Undergraduate / 'students were throwing a handball inside the classroom' - Macaulay ethical [4]

Feel Free to critque all you want. Also does the essay answer the question and if so, to what extent? Thank you in advance

It was the beginning of my freshman year in high school. My friends and I were talking about how we spent our summer as we waited for our teacher to arrive. A quarter of the period passed and the teacher had still not arrived to class. One of my friends then took out a handball and proposed that we roll it around to each other until the teacher came. I decided to go with the idea, but what started out as a simple game of rolling the handball turned into a game of catch that would get us in trouble. We threw it back and forth for a while. The teacher suddenly popped inside the classroom. As the teacher came in, the thrown ball landed right into my friend's hand.

The teacher was shocked and infuriated by the fact that students were throwing a handball inside the classroom. He told my friend that the handball can cause injuries and damage school property. He asked my friend a couple of questions about his actions and then he finally asked "Who was also playing with you?" I was afraid that my friend would tell the teacher that I was playing, but as soon as he was asked the question, my friend immediately said "No one". I was relieved that my name had not been mentioned but the teacher obviously knew he was lying and told him that he will get punished for playing with the handball and for refusing to tell him who else was playing. My friend was not fazed by what the teacher had said and he still would not tell. I thought to myself "What a brave and reliable friend I have", but a question then came to my mind: What kind of friend am I?

The question created a mind-boggling struggle inside me. I have never received a misbehavior letter, and I definitely did not want to start my high school career with one so I wanted to stay quiet. At the same time, I would feel like a traitor if I left my friend take the blame for me as I stayed quiet and did nothing. I didn't like either option, but I had to choose one. In the end, I decided to go and tell the teacher that I was the one playing catch with my friend. I thought that I eventually would get over the misbehavior letter, but getting over being a coward and an unreliable friend would have been difficult. After I told the teacher that it was me, a smile appeared on his face. The teacher was proud that I had told the truth. He decided to pretend the situation never happened. He said that this time would serve as a warning and nothing would be reported.

This situation left me content and proud of myself because of the many benefits I reaped from it. I learned that honesty is really the best policy and that cowardice does nothing but create problems. I was able to prove to myself and to those around me that I am reliable, and this situation helped strengthen the camaraderie between me and my friend. Lastly, because I told the truth, I was able to get myself and my friend out of trouble. As I look back to this, I believe that I couldn't have solved the situation in any better way.

Undergraduate / '"The Pearl" by John Steinbeck' - a book that changed the way you see the world [5]

Tell us about a book that changed the way you see the world. What was it about the work that affected you? How did your world become different?

Feel free to criticize and comment to your heart's content. Thank you in advance. Also is it okay if it is 587 words but less than 6000 charcters?

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Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted to grow up and become a billionaire. I thought that money can get you anything, even happiness, and that money is really what makes the world go round. This view of mine was altered, however, after reading the novella "The Pearl" by John Steinbeck in my freshmen year in high school.

The novella revolves around a man name Kino who finds a pearl of great wealth that ultimately causes him nothing but trouble due to the greed that consumed him. He initially sets out to find the pearl in order to cure his sick son, and he is succeeds in doing so by finding a huge pearl of great value. The pearl comes to represent not only the money needed to pay for his son's treatment, but it also represents Kino's hopes and dreams for his family. The pearl aids Kino in becoming a big shot in his village where he is envied for his great success. At first, Kino's accomplishment and fortunate luck had only intensified my desire to obtain a colossal amount of wealth, but the story then took a twisted turn. Kino began to become consumed by greed and he refused to sell the pearl for the large sum of money offered because he desired more. The pearl, that once represented Kino's hopes turned into an object of moral destruction that changed Kino from a loving father to a savage man who is blind to everything but wealth. The horrific consequences that followed show that greed leads to nothing but trouble. The pearl causes Kino to murder a man and savagely beat his wife. Also it ultimately leads to the death of his child. These consequences are truly appalling, and after reading this book I hope that I don't follow the same path as Kino.

