Undergraduate / Dream the impossible dream; "Low Income family" [6]

Have you ever dared to dream the impossible dream, to try and reach the unreachable stars?
Should be, Have you ever dared to dream the impossible dream, to try to reach the unreachable stars?

Same for Even though living in a poor community you can be successful, all you need to do is try and not give up.

You should avoid the cliche "born and raised" in your second paragraph.

Undergraduate / 'diagnosed with scoliosis' - Essay about overcoming obstacles [3]

tierajr

This made me feel useless to my own body .
This is kind of redundant. Should be This made me feel useless to my body .

Same for this sentence: I honestly do not think I could have got through this hard time in my life.
Should be I honestly do not think I could have gotten through this hard time in my life.

Undergraduate / 'Track & Field in middle school' - COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER [3]

StephR

You should try to use more sophisticated vocabulary.
Like for the sentence Track was just as I remembered, but a bit harder because of how long it had been since I had last done it.

You could say Track was just as I remembered, but more strenuous because of how long it had been since I had last done it.

Undergraduate / 'Learning to move forward in life' - UT Person of great importance to you [2]

Your vocabulary is good, but you could benefit from using more of it. You could also write more about how he will affect your future.

Writing Feedback / 'no authority to tax' - The Founding Fathers essay [4]

Aly91986
Congress didn't want to be similar to a king, since this is what the Radicals had rebeledrebelled against. The Articles of Confederation gave Congress very few powers and it made it almost impossible to even excersiseexercise even those. Thus, the Constitution was created.

To be more specific, the Articles created a unicameral legislature that had no executive of judicial branch, meaning no seperationseparation of powers.

Undergraduate / 'My Mother, the Woman Who Forgets' - UT Austin Essay "A" [10]

for sleep to be a forgotten ability of the past, of no longer fathoming how to communicate
should be for sleep to be a forgotten ability of the past, of no longer fathering how to communicate

raggedy vessel in the Pacific
should be ragged in the Pacific

despite the undeserving consternations she had to endure through
should be despite the undeserving consternation she had to endure through

Undergraduate / 'I used to live in the International Baccalaureate bubble' - UC Prompt #1 [18]

It was evident that accessing help was a challenge.
Should be It was evident that assessing help was a challenge.

Undergraduate / 'Donna Noble, Doctor Who' - Common App: a character in fiction that influences you. [8]

suzeroonie

I don't think I'll ever get the chance to stop the world from ending, but nevertheless Donna Noble has taught me that every human life is precious and unique. I've learned to trust in my own talent , and admire the talent of others.

Should be I don't think I'll ever get the chance to stop the world from ending, but Donna Noble has taught me that every human life is precious and unique. I've learned to trust in my talent , and admire the talent of others... to avoid redundancy.

Undergraduate / 'molecular and computational biology - academic interests USC short response [8]

You should use more vocabulary.

Graduate / Physician assistant essay- what motivates me to be a PA [2]

While my ultimate goal has always been to be a physician's assistant, it was further sparked by this moment.
Should be While my goal has always been to be a physician's assistant, it was further sparked by this moment.

Letters / Why Geophysics Oslo?; distinguished faculty, a milieu replete with academic activity, Master Program [3]

My immediate degree objective is an M.Sc in Petroleum Geosciences
You should try using another word besides objective. It can be cliche.

Undergraduate / 'Family like water' - the world I come from, personal statement [7]

peanut1789

I know that whichever direction my own river flows
should be I know that whichever direction my river flows

If you could help me with mine, I would greatly appreciate it.

Undergraduate / 'The trauma of my parents splitting up' - admission challenge essay help [7]

kcast

I'm almost thankful that my parents divorced because it has forced me to form much better connections with them as individuals
should be I'm almost thankful that my parents divorced because it has forced me to form better connections with them as individuals

I have discovered more about who they are in these past two years than I had in the seventeen years prior to their divorce.
You should use another phrase to avoid cliche.

If you could help me with my essay, I would greatly appreciate it!

Undergraduate / 'Not a fine artist yet' - Short Answer on GRAPHIC DESIGN [3]

I think the last sentence should be longer. That's the only thing.
If you could help me with my essay, I would greatly appreciate it!

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 "Computer problems" The lights hummed above as I stared at the jumble of wires [7]

The day of the test finally arrived. The task was daunting: complete the removal and reassembly of the computer within two hours
should be The day of the test finally arrived. The task was daunting: complete the removal and reassemble of the computer within two hours

If you could help me with my essay, I would appreciate it!

Undergraduate / "Bad Investments?" Common App Short Answer [9]

You could use more sophisticated vocabulary.
If you could look at my essay, I would appreciate it!

Undergraduate / 'an upper level athlete' - PT graduate school application essay [3]

Unfortunately, this enjoyable endeavor came to stop
I think you should use a stronger word besides endeavor.

If you could look at my essay, I would appreciate it!

Undergraduate / 'applying to jobs during college' -UC (why my accomplishment makes me proud) [3]

jenn89

My accomplishment was getting a job to use my own money while also succeeding in school. Now days, I don't ask my dad to help me out with any financial issues because I have my own source of income and I can rely on myself.

If you could look at my essay, I would appreciate it!

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 "Computer problems" The lights hummed above as I stared at the jumble of wires [7]

Yes it does very well.

Undergraduate / 'a career in dentistry' - UC Prompt #1 [3]

I want to pursue a career in dentistry by attending dental school after I complete four years of college as an undergraduate student majoring in biology.

undergraduate student is redundant

Undergraduate / 'molecular and computational biology - academic interests USC short response [8]

It is evident that being admitted to USC will help me pursue my academic interests and achieve my goals.
You should use I think instead. It is evident makes it sound like you are talking down on the reader.

If you could look at my essay, I would appreciate it!

Undergraduate / 'medium of appearance and content' - SYRACUSE SUPPLEMENT [3]

marr34

You should use more sophisticated vocabulary. That is about it.
If you could look at my essay, I would appreciate it!

Undergraduate / "Bad Investments?" Common App Short Answer [9]

I think you should break up your sentences, but it is good!
Could you take a look at my revised essay about my grandmother?