vangiespen
Feb 1, 2015
Undergraduate / Instead of stylistic, I'm opting for a really realistic approach here - UIUC Essay [3]
The first essay was too direct and in your face in approach. It covered topics and reasons that are not of interest to the admissions officers. It was really not a very good essay to begin with. I am really glad that you came to your senses and revised the essay to a more acceptable essay that does not make you sound like you are begging for money or a scholarship. The second essay really works best for your interests because the essay is more polite in nature, educated in manner, and informative to the proper degree. I really recommend that you use the second essay instead. I believe it will serve your purpose better than the first.
The first essay was too direct and in your face in approach. It covered topics and reasons that are not of interest to the admissions officers. It was really not a very good essay to begin with. I am really glad that you came to your senses and revised the essay to a more acceptable essay that does not make you sound like you are begging for money or a scholarship. The second essay really works best for your interests because the essay is more polite in nature, educated in manner, and informative to the proper degree. I really recommend that you use the second essay instead. I believe it will serve your purpose better than the first.