Undergraduate / I belong to all 3 classes depending on circumstances; UPenn ;"All mankind.." [9]

Thank you so much! I'll make those changes and add a little bit of feeling.

I'll upload it later :)

Undergraduate / My Sandpaper Palms / COMMON APP - ELABORATE ON one activity [3]

Wow it is truly not a common activity or one that I've ever heard of, it's interesting.
I think you could write a little bit more like why is it important to you and what have you learned of this activity (something more personal)

I'm not very good at writing essays but in my point of view, you could explain more, i'll find it interesting

Undergraduate / I belong to all 3 classes depending on circumstances; UPenn ;"All mankind.." [9]

Thank you :)
Well here's the 2nd draft, I think I can be more specific and personal...but here's so far.
What do you think?

As Ben Franklin once said "All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move". All mankind goes through these classes at different points of their life and it's optional to stay just in one or became the three, every person is different so everyone will have a different opinion of what these mean and in which one they belong.

I consider myself to be the three classes depending on the circumstances I go through. In some concepts I'm immovable, my beliefs and culture, my ideas, my values can't be easily changed, however that doesn't mean I'm not respectful of other persons beliefs and personalities, I like listening to people, this way you learn and appreciate other opinions. I can be immovable when trying to reach a goal, like when I applied for High School on the ITESM with scholarship, my family wasn't sure if I could make it but I knew that if I wanted that, I'd have to work and to do my best regardless what other people thought I wouldn't change my mind.

In other concept I think I've become immovable in the lives of my family, friends and others, because I left a mark on it, a good one for little or big things although I'm not part of their daily life.

The more I learn and grow up, I became movable in some aspects that I wasn't before, to see things I didn't see before, to know more and therefore began to think deeply, analyze things and research. Also I'm easily adaptable to different scenarios, different personalities and places, always being myself providing something new to the experience and knowledge, I like having an open vision of the world. When I've traveled to other places, inside or outside Mexico, I met new people and get a lot of new things that maybe one doesn't get to see in their homeland and which to learn from. When you return home you see with a brand new eyes. I knew things in my country aren't perfect and there has to be changes, but who will change them if is not us? Changes start with myself. I don't want to be part of the change I want to be a generator of change.

In the stage "those that move", I' not only referring to leadership, to creative ideas and solutions but improvement, motivation and tenacity also to know other cultural concepts, lands and their history, interacting with different persons, be capable of moving people in order to achieve good and great things not only for one's sake but for other's too in an national and international way.

Undergraduate / "Engaging academically at Penn" - University of Pennsylvania (1st prompt) [4]

I liked your essay, it's really very well written. I'm also applying to UPenn but I haven't decided the major yet I'm between 2 o 3 majors D: so really I don't know what to write on the essay.

Just one suggestions I don't see how the quotes relate to each paragraph, aside from this I really like it :D

Undergraduate / Prestige/ History/ Location/ Financial aid; UNIVERCITY OF CHICAGO/ Why? [4]

joah5454
Thank you so much!!
I'm adding this:

I'll bring to this community diversity, my cultural background and point of view, my strong personality, my goals, my determination, passion and heart in all the things that I do.

Is that ok?

Undergraduate / I kept silent about my sickness; UCHICAGO Supp - (SILENCE) [9]

I agree with them, I think you should show more, like the question asks "how silence may speak in ways that you did or did not intend".

It can be good or bad, depending on the situation. In my country we have a saying: "silence is worth a thousand words."

I hope these helps you.

Aside of that I really liked it :)

Undergraduate / I secretly love Greek mythology ; Barnard Supp [4]

What question are you answering? That would help a lot.
For me it's a little bit confuse maybe you could say, aside from Kristina Milnor and Barnard, why you love greek mythology.

I love history and I love it because it teaches new things, you discover other worlds, you can learn from them and even if it has noting to do with modern life you can put somethings to practice and not make the same mistake, you learn from them.. etc.

It just an idea.

Undergraduate / Not a singular word - So where is Waldo, really? University of Chicago Extended Paper. [6]

Wow I really liked it!! I'm also picking this topic.