This novella has affected me in a number of ways and has changed the way I see the world. Before reading this book, I truly thought that money is the only thing that matters in this world and without it happiness can't exist. My assumption turned out wrong, however, because after reading this book I learned that making money is not what is most important. What really counts is how I obtain the money and how I use is in order to help my family. This is what Kino originally had in mind, but he loses sight of his dreams and hopes when greed starts to consume him and fails in achieving his original goal. Another way this book has affected me, is that it showed me that family should be my top priority. Kino's wife tries to get rid of the pearl due to the danger it was causing the family, but Kino stops her attempt and savagely beats her for trying to get rid of the pearl. The result was the horrible experiences that he and his family suffered, and this shows that it is wise to always put family first. Lastly this book made me consider the many options and opportunities I have ion life. I originally planned to pursue a career that got me the most money, but after reading this book I started to consider a profession that I am interested in. This will lead me to a life of true happiness compared to a life where I would be a slave to the dollar.

Writing Feedback / 'Starvation' - Discuss some issue of concern [4]

Discuss some issue of local. National or international concern and its importance to you

Help please. need last minute advic on how I can make my essay better. All criticism welcomed. Thank you in advance.

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As I exited the cafeteria, I saw a garbage can that was stacked with many trays of untouched lunches. The sight of it irritated me. Another kid was then approaching the garbage can to throw away his lunch and I asked him "Why did you get it if you were just going to throw it out?" The kid simply said, "I don't know. It looks disgusting". He threw it out. I was annoyed at how these kids were ungrateful for what they have, but what irritated me more was the fact that they were throwing out food that kids in other countries dreamed of having.

Starvation is an international concern that has existed for a long time now. This concern is most common in third-world countries, mainly in the East African region as of now. It has been reported that in the region of East Africa, eleven-twelve million people are crying hunger. The major reasons for this awful crisis are the severe draught that has struck the area and profound poverty. People are dying in the thousands, whether it is kids, adults, or the elderly. Situations where a family loses kids or adults are so common in these parts, and it won't get any better unless more aid is supplied to these people. All these thoughts just trigger one question in my head: "How can this NOT be important to me or anyone else?"

The importance of this crisis to me lies in the fact that we are all human beings who have feelings. Whether they are feelings of love or hatred, happiness or sadness, pain or relief, we share them universally. When a human just like me is going through such a hardship, the humane response is to help them out and sympathize with them. Also if I were to put myself in a starving person's shoes, I definitely would not enjoy dying slowly from malnutrition or seeing friends and family pass away. These experiences must be agonizing for those who have them, and so as fellow humans we should always try to help each other. Another reason that I feel that we should help those who are starving is because we reduce the chances that this person will resort to crime. A person that is on the brink of death due to starvation may commit murder or theft in order to help him and his family survive. Thus, it is important to me that this crisis be addressed so that stability and safety remain in place. Lastly, by helping those that are hungry, I'm helping them stand back on their feet and build them selves up, and to me that is one of the greatest achievements a person can have. With these ideals in mind, I hope to be able to make an impact in the future concerning this crisis even if it means helping just one person.

Undergraduate / 'my dad's past experiences' - Common app essay [12]

Here is my essay. Want to know if it is grammatically well-written and if it answers the question well.All feedback is welcome. Thank you in advance.

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

It was the first weekend of my sophomore year in high school. There was a nice breeze outside and the trees still had their leaves. The sun was shining brightly through my window, as I was playing a round of Street Fighter. My dad then called me out to the balcony to speak to me about something. At first I thought, "Great...Work". I went to the balcony, ready to hear what would be required of me, but instead my dad told me to sit down. After I sat down on the green plastic chair, my dad asked me if I had started thinking about my future yet.

