Undergraduate / 'The impact of Santa'; My forethought victory, turned out to be my friends' agony [NEW]

This is the first draft for my common-app essay.
Prompt:
"Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence."

Santa-Clause has had great impact on my life.
One may consider him a fictional character or actual person. That is the lesson that I learned from Santa. I was always a extreme skeptic when it came to him, I honestly cannot remember a time when I actually believed in him. How could it be possible? We didn't even have a chimney and our door is double locked and chained. How can he afford presents for everyone when my parents refuse candy because of the price? There is no problem in holding these doubts. That is as long as I did not preach them to my friends. Yes, that is exactly what I did. When I was in kindergarten playing with my friends all in anticipation Christmas, I decided to express my strong belief. At the time I felt that my friends were gullible, and that it would be a personal achievement for me to logically disprove the existence of Santa. I took the stand and I talked about the human lifespan, the fiscal impossibilities, and the physical impossibilities. Half my friends ended up crying. My forethought victory, turned out to be my friends' agony. I had learned a hard lesson about other people's beliefs. I now understand that the facts are not what are really important, but what those beliefs bring to the people. That is why I now will refer to Mr. Santa-Clause as a person. He is a person that every year delivers to children the most heart filling sentiment-the Christmas-spirit. He is one man who is a definitive of what it means to be a kid. Without experience of getting up with my siblings early on Christmas-eve, I would have many less found memories which color my child hood. And in this way, Santa-Clause is a person, as he has influences so many more lives than I could possibly wish to. I have learned how strong an impact a belief, or creation can have and acknowledge their benefits. And I believe that cultivating such beliefs can have more merit on humanity than any actual human being can have.

How should I separate my paragraphs? What changes could I make and what could I add? I`m planning to apply to a liberal arts collage and a public school by the way.

Undergraduate / I tried to be unique. Common app essay. [4]

Question: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

###Tell me if you think this approach is worth pursuing of not.### you don't have to correct my grammer. Just feedback about what I am doing, and how to improve. Should I abort?

"Essay No.5"
My art teacher once said of self-portraits that the process of painting oneself is much more telling of the psychological nature of the person, than it is of the physical nature. Here I decide to relate to you the process of my deliberations while writing my college application essays.

In the first essay Hugh presents exactly what sets him apart from his peers in saying, "Where they use YOLO as a reason to gratify and act impulsively, I take YOLO to place consideration on what I truly want to do in my lifetime". Although this makes it clear that he has firm ethical values, he also makes large generalizations by referring to others as "them", and categorically portraying them as hedonistic. Also, this sentence makes Hugh seem disdainful about his peers' actions, and comes across as being sanctimonious. College admission officers do like students to have a sense of ethics, but also want students that are accepting of others.

The second essay piques the readers interest in its opening sentence when it says "When I was in 9th grade I could hardly read, now I read better than 90% of college bound SAT takers...". Hugh explains why he decided to transfer to an international school in the sentence, "picking up the book The Hitch Hikers Guide, taking hours to get through the first chapter and panicking at the inadequacy of my English ability". But following this, Hugh fails to fully expose his uniqueness by merely drawing a description of his hard efforts, although he does express the enormity of his efforts in humorous tones saying that it "[verged] on asceticism". Hugh's essay did have a great hook, but he must remember that he must have original content to be noticed, whereas the theme of personal growth is an extremely hackneyed one unless a personal touch is added.

The third essay also has an interesting opening paragraph because the reader is left waiting for an explanation as to what is meant when he says, "I am not Japanese, Canadian, American, or Mexican. I am "Hugh Lastname" and that name means what ever I think it does". What Hugh did wrong in this approach was that he focused his essay on his prepubescent identity crisis. The paragraph, which explains how Hugh resolved this issue, is shorter than his issue. What better describes one's character is always how the person dealt with adversity rather than her/his misfortunes. One must remember that there are plenty of people that have hardships, and it is generally better to keep a positive tone in an application essay.

Hugh's final attempt was a very bold decision. But these kinds of bold decisions, if executed properly can show the writers confidence in what he is doing. Further more, it tells the reader that the writer is a person who is eager to stand out in a crowd when necessary.