Writing Feedback / Parents have an exceptionally great impact on their children; TOEFL [4]

I wrote an essay on this topic. Can you critique?

I agree with the statement. Children learn from different categories of people they interact with. Parents, other family members, teachers, peers , etc. Although children may be influenced by and/or learn from any person they interact with, in my opinion, parents however, are the first and best teachers that children have.

First, it is the parents who are the first point of contact for the children with the world. Children look at parents to guide them on their interactions with the outer world. Therefore, parents are the best teachers, here , to teach children about qualities such as kindness, patience, honesty ,etc in dealing with others. For eg, a parents who treats their neighbor rudely and inconsiderately, will possibly pass on the same behavioral trait to his kids. Whereas the opposite is also true.

Second, children learn a lot from what they observe. Since , children spend the maximum time, while they are growing up, with parents, specially, these days, when families are nuclear, parents are in the best position to imbibe the qualities in children which will help them become successful and decent human beings. For eg, it is through parents that children learn the value of hard work, sincerity, responsibility , etc

Third, because of the love and attachment that children feel for parents,children will be most receptive to advice or lessons on life imparted by parents. For eg, if a child is told by his friend to share chocolates he may . However, if a parent tells a child that sharing is a virtuous quality and it will also help the child win the love of his/her friends, the child, knowing that his parent has his/her best interest in mind, will most likely listen and follow his parent's advice albeit maybe a bit reluctantly at times.

Therefore, in my opinion, the role parents play in their children's life make them the best teachers.However, it is important for parents themselves to be aware of good values and be decent human beings to play that role.

Writing Feedback / Essay on how our lives have improved due to better cooking methods available [3]

I am sorry, my essay was from the perspective of life in Singapore, where people mostly eat out specially working people. Only these days , due to modern kitchen appliances, people have started eating at home.Otherwise,people depend on koppitiams and food courts.Maybe I can use this as an eg.

By ease in showcasing of talent what I meant was , people are eager to try new recipes now compared to the past .This is because earlier the process was more time consuming due to lack of modern appliances.Howver, i will re phrase because probably the meaning is ambiguous.

thanks a lot.Appreciate the review

Writing Feedback / Cleaning is the most important job in my city [8]

You have made some good pints . Howver here are a few suggestions-

Its a SPEAKING test which I wrote a draft.

I will definitely go for the cleaning job.

First of all, cleanness matters a lot with [to] people's health.If the hygiene of our living area is bad, we ll [ use whole words. Will or we'll ] get some[ suffer instead of get some] health problems. For example, if the air which we breath every moment is polluted, it will be much easier[ "it will be much easier" is not very impactful, suggestion- we are more likely to] for us to be infected by the dusty air which will probably lead to serious illness. So we need to clean up the city to live a healthy life.

Secondly, a clean environment gives a good feeling of living. Nothing can be more unpleasant than dirt [ no need to use the word dirt as dusty cars strictly speaking is not dirt]like stinky trash, smoky air and dusty cars.We have to clean up those dirt to live a better life.[ A clean city helps us lead a bettr life]

That's why I would like to do the cleaning job.

Writing Feedback / TV is replacing books as the new devices for people to learn in modern society [4]

You need to work on your sentence formation.Other than that your essay is good. Points are indicated within [].

First of all, television makes it easier for people to learn, especially when it comes to abstract theories. With motion pictures and audio effects, television could better illustrate intricate derivation and elusive concepts than books.[ but in books you can go through the points repeatedly. Which advantage a single telecast program cannot provide] Take the process of cell division as an example. It is hard to envision the process no matter how many pictures are showed on the biological textbook. While illustrating the process by motion pictures, people could actually see how these cells copy the genes themselves and split into two identical cells. Besides, explaining on television makes it much easier for people to understand the whole process without looking at the pictures on the book and trying hard to imagine the sequence of their movement. Therefore, compared with the boring words on books, the visual and audio effects on television could make people learn more.