When my dad asked me the question, I hesitated but told him that it was too early for me to start thinking about things like that. I told him that there were no problems, though, because I was doing well in school. My dad gave a chuckle and told me that life is not all good grades. He asked me, "What do you plan to do with those grades?" and "How do you plan to lead your life?". To those questions I had no answer, and that embarrassed me. My dad told me that I was slacking off and that I had to start contemplating about these things. He then started to tell me about how his life was around my age in his village in Egypt.

As a teenager, my dad studied hard because he wanted to use his education to improve his life. At the same time he was working at a part-time job in order to help out his family. All these duties rarely left him any free time to enjoy. He studied hard and in the end it paid off. My dad was able to get a full ride to Cairo University where he would study to become a physical therapist. After completing his studies, he decided to immigrate to the United States in search of better opportunity. He immigrated to the United States in 1991, where he settled and established a family that he was capable of supporting.

After my dad told me about his past experiences, I was amazed at how someone can improve their life so much through dedication and effort. Not only did my dad's effort make life easier for me, but it also created many opportunities for me and my siblings. This account of my dad's past experiences is what motivates me to do the best I can, and I am thankful for all that my dad has done for us. I promised my dad that I would start thinking about my future, and decided to start by searching for a career that interests me. I eventually decided to pursue a career in medicine, a decision that impressed my father. I even decided to volunteer at a local clinic to further my interest.

This account of my dad's past experiences taught me a lesson that I will cherish throughout my life. It taught me that through dedication and hard work one can be successful and overcome the difficulties of the world. I hope to also succeed and make something of myself by becoming the best possible doctor I can be. The road is long but through effort and dedication, I can get through this road called life successfully.

Undergraduate / 'Chemistry' + 'Ivy League' + 'Math and science' - Columbia [5]

Hi. These are my supplements for Columbia U. Feedback appreciated. Thank you in advance

Please tell us what academic class has been your favorite

Throughout my high school years, I've enjoyed many classes but I found Chemistry to be extremely interesting. I liked Chemistry a lot because I found it to be an even combination of math and Science. Biology involves too much science and physics involves too much math, but for Chemistry you need to be good at both. That makes the subject more challenging, and I usually like a good challenge. Also I liked the various concepts in Chemistry and how it showed me how many things in the world operate. Whether it is nuclear reactions, chemical reactions, types of bonds, the study acids and bases, or one of the many concepts of chemistry, I enjoyed the subject a lot. The concept that intrigued me most however was that of equivalent exchange. A person can't create something from nothing. Both sides of a chemical reaction MUST be equal in charge, energy, and mass. No exceptions. This rule is interesting in that it also applies to our everyday life. You can't move forward by just being stagnant. You have to expend energy in order to become successful. That rule is a rule that can't be broken and it can be applied in so many ways. That is what makes it interesting. Lastly I found chemistry to be interesting due to the labs that come with it. Though we didn't do many labs, I found that the chemistry labs were more interesting than those of Biology and physics.

Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why.

There are many reasons that I want to go to Columbia, but what I find most appealing about it is that it is an ivy school located in New York. Being any Ivy League school, Columbia University is thus highly respected and is considered one of top schools in the nation. I'd like to get educated at a university like that because I would be exposed to challenging courses. This in turn will help me prepare for a future career in medicine. Medical school is not easy, and if I want to get through it, I'll need a top-notch education. Also since Columbia is a highly respected school, it also consists of a highly respected community. If I go to Columbia, my peers will all be people who have worked extremely hard. They are people with high aspirations. Having peers like that will encourage me to try my hardest in order to achieve my goals. Lastly, I love the location that Columbia is in. Being situated in New York City, I wouldn't have to leave the city atmosphere I always loved. I wouldn't have to leave my family and friends in New York, and at the same time, I would be receiving a top-quality education at an Ivy League school. Definitely this is a package that is extremely appealing to me.

For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the Application Data section. If you are currently undecided, please write about any field or fields in which you may have interest at this time, but have not yet selected as a major interest.

