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Posts by Charz
Joined: May 31, 2010		 Last Post: Jun 25, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 32  
From: Tanzania

Displayed posts: 35
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Charz   
Jun 2, 2010
Undergraduate / "a love for science" - Statement of Purpose [6]

Tanya,
I think it's right that you try using passive voice.Your essay is superb.Keep on receiving feedbacks and work on them whole heartedly.
Charz   
Jun 2, 2010
Writing Feedback / What I like apart from having fun. [3]

Hi,hope you are all fine.Please comment on this article the much you can,I have been asked by my Education advisor to write a little what I like apart from having fun.I real do like having fun thats why he asked me what do I like apart from having fun, but I wish you have fun reading this.

"Going for what I want in life is my professional like. I'm not afraid exercising my talents and go for as many option as I can. I believe I have all it takes to be a top class telecom engineer.I am also well determined and focused onto changing my life and that of the people around me.Preservarance and enthusiams persurance of education, combing with my talents, great thinking mind, hard working, cooperative heart, and with the help of our dear loving God, I believe everything can be achieved."

Bare in mind, He will use that part on my undegraduate admission.Thank you.
Charz   
Jun 2, 2010
Essays / How to start an admission essay about myself? [67]

You should first Get Personal-tell something that could only be written by You.
Be Concise-do not write so much,make it short and clear.
Eliminate the Negative-Always give your self credits,do not talk about your failures.
Lastly,Before submitting,make sure you Proof read and Get feedback from others about it.
Charz   
Jun 2, 2010
Writing Feedback / 'Imperfection is beauty' - If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road [3]

Wow!! Wonderful piece of work.You enthuse me to read it even more,though I kept wondering what challenges have you leaped on one year that many have not even faced on their entire lifetime.Mind telling us more.It will not harm if you make it the comment of your own post. :)
Charz   
Jun 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Engineering: Essay about my favorite subject [4]

Impressive.!! Try to make it more and more interesting.I'm sure after your presentation, Audience will be like '' Sound of a mature,how old is he real? ". Wish you best of lucky.
Charz   
Jun 4, 2010
Graduate / Personal Statement for Physician Assistant (what motivates me) [5]

What if you use-: being away from my family was unbarable to me (instead of unacceptable).I geuss,It shows that you want to persue your goals,yet you can not be far away from your loved ones... It's Good in anyway depending on what you meant.
Charz   
Jun 4, 2010
Graduate / Electronics Engineering: Statement of purpose communication in progress.. [7]

Would you want to add about your readiness to study and learn from your mistakes.You can make it as the part that helped on upgrading your academic performance.

What I can say is,You know what you are doing and you are well determined in persuit of more knowledge and reach your desired goal.Great,keep on searching for more feedbacks.
Charz   
Jun 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Do you believe in fate: UF Admission essay! [5]

Kind of a good story to hear but,I have not seen where you have reflected on student responsibility, academic integrity,campus citizenship and/or call of duty/service.It's good ,though keep on working harder and harder.

Call it what you wish... Not what you whish (I bet you was using a cellular mobile phone).
Charz   
Jun 4, 2010
Writing Feedback / Focus on creative expression should be given importance or not ? [5]

It's William Shakespeare and not William Shake sphere.(I do not know which sphere he was shaking,art?? :)

If Lata mangeskar is a name then it should be written as Lata Mangeskar.

It is my belief that one... And not It is my believe ( I do not where I came with that one but, I find it good that way )

Try to make short the first sentence after quoting William Shakespeare.Try this one,... If art could shape our life with so much pleasure and satisfication,why not considering it important and persue it as a career. ( I hope mine is atleast one word shorter :) )

Nice response and great analytical thinking.
Charz   
Jun 4, 2010
Writing Feedback / The main function of university [3]

Try to improve your structural writing skills.You have the flowing positive vibes but, I rarely saw you using a full stop.When its used ,many of the first word after it starts with a small letter while,It should have been a capital letter.

Its written ''does not'' and not ''doesnot''.Also you would not want to let an ''and'' followed by another ''and'' like ''and and'' unless you are tammering, and that will led you with some credit loss if it's a presantation.

Its University and not Unifersity.
Nice work keep it up.
Charz   
Jun 5, 2010
Undergraduate / My academic performance when I was a sophomore.(Not more than 500 words) [8]

On the year 2008,I joined Kibaha High School a High School for academic talented students after excellent performance in my CSEE National Exams.At Kibaha,I ranked the first in our class two consecutive terms with an avarage of A.I ranked the first in our school in the Mock Exams with an avarage of B+.At our Pre-National Exams I ranked the first in our school with an avarage of A.At my final form six National Exam year 2010,I ranked the Second Best student Nationaly with avarage of A.Also I ranked the first in Advanced Maths with a 91% mark.
Charz   
Jun 5, 2010
Undergraduate / "Confessions of a poor student" [20]

Hey,I read somewhere; when writing a PS try to eliminate the negative so do not talk alot about your failures.

Kevin,you always have something to say.Big up brother,bravooo!.Keep on with the good work.
Charz   
Jun 6, 2010
Undergraduate / My academic performance when I was a sophomore.(Not more than 500 words) [8]

Thank you Azeri.I did not give any introduction as this article one paragraph part of the Personal Statement that I'm about to write.I chose to thread in here paragraphs so that I may be able to get more feedbacks regarding the part so that once I'm done with it,I'm real done.

