Undergraduate / WPI Supplement Open Response - How did you become interested in WPI? (650 characters) [6]

Hi there. I am having trouble making my supplement open response work. WPI has a limit of 650 characters, so the response has to be very concise. However, I also want to inject some humor into it as well. This is what I have, however it sounds a bit choppy to me. I'm not sure if it transitions well enough, or if it even addresses the prompt fully. The main point I am trying to get across is that I became interested in WPI because I feel that it is a perfect fit for me. Thanks for the help!

How did you become interested in WPI? (650 characters)

Upon my visit to WPI, I was greeted by the aroma of BBQ chicken; food is always a seller. However, during my tour I was captivated by WPI's emphasis on project-based learning. This lehr und kunst* approach to education really suits my preference for hands-on learning. WPI's bijou campus also attracted me. It is small, yet full of amenities. I detected a familiar sense of community there, almost reminiscent of that of my high school. Wolfing down chicken in Morgan Commons**, I felt like a WPI freshman gaining his fifteen. Holistically, WPI resonates well with me. I want to attend a college that is a good fit for me, a criteria that WPI satisfies.

*lehr und kunst is WPI's motto, it means theory and practice. This is taken from the WPI website:
Making a Difference through Project-based Learning
From the Great Problems Seminars, to the Humanities and Arts project, to the Global Perspective Program, WPI students are tackling some of the most critical problems facing our world today and having life-changing experiences while they're learning.

We don't just believe in making the world a better place though science, technology, the arts and humanities - we actually do it.

**Morgan Commons is WPI's freshman dining hall.. great food there!

Undergraduate / 'Footsteps' - Common app essay [9]

Footsteps

A din of chatter and traffic noise swallows up the hollow sound of my sneakers treading the pavement. Amid the swarm of faces on the sidewalk, I am almost inconspicuous. I get occasional glances, some more welcoming than others, some filled with curiosity, and some as hostile as the hot sun on my neck. It does not matter to me. In a few seconds I cease to exist in their minds as they resume their ruminations.

I saunter towards the graffiti covered door sandwiched between the Fields Corner Library and Magic Wok Takeout. Up the stairs is the Dorchester Youth Collaborative, a far cry from the reading room of the library next door. I got used to the plaster paint chips crashing from the ceiling and to the broken floorboards creaking beneath me. Here, I feel like I belong; I feel like my footsteps are heard. They certainly are, because the creaking brings my presence to the attention of other teenagers lounging in the arcade room. They nonchalantly nod to me. I snake my way to the back room, drop my bag on the salvaged remains of a kitchen counter, and plug my iPod into a pair of speakers. September by Earth, Wind & Fire instantly blasts across the room, replacing the chaos of the street below. I bounce to the funk music, my feet snap into motion, and my body follows suit.

My eyes close and my mind clears, I drift into an ecstatic state of consciousness. I let the melody carry my body to the floor and, as my feet swiftly shuffle, the only thing connecting me to reality is the coldness of the floor on my hands. Breakdancing becomes a refuge for me, a place where my footsteps echo with passion. In the six minutes and thirty two seconds of the track playing, I am awake, alive, and aware. My freestyle moves are highlighted by the sound my sneakers generate against the floor. Even with the ear-damaging volume of the song, I find myself listening to the symphony that my sneakers create as they synchronize with the smack of the snare drum.

Growing up, I struggled with uncovering my innate gifts. I felt less than average, because even average people have talent. What did I have? Nothing. I followed in others' footsteps, hoping, wanting to become like them. The list of things I attempted went on and on. I tried rapping, drawing, soccer, rock climbing, and piano lessons. I strove to be a Renaissance man and ended up a jack of all trades, master of none. It was not until I discovered breakdancing that I began to think of myself as talented. With breakdancing, I found my forte. I danced, I practiced, I improved, I lived. A support system of fellow dancers soon followed. At the Dorchester Youth Collaborative, I found an accepting group of dancers who valued the individuality needed in this style of dance, but who also provided a nurturing environment where we were able to enhance each others' styles. They helped me find my own rhythm, they helped me discover myself, and the beanie caps made me feel wicked cool. As my dancing improved, my self confidence soared. Who would have thought that breakdancing would become the cornerstone in my life?

