Writing Feedback / Children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. [2]

Children' duties issue

Today world has changed and also people opinion. Children became global main topic and their right is one of crucial part who required to be protected. About last centuries many children under age force to work to fulfill family needs but now role was switched. This condition created both brought negative effect even though they also have positive impact.

When we talk about human right, the children right also noteworthy. This issue brings huge scale influence for some people worldwide. Mostly the supporter experience the worse situation when children life or right being less noticeable. When they turn out becoming parents they don't want lass situation repeated for their children. For example during World War II, all children range 9 - 15 forced to join the army and become soldier in order to help fighting this situation also happen in Indonesia when Indonesia being Colonized in year before 1945. But positively they can be more mature and independent getting good adaptation ability also respectfully their life.

However, children turn out to be main concern of world. UNICEF is worldwide organization has been created with purpose to protect children freedom and right. Everything about children will be handle by UNICEF, exploiting in one of biggest cases globally but they accomplish in good result by flipping parents interpretation the way treat their child. Early age is right moment to create a lot of happy memories the moment can plenty time for playing and hanging with their friends. Based on recent survey, Indonesia's children are happiest children compare to others countries such as Nigeria, Israel and USA. As Indonesian I put a lot times to observe children condition in my own country parenting role is important to control the children. Mostly they take out the responsibility set children free to do anything they want. Sadly that treatment can lead to bad behavior also children become lazy, relying to their parents not independent.

To conclude this issue, the role of parent is very crucial. Childhood is perfect time to character build with right proportion of responsibility make children commit oneself, it also help them to face the future world but don't forget they need a lot of support and love its principle things to create a next good person.

Writing Feedback / WT 1 - How the brick was made [2]

Bricks for build purpose - manufacturing process

The diagram describes how bricks are created by manufacture industries. This process consists of six steps, which the main material such as clay were taken from nature and all process help by machines. As result the brick is ready to deliver and can be apply for building structure.

In the beginning clay was collected by digger and sent in trough metal grid in purpose to separated undesirable materials and fall direct to roller. Secondly clean clay being mixture by added sand and water to produce wet dough of clay. Next steps dough size is measured by using wire cutter, after it to give the brick's shade, dough was pressed inside mold.

Move to further steps the wet bricks are placed into drying oven for maximum three days. After half dried it move to kiln room for set the brick. There are including three stages, the first one with moderate temperature, second the highest degree between 870o - 1300o C and last but not least bricks are placed at cooling chamber for minimum a couple day or 48 - 72 hours. When the brick set they move into packaging and ready deliver to destination.

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Writing Feedback / WT 1 - Water consumption in different purpose and areas [3]

correlation between water usage purpose and consumed products

The graph and table shows information correlation of purpose water using and as products consuming. It is clearly, worldwide scale water is one important thing to grow crops. While it also had same crucial as Brazil used for irrigated their land.

The most noticeable, globally water being exploited for agriculture. Following year after it was increased constantly and reached a peak by far 3,000 km2. Meanwhile water is less used for domestic use in contrast industrial use also grew steadily by over 1,000 km2 areas in the end of the year.

However, In America Latin regions, Democratic Republic of Congo being the lowest in terms of water applications of human needs than Brazil did. They have several aspect which give impact of water such as have more populations and bigger areas for farmland compare to Congo. It is evidence with 359 m3 being use for people consumption which is ten times higher than Congo.

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 - causes and solution for offender commit more crimers after they was free [2]

Hai everyone my name Diah. i love writing and definitely need some feedback from you to help me improve the way of my writing :)
i less on grammar if could fine some errors and please give me the right answer if possible.
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WT-2

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Whay is this happening, and what measure can be taken to tackle this problem?

There are many problems cause by criminal. Mostly half of them used to be punished and stay in prison for several years based on how big their cases. However being punish doesn't mean the criminality are decrease the facts is opposite. I will explain the main reason and solution for these conditions.

A lot of villains being punished with petty crimes levels such as thief or robbery. They will get 1-3 years life behind jail's trellis. It is one of low penalty in some other countries. When they back to normal life there's a huge possibility for them to commit another crimes. "The kind-heart rules" I believe this one of biggest causes, to measure the government need to improve or renews the old policy and giving fear to the perpetrator in term they will think first, before they decide to did harm to others people. For example government of North Korea created policy based on fear by received death sentence as punishment. In communist country that thing still exits and used frequently for those people who did big criminal cases. As a result the people became well-behave on their daily life and the level of criminality is lowest than other countries.

As human and social creatures, we need to continue our life. And we need money for it. As villain, offenders always been judge as bad person and their existences is being refuse on society. Many discrimination the might get when they back into their life it's the biggest reason they hard to find job. The conditions push them and the easy way to own money they do crimes as they did before. Experience also created them to more careful in way they commit crime so they become smarter. In develop countries such as Indonesia, have serious problem crimes and society point of view. Many prisoners stayed at prison but if the offenders show well-behave through the punishment period they might get amnesty for cut of the punishment into half. But when they back all people also maybe their family will refused. In psychology they need big support from close relative in way to stop their crime habits.

For conclusion the crime offender did wrong decision in their life. But everyone have right for second chances. The government can support their financial such as give them funding for business build and teach them how to survive in society and stand to scorn address to you. If you can work you can be entrepreneur which is can create job field for others people to chancing the public opinion for ex-convict.

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Writing Feedback / Buildings and environment - The maps and changes in an American town between 1994 and 2010 [3]

the 'new' town

The map describes of developments in an American town between 1994 and 2010. Many circumferences were changed affected by the town transformation in range of the time ranged in 62 years. Meanwhile the old buildings were replaced with a new building that is more useful.

There was a huge commutation in the number of the residential houses in 1948 rebuilt into commercial buildings beneath or western areas of airport. In the opposite way of patrol station there is park located in between factories and residential houses. Southeast area settled a church which is the only one building in that area. the local supermarket located n the southwest side of the park.

In 2010 the city was rebuilt, many new environments were made from the previous buildings. Church in the south area change into sport stadium and if you cross over the canal, local supermarket replaced with commercial building. When we moved to east side which separated by commercial industries the park has change into small supermarket in the west side and in the right side of it has become an airport.

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Writing Feedback / New buildings - The maps below show village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010 [3]

1930 vs 2010 in some town

The maps represent of the small print at same city with two difference years. The first map interpret city in year 1930 and in another hand in 2010. For entire 8 periods Stokeford city had developed.

In 1930, farmland had taken over partly of areas which filled in northern and southern areas. Many building such as a shop beside post office and large house settled at far of eastern area of post office. Time by time in 2010 witnessed a dramatic metamorphosis in the number of farmland areas eventually turned over by house in great quantities.

They also eliminate the store and constructed the new buildings such as the expanded primary school and on the south side of the elementary school big house turned into a retirement home. Along with the development of many cities Stokeford has built a new service that allows easy access to the buildings they are made.

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