The fields of study that I chose are my primary choices due to my affinity for math and science. Since I was young, I would always like to solve problems, especially those that were difficult. I'd solve riddles and brain teasers that my dad would give me in order to help me think more critically. I liked the feeling I'd get after solving a challenging problem or riddle. To me, math and science entail a lot of problem solving, and I loved all the math and sciences classes that I had during high school. This is why I chose those fields of interest. I especially chose pre-med as my first choice because it would help me get a career in medicine, which is all about problem solving. A doctor sees patients who are ailing or in need of medical help, and it is up to the doctor to treat their patient's medical problems. Doctors are presented with new cases everyday, and it is up too them to find solutions and methods to enhance treatment. Whether it is cancer or a small fever, doctors are always there to provide treatment to their patients. They are the problem solvers that can make a huge difference in one's life. It's a career that interests me and at the same time I get to help others. That is why I'd like to become a doctor, and a pre-med field study will help me get there.

Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events

The idea of sacrificing a chance at wealth in order to keep your respect and honor is one that is intriguing to me. This is exactly what happens in the play, "A Raisin in the Sun" by Lorainne Hansberry. The protagonist, Walter Younger, is an African American man who lives in poverty and is desperate for wealth. .Walter is eventually able to get some money and he gives the money to his partner in order to open up the wine store. Walter is in euphoria because he believes this is his big chance at becoming wealth. His partner deceives him though and runs away with the money. This turn of events leaves the Younger family saddened, but Walter is given a chance to make up for this loss. He is offered a sum of money with the condition that he moves out of the white neighborhood he lives in. His white neighbors are not thrilled about the idea that their neighbors are African Americans, and they want them out. At first, Walter is about to take the offer but he decides not to. He decides to keep his honor and pride, and he rejects the offer. In my point of view, this is what it means to be a true man. It is to be faced with a tough situation and still not take the disgraceful way out. This intrigues me because it shows to me that some people are capable of thinking about morals and honor even in the toughest of situations. This is important to me because I believe that what a person does is what truly defines him, and protecting honor is a good definition in my opinion.

Undergraduate / Sophie Davis essay: influences for a medical career [3]

Hi. this is my essay for sophie davis. I would really appreciate all comments and criticisms. Thank you in advance.

Topic: To aid the Admissions Committee in learning more about you, please share your current influences and interest for pursuing medicine.

My influences and interests for pursing a career in medicine are many. In a trial to share these influences and interests, I look back to when I was in kindergarten. I was asked to find out about my dad's occupation for homework. That day, when my dad came back from work, I asked my dad about his job. He told me that he worked as a physical therapist. He then started telling me about how most of my relatives were all part of the healthcare field. At that moment, I decided that I wanted to become a doctor and be just like the rest of my relatives. I had no real interest in the career field and didn't know much about it, but I just wanted to be like my dad and relatives.

It was during my entrance into junior high school that I started to develop any real interest in the career. During that time, I started taking my education seriously and in the process I developed an affinity for the math and sciences. I liked learning about new concepts in science that showed me how the world and our lives operate. The concepts were really intriguing and helped me make sense of a lot of things. I enjoyed thinking about problems and solving them. The problems that interested me most though were those that were difficult. I liked challenging problems and how they encouraged me to think critically. I liked the feeling that I got once I answered a challenge whether it is a riddle, brain teaser, or question from my homework. I definitely liked math and science more because of how it made me think more critically, compared to classes such as history where we just had to memorize facts (though I did enjoy learning about some major events in history). At the end of my senior year in junior high, I decided that I would pursue a career in either medicine or engineering. I liked both fields because of how they dealt with math and science, and decided that one of these careers would be the right choice for me.

