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Posts by Jeannie
Joined: Sep 13, 2009
Last Post: Jan 10, 2010
Threads: 10
Posts: 214  

From: USA

Displayed posts: 224 / page 3 of 6
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Jeannie   
Nov 20, 2009
Writing Feedback / essay about Siddhartha's Teachers [3]

Siddhartha is the story about a man who goes searching for his inner life. Siddhartha goes through a series of changes and realizations as he attempts to achieve his goal. Throughout the story Siddhartha undergoes many experiences manydifferent sides of life, and changes his idea of how to reach enlightenments several times. On this long journey Siddhartha becomes a member of different groups. Siddhartha learns many new things from being in this group about finding self and life in general. He learns many new things from teachers and teaching. Throughout his long life journey Siddhartha is exposed to teachers and their teaching: < you just said that beautiful courtesan Kamala, a rich merchant Kamaswami and the Ferryman Vasuveda.

I have to be honest. Your use of the word "many" makes me wonder, "many what?" The same is true with "different." This opening paragraph needs more substance. Read it again, and any time you say "many" answer the question, "many what" and incorporate those things into the paragraph. You don't have to tell the whole story in the first paragraph, just enough to intrigue the audience. "many" is not enough for me.

I will be back tomorrow night to read this again and post some more suggestions.
Blue skies! Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 21, 2009
Poetry / Am I getting the metrics?? [24]

Thanks again for even more useful info! I have written poetry for a long time, never knowing there were ever any rules. haha! I still like that way best, but I want to know so I learn...

I have a poem published on poetry.com! Haha! They want me to pay for the book...sad to think I was really excited at first...

It is difficult to get a poem published (for real), and it must take a great deal of work for form poetry especially; that one little bit up there took me a half hour. I really appreciate your comments and your time.

I have one more question to do with your comments. When you spoke about the metrics not necessarily rhyming and all the different forms it may take, I was thinking about haiku. Actually, just writing an iambic sequence reminded me both of limerick, in a simple way that takes no thought, and haiku because I was counting out the syllables on my fingers. Have you ever heard of nrenyu sequence in haiku?? I may not be spelling it correctly, but I have a poem saved that I love, and I could never figure out the "math" as I called it then. Then again...I stink at math. It is: Oh, senryu. ok.

Marry Me

[b](REMOVED)
Here is the link to the poem:

poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=181954

Isn't that really beautiful? I would love to learn that poetry! It just flows perfectly to me.
Jeannie   
Nov 21, 2009
Poetry / Am I getting the metrics?? [24]

I had to remove that poem, because we are not allowed to have any content here that appears on other sites, sorry!! But, I found the link.

Yer the bomb! My bad, I forgot. I saved that in my "beautiful writing by someone else" file. I got it from the Tampa Tribune, haha (I hate that paper, but sometimes they do good). Thanks, Kevin, you are a peach, I am really happy you approve. :) Now I will go out and try some really daring stuff!

Pheelyks: I just read that poem by Dylan Thomas you said to read. Of course I had heard about it, but I had never read it...I grieve and wonder at the loss my ignorance has caused because that was amazing! Then again, I might not have "gotten it" back when. (time is a strange and wonderful thing, ya?) What brilliance! Gimme more!

Thanks again, now I am off to google The Raven.

OK, I'm back. Crimany, the guy was mad! As disturbingly tranquil the whole poem made me, sleep shall not step foot and save me, for I hear a flutter's breath, knocking at my door. snoring, knocking, scratching at my leg, surely not the door, the dog it is, nothing more!

K. Time to take the Boogie for a walk.

Awesome teachering I been a'gettin' here!

Blue skies! Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / Forward or first page - A Book I am Writing [18]

I think it actually is not correct to start a sentence with "There is..."

Can I use "There are...?"

There are no peanuts in the basket; quit lookin'!...as an example.

There are no marks that are left by a skydiver. aarrrgh! It sounds cumbersome that way.

If I get paid a bazzilion dollars, would that make the grammar go away? :)

There are no marks that a skydiver leaves; no vapor trail, no tracks in the snow, no wake in the water. You would not even know we had been there if not for the blue sky that whispers of the sweet, secret passing of souls through its magnificence.

Is that right? because I really want to move on here...:D Gotta heckofalot going on, ya know? Now, on to the other thing...

The blue sky is loud and cannot keep a secret very well from those who choose to listen. I remember every word for I have inhaled its every dying syllable.

I like it. Y'all?

I appreciate the input!

Blue skies,

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 21, 2009
Poetry / Am I getting the metrics?? [24]

This is something I wrote a bit ago, and I think I may have inadvertently stumbled (and stepped on) the metrics...

