Undergraduate / I see myself at Dartmouth -Dartmouth supplement (100) [6]

I'm a non-native english speaker from Japan and I really need some criticism! Does my essay answer the prompt? Is the tone fine?
Thanks in advance!

1. Please respond in 100 words or less:
While arguing a Dartmouth-related case before the U.S. Supreme Court in 1818, Daniel Webster, Class of 1801, delivered this memorable line: "It is, Sir...a small college. And yet, there are those who love it!" As you seek admission to the Class of 2023, what aspects of the College's program, community or campus environment attract your interest?

I will fit right in the Dartmouth community

When the Dartmouth 3D magazine arrived in my postbox, the front cover of a student in Pine Park, a feeling of familiarity settled upon me. I later found out why: Dartmouth shares the latitude and climate of my hometown in Hokkaido.

Devouring each breathtaking photograph of students engaging in and student testimonial, (and inhaling the strangely addictive fragrance of freshly-printed-magazine), I find myself at Dartmouth.
I see myself taking a stroll around Occom Pond, French flashcards in hand. I see my friends and I taking the bus to the Organic Farm, flaunting my ability pare apples as thin as a leaf. I see myself working as a research assistant at the Brain Imaging lab. I know I will fit right in to the Dartmouth community, surrounded by nature and amazing people.

Undergraduate / The longer you stay in university, the dumber you get — Dartmouth extended essay [2]

Hi,
this is my Dartmouth supplement. I tried to come across as a curious, well-rounded person, who wants to explore all fields in college.
I feel like my analogy of my pursuit to a full course-meal is a bit of a stretch...
Please give me any advice or criticism ! Thanks in advance

Mr Shunsuke Tsurumi is right

Option F: Emmy and Grammy winner Donald Glover is a 21st century Renaissance man-an actor, comedian, writer, director, producer, singer, songwriter, rapper, and DJ. And yet the versatile storyteller and performer recently told an interviewer, "The thing I imagine myself being in the future doesn't exist yet." Can you relate?

"The longer you stay in university, the dumber you become, so you should probably quit at some point," said Japanese philosopher Shunsuke Tsurumi.
I believe Mr. Tsurumi has a point. This seemingly counterintuitive statement is commonplace among Japanese university students who, upon entering university, slack off. My hypothesis behind this disappointing phenomenon is the students' lack of passion in academic subjects. If you're a multifarious person interested in Neurology and English and would very much like to pursue both in college- well, too bad for you. As a result, students are unable to explore their range of interests, and their once radiant passion for academics slowly dies out.

I am exactly this multifarious person, who dreaded the idea of being unable to pursue her diverse interests in college. Thus, I decided to abscond the country to a place that would liberate me from the confinements of monotonous learning: Dartmouth.

For starters, I am a writer. During my high school years, not only was I writing for school assignments, but my competitive nature made me write submissions for various essay competitions, speech contests, short-story contests, not to mention articles for a national high-school newspaper, both in Japanese in English. Moving on to the salad: I am also a teacher, interested in education. A comparative study I conducted on American and Japanese history textbooks got me interested in the social science aspects education. Tutoring elementary kids piqued my curiosity on the pragmatic approaches of education, which leads to the main course: my interest in psychology and neurology. Although neurology was a lofty subject untaught at school, I managed to accumulate bits and pieces via reading. I dream of researching at a neuroscience lab, conducting experiments and analyzing fMRI results. The dessert is an assortment of other topics that I want to study at college, including French, international affairs, and business.

Why stop at main course when there's plenty of room for dessert? Only when I exhaust all my options, pursuing all my passions, will I truly be satiated.

Undergraduate / Let's take it easy. Despacitus — U-chicago extended essay [3]

Lost your keys? Alohomora. Noisy roommate? Quietus. Feel the need to shatter windows for some reason? Finestra. Create your own spell, charm, jinx, or other means for magical mayhem. How is it enacted? Is there an incantation? Does it involve a potion or other magical object? If so, what's in it or what is it? What does it do?

