Undergraduate / 'my parents are Danish' - essay [15]

So I've been working on the first draft of my college essay that needs to be turned in asap, I can't seem to figure out if it's good, bad or just intermediate!

It's 589 words long, so it needs to be shortened as well..

Let me know what you guys think. Comment comment comment plz! And I you feel like something could be left out, let me know!

My family is a complicated case. Both my parents are Danish, but split up when I was 3 years old and have by now both different people in their lives. I have lived in Denmark my entire life and with divorced parents it was something like one week with my dad and one week with my mom. Complicated as it can be.

None of my parents were wealthy or anything remotely close to that, they were both happy middle-class people. My mother was a Nurse and had three kids she needed to provide for: my older brother, younger brother and me. She even put all of us through private school, which meant we did not have much money to spent on pleasure and we couldn't even afford a car (luckily we each had a bike that could take us anywhere anytime, almost). This not having a car, as a kid, in a private school, where all of your friend's parents had a car - or even two, could get slightly embarrassing. I guess this is why we in our family always have been dreamers.

But why is it we always dream of something different and better, instead of just accepting the life we are giving? In my opinion, what we dream of and strive towards is what makes us different from everyone else.

When I was about ten years old my mom met this American man. They started talking and felt a connection right away. He went back to the US and they started writing letters (that's right, 10 years ago people still wrote letters to one another). Letters evolved into phone calls and phone calls evolved into visiting and then more letters, more phone calls, then e-mails and then more visiting and suddenly they had been having a long-distance relationship for about 8 years. The relationship got more and more serious for every year that went by, but as my brother and I were still in school and both had our fathers in Denmark, it was difficult for my mother to pursue her dream of moving to the US to be with the man she loved.

But when I was close to turning 18, she decided it was time. My mother's decision put me in a huge dilemma. Should I stay in Denmark? With all my friends, my boyfriend and where I was able to finish my secondary education or should I go to the US, the country I had dreamed of moving to since I started watching American TV-shows. Well, I ended up kind of going.

My mom sold our house in Denmark, but because of VISA and everything else that needed to be done, we couldn't move to the US right away and as we no longer had a house to live in we ended up renting a beautiful condo in Costa Rica. We spent 2,5 months in Costa Rica. A crazy adventure, I would not ever have been without, but when the time came for us to go to the US I couldn't. I was not ready. I was missing everything back home badly and needed to go back.

The next 2,5 years I spent in Denmark and travelling around the world. Travelling is such a big part of me and now I have ended up in California working as an Au Pair. I absolutely love it here and I would feel so blessed to go to College here and be closer to my family, which I love more than anything else in the world

Undergraduate / 'A regular day in my childhood' - Common app [9]

My common app essay prompt 1 or topic of choice?

It is 750 words long, so it needs to be shortened drastically, but I can't do it, I need some help and advice. Please let me know what you think about it, I have no idea if it's good or not! I am International so I could need some help grammatically! I promise to return the favor please help!!

A regular day in my childhood

11.46 PM the clock said. I was lying in my mother's bed with my 6-year-old brother next to me. He was deeply asleep, far away in dreamland. It felt as if I was completely alone. The only sound in the house was the branches screeching against the window. I could feel the smooth and freezing cold wind sneaking in by the edges of the window, striking my face. I knew I was supposed to be asleep; my mother had left almost an hour ago. But who cared anyway, no one was there to see that I was awake.

Even though I was only 12-years-old I was not scared of being alone at night. I had gotten used to it over the years. I knew my mother had to work in order to provide for us. And having a babysitter over night, was way to expensive.

In the morning I woke up the minute my alarm clock starting ringing. It was time to get up and get ready for another day of school and chores. My brother did not seem to care for the buzzing alarm clock; he was still fastened to sleep. I went on to pick out clothes for the both of us, got dressed and went downstairs to start on breakfast before waking up my brother.

He was not happy when I woke him up. "I am tired! I want to stay in bed!" "I want mommy to take me the school!" he would scream at me, but then quietly follow me downstairs because he knew he had to. We watched cartoons until we had to put on huge amounts of winter garments and drive to school on our bikes. Just as I had finished dressing the both of us, my mother walked in the door. Smiling with freezing cold red cheeks "Hello my lovely children, are you guys ready for school?" she said.