Sweating for the last few hours, trying not to think about the heat index
It's just gonna smother me!
Don't move, and listen.

Scratching, skittering, peeping, hooting,
peeping, yowling, chirping.
All those creatures adapt and sing
in shade they are a'lurking
Nighttime comes with a blessed sigh
and Boogie goes a'prowling
"Out of my Garden!", I exclaim,
when I hear no "peeps" or Yowling.
"That's yer Garden over there, and this is mine," I said!
yer not to go and mess up mine when that's your messy bed!
The frogs and lizards are my friends, I'll not put up with roughness!
Terrier's in yer blood, I know.
Over There to prove yer toughness!
Jeannie   
Nov 21, 2009
Grammar, Usage / whats the difference between somones and someone's ? [17]

[quote=Jeannie]Joeyson:
Someone's= Someone is.
Is someones even a word?

Yes, it is a misgrammatisized word. :D[/quote

Me thinks it is a word, "someones"
that holds no meaning really
possessive it is not, nor mult
Unless you count tom-foolery

Only with poetic license...
Jeannie   
Nov 21, 2009
Undergraduate / "interest in math" - Describe the world you come from [6]

Me too! I just woke up (I'm a night owl). Yes, I meant for you to end the paragraph there because it is also a good tie-in for the next paragraph. Besides, that is where you ended it anyway...

Mistakes don't always show up when we read our own writing, that's what is so great about this site. I would be lost without someone else to read over my papers. So far, my dog is just being stubborn in her refusal to help me, but I am working on her...

I will be back after work to read/edit some more.

Truth be told, Xie, I picked your essay because you already did the hard work. :) Your writing is better than most, and English isn't even your primary language! How cool is that! I hope you will stick around and help some of us with our papers.

Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 21, 2009
Poetry / Am I getting the metrics?? [24]

It would be very, very odd if a poem you churned out just happened to have regular meter

I
know!

I saw it, though and decided I could work it into a metered form because the thoughts are already there in my head. Now that I have a new toy, I am going to see if I can't re-write it. I think it is ghastly as it is anyway. :) baby steps...

Psst< you explain meter very well.

BTW did you see the question about the senryu sequence?

'Till later!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY " Shools should ask students to evaluate their teachers" [13]

EF_Kevin
Who told you I was rebellious? o:)
Feedback, in many cases, must be taken relatively. The "teacher" I spoke of was horrible at grammar, for instance, so I had to just shake off her feedback. It angered me, though, to have points taken away for no reason when I knew I might need them for when I really mess up.

If I had a student whose integrity or motive was suspect, I would just discount their critique, see? But I do believe in healthy and respectful criticism.

...Sorry to hijack the post, hong, but your essay started a good discussion!
Jeannie   
Nov 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Compare taking traditional classes (classroom only) to online classes [4]

Hi, Archana,
I began trying to help edit this, but I have to be honest; most of the sentences are structured in such a way as to render them incomprehensible. My advise is to write each sentence again as a very simple sentence - a noun, a verb, maybe a modifier - and then re-read your essay and organize the ideas. After you do this, you can build on the sentences to form more coherent thoughts and pictures.I hope this helps! I will be looking for a revised copy to help with.

Jeannie

Psst< I have been an online student for over a year, and I can tell you with utter conviction that traditional classroom instruction is far superior unless you enjoy paying a ton of money to teach yourself everything. Your writing will only improve if you work really hard at learning it on your own; by the time a "facilitator" gets back to you, your homework is late...10% off for each day late! Furthermore, you get your grade and feedback two weeks after you handed it in, and by then you have already made the same errors on papers you had to submit in the interim. It's like a nightmare, frankly. I would not recommend it except to those who are willing to put in four hours a day, seven days a week per class, and who are exceptionally self-motivated and have the skills needed to write >4000 words per week without warm-bodied instruction. If you or anyone knows of a University that offers a different scenario, please tell me so I can switch! :) Thank God for this site!
Jeannie   
Nov 22, 2009
Writing Feedback / Forward or first page - A Book I am Writing [18]

That is the first time I've ever used the word behooves.

Ha! The other day I thought to myself, "you're being kinda truculent, get over yourself." I have never had occasion to use the word "truculent" in writing (some words are better left in our heads, but I like "behoove" ...though I rarely write that one either...)

avoid using it at the start of a sentence just because some readers or critics would use it against you.

Shhh!, there are grammar cops afoot!

