I had to press on or lose progress.

I am a stern believer of positive attitude, quality, and hard work. I promise to swim upstream diligently while learning at you r institution, if I am given a chance.

Writing Feedback / The mighty (movie) essay. Max's past. [5]

He knew it was not the first time and was not going to be the last time; he had for a long time been crumpling beneath his bed each night and trembling in fear.

Wow, this is well-written, I love it. I hope you spend some time giving good, thorough reviews for some other EF members, because you are an excellent writer.

This really affected me emotionally; you did a great job!

He was just a five-year-old boy when he had to witness his mother being killed.

Undergraduate / Supplemental application for UBC -- Passion, Bachelor of Science program [13]

It amazes me, for example, how the small intestine fits in our body when it is 7 meters long, and I am fascinated at how our body regulates so many functions. the kidneys play an important role in removing wastes and maintaining water balance, and there are specialized nerve receptors in our body which detects high blood pressure.This part I crossed out sounds like you flipped through a text book and chose a fact to use. Can you change the kidney part to be something about vision? That way, you will not be all over the place, jumping from topic to topic; you'll replace it with a fact about vision that is fascinating, and that will enable you to transition nicely into: My career goal would be able to become a successful optometrist.

Writing Feedback / Introduction essay for Death of a Salesman prompt- Critiques? [3]

often expresses his evasion from the business ...

Do you mean to say that he had a distaste for the business world? I don't remember the details of the story! If i did, I could probably figure out what you are trying to say. But "evasion" means the act of avoiding or dodging something. Maybe you mean to say:

...often expresses his aversion to the business world.

You should explain the false reality thing instead of just saying it all of a sudden. Change some sentences in this paragraph so that the reader understands what you mean when you say, in the last sentence, that they live a life of false reality.

:)

Undergraduate / Personal statement-Law ("The world makes way for the man...") [4]


This is a powerful sentence! Great imagery. Can you make it say "answer why street children of (name of the city or country) had to..." that will make it better.

My queries always brought compliments from elders, but... no one could possibly pinpoint for me the assurances explain such discrepancy, and people of my age considered my worries to be of no relevance.

Wow, I love this essay. It takes us through your process of growing up, discovering pain in the world, and entering law to be a fighter for human rights. This is great.

Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

Cool, thanks Sean.

About the "man," thing... "man" is not exactly used as plural. It is synonymous with "mankind" and "humankind." However, it is old-school chauvinism to say "man" when you could say humankind.

In sentences, though, you treat it as singular:

This is a weird year for humankind.

This is a weird year for mankind.

This is a weird year for man.

I like "humankind."

Undergraduate / Gambia to Georgia -- entrepreneur in the resturaunt business. [5]

My name is xxxxx xxxxxxx, and I am an American who was born in Gambia in 1982 and raised by his mother.

Well, you have to decide if you want to write it about yourself or if you want it to be written from the third person perspective.

You should write:

Raymond Brown is an American who was born in Gambia in 1982 and raised by his mother. He graduated from Methodist Academy High school in 2001 after having studied as an Art major. Raymond traveled to the U.S in 2003 and stared working at a pizza place called Domino's Pizza. He gained experience there and decided ...

In early 2009, Raymond and his family and I opened a restaurant, called Brown Pizza and Del i, at the heart of Brusibi turn table in the Gambia.

I hope that helps!

Graduate / SOP for review ("Learning is like rowing upstream: not to advance is to drop back.") [7]

The above words have always been a key point behind my learning. They have helped...

If you want to start with that quote, you have to structure the essay around it... like, the first paragraph can explain miracles of science as the motivators that keep you advancing upstream... and in the second paragraph, you explain their school's specific resources and faculty membrs as the footholds that enable you to persevere.

You have to stick to that analogy, and make it work. That is what makes people feel that it is a brilliant essay, and it actualy is pretty easy.

The connection of the quote to your process should begin in the first paragraph. After explaining that the quote is important to you, end that first para with a sentence that succinctly tells the reader the main points emphasized in the essay. Imagine how cool this essay would be if it served a duel purpose: it enables you to explain yourself, and it does so in a way that makes your situation serve as one, grand exposition of the truth behind that quote.

Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

No trouble!