Now, as I walk home, I still get those intermittent glances. Some are welcoming, some seem hostile. It does not matter to me. In a few seconds I cease to exist in their minds, and they cease to exist in mine. Preoccupying me now is the hollow sound of my sneakers against the pavement, and no longer invisible, I harmonize with its inner rhythm. My rhythm.

Undergraduate / Carnegie Mellon Supplement: Architects of Change [NEW]

Hi guys! I am applying to Carnegie Mellon for their computer science program. This is the most selective department and Carnegie, so I would appreciate any feedback I can get. I will also take a look at your essays if you need me to. Thanks a bunch!

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

On February of 2004, Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook. Over half of Harvard's undergraduate population registered within its first month. Eight years later, nearly half of the United States' population is exchanging pokes and updating statuses. What contributed to the rise of Facebook? Innovation.

A product of the digital age, I spend approximately 15% of my day perusing Facebook. It is my address book, news source, and PDA. With Facebook, I can catch up with old friends, meet new friends, and possibly find a girlfriend thanks to the "Chat" feature. The "Groups" feature allows me to exchange homework help in my "AP Chemistry 2011-2012" group and organize a quick match of capture-the-flag in my "CoD pwnage (ps3 only sorry)" group. I planned a successful birthday party over the summer using the Facebook "Events" feature. Thanks to the "Calendar" feature, people actually remembered my birthday and showed up. These "features" of Facebook are the brainchildren of innovative, creative, and problem solving thinkers. About 50 of these thinkers are Carnegie Mellon alumni. "Carnegie Mellon is the ultimate, innovative, problem solving university. We thrive on that. The harder the problem, the more important the problem, the better Carnegie Mellon responds." With these words, university president Jared Cohon captures the essence of Carnegie Mellon.

My first day of AP computer science was hallmarked by two words written on the white board: elegant solution. These two words baffled me. Directly under these words were a grid and marker. I could not believe it. My teacher was challenging the class to a game of tic-tac-toe. Fifteen minutes and an unforeseen number of consecutive losses later, we were diving into the mechanisms of iterations and algorithms. What used to be a child's game became my initiation into a new way of thinking. One month later, I was programming my own ATM and vending machine. I began to understand those two words as time passed. Computer science is not about programming in Java; It is the thought process behind the programming. During our bout against our teacher in tic-tac-toe, my class lost for a reason. We went against the elegant solution. While we made moves at random, our teacher had but three basic steps to guide him: Choose the cell that allows the most winning combinations, check for forced moves, and repeat. The elegant solution about is getting the optimal outcome with the smallest effort possible. Computer scientists are not programmers; they strive to find the elegant solution to problems. Computer scientists are innovators. They are the architects of change.

On November of 2011, Mark Zuckerberg went on a college tour. He visited MIT, Harvard, and Carnegie Mellon. When asked about the type of people Facebook looks for, Zuckerberg replied "Facebook looks for really entrepreneurial folks, people who are trying to have a big impact on the world and who have the ability to look at any of a hundred different problems at once and say 'this is the one we really need to solve.'" These are the kind of people that Carnegie Mellon produces. Innovators, problem solvers, architects of change. Carnegie Mellon can bestow the gift of innovation to me, and computer science can teach me how to look for the elegant solution. This marriage of innovation and the elegant solution produced those 50 Carnegie Mellon alumni at Facebook. It is what helped develop Facebook. And it can help change the world. I want to be an architect of change.