It was during my sophomore year in high school that I made the decision. I was given an assignment where I had to do some volunteer hours, and so I decided to do it at a local pediatrics clinic. I thought that this would be a chance to learn more about the medical field as well as complete my assignment. It was this volunteer experience that changed me. Throughout the day, I would always hear the patients thanking the doctor for his help. It occurred to me that I too was thanked by people who were sick or in pain, but I was thanked for telling them "Hope you get better soon" or "Get Well soon". I wanted to be able to do more than that. I wanted to have the same feeling and respect the doctor received when he helped his patients. To sum it up, I wanted to be a person who is able to make a difference in another's life. An engineering career is definitely interesting, but as a doctor, I would be able to communicate with others and directly help them, an opportunity I would miss out on if I became an engineer. For those reasons I decided that I wanted to become a medical doctor.

So, what had started out as shallow reason to become a doctor developed into a strong commitment. I hope to study at med school and become a doctor that is capable of making a difference and putting my knowledge to the test to help solve people's problems. With the Sophie Davis program, I'll be able to achieve my goal, as well as get a priceless education, in a shorter time. The program is also challenging, thus meaning that I will be provided with many opportunities to stimulate my growth. This is definitely the type of program I need to develop into the best possible doctor I can be.

Undergraduate / 'Children Medical Services' - Sophie Davis: meaningful volunteer experience [4]

Hi. this is my essay for sophie davis. I would really appreciate all comments and criticisms. Thank you in advance. It's due tomorrow so all quick responses are welcome

Referring back to Section B or C of this application, choose one of your extracurricular activities, employment or community experiences and describe why it has been especially meaningful to you (e.g., because of personal growth, ability to assume or share responsibility).

There is always some type of volunteering that a person can do. Whether it is kids that need tutoring, parks that need cleaning, or activities that need organizing, there are many ways that one can volunteer. These volunteer experiences are so helpful because not only do you give back to the community, but you also can benefit from them personally. Such an experience that I had is volunteering at a local pediatrics clinic that helped me personally grow as well as further my interest in the medical field.

During the fall semester of my sophomore year, I decided to volunteer at Children Medical Services, a local pediatrics clinic in my neighborhood. I was given the task of charting the patient's height and weight, organizing the patients' files according to alphabetical order, and making sure that the kids were not playing around the clinic. It wasn't these tasks that really helped further my interest, but it did make me feel like I was a person who can assume responsibility. I was given tasks that were expected to be done and this experience has definitely helped me mature personally. This experience gives me the feeling of how the future will be for me. When I become a medical doctor, I will have to assume FULL responsibility for my actions. I will have a family that will depend on me, just as I am dependent on my parents right now. So I consider this volunteer experience to be helpful because it helps me assume some responsibility right and proves to be a great experience that will help me in the future.

This experience also made me get a feeling of accomplishment by helping others. Before this experience, I never really thought about helping others. But when I started volunteering at the clinic, I felt extremely happy that I chose to volunteer at a place where I directly communicated others. The feeling I got when helping others was great, and even though I only did small tasks, I enjoyed doing them because of this feeling.

The major reason that I found experience to be helpful is because it helped intensify my desire to pursue a medical career. Before having this volunteer experience, I was really stumped on whether to become a doctor or engineer. I was interested in both careers and I really wanted to be able to do both, but I knew that I would have to choose one. This volunteer experience proved to be the deciding factor for my choice. When there was no charting to be done, I would usually observe the doctor treating his patients. The job of a pediatrician really intrigued me. The doctor would communicate with his patients and help them solve their problems. He told them about treatments I never really thought about. One such treatment was how a person can use a Lipton tea bag to eliminate eyelid bumps. I was interested in the various ways an illness could be treated. Another thing that I found interesting is how the doctor communicated with his patients. He was playful with the kids and he would socialize with the parents in the way. An engineer's job doesn't involve much of that, and I really value communication. At that time I thought that not only did medicine incorporate my academic interests, but it also incorporated things that I value such as communication. It was thanks to this volunteer experience that I was really able to make that hard decision between medicine and engineering.

