Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Writing Task 1 - Average Band Point of IELTS General Test for Some Different Participants [5]

The table compares the grade points of IELTS General Test both receptive and productive skills including the overall points taken by participants from four different countries in 2010. It is noticeable that the Germany students achieved the highest overall point in the test. In addition, they also could manage to get the highest points almost in the whole skills test.

French participants were in the second position of the highest overall point of 6.7 whereas the Malay and the Indonesian participants were following closely with overall points of 6.5 and 6.4 in a row. Furthermore, the French participants did pretty well in the writing test compared to Malay and Indonesian participants. In other hand, despite Malay participant stood in the second lowest position, they hit the highest point in reading test among other country groups. Last but not least, the students' points in the whole tests stand at average level at all. The lowest point notes in writing while the highest point notes in speaking.

• 
  IELTS__Task_1_Tabl.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Writing Task 1 - The Process of Making Chocolate Bar and its Changes in the Price [2]

The diagrams illustrate the ways to manufacture chocolate and the distribution of a chocolate bar price in percentage based on the role of involved parties in the process. Overall, it is clear that cocoas should be processed in some stages before the chocolate bar is produced by an industry and the cost of ingredients and supermarket are the highest well-distributed sectors among others in term of the allocation of chocolate bar price.

To begin, grinding the cocoa in the grinded machine is the first thing to do in manufacturing chocolate bar to get some extract of cocoas and some waste products. The cocoas extract called cocoa liquor is used in two different ways. The first one is by pressing them and turn them into cocoa powder which can be distributed to the food industries or producing the cocoa butter from pressing section. The second way is by manufacturing the industrial chocolate from cocoa liquor and cocoa butter which are mixed together. Lastly, sugar and other ingredients are combined with industrial chocolate to produce chocolate bars.

Related to the first figures, the pie chart reveals the estimation of chocolate bar price distribution. It is noticeable that the cost of ingredients and production sectors hit the largest proportion with 37% retail price and is followed by supermarket with 34%. 15% is addressed to the government taxes, while 10% is for the chocolate company. Finally, the lowest commission is received by the farmer with only 4%.

• 
  Process__How_Chocol.jpg
  
• 
  Pie_Chart_Chocolate..jpg
  

Writing Feedback / Questions 1-6 - openings and finales only [2]

Make introduction and conclusion for these backgrounds below.

1. Question: Some people think that it is more effective for students to study in groups, while others believe that it is better for them to study alone. Discuss both views and give your opinion!

Nowadays, study in team becomes a trend because it is a sort of method that provides a different learning style compared to conventional one. While the cons of the issue are existent around community, I strongly believe that there also some pros come along with this case.

To sum up, it is evident that work in team provides a unique way to study which involves all members in its process, individual study has more weaknesses in the process than group study. It is imperative that the students should apply group study method considering the effectiveness of learning or studying in group is higher than the conventional one.

2. Question: Many criminals reoffend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

In some cases around the world, there has always been number of crimes found in society, but this is now a serious problem due to the number of criminals is rapidly growing in society even punishment is exist for the evil doers. To pressing this issue, both government and parental care hold responsibility to find out solutions.

In conclusion, it is clear that the problems caused by criminals are really serious. If governments and family have given more attention to the criminals in term of their duties to keep an eye to those people, there are possible solutions to overcome those problems.

3. Question: As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

It is true that majority of adult people spend nearly all of their time in working due to pursuing an happiness as the basic need of human being. While it seems that there are some aspects which influence the job satisfaction itself, a gap between workers' expectation in experiencing happiness and what it seems to be a reality is still exist.

To conclude, satisfaction is one aspect that influences people lifestyle and is really concerned by adult people. Thus, those factors contribute to the job satisfaction, impact people point of view about their expectation in achieving happiness.

4. Question: Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?'

According to some findings, foreign language should be learnt by the young learners in earlier age rather than in high school. I, too, strongly believe that this trend give a positive development instead of the drawback to this case.

In conclusion, although there are some demerits that should be concerned carefully, the benefits of this trend are more considerable. Thus, the children should learn foreign language in the earlier age because it is easy to acquire languages in that stage.

5. Question: Air travel only benefits the richest people. The majority of people get no advantage from development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With advanced aviation, it is easier to travel around the world today. People, however, claim that the advantages of air travel these days is only for the people who have a good financial. Therefore, I strongly argue that there have been possible answers for the following issue.

