Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Inconsiderate gaming and kids [4]

Please evaluate my essay. Thank you

children's excessive habit of gaming

Topic: Today many children spend a lot of time on playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Children nowadays dedicate a significant part of their time to video games instead of physical activities. This phenomenon stems from a host of factors, ranging from the improvements in game design to the negligence of parents. I opine that this development would be detrimental to a child's growth.

Game designers are striving to keep their players online for longer and parents appear reluctant to address this. Online games now have great visuals, a fascinating storyline, and a reward system, which makes playing games more appealing than playing sports. Specifically, gamers can gain instant rewards without going out and draining their bodies. Parents are also to blame as they give their offspring the permission and the tools. For example, Vietnamese parents are being heavily criticized for permitting their children to use smartphones nonstop, in return for their obedience, such as finishing their meals.

Excessive gaming impacts children negatively. Firstly, they may not engage in healthy social interactions, hence their lack of social skills in the future. Studies have suggested that real-life interactions help to hone children's soft skills and adapt their behaviors to social norms, which is critical to their competence in adulthood. Additionally, spending to much time on games adversely affect children's health. Heavy focus on computer games instead of working out would not only impair the body's growth but also severely affect mental stability.

In conclusion, parents' carelessness and sophisticated game technologies are the culprits for children's excessive habit of gaming. Young individuals should be restricted to playing games less and be encouraged to engage in sports with their peers, as it benefits their social life and wellbeing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Purposes of films [4]

Entertainment or education?

Task 2: Some people believe that the only purpose of films is to entertain. Others say films should have educational values. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Since the dawn of the entertainment industry, films have been a mainstream recreational pursuit, which can instill multiple lessons in itself in addition to their entertainment values. While some argue that the sole mission of films should be in the form of entertainment, I strongly believe that it should also portray the good and the bad of our society.

Some audiences might deem the inclusion of life lessons in movies a deterrent to a fulfilling cinema experience. People watch films as an escape from real life, as they have devoted most of their time to school and work; therefore, it is justifiable to expect a merely entertaining movie without being forced to grasp the hidden meanings that act as educative factors. For example, an action film fan would not be satisfied if he or she is presented with long-winded talks, which aims to educate viewers at the expense of his or her favorite fighting scenes.

However, I believe films should serve the novel purpose of informing its audiences alongside with the entertaining function. As films and movies are consumed more regularly nowadays, their impact on shaping our perception becomes more evident. A two-hour long film should raise adequate awareness of noteworthy issues such as feminism or environment depletion, rather than only fulfilling our inexhaustible demand for content. A typical case in point is the blockbuster The Avengers. It would not manage to exceed sales record every year without the lessons of humanity it communicates to viewers in every movies. The film shed light on matters such as overpopulation and racism, inspiring the audience to spark discussions worldwide and make problems heard.

In conclusion, while guiding the audiences through an exciting journey should remain the chief aim of films, it is equally important to portray specific human values, not only to avoid the content consumption loophole but also to stimulate people to do good deeds.

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Writing Feedback / There's a question whether school teachers should incorporate homework into the teaching scheme [2]

Homework for schoolchildren

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion

People's opinions differ as to whether or not school teachers should incorporate homework into the teaching scheme. While there are some who assume that this exercise is futile, I opine that it is crucial to neither undermine nor remove the presence of homework out of the educational system.

It is justifiable for some to consider homework as a heavy burden for their children. The school day in some countries often lasts longer and as a result, children are often left exhausted and deterred to study more. In fact, the heavy study loads require students to focus sharply on the lessons, thereby making them physically and mentally drained. In addition, recreational activities have proved beneficial for studying from the perspective of cognitive ability. Schoolyard sports exemplifies this situation as it shows a link to cognitive function, in a sense that practicing it softly on a daily basis can stimulate creativity and improve memory.

On the other hand, it is a widely held view that homework is pivotal to the learning process. Revising at home by means of homework affords children the chance to learn about problem-solving and independent working. As children are able to work through their tasks individually and at their own pace, they can reflect on their mistakes and misunderstandings. This practice not only consolidates their knowledge but also enables them to adopt and adapt new learning techniques independently. For example, theoretical concepts which are difficult to comprehend within a short class session might be better analyzed and later applied by students if they do it by themselves.

To sum up, I believe that doing homework is an essential step in studying since its aforementioned drawbacks are eclipsed by the benefits it might bring about.