vangiespen
Nov 19, 2014
Undergraduate / My life, for as long as I can remember, has been rather good. I have always had advantages. UC essay [4]
Navin, your essay comes across to me as extremely honest and grateful for all you have in life. If that is a generic essay, then you are on the right track :-) The stories that you have related actually helps the reader understand why you are different from the other immigrant students in the country. I would advise you to lessen the privilege talk and try to add to the information about the volunteer work that you did instead. That is a world totally different from your own and it definitely helped open your eyes to some other aspects of our society and way of life. It is a world that is not familiar to you and as such, helps to create a more open and different central identity for you. I believe that such a revision will truly help your essay get out of the generic feel that you think is holding it back.
Navin, your essay comes across to me as extremely honest and grateful for all you have in life. If that is a generic essay, then you are on the right track :-) The stories that you have related actually helps the reader understand why you are different from the other immigrant students in the country. I would advise you to lessen the privilege talk and try to add to the information about the volunteer work that you did instead. That is a world totally different from your own and it definitely helped open your eyes to some other aspects of our society and way of life. It is a world that is not familiar to you and as such, helps to create a more open and different central identity for you. I believe that such a revision will truly help your essay get out of the generic feel that you think is holding it back.