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Posts by kacanakya
Name: Katya Alvina Canakya
Joined: Mar 26, 2017
Last Post: Jul 11, 2017
Threads: 5
Posts: 12  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: Gadjah Mada University

Displayed posts: 17
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kacanakya   
Jul 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Graph of employment rates in Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, UK, New Zealand, and US [3]

The graph below shows information of employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.

**

Employed people in 6 countries - statistics



The graph displays the rates of employment in Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, UK, New Zealand, and USA in 1995 and 2005. The data is divided into male and female.

In all six countries, male employment rates overcome those of female. One of the widest gaps was seen in Australia. Male rate went to almost 60 percent while female was less than 30 percent in 1995. The gap was still as wide in 2005, with the male reaching to almost 70 percent and the female to almost 40 percent. Iceland and New Zealand also showed considerable gap between female and male employment rates. On the other hand, the differences between the sexes in Switzerland, UK, and USA were not as notable.

Overall, all countries experienced growth in employment rates, both for male and female. The amount of growth was similar for each countries. which was in the range of 10 to almost 20 percent. The highest in 1995 went to the male group in Iceland at 70 percent. Iceland continued to hold the record for the highest employment rate in 2005 with its male residents at over 80 percent.




kacanakya   
Jul 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / Traditional games or new, electronic games are better for children? [4]

Hi.

I was confused with some parts. I think there are some sentences that have too many ideas so it's not clear what they're trying to say. For example,

"When they grow up, they gradually have some changes..."

I didn't understand what 'this generates several variations' meant.
kacanakya   
Jun 29, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Sales in a college bookshop [4]

Number of buyers of fiction, non-fiction, and magazines in a college bookshop



The provided table shows the sales numbers in a college bookshop during February 2000. The figures cover three types publications: fiction, non-fiction, and magazines. Sales data were obtained from two groups of customers, non-book club members and book club members.

Among the three types of publications, magazines took up the most number of sales (1,696 out of 3,134). The second best-selling publication was non-fiction with 1,287 copies sold. The least popular one was fiction, which barely went over 150.

In terms of the type of customers, non-book club members won over the book club members, taking up more than half of the total sales. The non-book club members are divided into three sub-groups: college staff, college students, and members of public. The highest number of sales among the three sub-groups was 1,474 by the college students. The type of publication preffered by most students was magazines (1,249 out of 1,474) while the least was fiction (31).

**

I am aware that this essay does not fulfill the required minimum of 150 words and that there are misspells (preffered) and incorrect use of English.

Would it have been better if I had written it by focusing on just one, types of publications or types of customers? For example:
- Paragraph one: introduction
- Paragraph two: magazines
- Paragraph three: non-fiction
- Paragraph four: fiction

Thank you for your help.




kacanakya   
Jun 28, 2017
Writing Feedback / Persuasive Essay about different issues caused by computers [3]

Hi. I think your essay is very well done. It has a great structure that makes it easy to read. I could understand where you're going with the essay from the start. There's also brief explanation about computer usage nowadays. You also touched the advantages of computer before going to the disadvantage, which provide balance. Then there's the conclusion at the end. I learn a lot from your essay. Thank you.

If I may suggest something, I'd like to address the opening sentence of the first paragraph.

When I first read it I thought "how is managing time and health connected to computer?". Maybe it's better to use "managing the duration of computer usage" or something like that.

It's not that much of a problem since the second sentence immediately gives an explanation, but it might be better to make things clear from the start.
kacanakya   
Apr 13, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 Exercise "comparation among UK student who didn't go into full-time work" [5]

Hi, Ardy.

There are two charts (diagrams) and they don't compare anything. You are the one who's comparing them, so I think "The diagram compares" in first paragraph needs to be revised.

As for this sentence:

"Generally, there is a significant difference among those four group in each kind of students."