For what I've read on "Where's waldo" essays yours is unique, its different and I'd never imagine to write something like that, mine has a different point.

I think the length is perfect, and that you have strongly conclusion and that we can see some of your personality there.

Good luck!

Undergraduate / I belong to all 3 classes depending on circumstances; UPenn ;"All mankind.." [9]

Thank you so much :)

I've changed a couple things, and here's it so far:

"If we don't change we don't grow up, if we don't grow up we are not alive" like Gail Sheedy said, sometimes people say that we shouldn't change because we are good as we're now, but I think that if we want to be successful and make something to be proud of, we must try. Try until you fail or succeed, until you know you've given your best and at least you're happy with what you did, "It's better to try and to fail than never tried and to regret".

Every thing needs different ways of acting, and that's why I think all mankind goes through these classes, at different points of their life. Here's an example: sometimes we just need to be perseverant at our opinions cause that's what makes us to be us (immovable), or we got to move and change, because we realize that what we thought it's not the best for us (movable), and some other times it's better to combine opinions, ways to think and ways to act in order to generate a change (those that move).

I consider myself to be immovable / movable depending on the circumstances I go through. I'm immovable in my beliefs and culture, my ideas, my values can't be easily changed, however that doesn't mean I'm not respectful of other persons beliefs and personalities. I'm immovable when trying to reach a goal and I not giving up; like when I applied for High School on the ITESM with scholarship, my family wasn't sure if I could make it but I knew that if I wanted it, I'd have to work and to do my best, regardless what other people thought I wouldn't change my mind. At the end I succeeded, it's hard to convince me if I don't think it's the best for me, I fight for my dreams and I'm I willing to meet my goals in short and long term.

The more I learn and grow up, I became movable in some aspects that I wasn't before, see things I didn't see before, to know more and therefore began to think deeply, analyze things and research. I'm easily adaptable to different scenarios, personalities and places, always being myself providing something new to the experience and knowledge. I like having an open vision of the world. When I've traveled to other places, inside or outside Mexico, I met new people and see new things, that one doesn't get to see in their country and which to learn from. When you return home you see with a brand new eyes. I know in my country things aren't perfect and there has to be changes, but who will change them if is not us? Changes start with myself. I don't want to be part of the change I want to be a generator of change, I want to become a "those that move" person and I can only achieve it with the right leadership and knowledge, and UPenn provides it.

Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [175]

The same, I don't think someone can steal your essay, because is not suitable for any of us.
Don't worry we're here to help others not to steal them.

Undergraduate / Chicago essay: So where's Waldo really?! [6]

Thanks :) I already change it.

Also thank you for saying I write good, it took me a lot of time, essays are not my thing.

Undergraduate / Comanches and other nomadic Indian tribes; UPENN Supp(Ben Franklin's Quote) [4]

I think you could explain a little bit more, for what I understand you are describing yourself as immovable/movable right?

Essays are not my thing, hope this is useful. I'll be reading you.

Undergraduate / Difference between raw and cooked egg/ Stanford Intellectual Vitality [9]

I really really liked your essay, interesting topic, it really catches me! I think all the editing job has been done.

I loved this line: " I did reacted with a sassy "and-now-you-tell-me that" glare when I found out that grocery-store eggs were never fertilized."

It's fluid, kind of funny and catches the eye at the first sight.

Good luck!!

Undergraduate / Since I was little I loved to sing; Common App: Short Answer and Personal Essay [14]

Thank you so much! I'll short it :)

Could you also read the personal essay? thank you

Undergraduate / Since I was little I loved to sing; Common App: Short Answer and Personal Essay [14]

Done! I've made some corrections, what do you think ?

Is it ok like that or you have any ideas?

Undergraduate / Oh, Love for Literature, Where Are Thou?; Common Application "Main Essay" [6]

I really liked and in fact identified with you, you write very well and it flows.

A doubt, I'm not a native speaker but it's Don Quixote or Don't Quijote? In my homeland it's the second one.