Any comments, criticism, compliments, questions, advice, ideas, welcomed!

The effect of Despacitus

A blaring bleep emitted from my alarm clock pounds me awake.
Half conscious, I reach out, grasp the screeching irritant and give it three perfunctory bonks on the wall until the screaming ceases. I drift back to by comfortable and cozy dream.

30 minutes later, I wake up to another cry.
This time, however, it is my mother, yelling of my potential tardy to school[c1] . I sit up and flip my much-abused alarm-clock. A mini-heart seizure takes over me when I see the time displayed.

I dart down to the bathroom, pull on whatever clothes are lying around, throw my books and pens into my bag, and rush out the door. Panting, I arrive at the station and dart up the endless stairs to the platform where the crammed train awaits me. Several other sleep-inners are running alongside me, but I sidestep them with ease. Looks like my arduous training at track and field club has finally paid off. I manage to squeeze myself into the cramped compartment, just as the doors close to trap me in, allowing the pungent odor of sweaty business men to pervade the car and encroach my nostrils.

The real challenge, however, lies ahead of me at Shinjuku station, where I must venture through the congested concourse. We burst out of the suffocating train as soon as the doors open, like thousands of fish released into the sea, and wade to the next transit: the Yamanote line, one of the most important railways of Tokyo, and consequently, the busiest. Men and women in all sizes and ages wrestle to the Yamanote platform, pushing and crashing into me in the process. I am a piece of debris sadly floating amongst the massive wave of people that charge towards the platform. Some fling their bags at me and proceed oblivious to the fact. Others cluck their tongue (the Japanese equivalent to the finger) as they push into me and mutter words harsh to the ear, rendering me to plug in my earbuds and blast some enlightening pop Latino.

Only upon my disembarkation from the final train to my suburban destination am I finally at ease to enjoy the music.
It was during my enjoyment of this catchy Spanish song taking over pop radio that I concocted my incantation: "Despacitus."
Unlike the antiquated Latin spells in Harry Potter, this spell with Spanish origins is the solution for those who desire for most contemporary issues.
The effect of Despacitus is simple: everything becomes slow motion; or at least your perception of it does. Although scientists are still quizzical, it is hypothesized that Despacitus somehow stimulates the locus epinephrine system, increasing the neurotransmitter epinephrine, and enhancing the speed of neuron responses. Long story short: your internal processes are speeded up, resulting in the experience of time slowing down.

Imagine: you wake up to a beautiful morning, birds chirping, and the crisp morning air ruffling your hair. Unfortunately, you are grounded back to reality upon your arrival to the station; everything is a whir as businessmen and students run past to make it to the next train as if their lives depend on it. You pull out your wand, tap your head twice, and mutter Despasitus. The effects are immediate. Now you do not have to worry about averting yourself from potential collisions.

Despacius is useful in a array of situations. Cast Despasitus prior to a debate, and you'll have plenty of time to consider your next statement and rebuttal, while your opponent drones on and on regarding the death penalty. Despasitus can also be utilized in a broader social context, including the detection of lies by analysis of micro-expressions, prevention of car accidents, and the avoidance of dropping dishes.

As the doors free me at Shinjuku station along with my fellow sweaty peers, the race unfolds in front of me. But I stroll on impervious to runners' frenzied eyes, imagining the peaceful world with the efficacy of my incantation. What a wonderful world that would be.

Undergraduate / Meaningful activities (150) - three versions for this short essay to choose from [3]

Please help me choose from the below 3 options of ec essays. Which one do you think is best, and if you have any comments or critiques, please let me know!

Thank you in advance!

A) Mottainai!

For a week of my summer 2017, I volunteered at a local nonprofit that provided bento lunch boxes to disabled elderly people. I loved the ambiance of the fragrant kitchen-the light laughter of the staff that filled the morning, and the silence that fell at noon as our mouths stopped and our hands worked frantically away.

