Undergraduate / "Never give up; born to try" Common App - Topic of your choice [9]

In the top of my desk, there is a post-it note: "Never give up; born to try"; This was the note that I wrote to encourage myself in the beginning of my senior year. While in the midst of applying to college, I was overloaded with AP classes, humanities homework, SAT preparation, college applications. Exhausted, stressed are my feelings during this period. The need for keeping a high GPA in my classes while constantly doing college works made me felt like a pedestrian traveling in around a labyrinth. I once thought that I would never want to remember this experience in my life. However, after three months, I realize that this period has taught me several lessons.

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What do you guys think about this essay? Is this too common?
I will apply soon so every help is appreciate, thanks so much

Undergraduate / "Location, technology and business" - Bentley -your interest in Bentley University [5]

Beside its well known reputation as one of the leading college in undergraduate business, Bentley University is a perfect choice for me because of many reasons. First,I think that Bentley's location is one factor that will benefit my study. Second, Bentley is a unique school with its focus in technology to serve as a main tool for business study.

One of the best things about Bentley is its location. Bentley is located in Waltham, a city which is very near to Boston. This location gives me two benefits. First, it helps to get rid of a distractionn from a big city like Boston. Being in the middle of world class shopping, restaurant or sport events from the Celtics, undoubtedly, it would be hard for me to concentrate on my studies. On the other hand, Bentley's location near the biggest city in New England gives me the chance to do a lot of internships. I feel that internship plays a very important role in students' future success, so Bentley's location will help me to fulfill my wish of doing internships.

Another factor that make Bentley become a school I must apply is its focus on technology. Bentley's focus on technology makes it become unique and an innovative college in my eyes. I feel strongly engaged with the fact that Bentley gives its students laptops with software and network ready for students and also a wireless coverage throughout campus. I agree with Bentley that internet and business are "essential partners". I also cannot wait if I have chance to experience Bentleys' labs with their technological facilities of professional business. I think that Bentley's method of combining technology and business as partnership gives students a strong preparation in a real business world.

These reasons set Bentley apart from my other colleges. I will have infinite advantages in internships if I get accepted to Bentley, which gets me a lot of preparation in my future career. I also feel grateful if I have chance to experience Bentley's unique combination of technology and business. By having an education from Bentley, I strongly believe that I can become an individual who makes a difference in everything.

Any comments and revision are greatly appreciated, Thanks guys...

Undergraduate / Clark Supplement: Why Liberal Art and Describe how you embrace Clark's motto [3]

At Clark we value a liberal arts education because it teaches our students to be critical and analytical thinkers, thoughtful global participants and skilled writers. A liberal arts education gives our students a valuable interdisciplinary perspective that is applicable to multiple careers for a lifetime after Clark. How do you think a liberal arts experience will contribute to your own career and life plans?

I believe that liberal arts experiment will contribute a lot to my career and life plans. One of the best things about liberal arts is that it will teach me different skills. By studying a variety of different subjects, I believe that I will end up being a student who has basic knowledge about almost everything. This is very important for the economy nowadays, where employers always look for people with skills in different areas. For example, if you major in business, it doesn't mean that you don't have to know subjects outside business. Business major will also need to know other things such as communicate well or sometimes know several different languages . Liberal arts experience also will contribute to my life plans. I am a type of person who wants to have experience in different things. By having a liberal arts education, I believe that I will be able to jump into almost any field that I want to try. That fact amazes me about the liberal arts system because it will allow you to draw your career into a pathway. In this pathway, you can choose to walk straight forever or can choose to change direction and experience different things in life.

3. Clark's motto is: 'Challenge Convention and Change Our World,' and it means something different to each member of the Clark University community. In what ways have you embraced the Clark motto in your own life, or how would you like to in the future?

Clark's motto reminds me that sometimes it is necessary to go against society if you believe it is the right thing to do. Looking back at my past, I have used this philosophy during third grade. It was the time when my school called for a donation. They wanted the students to donate papers for poor students from small towns to reuse. The night before the due date, I rummaged through almost every parts of the house, for used papers. However, a lot of students just thought of this event as a requirement, so almost everyone donated the minimum requirement of papers. As a result, a few other students and I felt awkward for donating a large amount of papers. I could still remember the contemptuous looks from my classmates. However, my awkward feeling instantaneously went away. No matter what the majority thought about me at that time, I felt that I did the right thing to help other people. I imagined the euphoric expressions of the poor kids when they received these papers and the happiness suddenly appear in the middle of my heart.