Ha ha, ethereal garden is awesome. It is dramatic if you use it alone, but as a well developed concept it would be great. Sounds like something that must have been used before, but if not, you should buy it as a domain name, ha ha.

>snicker < :)
Jeannie   
Nov 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "the Youth Ministry" - Help with the ending of my UC Essay? [4]

This program has been a huge part of my life these past few years and I know much of my hard-work has paid off. I have gotten my mother to also become involved in the church and she, as well, converted to Catholicism. In addition, in the beginning of November 2009, I received the yearly _____ Award for dedicating and committing much of my time to this church.
I feel that my dedicated and compassionate personality will be very useful in the future with my career. I wish to go into the health/ medical field because I really love to interact and help other people.

Your ending is almost complete! One more statement about the role that your school had in shaping your dreams and aspirations to pursue a career in health care, and you will be done. Perhaps something along the lines of the opportunities you were given and the demands placed on you showed that you are capable and competent, and the trust you were shown bolstered your conviction to continue to provide guidance, courage, and strength to others...education is a way to put yourself in a position to use your God-given talents.

Watch your overuse of colons and semi-colons in paragraph 5. I am a master at making sentences too long, haha! Use commas for items in a series (an "item" can be more than one word as long as it is one thing), and only use a colon or semi-colon once in a sentence - if you feel compelled to throw an unruly amount of punctuation in there, the sentence is too long. I am talking from experience and guidance here...

Can I get a witness??

Blue skies!

Jeannie

This is very good, Jessica! There are some errors that a final read-through edit will bring to light, but overall, an excellent essay.
Jeannie   
Nov 23, 2009
Faq, Help / New Innovations in EF Intriguing? [12]

Hi, Jonathan! Why don't you join our family of contributors? You give good feedback, and I seem to see your name quite a bit. You will then be able to post in the Moderator/Contributor forum. I will get you the link in a sec...hopefully...I am bad at links for strange and various reasons.

Meanwhile I will copy and paste your question over there so someone is sure to see it.

Blue skies!

Jeannie

OK, Try this, if it doesn't work go to Essay Forums (top left) and scroll to bottom of page and click on EF Contributors. There, it will tell you what the criteria are and how to apply, etc.
Jeannie   
Nov 23, 2009
Faq, Help / New Innovations in EF Intriguing? [12]

The link did work.

...fainted dead away.

Teehee, and take ou tthe contractions because they come out like this >I#&@*ve...not kidding, wait till you see mine. Which reminds me, I have to go change it.

Good luck, and thanks for all your help, I will check out that site (the link didn't work, haha, but I am a master at copy & paste)
Jeannie   
Nov 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Forward or first page - A Book I am Writing [18]

There are, there is... yeah, they're wrong at the start, but I don't fully understand why.

Neither, apparently, does the University of North Carolina. Note the first word in part four, "How to Organize a Paragraph"

unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/paragraphs.html

(jeannie rolls eyes and whistles a jaunty tune)

I know it's busy season, so I will leave this for now. :) but I'll be back...
Jeannie   
Nov 25, 2009
Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [174]

I read a plagiarism tutorial and it said that you can "plagiarize" YOUR OWN work if you submit it to two different places.

Just to clarify, Mustafa, yes there is such a thing as "self-plagiarism," but it is in the spirit of ...well...cheating. For instance, if I took something I wrote from another class (say technical writing), and presented it as new work for another class (say Creative Writing), this would be self-plagiarism (and laziness to boot! :). However, if I had to withdraw from a class after three weeks but had already done much of the required work, I could resubmit that coursework for that same class on that assignment, and it would not be self-plagiarism because I never received credit for it. I could even submit the exact same article to many media outlets (or colleges) for publishing (or acceptance), and that would not be self-plagiarism. It would be silly to think I have to write a whole new book for each publishing company...see? Just wanted to make that clear lest we set up extreme paranoia. :) How dit it go with your collaboration, BTW?
Jeannie   
Nov 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / Forward or first page - A Book I am Writing [18]

There are other fish in the sea.
Other fish are in the sea.

It sounds like you are talking about passive voice vs. active...hmmm. I am always and forever using the passive voice. I need to make a practice essay using all active voice...it's really hard for me to see those subtleties.

A skydiver leaves no mark; no wake...

By George, I think you're on to something, Kevin! Thanks!
Jeannie   
Nov 26, 2009
Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [174]

Beware, though, when putting something you learn into your own words that you really put it in your own words. If your words too closely resemble another's, it is called paraphrasing and should be cited as such.