Undergraduate / Boston U Int. (Experiences with Dad, Confidence, Stock Market) [13]

Hahahaha!!! that is really funny. What are you, some sort of progressive grammarian? Hahaha...

It's annoying when people use since for because! Alright, well, what if the admissions person is a staunch grammarian!? Ha ha, it really is in the dictionary that way now? Well, nobody told me...

Anyway, do you agree that it is good for me to recommend "because," (i.e. since it makes the sentence clearer), or do you think people should not worry about it (i.e. these days, in the years because it has been added to the dictionary)?

hahahah

Book Reports / Opening paragraph - 1984 by George Orwell - Big Brother control [5]

You can add a sentence to the beginning... something unusual that gets the reader to feel surprised and interested. Something unexpected.

Writing Feedback / My sculpture paper, Emile Antoine Bourdelle [6]

Ha ha, well, get to work reviewing essays! :-) and here is some reviewing for you:

...sculptures in the 19th century.

My first thought about it was, "Wow, very impressive figure!" I fixed that, so that the quotation marks would be right... but it still sounds a little silly. Try saying something more intellectual... like, something about what the process of creating it must have been like. :)

The reason why I chose The Metropolitan Museum of Art is because is for several reasons. First off, I've been there ...just listened and remembered, well that's just me. It has a everlasting collected works containing more than two million works of art, separated into nineteen curatorial sections.

Above, cut out all that stuff about you being lazy. It is alright to be genuine, but actually here it is not relevant to the ... oh, wait a minute! Yes, I see that you are supposed to describe your reasons. Well, I still think you should not make yourself sound so lazy and apathetic about it.

:)

But it seems that you have fulfilled all their requirements.

I just think you should change a few things that you can tell are not quite right... like this:

Overall my first and only impression of this specific sculpture captured my attention while browsing and overlooking throughout The Met (say something about the sculpture about the artist, about the experience of being in the presence of great art, about a feeling of inspiration that you had, or anything else that shows that you have the depth of thought that is necessary for appreciating fine art ).

Yes, i think your purpose should be to demonstrate your ability to appreciate it... because that is what is most impressive in papers like this.

As for sentence structure and things like that, you have to take care to write full, swift sentences that have clear beginning and end:

The statue is very self explanatory to be honest though, unless they're pretty moronic. ---- and this shows that you don't realize that there are multiple levels of appreciation for art. To a young kindergärtner, it is self-explanatory, but to someone more thoughtful it might complex. To the artist, it was simple. In zen they say:

When you begin your practice, mountains are just mountains, and waters are just waters.
When you gain some skill, mountains are no longer just mountains, and waters are no longer just waters.
When you find mastery, mountains are just mountains, and waters are just waters.

... or something like that! :)

Start a new paragraph when you tell about the trip itself:

My experience through my trip and back, was a huge hassle, I had to take three different trains and walk six blocks. At first, I gasped because

Undergraduate / NYU SUPPLEMENT QUESTIONS -- DEADLINE SENSITIVE [4]

I like it better with "enables":

This song enables me reflect on the good times in my life.

For this, show that you understand something about IR, but don't just throw in terms like "urban studies," IR, politics, etc. Show that you understand one, like this:

My main interest lies within the discipline of political science, but I am also very much involved and attracted to numerous issues in discovering more about the strange history of international relations among various countrie s. and urban studies.

Other than this essay I just commented on, I like all of these! So, I agree with Sean.

One more thing, though: For the first and third one -- and actually for any of these -- it would be good to mention a little about what, specifically, you envision yourself doing in your career and how it is rooted in your education that you will be getting at this school. So, try to throw in specific ideas based on your intended major and intended career. However, the essays are really very good already!

Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

No, it's okay, we just have to make sure that people don't put material here that is also on other websites. Actually, I found out that it is alright for me to help with it. Thanks for participating, and sorry for the trouble!

Maybe they are right in some respects; as a man of God, one must be a model in his appearance and behavior. Moreover, he should remind people of Halal ( what is permitted ), and Haram ( what is forbidden )

Above, you don't need to put a space between the ( and the word. Just do this:

Halal (what is permitted), and Haram (what is forbidden).

... and it is absolutely a major crime if he goes to the beach and enjoys the sight of the waves.