Scholarship / 'I rarely take notes in class' - GMS Essay - Subject I excel in [3]

Hi all! This is a super rough draft of my first (of eight) GMS essays. I would love some feedback on the overall tone of the essay, if it is too confusing or if it gets the message across, organization, and anything else would be helpful. Thanks a bunch! While I cannot guarantee that I will look over your essays by today (I have 7 more essays to go before the deadline at 11:59 tonight), I will try my best to provide feedback by the end of the week.

Essay 19: Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attribute your success? - 7800 characters (including spaces); 1605 words.

It is Monday morning. At the sound of the bell, I lumber from homeroom to my first class of the day: AP Chemistry. Despite running on only five hours of sleep, I eagerly await the lesson to begin. This is my second year taking chemistry. I am the fourth person in my family to fall under the tutelage of Mr. Huie, whom the class affectionately refers to as just Huie. I am also the only person in my family to achieve a year-end average of an A in his class. Huie is notoriously known throughout my school as an Honor Roll executioner. In my eyes however, he is one of the finest teachers around. In one year I learned much about chemistry, and even more about myself.

The first thing any student of Huie, past and present, tends to point out when describing his class is his infamous mantra: "bring it on." These three simple words are used to express confidence in meeting a challenge. In Huie's class, this challenge takes the form of a quiz. When a student utters these words, they receive a quiz. Many avoid the combination of these words, fearing what follows. They don't understand the meaning behind it. The phrase signifies that a student has an intimate knowledge of what has been taught and is confident in their understanding of the material. By avoiding this phrase, students are passing up an opportunity to prove to Huie and, more importantly, themselves that they have what it takes to excel. Through Huie's class, I learned to appreciate this phrase. It is the basis of Huie's class, and has become my own personal mantra.

I attribute my success in chemistry in part to Huie himself. He truly cares about what he does and is invested in his students. While his class is usually lively with jokes and laughter, his teachings are always serious. He does not teach us chemistry, he teaches us how to learn. While many of my teachers utilize rigid pre-planned lessons and emphasize grades, Huie does the complete opposite. Students are encouraged to learn at a pace they are comfortable with. He would rather students fail first and learn later, than to cheat and pass and never learn at all. Students aren't required to maintain a binder for a grade, and they aren't reprimanded for not taking notes. Everything in Huie's class is optional, including the bring-it-on quizzes. In the end, it is up to the individual to figure out how they learn best and take advantage of it. This is what Huie has taught me. Through Huie's class I discovered my strengths and weaknesses, learned how to capitalize on them, and became a better student.

I am one of the students who rarely take notes in class. This is counter-intuitive for a student aiming to do well. Occasionally I do have to write down chunks of information that aren't easily digestible. However, I found that my grades improved significantly when I stopped fussing over catching every word Huie says on paper. I notice that many of my classmates don't understand what they are being taught the first time around. When called on, they usually have to take a minute to leaf through their notes to connect some dots. My hypothesis is that during lectures, they focus more on capturing the words being said than on capturing the meaning behind them. By forgoing taking notes, I am able to focus more on what is being taught and to quickly grasp the concept behind the lesson. I don't worry about forgetting details because everything I learn can be found in a book or online. Once a new concept sinks in, I find correlations between it and an already established piece of my knowledge. This is how I learn.

One of my greatest epiphanies was the moment I realized that everything is correlated. Concepts within chemistry, concepts in math, moments in history, moments in my life. After this epiphany, everything I learned broadened my understanding of the world. When I learned that gasses condense in colder temperatures, those funny-looking ghosts coming out of my mouth during winter finally made sense. Everything is related. Chemistry is like solving a detective case; I have to use every little bit of information given to me as well as background knowledge in order to solve problems. Everything I learn builds on what I've previously learned. My understanding of chemistry isn't linear, but rather it is a web of interconnected ideas. This is how I excel.

The bell rings. I pack up and head for my next class. I leave chemistry class with new knowledge, and with an understanding of myself as a student. Although I won't receive a quiz in English, I am ready to say "bring it on" to whatever challenge my teacher plans on throwing my way.