Second, learning by TV can be more appealing[ more appealing that what? you need to write full sentences], which in turn can bring people more knowledge. Visual effect and humorous images inject much joy into the process of learning. Based on my own experience, learning from television are really enjoyable[ is more enjoyable]. During my primary school, I used to have a hard time learning math since learning through the boring words on books is too abstract for me, let alone apply those theories into math exercise. Then a cartoon teaching program on television which applies some cartoon characters like Micky mouse and Deer Banby into the teaching process is helpful for my math learning[ use past tense and you couls say" turned out to be very helpful" use of grammar is wrong in your sentence]. With the vivid teaching methods, I gradually fell in love with math because every time I focused on those math practices, I felt as if I were playing games with Deer Banby. Eventually, it is television program rather than books that helped me obtain basic math ability. As we can see, televisions have a magic power to make learning fun and thus help us develop interests in learning.

Third, televisions provide better access to acquire the latest knowledge compared to books. As we all know, it takes some time for books to reach the consumer thus the information is often out of date. While making TV programs takes much shorter time than publishing books and become a priority for people to obtain the latest knowledge.[ not true, books can reach a much larger group of people. In poorer countries, television with a lot of channels and latest programs is till a luxury. Also, its only in developed countries probably where you have programmes that focus on all latest developments. Making tv programs is also so much more expensive than printing books]To be more specific, book publishing involves several steps such as composing, editing and publishing. As each step can take at least one week, a book needs one month to get into the market. What about TV programs? They can even be live. What's more, sometimes people tend to share the latest knowledge on television instead of publishing it on books, especially when the notion is not too complicated. For instance, the widely known program TED is the typical source for obtaining some new ideas. Hence, instead of books, television could bring people the newest knowledge.

From what have been discussed above, it is clear that television In many ways is replacing books as the new devices[ device] for people to learn in modern society for it makes learning easier and enjoyable as well as keeps in pace with the development of the world.

Writing Feedback / Less stress, more harmony; is it better to live in small towns or big cities? [6]

suburb of big city is not an option. I guess we cant come up with our own option but must either choose between the two given option or pick both for specific reasons. Btw I am riya from India but live in USA.

Essays / need law advice for assignment! [2]

What is the advice you need specifically?
First case Bryan is liable. By placing the phone number , he is offered his services and if anyone accepts it by placing an order through the given number, there is a valid binding contract. Whether or not, bryan received the info about the order is not the customer's concern. He did follow the specifics of the ad and did all that was required to do to create a valid order and therefore he is entitle to performance( having paid consideration).

Second case, bryan is not at fault if he does not accept mary's order( as he has reserved his rights). this is ofcourse subject to whther she had tendered a consideration which bryan has rejected as well. If she had already paid for the packets and Bryan has accepted payment and then failed to deliver, by the act of accepting consideration he had waived his right to reservation.

Third case, bryan is not liable cause the women has entered contract by her conduct( although she may argue that burk is not authorised agent of bryan and therefore there was no oral or written contract with bryan per se). in any case she will be liable for unjust enrichment.

Writing Feedback / What kinds of places do you avoid visiting when you travel? [5]

You have not answered the relavant question ?????

Writing Feedback / Relationship between congestion/air pollution and increasing number of private cars [2]

Nowadays, many nations are facing massive traffic congestion in their megacities. This both makes travel difficult and causes environmental damage. It is generally accepted that using public transportation is one of the viable ways to decrease traffic and air pollution. In my view, some measures can be taken into account to encourage people to use public transport more.

From the one hand[ First], city authorities should make using of public transportation convenient and affordable for customers. Bus and subway stations, for example, must be accessible for people in all major metropolitan areas. Moreover, if stations have been equipped[ are] with the route maps and the time tables, customers[passengers] will be able to manage their time, of course, provided that services are punctual. One the effective ways to persuade people to use their car less, in addition, is increasing subsidies to public transit. [ introduce new idea in another paragraph]

From the other hand[second], governments can enact strict traffic laws to [for]private cars to travel less in cities, and also promote the use of public transport as a culture[ please elaborate how public transport can bea cultural experience]. For instance, putting heavy tax on private cars and enforcing odd-even policy in the busiest metropolitan areas could be effective to encourage people to use their automobiles less. Societies, furthermore, should be notified by media about the disadvantages of using private cars on the streets. To illustrate, people must be warned about the negative effects of air pollution and many dangerous diseases that stem from the air polluted such as respiratory difficulties.