So, in my point of view, this volunteer experience proved to have a major impact on me. It made me more aware that one day, I too will be in a doctor's position where I will have to be responsible for the choices I make. This experience also made me bent on pursuing medicine with its interesting concepts, chance to communicate with others, and helping others solve their problems. There are many difficulties that I will have to overcome to become a medical doctor, but my experience at the clinic showed me that the reward I get is definitely one that is worth it.

Undergraduate / 'courses offered at Stony are really challenging' - Why Stony Brook? [4]

Hi, I'd appreciate if someone could look over the essay and check for grammar mistakes. Also do you think I answered the question well? All feed back welcomed and thank you in advance

Prompt: Briefly describe why you want to attend Stony Brook
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There are numerous reasons that Stony Brook University appeals to me. Stony Brook's friendly environment, low tuition, and campus life are just some of things that come to mind when I think of Stony. The main reasons, though, that Stony Brook University appeals to me is because of its challenging coursework, and proximity to NYC. My friends that go to Stony tell me that the courses offered at Stony are really challenging, and upon hearing that, I was happy because if I want to get into medical school and be able to get through it, then I will need no less than challenging courses. The University also has a reputation of being one of the best research institutes across the nation, and this assures me that Stony is the choice for me. I am also happy that Stony Brook is close to New York City. My whole family is in New York City, and them knowing that I am not that far from them helps them not to worry. Also this makes it easier for me to visit them whenever I want to. These are things that I look for in an ideal university, and Stony brook university perfectly fits the description.

Undergraduate / Stony Brook med supplement - The ideal physician [4]

Hi, This is my essay for the Stony Brook supplement and I would appreciate all comments concerning grammar and how well I answered the question. This is due at 12 am so I'd appreciate the quick response. Thank you in advance.

Due date: 1/15/2012
Paint a verbal portrait of an ideal physician (or dentist) and tell us about the experiences that you have had which have helped to shape this ideal.

As I begin to conjure an image of the ideal physician in my mind, I picture a person who has a gentle appearance and a pleasant countenance. It is someone whose brain is beaming with intelligence and wisdom. It is a person who has the nickname "problem solver" or "life-saver", and never neglects their patients even after closing time. To me that is my image of the ideal physician.

The pleasant countenance of a physician is an asset that helps him comfort others. During my volunteer experience, there has been many times where I have seen people walk in dejected. They are worried sick about their children and some parents even begin to cry. When they come in to see the doctor, the doctor is always smiling. He checks up on the child, and he tells the parents not to worry. He smiles and he says things like "Your child is better than me and you" and he tries to make the parents lighten up. This is the type of countenance a physician needs in order to help comfort their patients and those around them.

As for a doctor' intelligence and wisdom, they are needed to help the doctor make decisions that can play a huge role in a patient's life. The doctor goes through eight or more years of training in order to become a physician and it is this type of accumulated knowledge that helps a doctor solve the problems of others. They are knowledgeable people and great translators. They translate their scientific knowledge into words that patients can better understand and for this type of job you need a person who is knowledgeable and wise. This is why I try my best to study hard in order to become a successful physician

The last and most important aspect of my image of the ideal physician is a physician's kind heart that desires to solve the problems of others. Physicians are presented with new cases every day, and it is up too them to find solutions and methods to enhance treatment. Whether it is cancer or a small fever, doctors are always there to provide treatment to their patients. They are the problem solvers that can make a huge difference in one's life. They are also the type of people who don't neglect a person's request for treatment even after closing time. There have been many instances during my volunteer experience where patients come when we are closing the doors. The doctor is not happy with the fact that they come very late, but nonetheless he does not reject their request for treatment.

These are the qualities that I find in my portrait of an ideal physician. They are hardworking, pleasant looking, knowledgeable, life-savers that are always trying their best to help their patients. This is the type of physician I hope to become. The type of physician that is able to make a difference and bring joy to patients and their families.