Well,regarding more colors,I may opt to show how my life at Kibaha helped me to attain those grades.In addition,I can add also how I made it to the top 5 in Physics and Chemistry subjects. (Awww too bad,I forget to mention what subjects I were taking.Now I'm seeing more colors to add ) Thank you.
Charz   
Jun 7, 2010
Undergraduate / My academic performance when I was a sophomore.(Not more than 500 words) [8]

Hey one more question for you Kelvin if you do not mind.You have ommited ''the'' wherever I used it before ''first'' i.e ''I ranked first... '' took place of ''I ranked the first... '' did you have this idea in mind.''The'' could only be used if I added ''student'' in the sentence like '' I ranked the first student .... '' or? .If you have any better ideas or explanation about that please help me with them.

Thank you
Charz   
Jun 7, 2010
Undergraduate / "Confessions of a poor student" [20]

Hey Kev,
Thanks for the link.I surely will try my lucky there.EF has been real helpful.I wish there was a facial one to one talk as I want to improve myself on that.Is there anyone on skype here? :) Come on guys,help a brother out. :-)
Charz   
Jun 7, 2010
Essays / The question of whether hard work is the only factor that contributes to a success rather than luck [8]

I admire Einstein and I liked that quote of his.Mind writing it again?? (Just teasing)

.. it also need to be taken into consideration that hard-workers can real express their abilities...

Would you want to add this quote somewhere especialy in the concluding part; '' Success in life is like riding a biclycle,in order not to falli, you need to pederise more and more.So keep on pederising it might be your lucky not to fall '' pederising being like working hard..

Great,you add onto my knowledge book.
Charz   
Jun 7, 2010
Writing Feedback / Some students prefer to study alone - TOEFL Question [9]

Nohna,
You warmly welcome.Do not feel out of place as EF is a place to be on developing your communication skills.Anything formal you do here is highly helpful and appreciated.

Nasreen...
I heard that,when discussing about two things that are out to be compared and contrasted you should make sure that both of them are touched.Regarding your topic,you could also talk a little like one paragraph some people prefer group discussion but yet you discourage it.Come out with strong reasons and then summarize your essay with what you prefer and conclude.
Charz   
Jun 9, 2010
Undergraduate / Brown Supplement- What don't I know? [9]

You know the ''I dont know'' :)
would you mind to show how much of a time would cost you answering the ''I dont know''.What will help you? E.g hardwork,smartness etc etc ... You can also wind up by '' I dont know '' has not real been a term rather you prefer '' I'm ready to know '' and this should be in relation of the course you wish to take at Brown University.
Charz   
Jun 9, 2010
Graduate / "give an objective description of yourself including your strengths & weaknesses" [5]

Starts with capital letter after a full stop.With a little feedback on the sentence it should be... '' .This is the way I believe could help to maintain the spirit of hardworking in our team... '' instead of .. '' .this is the way I trust I can help to maintain.... ''

Would you mind to clarify the 200% portfolio increase? I mean,is it in a week? A year? 5 years or? Like '' an increase of more than 200% a year... ''

You have a good way to describe your weakness.Bravoo!! Nice work though I think Kelvin would like to say something. :-)
Charz   
Jun 9, 2010
Writing Feedback / Short Essay on High School Scholarship Program [5]

Wow!! Its good to have people like you in the community.
This is like a speech,so it should follow speech writing procedure. You would also want to let them know who you are and what you are doing right now.Also show them briefly how your spell there helped and shaped you to be who you are now ; Say something to inspire and motivate them.If you have had any challenging situation there,show them how you leaped it.Name them the scholarship e.g xxxxx foundation.You can also invite more stakeholders onto helping your school as part of your speech.(If this would be done in an anniversary or whatsoever school ceremony,it would be great to invite parents and others onto supporting students life there)

Then you can conclude.. (You wouldnt also want to forget either your school motto or song just to bring a little humour when starting )
Please,do check Speech writing format.
Charz   
Jun 10, 2010
Undergraduate / Brown Supplement- What don't I know? [9]

I mean,If its an essay for undergraduate admission try also to show what you dont know about the degree you want to persue,how that build your interest about it etc etc... And show how will you figure out what you dont know academical.. Thats what I tried to add..!!
Charz   
Jun 24, 2010
Undergraduate / How and Why: understanding scientific findings [7]

When I was a kid,my questions were always based on ''How and Why ''.How to aeroplanes fly? Why are they faster than cars? Why does electricity travel in a fraction of second from transmission station to us? etc etc.I was in a hunger of scientific findings and lucky enough there were always people to help me.I came to know about Aerofoil and Aerodynamics as a whole which gave me little knowledge on how aeroplanes fly.Also I realised that its the transfer of momentum and vibration of numerous electrons in the transmission cables that made electric current to travel so fast.These electrons vibrate with a high frequency and hence transfer their vibration and momentum to the neighbouring electron fast and nearly to the speed of lights,thats why electricity travels so fast.The 'How and Why'' helped me to get insight knowledge and interest about science.They also helped me to understands and know some scientific findings.But much more they always leave me with the hunger to Discover more ,learn what I dont know and search for more knowledge,and later on Apply these results on the development of Science and Technology on my country.Thats why,I would real like to be placed on either Computer Science course,Telecommunication Engineering course,Engineering and Economics course or any Electronic science course at one of your esteemed College.
Charz   
Jun 24, 2010
Undergraduate / How and Why: understanding scientific findings [7]

@ CathyThank you
I have doubt about the first sentence,its like I was talking about my childhood only and not now.I think they are more interested on my present being.. So, would I be wrong if I make the first statement this way ''

My questions are always based on how and why.As a kid I would asks 'How do Aeroplanes fly .... ''
> then I would talk all that follows

Would it be bad if I pose questions thats strikes me now? '' How were some electronics devices made and how they work,especialy the one that use or have internet access like computer,mobile phones etc etc ..

Actualy,I'm real amazed on how I can write something here and you people right there can see it without any problem provided that you have access to internet.The mechanism involved etc etc ..
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