The above post reminded me of how I wanted to expand an earlier post.Paraphrasing is a completely acceptable form of citation in academic writing, and I think I got the point across that the original author needs to be cited regardless of how you change the words around; stealing ideas is just as bad as stealing a quote...I wanted to combine this thought with my other thought about self-plagiarizing.

All words have become words for a reason. The reason is that everyone uses them. I was once taken to task for stating my learned opinion about a subject in which I am fluent. The instructor told me in the feedback that I did not cite my sourse. My source was me! I know this and I am telling you how it is! ...Made me crazy...So I replied that it came form me and my own experience. "Roses grow well well-drained soil, and tend to acquire a fungus called "black spot" if kept in a boggy or moist environment." < I just made this example up from my own trial and error - my own knowledge. When I asked her how to cite my own knowledge, she replied in her snooty way, that I was neither a published author nor a recognized expert in the filed, so I would have to cite someone who said, basically, the same thing I just did! Tricky...So, being the me that I am, and being the holder of a couple (married) names, I used my other name as a personal communication citation, and said exactly what I said..teehee. Basically I was talking to myself SO There! Haha! Seriously, is that cheating? to her, most likely, to me, no! It was MY knowledge. Kevin remarked, in a different post, that "ethereal garden" is a lovely concept (that I made up) but had surely been used before...

The laborious point I am trying to make about plagiarism is that if you know daggum well they are not your thoughts or word-groupings - if it follows too closely the ideas of another writer, you are lying to yourself if you still insist on submitting it as your own. Does that make sense?? I make myself crazy sometimes...Blue skies! Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "Opening up to others", EAOP program - Needs opinions [4]

Hi, Polly!

I have to tell you that the response to prompt #1 is really over-the-top depressing - it borders on begging sympathy, but I get the sense that your intention was different...I get that. But it has GOT to go.

It is one thing to express hardship and angst from life experiences, it is another thing to spend half of the first part of the essay beating that long-dead horse.

Say it and move along.

I have some ideas...and I hope I don't sound mean; I am only telling you how the first part of the essay made me feel...really bad and depressed. I will be back tomorrow to make some suggestions, but my dog is begging me for a walk. Meanwhile, re-read that as objectively as you can...do you see? It needs violin and cello accompaniment :) Don't be upset, my intention is truth in jest.

Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY " Shools should ask students to evaluate their teachers" [13]

Very true, Kevin. I will also point out that sending your teacher's feedback back to them graded for grammar and punctuation errors is not a good idea...
Seriously, though, if I were a teacher who was not very comprehensive when giving feedback and no one ever told me, how would I endeavor to change? An instructor in my last block of classes kept taking points off my essay under the rubric prompt "sentences are clear and concise," but she refused to tell me why so I kept making the same mistake over and over (until I posted it here, thank you). If more students had spoken up, perhaps she might have changed her ways. Most teachers are responsive to respectful criticism, she was an exception.

Here is the feedback I got, I just wanted y'all to know...I wasn't exaggerating in the least.
"CheckPoint: Biomedical & Biopsychosocial Model 30.0 27.0
Comment: Jeannie, you answered all the questions; your sentences shared your opinions.
Some of your sentences were not clear and concise. You placed all of the xs in
the correct columns, but added two instead of one x. You posted your assignment as an attachment and one time, excellent job! Thanks"

Wasn't that helpful?
Jeannie   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / the greatest physical challenge of my life - Roommate. [10]

I liked this, and I "got it" (sorta) right up until the quoted part above...that isn't part of the essay is it? :) You sound like an easy-go-lucky kind of person; one whom I would like to have as a friend. Your intention hit the mark, I would say, but a tad bit of toning to more serious lessons is in order. Your last paragraph started to go there, but then it abruptly stopped. Expound on the lesson a little lest you seem...just silly. K? Try to imagine the somber person who is charged with the task of evaluating you and your essay-writing style. Making someone smile is great, but making someone feel they can count on you no matter what is better.

Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / the greatest physical challenge of my life - Roommate. [10]

I have now learned that the proper time to step on each pad is when the arrow moves up to the top of the screen, rather than the bottom, which my friends were so kind in pointing out. I have also realized that returning to the center after each move can be disastrous to one's health, and it is best if avoided.

There is great potential to turn this part into metaphor for more serious life lessons. That is what I thought you were doing, but you were still talking about the game...

I may not be a DDR champion

If you are going to abbreviate something (which, unless it is used more than once, I wouldn't...) Write it out the first time, as you did in para 1, with the abbreviation in parentheses to signal to the reader that it will henceforth be called DDR.

"Dance Dance Revolution (DDR)..."

The ending?

I may not be a DDR champion, but I will always feel like one inside.

