Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1_ Proportion of teachers as per gender in 6 different types [4]

The chart demonstrates the proportion of teachers of 2 sexes in 6 different types of educational setting in England in 2010.
As can be seen from the chart, the percentage of women teachers in nursery/ pre-school made up about 95%, significantly higher than men teachers with only 4%. Moreover, it was the same in primary school with over 90% women and approximately 10% men teachers. Similarly, this figure of women teachers were slightly higher than this of men by 5%

On the other hand, men teachers, who are likely to teach in higher educational levels, accounted for over a half in private training institute as well as university. Fortunately, both males and females reached the same rate of 50% in college.

In conclusion, more women teachers tended to be in nursery/ pre-school , primary and also secondary school while men made up high proportion in private training institute and university

word count: 150

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Family living in poverty in Australia in 1999 [2]

The table indicates the percentage of varied types of family living in poverty in Australia in 1999. It is clear from the table that the proportion of aged couple was the lowest while sole parent made up the highest rate.

According to the figures in this table, proportion of single aged person and couple no children were slightly equal. There was 6% single aged person living in poverty and this figure of couple no children was 7%. Moreover, single no children accounted for 19%, which was greater than the rate of couple with children by 7%

Additionally, sole parent living in poverty seems to be popular in Australia, reaching the highest rate with 21%. In contrast, aged couple just made up 4%. In general, the percentage of poor people all households stood at 11%, respectively.

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Writing Feedback / ielts task 2: do we should exclude males and females from certain jobs? [4]

Now, I have trouble with ielts task 2, usually I just get 6 from teacher. I don't know how to write an impressive introduction and conclusion well. Moreover, my academic vocabularies are not wide. Please help me to check it. Thank you very much!!

Nowadays, there is apparently no gender gap between men and women. Women not only can take the same jobs as man but they also expertise in some areas more than men. It is revealed that we should exclude males and females from certain professions because of the genders. In my point of view, gender equality must be respected that all jobs are for all people regardless of sex.

At first, everyone, both males and females, have right to take up any occupation they're interested in. In these days, it's so conventional that some men get jobs which are related to women and in turn. For example, there are many male cooks in restaurants, male nurses in hospitals, female pilots or female security guards. Therefore, if we separate professions because of gender, some people can't pursue the occupations they're really excited about.

For another reason, the ability to obtain the jobs can't be defined by gender. In some fields of professions, surprisingly people can get the jobs better than the other sex. This proves that professions are not absolutely suitable for just one side. For instance, Martin Yan is one of the best cook in the world despite he's a man. Another example, Angela Markel, who is a female chancellor of Germany, takes power to lead the country well.

In conclusion, we shouldn't discriminate women or men from certain jobs since job productivity is depend on the ability and the passion of each people. This leads to an equal work environment that is available for all people.

Word : 256

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: UK Youth who are vegetarian - Line Graph [2]

The line graph indicates the proportion of UK youths following a vegetarian diet in the period from 1960 to 2020. It is clear that the rate of young vegetarian fluctuated significantly and reached its peak in 1980.

In 20 years from 1960, there was a gradually upward trend in percentage of young people going on a vegetarian diet with the highest rate in 1960, at over 15%. Nevertheless, this figure went down steadily to 6% between the year 1991 and 1992. In addition, this trend increased slightly by 1% in 1998 after a substantial decline of the number of adolescent vegetarians.

Since the year 2000, as is shown by the chart that more and more young people going on vegetarian diet with the constant rise. And, in 2010, the rate of young vegetarians stood at about one tenth, which was still lower than this of in 1980 by 5%. It is also predicted that the trend of adolescents having a vegetarian diet will go up to the year 2020.

169 words

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Writing Feedback / 'No clear illustration' - 2 IELTS What factors contribute to Happiness? [3]

Task: Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

Happiness is something that everyone always seek for. However, the word happiness is too complicated to be defined and reached. So why is it difficult to define happiness and what aspects are essential to get it?

Firstly, happiness is uneasy to be defined because people have different ways to illustrate its meanings. To some persons, happiness is wealth and success in work while others think a happy family with nice children constructs the happiness steadily. Some people say happiness can be explained through emotional expression. Nevertheless, this thought is not precisely true. Let me take an example, in a contest, the winner could burst in tears even though she had taken the championship, interestingly. Therefore, happiness is not able to be expressed through a particular action. This leads to happiness is still a broadly meaningful affair that is merely distinguishable to each person.

Although happiness doesn't have an accurate definition, it isn't too difficult to achieve happiness in life. And, the gratitude for the present is an important factor to find happiness. When people aren't grateful for everything they possess, they are not likely to recognize merriness around them and try to seek for another unrealistic. Consequently, people who dwell on finding dreamlike happiness can't never feel happy although they have something that others don't have.

Another factor, not less important in obtaining happiness is determining what you want in your life. For example, about studying, what major you are really interested in; and about your health, which weight you would like to be. Once you know exactly what you desire in life, you will find out easily the shortest way to happiness.

In short, despite the fact that happiness doesn't have a clear illustration due to its different shades of opinions, human can achieve happiness if they know their wish and appreciate everything they have at the moment.