I could see how exhausted she was. My mother was a home nurse driving around at night taking care of the older people who needed help during the night. They had cut down on nurses and the amount of work the remaining nurses had to do, including my mother, was almost unbearable. "I'll take him to school", I said. I knew that would make her happy.

My mother was still asleep when we came home from school. My brother quietly went on to play with his toys while watching TV. It was almost 2:30; my mother would probably wake up in an hour or so, leaving me just enough time to clean the house. I knew how she loved it when the house was clean as she woke up. And it also might help on the conversation I wanted to have later that day.

"Mom, I know you have to work this weekend, but I was really hoping I could go to this sleepover Mie is having at her house?" I started out. "I am sorry sweety, but I really need you to stay home and look after your brother. Money is tight right now, I can't afford a babysitter." "But mom I really want to go, everyone else is going and I NEVER get to go!" "Laerke, I am sorry, but I need you to stay home". "I am so sick of this, I am never allowed to go anywhere! And I do everything in this house". I screamed as I tumbled up the stairs making as much noise as humanly possible.

This was so unfair. I really did everything for her and she was just sleeping all day. After a little time sobbing in my room I realized I wasn't being completely fair and I went downstairs to apologize and accepted the fact that I had to stay home.

Even though my childhood at times seemed though and difficult I have learned so much from it. It has truly formed and taught me a lot about how to prioritize things in life. And I now realize how hard my mother worked to provide for us and how hard it most have been for her letting us stay at home by ourselves at night, and having to force me to stay home and not go have fun with my friends. I appreciate everything my mother has done for my siblings and me. My childhood-situation has taught me to be helpful, self-reliant, responsible and generous. It has made me ambiguous and given me the need to succeed in life.

Undergraduate / 'interested in Psychology, Biology and Sociology' Why is Duke the right fit? [7]

Duke is my absolute dream college and I really want it to shine through. Let me know what you think of it, and what do you think of the length?

Fitting all the reasons why I think Duke is the right College for me into two paragraphs is going to be tough!
When I first started looking up Colleges and came to know of Duke through your website, my heart literally started jumping.
I am 21 years old and I am still not exactly sure what I want to Major in, but Trinity College of Arts & Sciences offers great programs for all the majors I am interested in; Psychology, Biology and Sociology.

Furthermore the campus and life at Duke seems to be just me. I love nature and it is extremely important for me to have great nature around me as I really enjoy spending time outside and have an adventurous mind that needs to be fed.

I would also take great pride in being part of Duke Global Health Institute. If been keeping track of the institute for sometime now, and it is amazing. It is really important for me to make a difference in the world, to help where help is needed and I also have a big interest in helping animals and the environment.

As I am a also a big sport person, Duke Athletics really appeals to me. I have played soccer for ten years in Denmark, and being part of Duke's Women soccer team would be a dream come through!

Duke is my absolute dream college and I truly believe I would be a great match for Duke and I am positive that I could contribute with a lot to your college.

Undergraduate / 'Duke supports their Sport clubs' - Duke Essay [6]

If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

My essay:

After researching College's in the US for quite some time, I finally came to know of Duke.
The school's great way of making the students engage in their own education by letting them experience beyond the classroom was the first thing that appealed to me.

I followed Nicholas School on the research they were doing in Durban, South Africa and this is the kind of program I would have loved to be a part of.

In general I find the schools study abroad/summer programs very appealing, like for example the OTS programs: Global Health Issues in South Africa and Costa Rica Tropical Biology.

I lived in Costa Rica for 3 months with my family, where we joined different organizations trying to help the animal life and rainforest. I have yet not been to South Africa, but it is a place I have dreamed of exploring years. Coming from Denmark, a country with an amazing healthcare system, it would be extremely interesting to see and study the health system in South Africa.

The campus and life at Duke was the other thing that truly stole my attention. I am very athletic, I enjoy running and biking, and as I am a nature person, living on Duke's amazing campus with beautiful grounds and architecture would be a dream come true.

I think it is great how Duke supports their Sport clubs. I have played soccer for ten years and would find it extremely exciting to contribute to Duke's women soccer team.

I see Duke as the school that truly knows how to challenge their student. I believe I am a great fit for the school. I have an adventurous mind, I am head and hands on and I enjoy being engaged and challenged. I have travelled around the world, seen and know diversity and understand cultural differences. And furthermore I am not like everyone else.