Take this out. It is unimportant to the essay and to your point.

Speaking of your point, you need to expand it. If you tie some real-life metaphor in with your DDR lessons like I said above, it will easily flow to a conclusion. Stear clear of any further reference to the game, though, because many people will not have a clue what in the world you're talking about (215 combo??)

:)
Oops, I just now saw your #2. But, my advise still stands...
I see you did attempt to use DDR as a metaphore, but...well...it still doesn't make sense to me. Why, for instance, is the center to be avoided in life? I always think of the center as a place of harmony and groundedness <is that a word??

Anyway, Better, but a little more - maybe one more paragraph somewhere in there to drive your message (assuming your message is that you keep your focus, commitment, and good humor in the face of adversity).
Jeannie   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / essay question for ST. Mary's University [4]

This story is a blast! I absolutely love your ending! There are about ten bazillion punctuation errors, though, so I am struggling with whether I should let you fix them yourself or whether I should take it over to Word and edit it for you, hmmm...what to do..

OK, do another read through and correct any errors in punctuation that you find (without changing the story yet!) and post your corrections. Then I will see if I can find any other errors and we can work on the details.

This is very good, Jestina! ...Except the part about Okra soup...blech!! 8{ :D
Jeannie   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / the greatest physical challenge of my life - Roommate. [10]

Interweaving this philosophy into my daily adventures, I have found that life is too short to live without a little self-inflicted humor from time to time. It enhances our lives by eliminating anxiety and allowing growth, for we will always be our fiercest critics.

I really like this! It's just the ending you needed!

Still not so sure about the last sentence. Does it do any harm? Not really. Does it help with your conclusion? No, not really. Hmmm. Something about it is bugging me for some reason.

Oh, well, you decide. :) I look forward to reading more of your essays!

Blue skies! Jeannie

Oh, I forgot to ask if the title is true. Is DDR the most physically challenging experience you have ever had...really? No way. How about a more fitting title like "Lessons and Laughter: Trying Life on for Size"

OK, I know I'm corny, but you get the drift. teehee!
Jeannie   
Nov 27, 2009
Faq, Help / New Innovations in EF Intriguing? [12]

It was abominable! Oh, which reminds me, I still have to fix mine! But I'm kinda diggin' the "cartoon cuss-word" look.. :D

K, going away now...
Jeannie   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / the greatest physical challenge of my life - Roommate. [10]

Perhaps my recent improvement is a testament that dancing may not be impossible for me.

"Perhaps my recent improvement is proof that even dancing is not impossible for me."

Yeah, That's the ticket. Skip the part about "according to this logic..." because the logic is now evident in the statement.

Blue skies today! 74 degrees...perfect day for a skydive!

See ya!
Jeannie   
Nov 28, 2009
Writing Feedback / Forward or first page - A Book I am Writing [18]

EF_Kevin

I fear I will never get the passive/active voice thing when I am writing. I do it a lot, and though I see it clearly when others point it out, I don't always recognize it while reading either...weird. I need an entire lesson on nothing but passive and active voice...and negative and positive number problems :) I think my brain is fried sometimes, or maybe I think in a different dimension. Some things just won't stick, ya know?
Jeannie   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "I learned to give myself to something" - personal essay- Question 1 [4]

OK, I changed some things around...hope you like it! I get a little flowery with my language, so beware! :) I'll help with the ending in a bit. It seems really long, but I know that is the Task of Editing talking. It is a really good story!

We first tested out the highly critical "mobility factor" of the robotic car. After being successful, we built around the center point, taking care not to let overly weighty add-ons interfere with the car's direction. Several minutes later, my two teammates and I managed to construct an efficient and highly unique car. Although we only placed fifth, my team and I were proud of what we had accomplished.

Overall, I thought the experience was enjoyable and wonderfully creative. I never imagined that I could 'breathe life' into a random assemblage of parts, never mind put them together to serve a purpose. The challenge ??new word...experience has already been used... has given me the determination to stick to the task no matter how initially overwhelming the task may appear. I am no longer satisfied with "trying" to do things, because I have no intention of failing; instead, I clearly envision my goals and embark on a journey of attainment.

Psst< I just checked your word count and it is around 500 (542 counting your questions...). Does it need to be that long? I think I cut a bunch out, so check it again after you incorporate the changes. I would hate to help only to have your essay come up short on the word-count requirements! I would be aghast!<teehee
Jeannie   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "I learned to give myself to something" - personal essay- Question 1 [4]

BTW, Reina, I really appreciate your in-text questions. They not only made helping you much easier, they showed your own motivation - and that motivates me!