This is translated very well! It sounds great in English.

Undergraduate / Supplemental application for UBC -- Passion, Bachelor of Science program [13]

I think a quality of mine that would make me successful in the Bachelor of Science program is my passion for human biology. I am currently taking Biology 12 at my high school, and I am fascinated at all the processes that occur in humans that we never take the time to think about: (name some examples). (Write a sentence about your specific educational/career goals.) My passion gives rise to my willingness to learn and determination to succeed will make me successful. I can motivate myself to do try my best as well as continuously improving to aspire for higher goals.

I scratched off that bad sentence at the end...

Can you add sentences that tell specific studies in biology you are passionate about? For example, I am interested in the body's electrical system and the controversial work of Robert Becker. What are your specific interests?

Sorry if this did not get to you before you sent it! Good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / Boston U Int. (Experiences with Dad, Confidence, Stock Market) [13]

Maybe you should not write, "ask him what was on my mind," because it sounds like you went in and said, "Hey, Dad, what's on my mind?" That sounds funny.

You can write: ask him whatever questions were on my mind.

Also no unnecessary words; no using "since" when you mean "because"; number agreement (questions/answers):

That happened quite often, to be honest, because my natural curiosity would regularly let me stumble upon questions for which I needed an answers.

Shave off unnecessary words, and see how much better it sounds:

Of course I was young and did not really understand how the system works, so my dad...

I have developed a habit of keeping myself up-to-date about the business world and what is going on with ABB Ltd.

This is impressive stuff! Good, solid content that shows how smart you are. Now, to improve your writing, be like Yoda. Yoda says things in few words, so each statement is powerful. No unnecessary words means the reader pays attention. That principle applies in communicating with kids, too! :)

Writing Feedback / Description Movie-Secret essay [2]

Jay lives with his father -- who is a Tamkang music teacher that wears glasses and a beard, and looks like a serious person. The actress who is called Rain Lu has cute dimples when she smiles, clean short hair, and skin that looks pale. It has a lot of beautiful songs and a surprising ending.

The whole story starts on the first day of school, as he wanders ...

One day, Jay invites Rain to go to the homecoming dance, and there are a lot of students. They have to wear uniforms , and one member of the very loud rock band is his best friend.

After few weeks during which Rain is absent, Jay has another friend who is called Qiyi, who is...

One important thing to work on is VERB TENSE. Usually, you tell about the story in the present verb tense, but sometimes you switch to the past verb tense. Below, I'll switch some past tense verbs to present tense so that they will match with the other verbs in the essay.

When he goes to the classroom, he tells a classmate everything, and tries to take good care of her. But the classmate thinks he is crazy, and everyone laughs at her, and no one wants to talk to her.

Your writing will improve if you practice the verb tenses. This is best practiced by reading. I wonder if you could get a copy of The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle in the language you know well, and get another copy of it in English, and study verb tenses by coparing them. That would be a great experience!! What is your first language... is it Mandarin? Good luck!

Writing Feedback / Pan's Labyrinth vs. The Fountain essay [4]

Wow, this seems to be a perfect essay. The structure is great, the thesis is clear, and you explain everything so eloquently! I am impressed. I feel that it could be improved with the addition of a few quotes from the movies to help make your points. It would be good if you could somehow connect the quotes by Gaultier and Rodin with specific scenes or characters fro the films. But really, I find little room to criticize this!

Writing Feedback / Power Privilege essay [8]

Oh! Is that true? The thing is, you need to put their words in quotation marks if you quote them directly, and you are also supposed to use a page number. If you don't use quotation marks, you have to PARAPHRASE and then put the name in parantheses. Paraphrasing is easy! So, you should be able to do it. Rework those sentences that yu took directly from other sources. Good luck!!

Book Reports / (symbolic / character interpretation)? - my new essay is on lord of the flies. [15]

The boys are all "going native" to one extent or another, and loosing their footholds that keep them from going over the edge; however, it is sometimes hard to tell ...

Above, that was a run-on sentence without the semi-colon. I had not noticed it before! You tried to use "however" in the way you would use "but"; however, "however" cannot be used as a conjunction. "But" can be used in a compound sentence, but "however" needs its own sentence.