I don't see how your second and third paragraph explain this "significant difference".
To me, they seem only stating the number of students for each destination.
What is the difference exactly? I suggest to consider the similarities first, then find the differences. State the differences in concrete examples so that you can write paragraphs about each diffirences.
kacanakya   
Apr 8, 2017
Scholarship / Why I chose the following Master's programs and institutions [3]

master in melbourne, australia



I decided to study in Australia because it offers a wide variety of master's program in media and communication. Among the cities, I chose Melbourne because I need to connect with people from different backgrounds in order to grow both as a media professional and an individual. Melbourne can provide me the chance with its culturally diverse environment.

My first choice is Master of Communication, RMIT. This program offers courses that will help me learn how to apply communication strategies in various settings, including multicultural environment, which is vital as my job involves bridging communication between groups of different cultures, especially Indonesia and Japan. I am also interested in RMIT's work integrated learning approach which is incorporated as one of the core courses in the program. I believe it will help me develop knowledge and skills necessary for my goal to provide job opportunities for other media professionals. It also has courses (COMM2761 and COMM2083) which will help me learn how to communicate changes for media literate society.

My second choice is Master of Global Media Communication, Melbourne University. It offers a course that combines the study of how to use media as a tool in communication with analyzing media within a multicultural context. Core course MECM40003 is essential for me to learn how to understand media audience. Courses CULS40001 and MECM90002 will help me understand how to operate in global media industry, while MECM90003 and MECM40007 helps me understand the condition of global society and media to work on building a media literate society.
kacanakya   
Apr 8, 2017
Scholarship / How your training at Stanford will impact the economical growth of Africa? [4]

@klegou
Hi. Through your essay, I could understand your plans after training and how they will contribute to the economical growth of Africa, but I didn't see anything that connects the training to those plans.

I suggest to list the characteristics/features in the training that are connected to your plans.
kacanakya   
Apr 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / Smartphone today - how to live without them? [5]

Hi, Nguyen.

I recommend taking the idea of your last paragraph to the top. You can use it to make a statement of your opinion. For example:

Some people say the world will be better without smartphones, but I think using smartphones will make our life better and more modern. Using this advance technology effectively can give us benefits.

Then you can list the benefits according to you, and elaborate them in paragraphs. One idea per paragraph.
For example, you've mentioned that "people acquire new skills" with smartphones. You can use this as the main idea for paragraph two. Explain by mentioning how exactly does smartphones help people get new skills. For example, smartphones have English vocabulary game application that people can use to improve their vocabulary.

Write the main idea for each paragraphs first. Make sure each idea and its details support your main statement (using smartphones will make our life better and more modern).

Good luck!
kacanakya   
Apr 4, 2017
Scholarship / How studying media and communication contributes to my career [2]

media literate society



The study will contribute to my goal to be a media professional who is able to continuously develop critical comprehension of the mass media, capable in applying analytical and strategic communication skills to fulfill targets, and also useful to the society.

First, the study will help me solve problems in understanding my audience's needs and determining the appropriate communication strategy to engage with them. For example, in my job as a coordinator for Japan tourism web magazine targeting Indonesian audience, I have identified my audience characteristics as a majority of Islam followers and their needs for information regarding tourism in Japan that accommodate their religious views. I have adjust the magazine content to fulfill their needs, but have yet to improve the readership engagement. I infer that I do not have full comprehension of my audience's need and/or haven't applied the appropriate communication strategy (the choice of headline and header image, the use of social media accounts, etc.). I will encounter more challenges similar to this in my career and the master program will equip me with the knowledge and skills to tackle them.

Second, the program will connect me to people and organizations that can help me create job opportunities for others in the media industry. I need to learn entrepreneurship and organization skills from others to fulfill my target. I also want to connect with organizations that we can work together to provide jobs and educate media professionals so that they are ready for the job.