Blue skies! Jeannie

journey of attainment.

Oh quit gagging, I like it! It's good for you!:D
Jeannie   
Nov 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / Forward or first page - A Book I am Writing [18]

It would be nice if the last sentence and first sentence of the first para referred to the same thing... either "the skydiver" or "I."

Do you know what I mean? Maybe that paragraph should be about either the skydiver or "I" but not both. I only suggest a small change. Don't mess with the soul of that good intro paragraph!

Yes, I do know what you mean, but the reason will become clearer as time passes, and I intend for the last chapter of the book to revisit the first paragraph...Here is the next little bit. Maybe that will shed some light on the direction of my thoughts - it is semi-autobiographical, so the memories are important to the whole...

Hooked on a fork of the tree's limbs was a magnificent nest of leaves and twine! I had to get closer! There I saw string, lint, bag-ties, plastic, all woven together to make this structure. I stayed a while to see if any adult squirrels came to scold me but none ever did, so I climbed up to the very limb it was sheltered on. I stretched my neck and body out to look inside the nest and remembered:

Someone left a rickety, wooden ladder here, the highest place around. The chicken coop. Three stories tall. I had raked the muck out of each one of those floors for dollars for the last three summers, and shoveled the offal of chickens, horses, cows, chinchillas and goats out the windows and onto the field in back of the coop. There was a nice, sunny patch of earthly compost drying on that side beneath the back windows, that's where the hot sun always shined from dawn till night; the thought entered my head that it would be soft and spongy to land in if I should misstep , and the idea of flight was born.

I began the climb up that rickety ladder, fearful of it's sway. Half-way up, in the very middle, it bowed inward so suddenly that I yelled out. I looked around, still as a robin caught fetching it's very first worm of the morning, and continued my climb. No one was even awake yet. And on that early-bird principle I gained my confidence. I climbed.

The gutter of the chicken coop roof was a black spot in my eye from the sun just-now-shining over it's edge, and I was worried that it's flat, sharp, edges would be difficult to climb over. I got to the top and my worst fears were realized. How do you climb Under and over when you are nearly vertical to begin with? That ladder was not going to help In fact I decided, then and there, that I wasn't going down that route, by God! The bottom ledge to the third story window was down and over from where I stood on the ladder, the top edge was just at knee level. I decided that was my place to swing to and brace my feet against if all went wrong, and I was prepared for that inevitability. I breathed, wedged the ball of my left foot against the upper corner of the window jam, and closed my eyes. I swung! I hitched my boney heal up and to the edge! I caught it with my will, I grabbed that rough, rusty, edge with my tiny, callused fingertips, and I hauled my worthless-little-girl body up and over in one long, desperate, heave.

I was on top. No one had ever been up here! No one else, just me. Well, OK, me and maybe the guys who made the tar and gravel rooftop, but from the look of things, they had to be long in their graves, maybe they were even the ones buried in that place right by the chestnut tree! Maybe they rode with my Grandfather and Paul Revere! I sat down Indian-style to catch my breath and look out over the unobstructed vista of my world. There was the dirt road leading from Penny Street, sloping down the little hill where I first tried out my junkyard skis two winters ago, past the chicken coop, and to the trail made by some long-ago train that I always rode my pony Squirt on. There was the garden! It looked so scrawny and pathetic from way up here, but the neat rows made me proud. There were the corn fields, mostly harvested, but with some hangers-on yet to be cropped. Soon it would be tilled, and the dry remnants of stalks poking their hopeful faces through the soil and tripping my clumsy, running feet, would be just a cold memory of last season.

I thought about were I came from, where I'd been these few years of my life. I thought about all the people I had run across. So much evil dressed in goodness. So much sickness and sadness. I thought about Jason, my baby boy who was gone one day when I came home from school. I thought about my sister Jill, eight months pregnant with her infected track marks, and I wondered how she could have given him away without even asking me. I thought about my mother, the co-conspirator, the most overwhelmed person on the planet, giving away the baby I spent the past nine months of nights, days, and weekends caring for, feeding, changing, bathing, loving, singing and reading story books to. He even peed straight in my eye once! I taught him his first word and it was "mommy"...the second one was "yane" which was close enough to "Jeannie" to count in my book. I thought about truth.

This place, this time, this very moment was True. I felt pain and studied, up close, the smooth pebbles, mixed with gravel, dirt, and mica, made sharp and unyielding beneath my hand. I studied the proof left in the indentations caused by this man-made mixture, and grew frustrated over a bigger truth that I could not articulate but knew in my heart was important to my survival. Some profound lesson was scratched and splintered into my palm.