My favorite part of the day was lunchtime when I had the chance to converse with the staff while savoring the delectable dishes that we had concocted. Most of them were volunteers my grandparents' age. During the war, when a single grain of rice left on a plate was considered "mottainai," or wasteful, they had learned to reduce waste to the minimum. I learned from them many things, like just how paper-thin you could pare apple peels. But most of all, they taught me the immeasurable value of every life-giving resource.

B) Chocolate Miracles

"Chocolates for charity!" I eagerly call out to passerby of a department store, but the Tokyoites walk hurriedly on. The charity chocolates for the children in the Philippines were not selling very well. What was worse, the expiration date of the chocolates was impending, leaving us 2 months to sell everything.

Thoughts of giving up cut through my mind when confronted by reality: people were either too busy or simply uninterested. But I continued to call companies, event organizers, and stations to provide us venues for fundraising. Then, the miracle happened.

After reaching out to a newspaper to publish an interview, exactly a month from the expiration date, we were called by a 96-year-old woman. She was impressed in our efforts and would buy the remaining 800 chocolates for $2000! Had I given up, we would not have accomplished our goal. When facing a challenge, I always recall this experience that taught me the reward of persistence.

C) My first job experience

The first thing the manager taught at MOS Burger was how to greet customers. Not to operate the cash register, run the drive-thru, or take orders, but to stand straight, flash a smile, and welcome each customer with an energetic "Irasshaimase!".

I had come into my first day of work, expecting my first job to be mopping the floor or folding napkins at the back of the pantry, when the manager took me to the entrance and coached me on my greeting skills. Never had I noticed as a customer the great effort that this ubiquitous Japanese fast-food chain put into hospitality. Although on a few occasions, blunders-including misplacements of orders, dropping of French fries, and spilling of water-were made, I realized that there was nothing more motivating than a customer recognizing my small acts of hospitality, whether it be exchanging wet-towels after the meal or refilling empty water glasses. Working at MOS burger taught me taught me the subtle efforts put into things we don't notice, teaching me to observe and appreciate subtle services.

Undergraduate / My phobia for wasting— yale supplement (250) [3]

Yale student, faculty, and alumni engage issues of local, national, and international importance. Discuss an issue that is significant to you and how your college experience might help you address it.

Thanks for any time put into reading this!

wasting food is unacceptable

What I find extremely perturbing is the fact that there are still undernourished people in the world. Ironically, the world wastes 1.3 billion tons of food each year. If all that food could be used to feed those in need, how different the world would be. But instead, we opt to scrap the edible parts of vegetables, dump mounds of unfinished spaghetti into the bin, or throw away two-day ("best before") expired food without a second glance.

I assume my specific frugality for food came from the way I was raised. I was taught to never leave even a single grain of rice stuck on the plate, and my parents were raised like that, too.

In college, I wish to do more than patrol through the cafeteria, yelling at people to finish their food or stay behind or gloomily stare at the bin filled with uneaten things. I aspire to create a club dedicated to cutting back on food waste called the Mottainai-club after the unique Japanese word blending the concepts of saving and not wasting. We would tally the amount of food that is wasted each week and aim to reduce the amount of food waste by setting a quota, or make use of the waste by composting it. The main purpose of the club, however, would be to increase awareness of the issue by spreading the fervor. I am sure that my passion for food and strong Mottainai mentality will enable me to make a positive change.

Undergraduate / Inspiration during the SAT — Dartmouth supplement [2]

Hi! I wrote a two essays for the Dartmouth supplement. I'd appreciate Any comments, criticisms, advice, and also if you could read them both and tell me which one is better, I would worship you.

Charades - surprisingly useful during meetings

"You can't use up creativity," Maya Angelou mused. "The more you use, the more you have." Share a creative moment or impulse-in any form-that inspired creativity in your life. (300)

"Well, any ideas?"
Silence fills the room. I am impatient, waiting for anyone-anything to break the intolerable silence. I sigh, as the twenty-four pairs of eyes stare blankly back at me. Nobody moves.

When I asked the committee to voice their opinions, I would be met with this norm. The intimidating silence stifled the students' voices, as they assumed some brave soul would eventually venture to speak.