Undergraduate / 'humorous and brainless discussion' - UNC essay [3]

So I wrote this essay from the question beneath. I realize it is probably not exactly would they were thinking to get out of the question, but I was hoping it would have kind of a different angle and that would make it stand out? Please let me know what you guys think! I'll return the favor!

Tell us about a time when you struggled to convince someone of something you believed to be right. How did the process go? What was the end result?

My best friend and I are very different in so many ways. I am the kind of person that gets along with everyone; I am always kind and polite and I attend to please people to remain peace. Furthermore I am a supporter of the Social Democrats in Denmark. I care a lot about the environment as well as the people that are less fortunate than me. My best friend on the other hand is the complete opposite. She is sweet, kind and polite, but she loves to discuss and is also a member of the liberal party in Denmark. Which makes it difficult if we ever approach the subject politics. We have had discussions about welfare, the environment and about taxes, but we have always been able to end the discussion with an "I guess we are just going have to agree to disagree", and then that was it - everything back to normal.

So it came as a surprise to me when we one day got into a huge fight about something as simple as the word "cool" (in Danish "sej"). Fřtex, which is a Danish supermarket-chain, had this extremely annoying commercial with a very catchy song and the song said: "Fřtex is cool - because we do more for you". (In Danish it rimes and sounds a lot better). My best friend, Sarah was so annoyed by this song as she did not think you could call a supermarket "cool".

This started out as a mild discussion of the word cool. We both found examples of how to use the word and how not to, and as this commercial was all over the country we were reminded of it all the time, and that started the discussion all over again. Eventually there was so much tension between us because of this stupid discussion and we did not seem to be able to agree to disagree as we usually would.

After being mad at each other for a couple of days, we both started realizing how humorously and brainless this discussion was and we decided to start overusing the word to get rid of the tension. In every sentence we squeezed in the word ¨sej". We had so much fun with it, and our huge and stupid fight turned into one of our best memories ever.

Whenever we are about to have a stupid discussion today, we say "Hey let's not make this into a "sej" discussion", giving the word a whole new meaning, that we could both agree on.

Undergraduate / 'becoming an Au Pair in America' - UNC essay [5]

Prompt:
Tell us about a time when you failed. How did you react? What, if anything, did you learn?

After living with the family for two weeks I already knew it was not going to work out for me. I was simply bored out of my mind. Playing with a kid for 9 hours a day was unbearable, and I knew I could not do it for an entire year.

I graduated from secondary school in Denmark in the summer of 2010. I got a job working over the summer in Bulgaria with a bunch of other young people from all over Scandinavia and Europe, and it was absolutely great. However, when summer was over I had no plans on what to do next. I took some classes in Denmark and had some different jobs, but I was thirsting to explore more. Money on the other hand was not hanging on the trees. So that was when I came upon the idea of becoming an Au Pair in America.

I found an agency that could help me with everything, so that I could start my new adventure. After searching for some time, I found a family that lived near San Francisco in Marin County. They seemed great. They only had one child, a four-year-old girl. We had a lot common interests, the girl was the cutest thing ever and the area sounded amazing. After talking to them via Skype a number of times, we finally decided it was a good match. They had had a lot of troubles with their previous Au Pairs and were therefore excited for me to come and were confident that it would work out just great. Unfortunately it did not.

When I told the family, they were disappointed in me, but I was even more disappointed in myself. I felt like I had let them down. When I chose the family I knew what the job consisted of. I thought it was just the right fit for me. Staying home with a four-year-old girl all day seemed relaxing and fun, just what I needed after so many years of studying. But I guess I did not know myself well enough.

The image you have in your mind of how you see your life has to fit together with the person you are. I forgot that in this case. I am not the type that wants to sit in a house all day and play. I need to go out and explore.

I believe that failing is were you truly learn about yourself and it is an important part of life. This experience taught me a great deal about who I am, what I want and need out of life, in order to be happy. I feel bad for the family, having to go through the process of finding an Au Pair once again. But it was simply something I had to do, and in the end it was the best thing for all of us.

For the last 4 months I have been living with a different family in Marin County. They have three kids and a lot going on. We go biking, hiking and play sports in the yard, not one day is the same, and that is the way I like it.