With a mental shake, I left that thought for another day. I had a high place to survey, and, unlike a tree, I could walk it's boundaries. I stood with an ease that has left me now, no bones creaking or protesting the sudden movement. I breathed deeply of the high air and felt a giddy moment of omniscience. Twelve years old and already closer to God than the hypocrites who went to church every Sunday, ironically teaching me about hypocrites and probably sneaking peeks up my dress and planning to get me alone. I left that thought too, and proceeded with my inspection.

So many lumps of faded roof verses tar and gravel! I felt as though to take one step in the wrong place would be certain, plummeting death. I chose carefully and moved a tentative foot forward, testing the soundness. It held and I took one more, and so on until I reached the other side. All I could see was a vast, open field of tan. The kind of tan that you can taste. The dry wheat stalks. The pungent aroma of sweet, clean, earth. It made me a little dizzy so I plopped my fanny down again and decided I had better slither my way to the edge this time. I had never felt vertigo before, didn't even know there was such a thing, but there I was, on my belly and feeling woozy. Weird. Flat upon the roof, I inched forward, froglike, the insides of my armpits scraping the gravel, I moved forward inch by inch to the very edge and looked down.

"Total malfunctions, partial malfunctions, line twists, bag-lock, two canopies out, all kinds of things can go wrong...but do it anyway! Ready in? Ready out? One! Two! Three! Jump! Altitude awareness...check"

Just where I pretty much figured it would be, there it was. The cow-manure pile! What a lovely sight to see. Perfect in every way. Twenty feet across, twenty feet wide, with a bank up higher against the wall. Sun-bleached hay over the top of a spongy, dry, center four feet thick from the ground,

bleeding out for another six feet of cow-chips all around. I had a landing pad! All I had to do was drop straight down and roll. I was a really good roller! People used to say I was made of rubber, and that made me proud and fearless (I can tell them with some confidence, now, that I am pretty sure I am made of painfully-ever-healing bone). This was True!

With the confidence that only familiarity can bring, I stood. The vertigo was gone, and I realized with some consternation, that the vertigo was caused by fear. My fear caused a momentary lack of full control over my own body...hmmm. Filing that bit of news away, I looked around and down, not fully trusting now that I had discovered that I could involuntarily play tricks on myself. Sharp focus came to me in a swoosh! The pebble/gravel of the roof was so crystal clear! It was as solid as a rock in the ground. The real ground, so far below me a second ago, was just right there! I was whole again, but this time better. The omniscience I felt earlier was back, only this time so much more acute. I could actually see every single blade of hay on the top of the pile forty feet below. I wished someone could see me when I do this! It's me! Jeannie! I'm here, I am fearless, I am alive and happy and you can't bring me down!

A little spider decided to crawl onto the toe of my shoe at that moment. I gently scooped him up and brought him to my forehead. "If you want to ride, you better stay here and hold on tight", I said, as I shook him free from my hand and onto my hairline. Now I had a friend. Now someone would understand. This little creature was taking a front row seat to my biggest adventure yet, and I loved him. I think He was God.
Jeannie   
Nov 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / Forward or first page - A Book I am Writing [18]

Much more to come; I appreciate this venue to at least get over my fear of never being good enough. I can be...all I need is help sometimes, and encouragement...and ideas and sincere critique.

Thanks for reading!

Jeannie.
Jeannie   
Nov 30, 2009
Poetry / Am I getting the metrics?? [24]

I think I really have it now, look! I cannot believe I forgot to post this here!

The sky marks true those times of flight unseen
to lose a breath at wonders begs to mean
we notice now a Truth so fair and bold
a lifetime in the clouds awaits the old.

And souls who would not see this fairest Truth
those wretched lives who lived in saddest days
spend ever in the wasted hands of proof
'till blueness harks and burns away the haze.


The "ten syllable" thing really helped a lot, pheelyks! Waddaya think?

I think I lost it again...

And so we stand upon this earth and age
Not flight of bird, nor cougar's death; unfazed
Vile water sinks into the dirt; we pay
A price to harm The Mother every day

hmmm, kinda sing-songy...
Jeannie   
Dec 1, 2009
Poetry / Am I getting the metrics?? [24]

Writing a poem
is like running in a globe
It is never done.

blackest ink for pen
swallows narrow caves and swirls
nighttime garden grows

:)
Jeannie   
Dec 1, 2009
Graduate / PHD Organizational Behavior SOP [3]

My desire to pursue a Ph.D. in Organizational Science came about in a rather serendipitous way. After graduating from the University of xxx in 2005, the only thing I was certain of in life was that I needed to find a job, quickly.