Unfortunately, no such thing ever happened, and the meeting would come to the typical close of my presentation of ideas and the others' nod of assent.

I wanted to be the revolutionary chairwoman who would disrupt this status quo. I dreamt of the ideal committee meeting: a classroom full of students in animated discussion, an occasional outburst of laughter, and me straining to transcribe the explosion of creative ideas from the students onto the whiteboard-a fantasy far from the reality that I faced.

It was during the SAT that the idea sprang to me. Inspired by a social science passage about a company that successfully boosted employer creativity, I hypothesized the reason behind the unfruitful meetings. Perhaps the uneasy ambience-stemming from the students' unfamiliarity with one another- was the root of the nervousness and reticence. To resolve this, I decided to host my favorite icebreaker: Charades.

The teachers were skeptical. The tradition established that committee meetings were a formal affair for making important decisions, not some social club to make friends. However, after weeks of persistent imploring, they gave in and allocated half an hour to the game.

I marveled at the success of the icebreaker as elated expressions filled the students' faces. There was much laughter all around, and the post-activity discussions were lively, with hands shooting up and cheerful voices resonating in the room.

I smiled as my chalk ran out. Now that's more like it.

Undergraduate / Brown is perfect for me! — Why Brown supplement [2]

What do you hope to experience at Brown through the Open Curriculum, and what do you hope to contribute to the Brown community? (250 word limit)

Any comments, discussions, questions, criticism appreciated!

i can make my own curriculum

During my senior year, I conducted an comparative study of Japanese and American history textbooks, albeit struggling with the limited resources, mentorship, and knowledge of a high school student. My research is incomplete, and I wish to deepen my analysis at college. Since my research is interdisciplinary, requiring sociological, historical, and psychological perspectives, the Open Curriculum is the perfect match: courses provided by the educational department including Analysis of Teaching providing me with base, East Asian history courses helping me delve into historical backgrounds, and Developmental Psychology courses allowing me to consider the effectiveness of textbooks in education. Brown is the only university allowing me to create my own curriculum around my desire to analyze education from an international comparative perspective, while satisfying my curiosity for other unexplored areas such as neurology and creative writing.

I also have a specific frugality for food; I am that person who agitates over a single grain of rice left on the plate. At Brown, I wish to do more than patrol through the cafeteria, yelling at people to finish their food. I aspire to create a club dedicated to decrease food waste called the Mottainai-club after the unique Japanese word blending the concepts of saving and not wasting. We would tally the amount of food wasted each week, and aim to reduce food waste by setting a quota, perhaps under emPOWER and in collaboration with SCRAP. I am sure that my passion for food and strong Mottainai mentality would enable me to make a positive change in the world, starting at Brown.

Undergraduate / Dear roommate, diss my tart — Stanford supplement [3]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (100 to 250 words)

fruit tart recommendation

Please give me any comments, advice on how to improve my note to my future roommate.

Dear Future Roommate,

Under this note, you will find a piece of fruit tart that I have baked. Please enjoy! Then, please evaluate the tart, referring to the criteria below:

Crispiness/sturdiness of crust
Visual appeal
Amount of filling
Now, you are probably wondering why your roommate is asking you this.
I have developed a ritual to deepen my camaraderie with my friends: I would bake a requested treat every weekend and ask them to evaluate it on Monday.

Friends who did not manage to cross the "close" boundary played it safe. They bit into the over-baked cheesecake, stifled a wince, and commented that the burnt bits contributed a nice "tang."

Close friends, however, were unafraid to be savage.
"The shells are cracked, the inside is uncooked, and the texture is too chewy. Not to mention, there's hardly any ganache in this; it's like a burger without patty", they remarked, resembling Gordon Ramsey.

I am unmoved by this castigation. Not only did their brutal frankness bring improvement to my pastries, it created the honest and comfortable relationship that brought us close in the first place.

We have this unmovable friendship that I wish to share with you, my dear roommate. So without further ado, enjoy, and don't be afraid to call out the soppy crust or lumpy custard.

(246 words)