Could you check my Common App essay please? (my last post, the long one)

Undergraduate / Since I was little I loved to sing; Common App: Short Answer and Personal Essay [14]

Guys can you please check the personal essay please?! It's urgent

Thank you

Undergraduate / My life as a Brasilian and how diversity is crucial to me [3]

I like it, I think you should add why diversity is crucial to you and if your trips to Brazil had an impact to you.

Can you read my Common App essay please, I talk about Mexico :) Maybe it could help you.

Undergraduate / Since I was little I loved to sing; Common App: Short Answer and Personal Essay [14]

Thank you, I've made the corrections and add some things.

What do you think?

When people heard the word "Mexico" the first thing they think is beaches, pyramids, food, tequila, mariachis, piĂąatas, salsa, poverty, corruption, drugs and drug traffic. Even though these words describe my country, it's just a small part of what it really means Mexico and what it means to be Mexican.

My country cradle two of the most important cultures the Mayans and the Aztecs, dominated by Spain and became the most important viceroyalty. After its independence it suffered from internal wars and foreign invasions and one political party dominated great part of the twentieth century. It's a country with great history, which has formed, along the years, the character of the population. In the eyes of the World is a third world country or a developing one, governed by corruption and mired in poverty except for the tourist attractions.

It's believed that the Mexican is a person with zero desires of working and succeeding, always partying and drinking, as many of the stereotypes shown in the movies. The reality is, that like any country, is not perfect. Wealth is unevenly distributed poverty generates drug traffic, as well as the deficiency of education. There's a lack of development opportunities and support for people. My country needs to change, but the change starts with the people. If you do not fight for what one is responsible of, for his dreams without giving up, won't be a change in the future and things will stay the same or worse.

I want to change the vision that foreign people have of my country, to know that we have a wonderful history and culture, we do not ride donkeys, like any other country we have cars and roads, a large and diverse industry. We are also one of the few countries to have automakers like Volkswagen and soon Audi.

Mexicans are hardworking and struggle to get by, seeks to prepare, no matter the social class to which it belongs, but yet we can't generalize. We are warm people that offer what it has, even if isn't too much, people that are happy for what it has, we celebrate our achievements and learn from our mistakes. We succeed in disgrace and join as a country in good and bad situations.

I'm proud of being Mexican because we have a label that characterizes us; I want to meet people of other countries to show them my country, its people and their point of view. I believe that knowing other cultures different from yours and immerse yourself in their world, you run into a more open view of reality. Cultural change has been important throughout history; thanks to it we learn things that aren't taught in school or in books.

If we can understand different worlds we can avoid our past mistakes and come together for a purpose. I want lo learn new things and have a global vision that might help with getting my country forward and be a generator of change. I want to have this opportunity. Like a quote from the movie Pocahontas "Look at the ripples, so small at first, then look how they grow. But someone has to start them."

Undergraduate / DONUT & Protecting people; Common App/ EXPERIENCE [9]

I like it, it really shows your values and beliefs, it shows your personality.

I loved this quote "being a hero was as easy as being a good person." It catches you.

Good job and good luck!

Undergraduate / 'Made in China. ' - Cultural Background [4]

I liked. It really shows who you are and your sense of humor.

In my opinion you could cut this: where they had an "ABC", an American-Born Chinese , me.

Good luck!

Can you check my Mexico essay perhaps? thanks

Undergraduate / Combine different subjects ; UPenn supp: How will you engage academically? [6]

Thank you, I made the corrections.

Yes they are two separated majors but If I'm not admitted in Digital Media Design, UPenn asks me to choose another major, so that's why I put both.

I added this, what do you think? I know the fields are so different, just like me haha :) (PS I'm not a native speaker so my ideas and how I translate them are kind of odd)

I will devote myself to more than one of UPenn's school to unite different fields. History has always been one of my passions; therefore I intend to combine it with my intended majors for example restore a mummy's face or found and DNA sequence of a disappeared King and relate it to one part of the history.

I wish to learn and explore more and put it into practice in order to create new things. This adheres more to my personality than just dedication to a single field. I am therefore determined to perform my best.