Although I've<contraction always had an interest in academia, I had never considered it to be a feasible career option. As the youngest of five boys, raised by a single mother who attended night school at the age of 35, I took her plight to mean that school was an obstacle to be overcome in the pursuit of a better life. I wouldn't<contraction find out until years later that my passion would be academia itself.

Throughout my undergraduate studies, I worked full-time and stayed focused on the end-game<trite phrasing... : a good career that paid well enough so that I wouldn't<contraction... have to struggle as my family had.ending the sentence with a prep...?? During my sophomore year, I became one of the youngest students to ever be accepted to the xxx Senate Internship program. While this position would seem to be right in line with my career aspirations, my ulterior motive was to spend an entire semester performing research with some of the greatest legal minds of our time.

Within months of graduating, I had found an ideal position for someone of my age. I landed into a subsidiary of Cerberus Capital Management and after just three months had taken over for our Director of Salaried Staffing, a 25-? year Human Resource veteran who had taken a leave of absence for medical reasons. Over the next year I would reduce departmental costs by $800,000, implement an applicant tracking system with an annual ROI<I don't know what this is, but if it is common language for the SOP, then I guess it is OK. of over $100,000 and become the company's SME<ditto for recruiting and interviewing.

This position would eventually lead to a consulting role with xxx and more importantly, a self-discovery. Although it would seem that my career was off to a great start, I felt there was something missing. Up to this point, I hadn't<contraction again, watch that... paused to reflect upon what I actually desired out of life outside of the financial security and social standing that comes from a successful career. I had defined success in general terms and for that reason I would never achieve my true potential.

The following year would served as a sort of introspection. I came to find that my definition of happiness didn't<here too necessarily include wealth or power. When I critically analyzed what truly made me happy, I found a simple answer: a career that would allow me to improve the lives of others and that fed my intellectual curiosity.

Although this epiphany may seem to be of little improvement to my previous definition, I didn't<< have to look far for something more substantial. During this time I had been working on my graduate thesis and became enthralled with research. One particular evening, I had been sitting in a small study room at xxx Library when something clicked. After months of research, I was finally able to establish a lucid relationship between growth and environmental impact at the industry level with firm specific benefits subsequent to green investment; the supposition being a firm' s<it is "a firm" so possession is shown with a comma before the "s" relative industry position will dictate its ability to increase revenue through green initiatives. I had found the model to my thesis and more importantly, reaffirmed my passion.

The question of what, in particular, to study was an easy one. It wasn't by accident that I had found myself working in Human Resources, I just hadn't been fully aware of my intentions yet. This field allowed me to draw upon my strengths of leadership, analytical abilities and interpersonal skills as well as a proclivity toward helping others.

My specific interests seem to align most closely with those of Dr. xxx, in that I'm intrigued by the role of individual differences in personality as they pertain to reactions to behaviorally based interview questions, likelihood of an offer and success within the position and organization. I also have an interest in the efficacy of interview styles (e.g. is a day long chronological in-depth structured interview more effective than a one hour behavioral and situational based interview?).

Furthermore, I feel that it would be especially pertinent in our economic condition to determine the effects of Topgrading and layoffs on the emotional well being of employees (potentially revealing a more accurate depiction of the true costs and benefits from such strategies). Similarly, a relationship between employee well being and firm type could be looked at by comparing cultural differences in private vs. publicly owned firms, possibly highlighting a disparity in organizational growth and development that may engender long term financial success or failure of that particular firm (proposing a distinct relationship between firm ownership and investment in employee development).

These interests combined with a passion for academia are what brought me to seek a career as a researcher and professor. However, it is this programs unique, xxx approach to organizational theory that I found to be perfectly aligned with my work history, educational background and specific research interests. While my intention is to obtain a full-time tenure track teaching position, my long term goal is to take this field to a new level through research and consulting.

Although it certainly would have been advantageous for me to discover my passion at an earlier age, the indirect path that I have taken to your program has made me a stronger and more qualified student. My passion for this field has been developed over the years and my enduring nature will ensure that I will be able to overcome any obstacle I encounter along the way.

I hope that you find my combination of personal strengths, education and work history to be in line with your ideal candidate.
Jeannie   
Dec 1, 2009
Graduate / PHD Organizational Behavior SOP [3]

Jeannie
I ran out of time...watch the contractions and trite phrasing. I am not so sure about the acronyms...

I hope to be back on tomorrow to help with the rest; from what little I read, it does need revision. It will be perfect, do not worry! You have done a good job so far!

Blue skies!
Jeannie