In summary, in many areas of the word today, air pollution and congestion are being recognized as the two major problems and if this trend continues the environment and the quality of life will be at risk. In my opinion, mass transportation should be heavily subsidized and incentivized. Some strict traffic laws, on the contrary, must be enacted against private cars.

Writing Feedback / How my dad influenced me; Narrative essay (INSPIRATION) [3]

My father taught me lots of lessons in life since I was young, but the one that stood above them all was the subject [lesson on]-education. He always told me that if I wanted to be successful I would have to go to college to make something out of myself. My family is not a wealthy family. Therefore, my dad saved every single penny he earned from work to buy anything that I needed. He always encouraged me, and still encourages me go to school, because he knows that the value of an education will determine a future for me. As a result, I admire him. My dad has a huge impact on how I am today. He has influenced my life by teaching me lessons and showing me the rights and wrongs. [ sentences can be better formed]

My dad taught me the most important lesson: how to be an independent female. I still remember the day that my father sat next to me and said, "Hey sweetie, the most important thing to help you become successful is to have an education, it won't be a walk in the park sweetie, but in the end it will be more then worth it. Of course, I already knew he was going to say that, for it was nothing new. [ repetitive;suggestion-introduce new idea]

My father is a very smart man. He did not finish high school for he had my brother and had to drop out to work. He then had my sister and eight years later my mother and my father had me! My sister only accomplished one year of college as for my brother, the straight A student, finished with our dad's support and became an electrician. My dad always reminds me of how my sister and my brother's life style are different. He thinks (and might be right) that they have different life styles because my brother had a higher education is now satisfied and happy; unlike my sister whom isn't as happy and satisfied with her life.

By my sophomore year in high school, my dad decided that it was time to further his education to get a chance at a better job. He no longer wanted to have to work two jobs to afford all our needs, he knew he was getting older. As a result, he enrolled to South Western Community college to get his truck driving lessons, and he succeeded. I saw his own advice of 'to become successful is to have an education, it won't be a walk in the park, but in the end it will be more then worth it.' [ add:work for him][His exact words that he said to me, he had done himself-no need] To this day he is has becomed educated, happy and not so stressed.[ change sentence formation. Today he is educated and happy and has no stress] He is not a truck driver but for having his truck driving license he was hired. And in no time he raised to be a supervisor of his own group.[ he was promoted] School was not easy for him, for I saw him struggle and study for his exam. Even though his English speaking and reading wasn't too good, he succeeded and I was proud of him.

My father through the years has shown me glimpse of how it would be and feel to be successful and be able to afford the things I want, but he has shown me more of what it is to not have a good career and to not be able to afford the simple things, because of it. He is my inspiration to keep motivated to get my degree in dental hygiene, my dream job.

Ideas are more or less good, but do work on your sentence formation

Writing Feedback / What would I prefer- long hours more money or short hours less money-critique [5]

Dumi, thanks! is it okay otherwise?

Writing Feedback / What kinds of places do you avoid visiting when you travel? [5]

Yes what are the places you avoid????? essay doesnot answer clearly

Writing Feedback / Which kind of friendship and respect is required? [4]

Today there are lots of problems in our society like murder, smuggling, economical and social problems. In spite of those problems there is a problem which affects us inside which is friendship and respect.

As per my personal experience the friendship and respect is [are concerns]concern with the two main issues. First category of people is doing friendship and gives respect for money, wealth and status. It means that if he reached his goal then there is no friendship after reaching the target, there is no concern whatever good or bad is happening to you, this kind of friendship shows selfish and ambitious personality.

Secondly there is a category of people who are doing friendship and respect by heart. There is no predetermined goal in their minds which is for a long time and having successful result. They would make you physically and mentally sound and calm. And will participate and share their sympathy and good suggestions whenever, it is required.

At the end I personally believe, the friendship and respect should not be related to the person status, money and wealth. All of us are given wealth, status and money according to our destiny. I consider all the human being equally wither it will be from each country, religion and cost.

you need to work a lot on sentence formation and expression of thoughts. plus your structure also needs work.Jot down first all the points you want to amke and then substantiate.Further, read and see from the perspective of another person and whether what you write will make sense to him/her.

Writing Feedback / What would I prefer- long hours more money or short hours less money-critique [5]

Thanks so much! i will post my next essay soon and may be you can critique