Writing Feedback / "A problem shared is a problem solved" (for TOEFL) [6]

Hello everybody :) That`s my first essay in English ever, so I know that it would suck rather much. I want you to point me where are my general mistakes and where to focus in order to improve my style. I know I have a long way to go, but it`s worth a shot.

A problem shared is a problem solved

As the old saying goes, "Shared grief is half-grief". But life is too complicated to be conducted by proverbs, and often burdening other people with your troubles could not only be meaningless, but harmful. Sharing our problems may bring us emotional relief, but in the long run it hinders our durability.

One of the reasons I do not support complaining is that words do not bring results - deeds do. I often feel myself frustrated when I cannot accomplish my tasks, but instead of talking I prefer to take action, to try even harder and eventually I get things done. Before entering his first bodybuilding contest, Arnold Shwartzenegger have been faced with a problem - he have been summoned for military service. But he did not share his troubles with anybody, just escaped and won the title.

Apart from that point there is a worse situation - when people receive charity and sympathy because of their pain and suffering, they become addicted to it. We all can imagine the classic case of permanently complaining person. It sure feels better to talk about your troubles, but talking is dragging one away from solving one`s problems. And when you begin to solve your problems by sharing them with others, you are in the beginning of a vicious circle.

But maybe the worst side of that practice is burdening other people. When you tell somebody about your misfortune, you are literally draining his or her energy. I can tell that from personal experience - in the gym I go to there is one boy who is always telling me how his progress is stalling and he has no power at all. Then I can catch myself thinking about those things while doing my workout and it is distracting and anoyng, since I have enough problems on my own and I am busy trying to solve them. And the boy is still the same - always complaining and never making any improvements.

Years ago in a sad book from Turkish humourist I read about "being a football". "I was trying to find help from my friends, but all they did when they heard about my problems is kicking me like a football". So in order to avoid being kicked like a football and build strong character, it is best not to talk about our troubles, but to make efforts to solve them.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] The real source of success (courageous and bold people) [6]

I just wrote that in 30 minutes, cause I wanted to be as close as it is possible to the real TOEFL time frame. So it is one very rough piece of writing, I did not have the time to edit it but I`m going to post it that way. So I picked up a random topic and here we go. By the way, restricted time is imposing a lot of pressure on my creativity (if I could be suspected in possessing such qualities :) )

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The Real Source of Success

On the battlefield of life, everyone is aiming something. People have goal-oriented minds and their fundamental objective is achieving what they want, in other words - success. And as it is in a real fight, the winner is the big-hearted, brave entrepreneur, who is not afraid of taking risks. Such persons were the American pioneers, Henry Ford and the Libyan protesters.

When departing from Europe, the first explorers of The New World had nothing but their lives to take. They took the risks of being exposed to starvation, killing, diseases in a totally unknown place, and ultimately won. They were willing to give the most precious thing they posses and this behavior led them to conquering half the world. It is beyond doubt that this could be achieved with merely planning.

Another example is Henry Ford, who put all of his life-savings in the idea of creating the automobile. Even though nobody believed he would make it and everybody was laughing at him, he succeeded in his endeavor. Ford had all the society ridiculing him, but he was willing to take his chances and now we are reaping the results of his inventions.

Our most recent examples are the revolts in Libya. A revolution hardly happens without courageous people to lead it and risk their mundane life. Those unrest fighters are putting on the card all they have, because they know a change cannot be reached with simple planning. I believe they are going to be awarded for their boldness, but would they be successful if they did not have the guts? I suspect, no.

Today`s world belongs to the courageous and bold people. There is a big difference between simple existing and being a winner, and this difference is called ability to take risks. One who is willing to give up the best he or she has is bound to reach his or her coveted goals.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] The Deceiving Advertisement [3]

Hello :) I`ve been trying to deal with the time constraint and the dumb-topic block, as in this case. That`s what I came up with in 45 minutes. Would you comment my structure, variety of sentences usage and vocabulary? I feel really awkward when I write, so I can`t give objective opinion on my work. I am trying to be consistent and logical, but does it really look that way? The other thing that bothers me is that I can`t come up with more `eloquent` language and style, because I am stressed from the time frame. Is it at least coming near to what is supposed to be a good essay? Thanks a lot :)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising
can tell you a lot about a country. Use specific reasons and examples
to support your answer

The Deceiving Advertisements
It is believed that society`s values are mirrored by its culture, arts and media, but in the case of advertisement things go in different direction. Because the solely purpose of this activity is profit, it is often biased and misleading. Therefore, it could convey wrong impressions in foreigners - for instance by depicting our country as obsessed with its past, populated with hopeless alcoholics and community built by peasants.