This is really quite a great essay, and the last paragraph leaves no doubt tha you understand the theme. It would be better, though, if you add a few sentences about how the society on the island is like a model that shows how larger societies sink into violence -- as a result of the savage ways to which we resort we are frightened.

Writing Feedback / Pledge of Allegiance, under God, separation of church/state, essay feedback [4]

Have you ever read "Civil Disobedience" by Thoreau? The most American thing in the world, the most democratic thing in the world, is to have CONTINGENT allegiance to your government. That means that you pledge no absolute allegiance, but instead scrutinize the government, hold it to a high standard, and, when it becomes corrupt, you dissolve it.

America was founded by rebels who would either give or withhold their allegiance -- depending on what the government was doing. So... I disagree with your argument! :)

But in response to your question:

You might want to try ending that first supporting paragraph with a sentence about how freedom of speech, one of the freedoms enjoyed by people protected by the government represented by the flag, is the same freedom that journalists and cartoonists use to poke fun at the government and scrutinize it. That will help your transition.

Writing Feedback / Essay on Obama's Stimulus Plan [8]

Wow, economics is not a good subject for me, but I can tell you how to make the essay stronger... add some citations to good, peer-reviewed journal articles. That would be great, especially in some places where you state facts, such as:

If there can be a consistent opinion among experts though, it would be that Obama's plan seems strikingly influenced by Keynesian economics.

Hmmm, as an expository essay, it is good, but I would always express an opinion. I am opinionated. I was disappointed that you had not expressed an opinion, because you seemed to know what you were talking about, and I lack the economics knowledge to decide for myself what I think of the economic stimulus package.

For those of us who are not economists, we need to use our intuition to know which policy-makers to agree with!

Anyway, the essay is great, and the important thing to do is put parenthetical references in places where you give facts that come from some other source.

Essays / art sculpture 6 page essay to start off with - a hook? [5]

Is it about the sculpture, or is it about the trip?

How about a ridiculously short sentence as a hook... like:

agh! I can't think of a two-word sentence. The hook comes from a brainstorm. Sometimes writing the essay serves as that brainstorm, and when you hear the hook in your head you add it to the beginning.

Or, you can start with a brainstorm, and see what hook comes to mind:

A sculpture? You need to brainstorm. Storm the worm. Storm the street. Street storm, storm away from the norm. Storm worm words. Warm words, words that come from that weird place. Place full of clay. Rise up out of it. Out of the clay. Raw material, it's all clay. Clay is the norm, but it takes different forms. All about a trip to the museum of art. Periodic chart. Clay art. Playing with clay, because it's like us. Looking at the elements on that periodic chart, it's like clay art; the molecules take different forms, different combinations of electrons and protons, but at a subatomic level it is the same raw material. We are all the same clay, configured as different kinds of molecules, but essentially all the dirt and bone and rock and clay are all the same stuff. Same raw material. We are the clay art. Sculpture is everything as we rise up out of the muck.

Intelligence takes form, rises out of the muck, rises out of the clay, and now we can see the truth of everything when we see the clay shaped into this and that.

Essays / art sculpture 6 page essay to start off with - a hook? [5]

The link doesn't work... says I am not authorized...

I Can't Even Find t

here is a way that has rhythm:

The Perfect Brush for Painting What is Going Through My Mind

That has sick rhythm!! :)

Writing Feedback / Power Privilege essay [8]

For the purpose of this essay I am going to begin by defining "power" , and also to I will reflect upon my own experiences of power. Power and powerlessness go together, therefore; one who gains power causes another to lose i to have one you need the other . In our society there will always be inequalities which can either be on a personal or structural level. To understand the meaning of power ...

You have to show us the whole essay, and then we can help with its structure. You need to add one sentence to the end of this first paragraph -- a thesis statement. Read about thesis statements online.

Then, make every paragraph support the thesis statement.

At the end, restate the thesis statement and talk about it in the last paragraph.

Essays / How to write an ethnocentrism paper / The Evil Among Us -- Something you witnessed or learned about [20]

Well, it's the thought that counts.

Essays / Understanding How Children Learn, critical reflection [3]


Is that really what it is? How the research "reflected" your practice? Probably they want to know how it "affected" your practice.