In conclusion, it is clear that the advanced aviation these days effects people's life significantly. I, therefore, strongly argue that the merits of this issue mean to nearly all people in the world regarding people's perspective toward this trend.

6. Question: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, some people believe that parents hold an important role in guiding their children to be useful-beings in society. On other hand, others' point of view indicates the schools, is the one whom takes the responsibility. It seems to me that the children growth should be watched by parental care, while I too believe controlling the students' behavior involved the whole member of school community.

To sum up, it is evident that although children spend more time in school and is clamped down by the teachers, a solution to put children to be better people in the society is provided by parents as the influenced people in children growth. Thus, it is stressed that both parental care and schools' role are two aspects needed to control the children behavior in having a good ethic and attitude.

Writing Feedback / Transporting food by air now provides market opportunities both exporting and importing countries. [3]

The increasing use of air transport to export fruit and vegetables to countries where they cannot be grown or out of season is a positive development.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Thanks to advanced aviation today, other countries can consume some foods such as vegetables and fruit that cannot be found in some regions. I, however, would argue both merits and demerits of this development.

In deep look at the advantages, the method of transporting food by air now provides market opportunities both exporting and importing countries. Taking farmer as an example, there is a significant improvement of their quality of life since their crops can be sold at oversea with higher price than what it seems to be in local market. In addition, by exporting them to the places where they are difficult to be find, the foreigners have a chance to consuming various products either fruit or vegetables that they would not have before. Thus, it is clear that both importing and exporting countries show a mutual relationship toward this trend.

However, demerits of this issue come along to the societies now. The world today must deal with global warming as number of fossil fuel is burned to the air too much. Exporting food by air transportation means a big problem of ozone's layers where a large amount of carbon dioxide and other gases are released by flight every day. As a result, climate change cannot be avoided due to the worst impact of this trend.

In conclusion, it is noticeable that while the trend has some advantages in several aspects, the negative impact should be concerned as well. Therefore, exporting food by air transportation should continue, if it is only using alternative fossil fuel which is safe for the earth.

(263 words)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Writing Task 1 - The Unemployment Rate in 2 Advanced Countries [4]

Question: The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a short report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The line graph describes about the number of the unemployment in two advanced countries namely Japan and United States between March 1993 and March 1999 and is measured in percent. Overall, it is noticeable that both countries experienced a break of the equal level in the end of time frame.

In Japan, the percentage of the unemployment increased gradually from around 1.5% to about 3.5% by the end of March 1995. Afterwards, the trend experienced a drop approximately 0.5% in the beginning of March 1996 and stood at a fluctuation all the year round, but it grew up steadily by reaching about 4.75 % in the end of the period.

In contrary, in the mid-March 1993, the trend peaked at the highest level of the jobless rate around 7.0% in United States compared to Japan with only 2.5% jobless rate. However, in United States, there were continuous drop and fluctuation noted from the end of 1993 to the mid of 1996 and then sat at 5.0% in the beginning of March 1997, while Japan's jobless workforce rate kept growing upward steadily. Finally, the frequency of jobless workforce in United States was marked by 4.0% in March 1999 even minor falls and rises were found in the unemployment percentage all these years.

• 
  IELTS__Task_1_Line.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / Wind Turbine Generates Energy Power for Harnessing [IELTS - TASK 1] [3]

The diagrams show a turbine machine for producing harnessing energy from wind and where it places in optimum spots. Overall, it is clear that while it is a simple way to generate energy power by using natural source like wind, its installation will be by far the most difficult in some extent related to its location.

To begin with, a wind turbine consists of two parts; blades and a tower. While the tower is made from steel, the blades are manufactured from either fiberglass or wood. In addition, these parts are connected to a generator which can generate 1.5 megawatts energy power. Also, a wind sensor is installed on the top of generator which can measure the speed and the direction of wind when the blades are turned around by blowing wind. A computer which is nearby the tower can adjust the blades both its direction and its angle based on information from wind sensor.

The wind turbine can be installed in two different places in order to get a maximum result of electricity energy. Firstly, the wind turbine can be placed on the top of mountain where wind blows with maximum strength. In contrast, other turbine can be set up close by coast line. However, it cannot generate more electricity power because the turbine's blades are only twisted by less strength wind. Finally, the domestic turbine which is located on the hill can produce 100 kilowatts of harnessing power.

• 
  248582_1_o.jpg