Third, the study will help me develop a media literate society. I can improve my understanding of the condition of the society and develop skills to use the necessary tools for media literacy education. I can also connect and work together with people and organizations who have experience in media literacy education.
kacanakya   
Apr 1, 2017
Scholarship / Working in an union business - my scholarship proofreading [3]

@duvuldil
Hi. First of all, you said that in this essay you have to "have to explain how I can persuade someone to join the work union." so I think the target of this essay is not to people you want to invite the union, but the scholarship administrator.

If that's so, then the essay should state what kind of activities you can do to persuade people.

I don't know if my understanding of the question is correct. I hope you can enlighten me.
kacanakya   
Mar 31, 2017
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

@d2ny
I understand.
I don't use FB messenger so I asked my friend, her name is Ida Latifa, to send you a message. She's also applying for AAS this year.

She found several names of Dany Prima Putra but none with the picture of a man and a baby.
kacanakya   
Mar 30, 2017
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

@digaprasiska
Hi. Thank you for your advice. I will revise my essay.

@d2ny
Can you give me your Line ID, please? I can't search other users through display name, only ID and phone number.
kacanakya   
Mar 28, 2017
Research Papers / Film reception theory: The Interview Questions [5]

@daolena
Hi, daolena. I think the questions that were suggested by Holt are relevant to your intended interview target (a film scholar who has experienced in research of Kurosawa Akira's movies).

The people who will read the result of the interview need to know whether the interviewee has relevant knowledge, skills, etc. to the topic of the interview. The reason why the interviewee's opinion is suitable to give insight on the interview topic.

I think "authority" as mentioned by Holt is not limited to people who have direct relation to Kurosawa Akira or the creation of his movies.

It can be someone who's done many research regarding Kurosawa Akira's movies, so that his opinion can be recognized as worthy.
kacanakya   
Mar 28, 2017
Scholarship / Supporting Statement for AAS 2018, Media and Communication Studies [6]

@Holt
Hello. Thank you very much for your help. I realize that my essays lack of concrete connection between my intended study and challenges in career.

I have revised my first essay, though I suppose it's not yet adequate since I'm still trying to deepen my understanding of the studies and career (also still trying to choose the two programs).

I hope you can take another look at it. I'm not sure if it's okay for me to ask for more help regarding the same essay, or to post it in this thread (instead of putting in into a separate thread as @d2ny had pointed out). Please tell me if what I do is against the rules.

I intend to elaborate more on how the universities combine the development of both skills in their programs once I have decided on two programs. Although, I am not sure whether I should do it in the first or second essay.

*******

@d2ny
Thank you for telling me about the forum policy. I have posted a revision for one of my essays in this same thread and I will post the others in separate threads later. I hope it's okay?

I will mention the names of programs and university in my first essay once I've decided which two out of three I will choose. Thank you for reminding me.

As for the LINE group, I found that the link in Kaskus is broken. I will create a Kaskus account to ask the users if there's another link. Thank you for the info.
kacanakya   
Mar 26, 2017
Scholarship / Supporting Statement for AAS 2018, Media and Communication Studies [6]

Hello. I wrote the following essay to apply for AAS. I need your help to evaluate it.

1. How did you choose your proposed course and institution*? (up to 2000 characters)

I have been working as translator and coordinator for several translation teams which handle web magazine articles and subtitles. Not only coordinate translators, I also ensure the quality of translations to meet the clients' standards. To continue producing quality translations, I need to learn more about language and translation.

As part of my job as coordinator, I also make sure that the translations appeal to a large audience, both by adjusting the translations to suit the targeted audience and engaging directly with the audience through various media platforms such as social media networks. In other words, I need to know not only how to translate and edit, but also how to sell the translation. Therefore, I need the knowledge and skills to analyze target audience, evaluate and improve translation according to the target audience, and also present the translation in certain ways in order to get the audience to consume it.

With those in mind, I chose 2 courses which may provide me with the necessary knowledge, skills, and experience.

2. How will the proposed study contribute to your career*? (up to 2000 chars)

RMIT University Master of Communication's Work Integrated Learning (WIL) provides opportunity to work with industry partners so that I can apply the knowledge I learn and develop skills in real life settings, which will be valuable before getting employment. The courses in communication for social change should provide me with the skills to evaluate and decide the appropriate communication strategy not only for my work, but also my target in spreading awareness in media literacy.