I can recall countless examples of the tendency to incorporate motives from Bulgaria`s past in today`s advertisement. This method is often used in food adds, with the intend to link present to the past and provoke memories in the viewer. And if a stranger see these kinds of adds, it would be easy for him or her to conclude that we love our before 1989 state. I seldom see somebody who misses our communist period, though.

The next possible misunderstanding is the largely widespread alcohol promotion. A great deal of TV`s time is given to its advertising. People are presented as having no other thought besides drinking beer and watching football in the bar. I believe that if a stranger depends on adds to learn about our culture, he would be surprised to know that not everybody enjoys these activities.

Finally, media sharks try to impose the opinion that Bulgarians are low-developed peasants. It is because this kind of person is easy to identify with, a large piece of adds rely on the image of low-educated farmer. I remember a TV commercial that showed a big hairy character in a bank - it looked like absurd. It might be funny to watch, but it would be wrong to interfere that the dominating part of our nation look that way.

Having the above mentioned in mind, I would hardly encourage one to depend on advertisement for learning about particular country. It could be deceiving and misleading. In fact, giving adds such an important task could be harmful.

(45 min)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] The Cost of Human Development [9]

Hello again :) I am still trying to improve my writing and simulate the test conditions as good as I can. Here is my last essay. I would appreciate any opinion you give to me. I haven`t edited it, so it is a rough piece.

42. Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

The Cost of Human Development

In the course of evolution, many animal species have emerged and subsequently gone extinct. It is the natural flow of things, analyzed by Darvin`s works, and although it may be sad process to witness, it has been happening from the beginning of the time and it will continue, regardless of our intervention. Therefore, it is my firm belief that focusing on human race`s needs is more urgent.

To begin with, in order to expand human population and generate progress we are forced to occupy new lands. A good example of that is Canada`s greatest asset - the natural forests, which are in abundance. They serve also as a habitat for a number of wild beasts, but what would have happened if Canadians have decided to keep the woods from chopping? Sure, animals would have continued living in their natural environment, but at the cost of country`s development.

Secondly, how are we supposed to save any land when the land itself is scarce for our own expanding population? Roads and town are built in the jungles of Amazonia, endangering a great amount of animals and plants. But when we are presented with the tough decision to choose between our own race's prosperity and animals' well-being, the outcome can be easily predicted. As it has been stated in Hamlet, "one has to be cruel only to be kind".

It is not beyond anybody`s comprehension what would have taken place if we had not used large plants for farming. Human race would be bounded to starvation, because the natural suitable land for that purposes is not enough. The task of utilizing big areas for growing food is not an easy one and one of the reasons is that by doing so, we have to deprive already endangered species from their life conditions. Even if we leave farming aside, the same process is building dams, causing whole rivers to become unsuitable for fish, naturally living in them.

It is not easy to finish with the statement that human's needs are more important than animals', but it is the bitter truth. Our demand, caused by the growing of our population, gives us no other option but to take the necessary measures, even if they are bounding animals to extinction. And on the other side - why to mess with Divine`s natural way of things? One species would be gone, but another would take its place.

(30 min)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] A question about teacher`s remuneration [5]

Hello :) I`m still going with the 30-minutes frame and I am starting to feel comfortable. Now I have some questions:
-when you read it, could you understand all of the sentences? Do I have overcomplicated paragraphs?
-Are you content with the examples I give? Are they appropriate and suitable?
-Do I have enough variety of sentence structure? I mean compounds, if-sentences and that stuff
-Is my dictionary rich and in the same time clear and easy to grasp
-last but not least - is my thesis fostered and clear

Well, I hope I`m not annoying with such questions. My essay here is not edited, for the sake of being as close to my performance in the exam day as I can.

98. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

There have been a lot of proposals about paying the teachers proportional to the amount of knowledge they teach to their students. Since it may seems fair on the first glance, after a deeper look it is becoming clear that such a practice could be harmful. It is my firm conviction that the money teachers receive should not depend on the learning abilities of their students. Let us proceed to examine the reasons.

First, I can remember how in the first grades there were certain kids with obvious learning disabilities. Our teachers gave them unceasing attention, even more than the attention other children received, but it was in vain. Although all the special attention they received, these kids just did not want to learn, nevertheless all the efforts of the teachers. In this case, I do not believe that the blame is to be found anywhere else but in themselves.

The other side of the coin is the example of students who are simply not interested in learning. I have from-the-trenches experience with that instance, because I have been one of them. No matter how hard my teachers tried to teach me something, I just did not want to learn. I went to school only because it was mandatory and I went trough the motions without really giving it much attention. Consequently, I had poor scores despite all the work and teaching I have been subjected to. It is beyond any doubt that my teachers could not have done better job, and my personal results are not the mirror reflection of their efforts.

Then we approach the matter of complication. Everybody knows that in some disciplines like Electrotechnics not all the students could get high grades. The material is too tough be understood by anyone. I can recall my Electrotechnics teacher in high school, who used to say that if you do not have inclination for that science, you will never do your best. Hence half of the class got low scores, but that in no way meant that he was not a good teacher. He did his job with great passion and the teachers like him deserve respective remuneration.

With all that has been said, it is not hard to conclude that paying teachers on the base of the knowledge of students is wrong. People are not equal, therefore one could learn better than another, but that should not be a measure of lector's qualities and a condition, determining his or her salary.

(30 min)

Writing Feedback / Ronnie Coleman; Celebrity question - what would you ask a famous person? [5]

Still walking the path which leads to a better me. Today it had more curves than usual :) I hate TOEFL topics, they are so lame, but since I do not have a choice, I am going to settle down and do the best I can. I want to notice that for the following piece of writing I had to think so hard that eventually I went blank, which seems to be some kind of protective mechanism :) Well, now I can see what happens when I really do not know what to write about and have to come up with something in such a short time.

I am keeping the advices - simple and easy to read, even though this particular example is devoid of any sense. So I am disappointed by myself, but I would be very happy of anyone shows me where to focus and how to improve.

92. If you could ask a famous person one question, what would you ask? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

If I am provided with the chance to ask any famous person any question that is troubling me, I am not going to hesitate even for a second. I am going straight to Ronnie Coleman, 8-times Mr. Olympia, because I hold the opinion that every word said by this man is worth thousands of others from whoever you can think of. And the question, of course, would be What it takes to be 8 times world champion while working 8 hours per day and training in the morning and the evening? I want to know that, because I want to grow the same character in myself.

I am deeply interested in the powers one can summon to do their best, and Ronnie is the best example so far. He cannot be put next to other celebrities like Charlie Shein or Lindsey Lohan. He is a humble and hard-working man, and I mean literally "hard-working". He had walked a long way to the top before he became an icon in sports, and that way had been neither easy nor even. Therefore, if anyone knows from what material you should have been made, he is that man. Ronnie has encountered countless obstacles trough his way to the top and eventually won the fight. I can imagine it - training, working, training and the cycle goes on and on, without rest and without any signs of mercy. He is an inspiration to thousands young men all over the world and something like a messiah in bodybuilding. But for that accomplishment he can accuse only his determination and perseverance, which qualities are his trade mark. I want to see that same traits in myself and he would be the best mentor I could ever find.

With all that has been said, can I ever think of another celebrity or another question? I am convinced Ronnie would have told me, if he had the chance, what powers and personal traits one must nurture in themselves to go trough the meat grinder he had gone trough. There is no room for any doubt that whatever the answer is, no one can answer better than him. He is the man I want to look like, and his life philosophy is what I am embracing as mine, so I really want to know how he did it. He had gone all the way from the gutter to the top and his experience is really wise.

I am not interested in celebrity's life and drug addictions, which floats all the TV time these days. I prefer to have them as an example in my life, and nobody can serve as a better behavior model than Ronnie Coleman. I want to improve myself as long and as good as I am capable of, and an answer to that question from a person like him is thousand times more valuable than any words from other famous persons.

(30 min)