Undergraduate / "One Afternoon in February"- Common app essay [5]

One afternoon in February,
The wind blow hardly to thrust back the cold of winter, replace it with the fresh scent of spring time. Everything seems to wakes up when February comes. The birds come back after a period of migration to join in the harmony of spring, and tree's leafs turn into green to fall in line with the colorful picture of spring. In my country, Vietnam, this is even the time when people celebrate the New Year's Eve.

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I need a lot of critique, thanks guys

Undergraduate / "I want to be raised by aliens" - Brandeis supplement [4]

If you could choose to be raised by robots, dinosaurs, or aliens, who would you pick? Why?
If I have a choice to be raised by robots, dinosaurs, or aliens, I would pick aliens. First, I think that being raised by an alien, I will have the chance to learn a whole new culture. I am the type of person who wants to learn new and excited things. Maybe I wouldn't have spaghetti or lasagna to eat but some weird fruit that aliens raise; or maybe I wouldn't sleep the whole day by drinking a medicine that provides me energy to stay up whole day. Overall, it just exciting to experience all these new things that I cannot know what exactly is. Second, I want to be the bridge between humans and aliens. Nowadays, despite the fact that scientists try really hard to get clues about aliens, we are unable of finding any significant information. If I was raised by aliens, I can introduce them to our humans' race, helping humans to get a better understanding about aliens and solve humans curiosity about the question: "Do aliens existed?". Moreover, like Ian O'Neill said: "imagine if a more advanced civilization sees Earth as a bountiful supply of sustenance and sees our civilization as nothing more than ants crawling over a big juicy apple. Wouldn't they just wash us off?". If unfortunately one day, aliens decided to attack humans, I will try my best to mediate a peace so that our human's race won't come to an end.

So what do you guys think? I will apply this school soon so any comments are appreciated.. Thanks a lot

Undergraduate / "A Sense of family", Denison supplement [5]

Please write a paragraph or two briefly describing your reasons for applying to Denison:

"Hi, nice to meet you. Are you from Vietnam? I would be happy to introduce to you the rest of the Vietnamese in our school", a Vietnamese student said to me during my visit to Denison last spring. His friendliness made me have a warm feeling of a person who has just come back home. Next, I looked around the dining room to have a better sense of Denison students. Surprisingly, I saw hundred of smiling faces everywhere. There was one thing that I knew for sure during the three hours being there: Denison is a small, friendly community, and every member loves it and supports the others. I felt a sense of family in there that I did not see in anywhere else during my college trips. I want to be a part of Denison, to support and to be supported. I strongly believe that Denison, with its strong academic teaching based on the liberal arts education, and a commitment of support each other will help me to develop myself into a successful individual.

So how do you guys think? Any comments are appreciated
I will review any essay that needed, thanks

Undergraduate / Common App Essay: It's the journey, not the destination [5]

For me, humans are goal-oriented creature. At any times in our lives, we all have some different goals to reach. This is my philosophy of living since I was a child. I know I am not the only one who has this way of thinking. Many of my friends said why they would go to school if not to graduate. My mother once told me that she wished she could give birth to me without the 9 months of torturing. After all, who would do something just for the sake of doing it? With that belief, I have created a goal for myself: study abroad in the United States.

July 16th, 2012, I have travelled to my destination. I conquered the last obstacle of my journey on that day: getting a visa. After two years since I first decided to walk on this path, I have finally reached an end. Just when I walked out from the U.S embassy, I could feel the happiness that bursts out from my chest. My family invited many relatives to come for my celebration dinner. Everyone cheered for me, and I felt that I am the happiest girl in the world at that moment. Nevertheless, suddenly I feel an emptiness within me. I asked myself "What now"? After dinner, I decided to take a walk around Hoan Kiem Lake, a charming lake that locates at the very heart of Ha Noi. As I walked, I could feel the wind blew hard to thrust back the hotness of summer. My mind harmonized with the wind and wandered back into my past two years.

After my flashback, I remembered the quote that I have never been able to agree with it: "It's the journey, not the destination". Looking back at the last two years, I realize coming to the U.S does not define me the student I am as much as all the experiences I have encountered during the path. I am unique neither because I am Vietnamese nor because I come to the U.S to study. The learning, struggling, succeeding, failing are what differentiate me as an individual. The times I could not understand the TOEFL test taught me to try harder. While I got the U.S visa, I learnt that all hard works would eventually pay off. The journey along the way teaches me many lessons to become a better person.

I learn that to travel is better than to arrive. Now I am ready to travel the next part of my life. The next four years in my life will be another destination that I need to reach. This time, I will not hurry for the future. I will live in each moment for what it is. I will make many lifetime friends, study what I am passion about, and learn knowledge not just from professors but everyone around. I will live so that when I graduate, I do not just have a degree but many valuable experiences that come with it.

My essay is due tomorrow at midnight, any help is appreciated. Thank you very much :)