How did it affect your practice? This is about metacognition. You need to reflect on what insights you gained while doing that research. What thoughts came? What questions arose? Based on your process, you have changed as a teacher. Every little thing changes you, so they want to know what effect this had.

By the way, please check out the EF Contributor Page (link at the bottom of the screen). Helping students via essay forum is like pure charity -- something you give of yourself to make a little difference in the world. As a teacher, maybe you want to become a contributor. :))

Does this advice help?

Essays / "Confessions of a Student" [25]

Don't start by writing the intro.

Start by writing a paragraph about the pros and cons of one of the three. Write three paragraphs, one for each possibility.

Then, in a fourth paragraph, talk about all of them! It will be a cool paragraph. After all that is written, you will know how to write the intro paragraph. You will grab the reader's attention and then state the main point you make in the analysis.

Writing Feedback / A good X ( Teacher, Roomate, Classmate, Friend, etc.) [3]

In the last sentence of the second paragraph you should not capitalize the words "kindness" and "usually." That was just an oversight, I bet.

I like your topic, definitely something everyone can relate with. however...

This essay is boring! What is the purpose of this? Everyone writes essays in order to complete assignments, but we forget the original purposes of essays. When people have been struck by important ideas, when they have been overwhelmed by inspiration about something that takes a bit of time to explain... they are COMPELLED to write an essay.

What is it that you really want to say? You wrote: I want to write an essay which is about characteristics of a good friend, teacher, roomate, etc. But if you are a sincere essayist, you will say, for example, "I want to write an essay that expresses my idea that the qualities that make someone a good person are not necessarily the qualities that make a good roommate." See, that is a specific idea.

Or can you write an essay that says, "The five, essential prerequisites for being a good roommate are..."

Make the essay meaningful. To do that, you have to use your own wisdom. Use what you have figured out about life to write an essay that is truly thoughtful.

(I think a good roommate is someone who practices "mindfulness" in the way Thich Nhat Hanh writes about...)

Undergraduate / Stevens or NJIT - which college to choose? [9]

Hmmm... this is the sort of thing that has to be decided from the heart. Can you visit the place? There is something excellent about trusting your intuition. When a decision is very important, it is good to be methodical, but not so methodical that you lose what is natural. Talk to some students and faculty members. Guess! In the 60s a famous concept was introduced by someone whose name I can't remember, but he said, "Follow your bliss."

Book Reports / (symbolic / character interpretation)? - my new essay is on lord of the flies. [15]

Everyone feels this way at one time or another; and no matter how much society tries to force it out of us, we still have our human nature under it all the facade of civility , and we will do what is necessary to survive.

How about that, with the semi-colon and a slight tweak.

This essay is great! I like the way you expertly attended to all the important things: narrative hook at the start, clear thesis, logical sequence of ideas. It is great!

The only gripe I have with you is that you oversimplify Golding's message. The story obviously shows that we have savagery beneath our civilized appearances, but I don't think he meant to say that we will always revert to our animal instincts. Instead, his exposition of the mechanisms that give rise to violence, and the factors that work against good leadership, gives readers real wisdom and insight. Golding shows a model of the human societal process... shows it in the form of a sort of experiment on an island, a "what if" scenario. Golding is showing something about human nature, and, more importantly, he is exposing the demons that need to be conquered if we are to succeed in keeping the violence out of society.

Writing Feedback / Some Causes of Stress -- work, family, finance. [3]

In our modern, technological century, stress becomes a common experience for all of us. There are many reasons. for this . First, the most common reason is the pressure of work. when working people have to face up to much pressure -- such as : too little time for too much work, too many difficult tasks given, and so forth. This makes us stressed easily. Second, depression is also a remarkable reason. Losing a person or a pet who you love leads to disappointments and sadness. Although children are always a source of stress for parents, when the child dies, the stress is overwhelming. Finally, another reason of no less importance is finance. Some people try to earn more money, have a big house or car, overwhelmed by their demands. Some other people stressed by a loss of income or mounting credit card debt. Overall, gaining knowledge of the leading causes of stress is essential. Use that knowledge to keep a healthy life.

You are doing great! I think you should use a spell checker in your word processing prgm. Also, make sure you capitalize the first words in sentences.