Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 about government's investment [4]

Funds for Entertainments or for public services?

Hello friends.. Please kindly review my writing
The government's investment in art, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public service instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Entertainments are the valuable economic asset for a country, whereas funding for public service to all citizenry should be a mainly issue because I assist that government would get more benefit as it determines the quality of people's live as a develop country.

Art and music were leading to stable economy for nations. That is to say that entertainment would represent the culture and attracts people intention, not only the citizen but also people all over the word. Moreover, as a part of live, people need to be relaxed in their leisure time. Therefore, those are required to entertain themselves. In 2015, Korean wave were outstanding in international level, all range of people are enchanted with Korean drama and Korean song. This is because Korean government invests around $50.000 for this sector in order to train the several Idols. However, this is a long run succeed and urgent problem like illiterate cannot be solve with entertainment.

On the other hand, government's investment in society basic service might raise the standard live of citizen. All human being need adequate health facilities in order to support their live, like monthly check up. Moreover, best educational system with advance technology also play a crucial part do develop child intelligent. Those would improve the quality of human resource. England is the main destination for health and educational research because Forbes and Time magazine released that England is the lowest number of mortality for 5 years and many world top university with high standard of pedagogical.

In conclusion, despite the glamorous of entertainment industry, government may wastage their fund. Government should allocate more money for public service, like education and health as an improvement for human standard of life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Eating habit in many nations are the key factors of citizenry who are getting obese [2]

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Increasing number of overweight people

In some countries, the average of weight of people is increase and their level of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Eating habit in many nations are the key factors of citizenry who are getting heavier. This affects on the low level of health issues. Rising tax for fast food and subsidies organic food are the governmental action, which might be the prominent solution to tackle the problem.

More and more people in developing countries were deal with health crisis and improving the overweight case. Why would this happen? Undoubtedly, sedentary lifestyle, like consuming processed food becomes popular part of modern life due to affordable price and taste scrumptiously. Moreover, fresh food and vegetable were uneconomical. 55% of residents in Thailand cannot afford healthy food and they were gaining their weight because they consume high amount of innutritious diet, such as pizza. They do not only suffer from the obesity but also other malignant disease, like blood pressure and fatty liver disease.

Imposing higher excise and lower the cost of healthy food are the best alternative to scheme unhealthy eating habit in society. In accordance with those scheme, people have a tendency to process their proper meals with organic ingredients because the price were lower and junk food becomes unaffordable. Moreover, they can guarantee the hygiene of the food. Most of wealthy country, like England and America were establish those regulation since a decade to encourage people start their healthy lifestyle. Therefore, in 2020, the number of obesity decreased dramatically in both countries.

In conclusion, government should be able to implement a high tax along with inexpensive healthy diet to help people who cannot purchase fruits and vegetables in their life, and as an alternative, they only eat junk food in order to saturate their primary needs.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 "Designing a building" [2]

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When designing a building, the most important factor is intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Appealing appearance when a building is designed might be the best consideration for several architects because it is the part of artistic expression. Nonetheless, I insist that the function of the building is the most prominent indicator in order to accommodate fundamental necessity for the owners or the residents.

Aesthetic design of a building is a part of art beautification. The eye-catching illustration of a building has a high tendency to encourage visitors because they were fascinated and witness to explore every angle. Sydney Opera House are the most well-know building in Australia and a word heritage site because it represent authentic and unique design. Many tourists visit this landmark. Despite of the beauty, the designer team focused on it as a multi-venue for arts performance, therefore it fit for around 1,500 people with convenience device. Hence, it still operates because the functional demand.

A sketch of gorgeous building ought to accommodate the basic needs for many people. Architect of a primary school construction in England are capable to visualize every detail, like a huge parking lot for handful vehicle that provide a direct access to the pick up and drop out lines, educational space like library, which are located far from the sport hall and theatre arena. The school building is preferred to meet the student's necessity. Thus, school design would stimulate students to have positive pedagogical environment and becomes a high quality school due to the suitable facilities.

In conclusion, I agree architect should be mainly thinking on how the building is used based on the purpose because it will improve the quality, rather than focusing on the outward appearance in terms of art to impress many people.

Writing Feedback / High wages are believed as a prominent part of delighted life rather than a sense of satisfaction [7]

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A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Do you agree or disagree?

Although high wages are believed as a prominent part of delighted life rather than a sense of satisfaction, I stand on with the opposite because many employees are concern more about the contentment in their work environment in order to pursue their passion.

Employees who receive high remuneration in their company have a high tendency to feel pleased. This is because people have the capability to procure a high standard of lifestyle. Not only the fulfillment of the basic needs but they also able to purchase luxurious items. Times released that since 2000, a career in the banking industry is popular in several countries. Although the clerks have numerous job duties with a tight deadline, 80% of them are keeping the job due to lavish house, branded fashion items, and fancy car, which are purchased from the high income. Conversely, bigger incentives cannot be the right measurement of happiness because money could not buy anything.

More and more people are passionate about their job and this might boost job satisfaction in the workspace. Doing any job desk based on employee's interests would give them extra energy and the bigger possibility of career path improvements. Hence, workers tend to be less stressed and deepen their self-confidence. As an Indonesian well-known writer, Ahmad Fuadi had resigned from his former job in the entertainment industry because he cannot pursue his real happiness and he cannot maximize his talent. Moreover, since he actuates his extraordinary talent as a writer, his best novel was sold massively every period.

In conclusion, satisfying when doing every job is a huge consideration rather than a high financial reward because of passionate interest. Besides, money cannot guarantee happiness.