Monash University Master of Communication and Media Studies' foundation study is comprised of courses in topics which are relevant for my career, such as media, technologies, and social change. The core study is focused on communication research methods and project which I can utilize to hone analytical thinking and research skills regarding media and communication. What I gain from the studies will eventually help me in developing various perspectives on how to use media as a tool in communication as I work towards my goals in career.

Melbourne University Master of Global Media Communication provides courses that develop both critical analysis skills and writing skills. Combined, the two skills will help me in maintaining a broad and flexible point of view as well as apply practical skills in facing the challenges in my career. The course in researching audience and reception should provide the skills I need to evaluate and apply the appropriate communication strategies for my target audience.

3. How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform? (Be specific and include: what aspect/s of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective; which people or organisations you worked with to solve the problem; and what creative methods were used.)*: (up to 2000 chars)

I was a translator for a translation team until I was offered the position as the coordinator and also editor. The previous coordinator used to revise the translations by herself so that translators never knew what needed to be revised, thus kept repeating the same mistakes. So when I became the coordinator, I created a system in which editor report to translators after checking the translations, and let the translators revise the translations themselves before submitting them back to the editor for final check. This way, translators can know what needs to be revised. Doing the revision themselves also helps to ingrain the information, therefore making them less likely to repeat the same mistakes.

I also knew that I couldn't be the sole editor for a team of 20-or-so translators, and I've learned that asking for help and cooperating with people are the way to go when you can't do things alone. So I approached translators who I thought had the potential, discuss with them about the job descriptions of an editor, and created a new team of editors. This editor team helps me maintain the quantity and quality of translations in order to meet client's demands.

4. Please:- a) give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills and connections you will gain from your scholarship. Possible tasks can be personal and/or professional; and b) list any possible constraints you think may prevent you from achieving these tasks.*: (up to 2000 chars)

First, I am going to utilize the knowledge and skills regarding to media and communication to work with a company/organization in the field. The audience research skills should provide ways to improve efficiency in engaging with audience. Meanwhile, the insight on the world of media is necessary to broaden my perspective and create the appropriate communication strategy for any job we will undertake.

Second, I want to create job opportunities for media and communication professionals and also translators. I can do it through various ways, such as working with the company/organization I belong to or creating a new company. I also intend to support job seekers through providing training. In order to fulfill this goal, I need the connections I should gain from this scholarship. I can work together with people who possess the skills, knowledge, and characters that I don't have (e.g. entrepreneurship skills) to create job opportunities.

Third, I want to obtain knowledge and skills necessary to view and use media in a critical way. I will convey what I learn to others through my writings, and contribute to creating a society that is media literate. Furthermore, I want to utilize the experience and connections to create and/or participate in a program/project to raise people's awareness of media literacy and help them build the necessary skills to live in a media world.

There are obstacles that might prevent me from fulfilling these goals, such as the conditions of the media industry. For example, freelance translators and translation companies tend to lower their fees in order to compete against rivals. This will lower the market price and make it hard to provide adequate working environment for the people in the company/organization I will be working with, as well as balancing cost with quality of work results. The knowledge, skills, and connections I will gain from this scholarship should provide the ability to continuously challenge the obstacles.

**

Note:
1. I have to choose two courses from two different universities, but at this point I still have three programs on my list. I need to eliminate one later.

2. I am applying for Coursework with minor thesis in Monash and Melbourne, but I'm not sure if I have to submit research proposal details. The AAS Indonesia website states "Doctorate and Masters applicants whose study will include at leas fifty percent research must fill the research proposal details on the application form." While the online AAS information system states "Proposed Research Details - Only complete this section if your studies will be by Research or a combination of Research and Coursework (e.g. Doctorate or Master by Research)."

Thank you.
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